Being in a wedding ?'s

[kidzmom3]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I plan to have a nice call with her tonight and just tell her the truth. That I love her and would love to be there for her, I don't want to cause problems (dresses expenses) and if you still want me , I will be there for you. I hope it all works out okay.

Here where I live the bridesmaids do split the cost of the shower (s) and the bacherlorette, they usually also give a big splashy gift a the shower. Plus this is my husbands brother, so we will be giving an expensive gift for the wedding also

 

[KirstenB]

If your children are young, they'll need some help and reminding from someone, preferably sitting on or near the front row. For all of you to be in the wedding is a huge commitment, and not just financially. I'd just explain I'd feel more comfortable making sure the girls are doing what they're supposed to in the wedding.

 

[tlbwriter]

It would make a great opportunity for a family portrait

It will still be a great opportunity, except the OP will be in a dress she picked out, that she (hopefully) feels good in, instead of a "compromise dress."

I wouldn't be hurt or offended at all if you declined being in my wedding.

 

[kidzmom3]

This is exactly what I was doing. I have my maid of honor and other bridesmaids, so I think it will get better. To the OP, may be you ask you to do this the future of the South.

The wedding was almost 4 years ago and all 5 of us were in the wedding. In total it cost me about $7400.

3 dresses plus alterations $1200
2 rental tuxedos $ 600
3 required shoes $ 250
3 required jewelry $ 200
3 girls hair makeup nails $ 400
wedding shower $1500
bachelorette $1000
shower gift $300
wedding gift $750
bachelor party $1200

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

This is exactly what I was doing. I have my maid of honor and other bridesmaids, so I think it will get better. To the OP, may be you ask you to do this the future of the South.

Oh. OK.

The wedding was almost 4 years ago and all 5 of us were in the wedding. In total it cost me about $7400.

3 dresses plus alterations $1200
2 rental tuxedos $ 600
3 required shoes $ 250
3 required jewelry $ 200
3 girls hair makeup nails $ 400
wedding shower $1500
bachelorette $1000
shower gift $300
wedding gift $750
bachelor party $1200

Whoa.

 

[pilotwife_02]

For the dresses we all are picking our own style but we will all have the same color.

This is what I did for my wedding 9 years ago. There was a line of dresses that I liked and I picked out the color and each bridesmaid was able to pick what dress they liked. There was 15 or so different styles to choose from and they seemed to appreciate being able to pick what style fit them and they felt most comfortable in.

 

[Hannathy]

I think it is fine and actually wise for you to not be in the wedding. My nephew just got married in a very big expensive wedding and both my kids were in it. I think it would have been very hard to make sure they were both ready and where they needed to be and then have myself ready at the same time. I was also at the hotel when my sister the mother of the groom realized the wedding party had left their floor and she had no one to lace the back of her dress!

As far as the dress I was able to get a dress I really liked on sale after formal season for about 1/3 of what it cost for my DD's and for one she didn't even like plus very expensive shoes,(over $100) I found mine at DSW for $15. And we had to buy earrings that the bride picked. I wore the ones my DD wore to the prom.

If she wants a family portrait she can find a complimentary dress to coordinate with her DD's.

do what makes you feel the most comfortable, it isn't like she doesn't have other people to be in the wedding or anyone from your family.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think it is fine and actually wise for you to not be in the wedding. My nephew just got married in a very big expensive wedding and both my kids were in it. I think it would have been very hard to make sure they were both ready and where they needed to be and then have myself ready at the same time. I was also at the hotel when my sister the mother of the groom realized the wedding party had left their floor and she had no one to lace the back of her dress!

As far as the dress I was able to get a dress I really liked on sale after formal season for about 1/3 of what it cost for my DD's and for one she didn't even like plus very expensive shoes,(over $100) I found mine at DSW for $15. And we had to buy earrings that the bride picked. I wore the ones my DD wore to the prom.

If she wants a family portrait she can find a complimentary dress to coordinate with her DD's.

do what makes you feel the most comfortable, it isn't like she doesn't have other people to be in the wedding or anyone from your family.

This is an old thread...4 years. The OP posted a few posts up thread...she chose to be in the wedding.

 

[kidzmom3]

Not sure why my old thread has been resurrected, but in the end, we were all in the wedding. We had a nice day. I hated the dress and how I looked in it, but it wasn't supposed to be about me. In the end it cost me a fortune (as posted above)

I regret doing it, because the financial repercussions lasted for about a year afterward. We couldn't take a vacation and had to put off some other things we had planned.

The costs were huge and it turned out that many of the younger bridesmaids couldn't or wouldn't pay for their portion of things. This left me stuck with many bills. The same thing happened to my DH who was the best man. We live in an expensive area and certain things were "expected" Also, my DH wanted to give them a gift that "covered" the cost of 5 meals and a little extra.

I love my sister in law, but if ever asked again, I would firmly say no!

A family portrait was so not worth the financial loss and the stress.

 

[Hannathy]

This is an old thread...4 years. The OP posted a few posts up thread...she chose to be in the wedding.

woah!!! didn't see that! I had just sat down after packing my son for winter camping and didn't look at the OP date.

See she should have asked me 4 years ago!

 

[DisneyScraps]

This is one of those hard thing to say but they might have asked you because they wanted the rest of the family and to leave you out would could be seen as rude.

I would just be honest and tell her it's too much money for everyone to be the wedding so you are going to opt out. Every bride has to accept that, if someone can't afford it, they can't afford it.

Lisa

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

woah!!! didn't see that! I had just sat down after packing my son for winter camping and didn't look at the OP date.

See she should have asked me 4 years ago!

LOL Been there, done that. That's why I try to remember to check the date. Don't always manage to tho. Anyway, you're not the only one.

 

[tlbwriter]

Yeah, caught me too!

 

[horseshowmom]

The wedding was almost 4 years ago and all 5 of us were in the wedding. In total it cost me about $7400.

3 dresses plus alterations $1200
2 rental tuxedos $ 600
3 required shoes $ 250
3 required jewelry $ 200
3 girls hair makeup nails $ 400
wedding shower $1500
bachelorette $1000
shower gift $300
wedding gift $750
bachelor party $1200

One good thing about this old thread being resurrected is that from time to time this same question pops up. We can now refer them to this post!

 

[golfgal]

One good thing about this old thread being resurrected is that from time to time this same question pops up. We can now refer them to this post!

No kidding--we didn't spend that much money on our OWN wedding, let alone someone elses

 

[Kellydelly]

I'm surprised at all the people who seem to think you should do something you stated you are already not comfortable doing . You graciously declined being in the wedding, your future SIL is okay with it, just move on and don't let anyone put pressure on you to do something you don't want to, or can't afford to do! I don't think that the potential photo op with your family all dressed up is enough of a reason to say yes. You can get a dress in a coordinating color if you are worried about that. I say breathe a sigh of relief that you are off the hook, and look forward to the event instead of dreading it .