Behavior Challenge Thread

[GraceLuvsWDW]

So...meet the teacher night was tonight and I went in (after leaving 3 messages for the new teacher and principal plus 2 emails all with no response) and asked the new teacher for meeting to discuss dd's issues prior to the first day of school. Her response? There's no need. The principal already filled her in. Uggggggggggh. Wonderful way to start a new new school year!

I just don't understand!

 

[C&G'sMama]

So...meet the teacher night was tonight and I went in (after leaving 3 messages for the new teacher and principal plus 2 emails all with no response) and asked the new teacher for meeting to discuss dd's issues prior to the first day of school. Her response? There's no need. The principal already filled her in. Uggggggggggh. Wonderful way to start a new new school year!

I just don't understand!

Oy!

Unbelievable. Wouldn't it be nice if the teacher were to say "sure, I'd love to meet with you". And based on your comments last year, I'm sure the principal down played it and you're just a "crazy" mom. Stick at it. I don't know why schools forget they work for us and our kids, we don't work for them. Even better, let's work together for the best of the children.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

The principal does not "get" the issues at all. She has not spent 10 minutes with dd.
They really have no concept of the level of severity my dd is at now. She is having OCD tapping and counting rituals, saying strange things (which some I fear will shock the school-she's in a strange phase sort of obsessed with death and dying-she was talking earlier about her dream of a cat cut into pieces), shutting down, and she wouldn't get out of the car to go into the school tonight. After 15 minutes of crying and refusing to get out I finally unbuckled her and carried her in. And her current state is in spite of strict routine, diet, no anxiety and comfort of home.

I really wish I could forewarn the teacher about her separation anxiety, fears about school, and successful ways they can calm or redirect her. Why is it each year I feel as though I am throwing her "to the wolves"?

Sorry, everyone. I know you don't want to hear yet another year of my whining. I just thought we were on the right track. I have been doing my homework this summer and I am absolutely not going to stand for my daughter to "fall between the cracks" this year!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Grace, please vent away. God knows we do. I feel like a broken record with DS right now. I feel like a horrible mom because I have a little boy with so much anger. We have him in therapy, we redirect, we talk, we hug etc. but if something ticks him off at the wrong moment he goes off. Last night he hit the dog (not hard, but that doesn't matter). When he's in a calm place we talk about it.

So as far as school, what's wrong is that the school is able to treat you and your child the way it does. And the scary thing is this isn't unique to your school. It goes on all over the place. These people have no clue what they're doing. So vent. I'm looking forward to the day you don't need to because you actually have a support team at school that has a clue.

All I can say is

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Is bookwormde around?

I've been thinking of filing a formal complaint at the state level tomorrow. That would at least get their attention and start a timeline of compliance. I need to know what to cite. Refusal to implement a 504 at least, major violation of IDEA at worst as diagnosis of Autism is supposed to trigger IEP and special AU guidelines.

I suppose it's time to escalate this.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Grace, please vent away. God knows we do. I feel like a broken record with DS right now. I feel like a horrible mom because I have a little boy with so much anger. We have him in therapy, we redirect, we talk, we hug etc. but if something ticks him off at the wrong moment he goes off. Last night he hit the dog (not hard, but that doesn't matter). When he's in a calm place we talk about it.

All I can say is

I am so sorry ya'll are going through this. Why does it always feel like a few steps forward then a few steps back? How old is your DS again? He's too young to be going through the puberty angry phase isn't he?

I've calmed down a bit. Tomorrow is my birthday. I don't think I want to wage war on my birthday. I think I'll go to the school tomorrow and give the teacher a letter of my concerns.

Hopefully Bookwormde will be able to guide me when he gets back from his vacation. Perhaps I just call an ARD and voice my concerns.

Best case, maybe they do have all the mods & supports in place on Monday and everything goes smoothly. As parents, we tend to want to overprotect our children. Perhaps I shouldn't anticipate the problems.

 

[Earstou]

Grace, if possible do drop into school today and talk to the teacher. I usd to do this with ds because of his adhd and then undiagnosed asd. We didn't have Meet the Teacher nights, we had Parent nights, but there was always too much going on to really have a meaningful discussion, and it was a few weeks into the school year. So I made sure to catch the teacher by herself at some point in time the first week, usually before school started.

The only problem might be if they have a scheduled training or in-service program going, the teacher might not be available.

 

[irishsharon]

One thing I do every school year now is call the schools socially worker.I express my concerns and tell her things that will help my child if(when) there is a problem.They are in contact with the teachers and it's a good person to have on your team . Last year when the special ed. department was not returning my calls I called the superintented of the district to express my concern.That day the principal called and the head of special ed. I am always nice but I have learned that sometimes going up the ladder is necessary.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I am so sorry ya'll are going through this. Why does it always feel like a few steps forward then a few steps back? How old is your DS again? He's too young to be going through the puberty angry phase isn't he?

I've calmed down a bit. Tomorrow is my birthday. I don't think I want to wage war on my birthday. I think I'll go to the school tomorrow and give the teacher a letter of my concerns.

Hopefully Bookwormde will be able to guide me when he gets back from his vacation. Perhaps I just call an ARD and voice my concerns.

Best case, maybe they do have all the mods & supports in place on Monday and everything goes smoothly. As parents, we tend to want to overprotect our children. Perhaps I shouldn't anticipate the problems.

1sth Happy Birthday (late). Hope you had fun.

2nd thanks for the support. That's why I like this thread, you all get it. He's only 7, so no puberty yet. I think it's a combination of frustration and manipulation and it's trying to figure out where one ends and the other starts. DP was looking at Executive Processing (or function, I'm bad with the terminology) issues, and maybe there's something there, we will look into that more.

Hope everyone is doing well.

-A

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

We are in a really small school so we don't have a social worker (I don't think) or a 504 Coord. or really anything to support these kids except Spec Ed teachers teaching the severely inflicted.

C&G'sMama, I didn't realize your DS was 7 also. Wow, so we're going through pretty much the same stuff around the same time! I hope his anger dissipates and gets back on an even keel.

I dropped a letter off at the school (made them sign that they received it). It outlines all the mods we discussed dd should have this year. Fingers crossed they have them all in place on Monday, but you know how that goes.

Struggling with lunch ideas. Now they we are on a strict diet I have to figure out what is lunchbox friendly. We have some Ians chicken nuggets dd likes, that are GF/CF & no artificial anything. Trying to figure out how to keep those warm and everything else cold. I will probably be packing organic yogurt, GF cookies, and some fruit as well. If anyone has lunch ideas I'd love to hear them.

BTW, on my letter to the school I wrote about dd's strict diet. Does the school have to follow a diet a parent wants enforced? I am worried about them giving her things not diet approved. If it isn't really a medical issue, per se, do they still have to comply?

I hope Bookwormde comes around soon, I need his help!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Grace, that's definitely a Bookwormde question, but shame on them if they don't. Our school works with us. If they are doing anything extra where that involves food, they let us know ahead of time so we can make arrangements for DS. Last year (1st grade) we left a supply of snacks with the the teacher that he can have whe.

As far as lunches. We have found a great GF bread locally and we are not peanut free nor is the school, so that helps great deal. We do a lot with Smuckers all natural peanut butter and Polaner all fruit.

I also make homemade chicken soup using organic stock instead of bullion. I put it in individual baggies without noodles and then in the morning I cook up noodles or rice, heat up the soup and put it in a thermos.

We do chips (GF/SF), salsa, pretzels (GF), carrots and other vegetables, whole fruits etc. He also likes Rice Milk and I use Ahhlaska Chocolate syrup to add to it for chocolate milk.

We do fruit flats etc.

I think they are in the same grade? (DS is going into 2nd)

 

[bookwormde]

Hi I am back from a great vacation. It really makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have a supportive extended family.
GraceluvsWDW.

You really need to go back to the beginning and file on the lack of a proper IDEA evaluation and move forward from there. A 504 has little teeth so you can try to challenge under this, but I have not seen good results short of a civil rights law suit through FED DOE OCR.
Since it is a new year I would call the head of special education for your district and let them know that your request for a meeting was denied and that you intend on perusing you due process and state complaint rights since the school has not been meeting your child's needs.
Contact the advocate you were working with and move forward with your daughters IDEA rights. OF course anything I can do to help will be forthcoming, but I am an IDEA specialist and that is the route I would take.

I am concerned since I have gotten no communication or meeting set up as requested, so do not feel that you are the only one. This is going to be a telling week as to if DS's new school is really going to work cooperatively to meet his needs.

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I have a meeting with the advocate on Tuesday night. Although I don't have much faith in her-she steered me wrong last year.

I also have a friend is is close friends with the Superintendent of our district. She knows my story and has talked him in to seeing me for a meeting. I have a sit down meeting scheduled with him on Sept. 1st.

I will contact the Dir of Sp Ed in the meantime and tell her of my struggles with communication with the school. It is just so frustrating because last year the Director sent a mandate down to the school level re: dd and the school simply did what they wanted-there was no requirement on them to follow the directive.

What is the wording of the violation I should cite? Just that they are denying her FAPE according to IDEA by ignoring her social skills deficits and anxiety relating to the diagnosis of Aspergers, which is a pervasive dev disorder and therefore should be covered under an IEP? They have told me that is NOT true-that they determine whether she is eligible or not despite any dx. That no outside assessment HAS to be acknowledged or accepted. Eventhough now I have about 3 outside independent sources (doctors and therapists) that recognize and concur with the dx.

Thanks Bookwormde, I know you are probably frustrated as I should have fought harder last year and now I am in no better position.

I hope you ds's school calls you soon, they obviously really don't know who they are dealing with!

 

[bookwormde]

No frustration, just offering what I know.

It does not sound like they never did a real evaluation for Autism, so that is the first issue. There are standards of practice for this and with a clincial diagnosis it is extremely rare for an educational classification not to follow. You school/distict is just not compitent to do a proper IDEA evaluation. You have the right to request outside "second opinion" evaluations paid for by the district.

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

At the therapist's office there was a book on the side table I happened to pick up and started reading. About 50 pages later I was finding dd described in the pages. So many of the traits she has that aren't described with just the AS: her morning separation issues, her afternoon manias, followed by evening agitation, and the obsessive thoughts. Lately she has been saying some alarming things. Now that she is becoming more verbal about how she feels, the ways that she describes how she feels are horrible. This morning she told me "nothing makes me happy. Everything makes me sad".

The book was on Childhood Bipolar, a common co-morbid (I've heard) of AS. The Dev Pedi has alluded to the similarities with dd. I would never have any conversation remotely about it: BPD has been in my family and I've always regarded it as a horrific condition. The absolute worst dx one could have. I've watched family members destroy their lives and spew venomous rage. I've been depressed since I picked up the book.

DD has had separation problems every morning at school this week. She is grumpy and irritable in the mornings and the first thing she says is "I am NOT going to school!" And the school has been less than helpful. This teacher won't hold her as I leave so her peers witness her emotional outburst and the teacher sends us to the counselor, seemingly unable to deal with it. The counselor is not in her office so I sit in the office while everyone gawks at us. It is painful for me to go through and even more horrible for dd. Luckily, they say once she becomes ok with the transition she has been doing ok in class. She has utilized the pass to the counselor a few times and has complained the girl next to her keeps touching her. Something that simple can be a torment for her and disrupt her ability to concentrate. Getting this old-school system to understand is painful.

Anyway, that's my vent for now. Hope things are better in your world.

 

[bookwormde]

Yes bi polar is one of the most common co-morbidities of AS, when there is what is tantamount to abuse (effectively torture) on an ongoing basis. With you daughters environment at school would not expect anything else. Once you get her in a supportive environment the situation will improve greatly, but there are some longer term effects that linger for many year. counseling is exceptionally important and helpful if the councilor recognizes and is open about the cause of the problem (most are not since it is criticizing another "professional), otherwise it is internalized and she will decide it is "her fault:" since everyone knew it was happening and nothing was done about it.

I am being stonewalled at my DS's new school so I am off to the principal this moning and then to meet the new special ed dictrict director after that so we all are battleing all the time to protect our kids from harm and to get their needs met.

Bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I am really surprised they would try to stonewall you Bookwormde! They obviously don't realize who they are dealing with. So you're going in to the principal and what are you going to say/present? That his IEP is being violated?

I am considering calling an emergecy IEP meeting. At this state, with over a year of issues, I am ready to call it quits and move to a private school. I need to present my issues and if no one is motivated to make any changes I need to concde the fight and move on.

 

[bookwormde]

MY guess is that at this point on day 1 they are non compliant with almost every part of the IEP. I just wanted to let them know how poorly the preparation for day one has been and where (who) the problem has come from.

Both the meeting with the Pincipal and the meeting with the (new) disctrict director went well. It looks like it is just a couple of poeple on the team that do not get it so I am hoping they will be "encouraged" to get their act together. Both sounded supportive of getting a real social skills program together with and after school group component.

GraceluvsWDW,

Call an IEP meeting and walk in with a written list of every need that is not being met. (if you PM me I can email you my inital list for ideas, and a redacted version of DS's IEP if you want).

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

It is 1:20pm here and I just got out of meetings with the school. I went to the school and sat and demanded to see the principal this morning after my daughter refused to go to class and the counselor stating that my dd "was to go to the gym each morning with the rest of the students now". My mother went to the school with me. My mother was quite agitated over the school's lack of compliance on the supports that they have let fall this year. My daughter has had school refusal and anxiety each morning. She also has been attempting to use the "pony pass" each day and just getting redirected back to class. My mother asked the principal point blank "what is the school going to do about this?" Want to know the principal's statement to us? She stated "this is a HOME problem. She is on grade level academically and this is not something that requires 504 supports." My mother freaked out (silently), got up and left with me somewhat thanking them for their time and walking out. We drove straight over to the District Admin Office and waited to see the director of Sp Ed.

We met with the Director for almost an hour. She documented all of my complaints and I told her that I have been refused 504 and I wanted to file a complaint. Of course she stated "that's not her department". I informed her I was filing a complaint. I also stated I wanted an IEE. She gave me the paperwork to fill out. You should have seen her eyes when I told her the principal just said this was a "home problem". I could see her panic. I made it very clear I was pursuing every avenue of relief. I also asked her if I could progress in my IEE AND take dd out of this school. She stated I could. I have called a local private school to meet with them. I will NOT be taking my dd back to that school until something changes.

Any suggestions, comments, ???? I am at WAR now. Sadly. I will not back down until I have exhausted every avenue available to me.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Ugghh!! but from your previous posts, not surprising. Glad your mom was there to see what the school is doing. It's nuts!! Get the IEE. The district really appears to be non-compliant. DS is above grade level but has an IEP because of the Aspergers.

Didn't you have an attorney or advocate that you had last year, might be time to contact them again. You need someone working with you that knows the laws 'cause it really sounds like you and DD are being jerked around and neither of you can go through another year like last year.

Keep us posted.