Behavior Challenge Thread

Zoe is nearly 5, and I've started my annual summer attempt at potty training again. Please pray for both of us!! So far, it's 3-0 with wet underwear. This will be a long week, or month, or however long it takes!!:lmao:

If anyone has any unique suggestions for ASD kids, I'd love them.
 
Sorry I don't have any suggestions other than keep trying. DS actually trained faster than DD. He did it in a week to 10 days she was months. :confused3

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer. We just went to see Toy Story 3. Cried beginning, middle and end. DS has been playing and talking about it non stop since Sunday. He even used his birthday money that he has saved since April for a bucket of Army men (the official TS3 ones because no others will do) and a TS3 book. He is now asking for a piggy bank so that he can have Dr. Hamm for his stories. Gotta love it. ;)

Hope everyone stops in and updates us on their summer escapades! :grouphug:
 
Hi everyone :wave2:

So much is going on with us I don't have time to write it all out. But here's some highlights:

DD is off all meds. :yay:

I am planning on starting Failsafe diet soon-or at least an attempt at the elimination diet and then add foods in one by one to see if there are reactions. I am doing this after someone suggested dyes as a culprit and after watching and realizing dd has BIG reactions after consuming dyes. Here's a synopsis:
ELIMINATE:
1. Around fifty artificial additives including colours (such as a range of azo-dyes or coal-tar dyes like tartrazine (E102) and sunset yellow (E110)), flavours, preservatives and antioxidants (like sulphites (sulfites), nitrates, nitrites, benzoates (like BHA, BHT), sorbates, parabens, and others).
2. Salicylates (aspirin compounds) found in a wide range of fruits and vegetables as well as man-made NSAIDs and COX II inhibitors.
3. Free neurotransmitters and pseudo-neurotransmitters in foods, such as free glutamates (naturally and artificially occurring MSG), and biogenic amines (like histamine, serotonin, dopamine, phenylethylamine, tyramine and others) found in aged proteins and fermented foods like cheese, game, and hung beef and some plant foods, particularly tropical fruits.
4. Environmental chemicals and strong smells like perfumes, including the use of most commercial cosmetics, scented and coloured toiletries and especially mint and menthol products.

DD is really not happy about it. But in the week since I've purged the house of offending foods, she has been meltdown free but still doing the whining thing. There is a period of detox that lasts two weeks so we'll see. We're not GF/CF but will go that route if necessary. I just feel there's so much CRAP in our food supply that is not doing any good to our sensitive kiddos. We didn't have all this artificial stuff when I was growing up-I ate most of my foods that my mom made from scratch. This diet is basically a whole foods diet with elimination of certain whole foods at first-such as some berries, etc high in salicylates-which you can add back in one by one.

We have the babysitter with dd 9am-2pm M-F and she is doing fairly well. The babysitter allows her to "veg" out if she wants or suggest fun crafts, etc. I think it has been nice to have a one on one "friend" that's not mom (me) that she can bond with and be stress free with due to the absence of other children. We had a few bad days when neighbor kids would drop in while I was gone but now there is a no other child allowed rule and this seems to suit dd fine. I hate that we are becoming social "shut ins" but if that is what allows her decompression at maximum potential well who am I to push social interaction? I do have to say it is hard for me-as I am not a "social butterfly" but feel isolated, alone and like I am going crazy sometimes with our inability to get "out and about". The few times I took dd out to the library or grocery she ramped up almost immediately so I do those things during the 9-2 she is with babysitter.

I am turning FORTY (yes, that's right I admitted it :lmao:) next month and have been toying with the idea or taking a short 48 hour trip to (where else?) WDW with my friend to do adult dining, thrill rides, and possible backstage tour. She is hemming and hawing on it (even though she loves WDW as much as I do-she's the one who got me into it) and so am I. I would have to leave dd with my mom or her dad which are both not so great options. I foresee the diet going out the window (at the very least) with either of them not to mention other anxiety provoking situations. I am a bit sad that I cannot take 48 hours for MYSELF to celebrate such a milestone but wah wah, that's all the whining I have time for. Move on, put the big girl panties on, and have an uneventful Bday like most all other mothers out there. :rotfl2:

Hope all is well with all of you!!!!! :goodvibes
 
Glad you found a sitter who will let you daughter be as she is. Once she has enough decompression time she will be ready in limited quantities to venture into the complexities of the social world (pre breifed of course). If you can take time to get your needs met too. she is old enough (and plenty smart enough) to tell you when she is ready to "try something" so let her guide you

bookwormde
 

Grace, your sitter could be a huge social bridge for your dd. Part adult, but still young enough to be part kid. I'm really glad this is working out. The diet sounds like a lot, but you've done your homework, so good luck.

After 4 days of one successful trip to the potty, (yes, it was wet underwear 19, potty success 1) Zoe really surprised me tonight. It was past 6 pm, and she hadn't had an accident, and hadn't gone potty either all day. After me fighting/bribing her a good part of the day, she jumped up and used the potty herself!! Who knew this would be such a thrilling moment!!
 
Grace, your sitter could be a huge social bridge for your dd. Part adult, but still young enough to be part kid. I'm really glad this is working out. The diet sounds like a lot, but you've done your homework, so good luck.

After 4 days of one successful trip to the potty, (yes, it was wet underwear 19, potty success 1) Zoe really surprised me tonight. It was past 6 pm, and she hadn't had an accident, and hadn't gone potty either all day. After me fighting/bribing her a good part of the day, she jumped up and used the potty herself!! Who knew this would be such a thrilling moment!!

Woo hoo!

My 7 yo dd is wearing diapers right now. She decided she wants to be a baby, found some baby diapers in the closet and has manged to squeeze herself into them. I'm hoping she won't actually USE them!
:rotfl2:
 
Grace, that cracks me up!! Our older dd was about 8 when she had a friend over for a sleepover. Her friend still wore "goodnites" for bedtime. Our older dd put one on too, because "mom, you never know when you might have an accident"!!

Kids are funny!! Maybe your dd can give the diapers away to a "baby". Seriously, I'm so glad she's found an older friend in your sitter. This could be a huge help for her.

Take your solo vacay. All you can do is provide the appropriate foods for dd for the time away.
The rest is out of your hands. I see you're a single mom, so I vote you really deserve a break. :goodvibes
 
Feeling very sad right now. :sad1:

A new Autism Center just opened in my small little town and I have an appt to view and enroll dd. My mother found out and has been aggressively fighting me on this. She told me she wants to take dd away for the weekend. She went to dd and asked her directly if she wanted to go before asking me. Then, today she tells me dd is "either going to be severely disabled or hate you when she grows up-one or the other". My mom feels dd is made "autistic" by the therapies, etc and if everyone just treated her "normally" she would be "normal". I know this is the mindset all of us have to deal with but it is so disheartening when it is your own family-the ones who should support and love you.

It seems everyone I know deems me as an unfit parent. They tell me I am doing a disservice to dd to keep her indoors and away from parties etc. I just feel so lost and alone sometimes. The therapists and books say to do one thing-while everyone else sees what I do as coddling dd or making her "more disabled".
 
Feeling very sad right now. :sad1:

A new Autism Center just opened in my small little town and I have an appt to view and enroll dd. My mother found out and has been aggressively fighting me on this. She told me she wants to take dd away for the weekend. She went to dd and asked her directly if she wanted to go before asking me. Then, today she tells me dd is "either going to be severely disabled or hate you when she grows up-one or the other". My mom feels dd is made "autistic" by the therapies, etc and if everyone just treated her "normally" she would be "normal". I know this is the mindset all of us have to deal with but it is so disheartening when it is your own family-the ones who should support and love you.

It seems everyone I know deems me as an unfit parent. They tell me I am doing a disservice to dd to keep her indoors and away from parties etc. I just feel so lost and alone sometimes. The therapists and books say to do one thing-while everyone else sees what I do as coddling dd or making her "more disabled".


OMG and :hug::hug::hug:

Okay "they" are not Autism specialists. It's real easy to give advice when you have no idea what the H you are talking about. That's awesome about the autism center. And maybe you need to put some distance between you and mom right now. I know she's your mom but you are your DD's mom and you know best. It's hard to go up against our parents but you need to. Basically tell her if she can't be supportive then she needs to go away. Tell her she obviously doesn't care about her grand-daughter because she's not willing to help her (that always gets them).

Take her to that appointment. And maybe with the opening of the center there will be more services available for you and her. For her to socialize and for you to connect with other parents that get it. And that's the next thing you need to do is to contact friends who get it and surround yourself with that.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Tell your mom theres a big 'ol Lesbian Yankee that's ready come down if she needs to.:lmao:
 
Tell your mom theres a big 'ol Lesbian Yankee that's ready come down if she needs to.:lmao:

:rotfl2: Thanks C&G'sMama!! Unfortunately my mom is a force to be reckoned with-she's always right and everyone else is always wrong. :sad2:

I know I need to be strong and not let these things get me down but it is just SO hard not to second guess yourself-especially when you are a single parent.

It's practically impossible to parent ANY child perfectly but even harder to be an effective parent when normal parenting just doesn't work.

Those words just ring in my ear and I don't want dd to hate me for trying to shelter her and help her. She hates that she cannot eat what other kids eat (JUNK Food) and I am just constantly questioning what is going too far with regards to wanting to help our kids?
 
:rotfl2: Thanks C&G'sMama!! Unfortunately my mom is a force to be reckoned with-she's always right and everyone else is always wrong. :sad2:

I know I need to be strong and not let these things get me down but it is just SO hard not to second guess yourself-especially when you are a single parent.

It's practically impossible to parent ANY child perfectly but even harder to be an effective parent when normal parenting just doesn't work.

Those words just ring in my ear and I don't want dd to hate me for trying to shelter her and help her. She hates that she cannot eat what other kids eat (JUNK Food) and I am just constantly questioning what is going too far with regards to wanting to help our kids?

I feel very fortunate that koolaidmoms and I have each other. But that's why I'm saying you need to surround yourself with adults that will support you. As for your mom, just as you know how to push her buttons she knows how to push yours. What's the worst your mom can do, stop speaking to you? It sounds harsh but you need to stand your ground.

As far as DD hating you, your a mom, they aren't going to like us all the time and we are the safe people to lash out at. My son tells one or both of us how mean we are and he hates us quite often. As for the diet, yeah it is hard and DS gets ticked off too but we do are best to get him treats that he can have and substitutes for stuff like bread and pizza. The only thing we haven't been able to get for him is a GF bagel.

When he says he hates us we reassure him that it's okay and that we love him and now please go to your room, or pick up that sock or whatever it is we asked him to do that made him say he hates us.

I can't imagine going solo but take a page from your mom's book and make YOU a force to be reckoned with.
 
:rotfl2: Thanks C&G'sMama!! Unfortunately my mom is a force to be reckoned with-she's always right and everyone else is always wrong. :sad2:

I know I need to be strong and not let these things get me down but it is just SO hard not to second guess yourself-especially when you are a single parent.

It's practically impossible to parent ANY child perfectly but even harder to be an effective parent when normal parenting just doesn't work.

Those words just ring in my ear and I don't want dd to hate me for trying to shelter her and help her. She hates that she cannot eat what other kids eat (JUNK Food) and I am just constantly questioning what is going too far with regards to wanting to help our kids?


Hang in there:hug: I think we all go throught times when we question how we are handling our children. I think we have to second guess ourselves. Let me share some things with you.,

My DM was bipolar and refused to take medication for it. She would stop seeing a dr. if they mentioned her problem, she thought if she ignoried it then it did not exist. She was not a great parent, because she would no do what what was needed to be a good parent. She choose not to acknowldge her problem and made all 7 of her children suffer for it. When she died 3 years ago, there would such a relief in my heart because she always tried to tear you down and have control over you. She choose not to do what was best for her children. You are the exact opposite, you are trying things that you feel are best for your DD, that is all that we can do as parents. People have no idea of what we go through and they never will.

Went to WDW last month and stayed with my sister, she did get a taste of DD while there and it scared her and something kind of clicked for her, DD5 dceided to have a meltdown over the happy meal Shrek toys, sister is telling me hold your ground, ect, well dd gets out of her car seat and starts hiting me while I am driving we pull over and then DD starts screaming for me to spank her hard (she has issues with pain while throuwing fits). once DD calms down my sister told me she was scared beause when DD was asking for a spanking, her voice changes and it did not sound like her. Also while on this trip my other sister told me that my DD was spoiled, I was like whatever, you do not understand.

As parents we do the best we can and when you have a special needs child into the mix, we are always going to doubt what we do. Stay strong you are the only person who knows what is best for DD, don't worry about what other people think, they are not perfect parents either.

Just so you know you are not alone, DD19 got yelled at last night and then she says to me' Why are you so miserable all the time, why are you so unhappy with your life" I felt like saying where do I begin. Even though she understands her sisters problems she does not understand how stressfull and painfull it is.
 
I feel very fortunate that koolaidmoms and I have each other. But that's why I'm saying you need to surround yourself with adults that will support you. As for your mom, just as you know how to push her buttons she knows how to push yours. What's the worst your mom can do, stop speaking to you? It sounds harsh but you need to stand your ground.

I do feel fortunate that there are two of us going through this together but even we don't always agree on what to do. It's tough and I know how tired I am with the two of us with DS (at least we can give each other a break from time to time). I have great admiration for you are an incredibly strong person. :hug:

I have family issues. I believe that you don't have to love someone just because you were born into that family. In my mind you have to earn love through mutual respect and love of each other and the title of family that goes with it. My Chosen Family for many years sustained me when my "Bio" Family could not. I suggest you look around you and find those who you can bring into your Chosen Family and create that support system for you and your daughter.

Though my family has "come around" it took many years and we still don't agree about DS all the time. I can tell them that it is my decision and this is how we are handling it and there is no more discussion about it.

Set down the limits with DM and seek out those who truly love and support you and your daughter and see what wonderful people you both are. :hug:
 
My family is full of "black and white" thinking people and the truth is how they see it and they are just NOT going to entertain any other possibility.

BTW, my mother did apologize for what she said later today. But how can you just say something like that? :confused3

I do think I need to find like minded people to have a chosen family. I'm just so sheltered so much of the time. Today when I toured the Center, I ran into a girl who was in dd's social skills class and her mom, who has always been very warm to me and always wanting to get dd and her daughter together. For her daughter's birthday party dd was the only other kid invited. In this town it is very difficult to find 2 Aspie girls of the same age. :goodvibes

Anyway, thank you everyone for the support in my sadness. I really appreciate you all. :hug:
 
Black and white thinking "interesting".

Your mom is from a generation who thinks of autism as just classic Autism and has no concept of Aspergers.

One suggestion, get her a copy of "Genius Genes" by Michael Fitzgeral and Brendan O'Brian which is available on Amazon. Tell here when she gets done reading it you will discuss the issue with her.

bookwormde
 
Grace, I'm glad you got to meet another mom/daughter with similar challenges. I bet C&G's Mama is right, in that with this new center opening, there will be increased opportunities for activities, therapy, new friends etc.

I'm sorry about your mom. Is she willing to even read anything, like "the out-of Sync Child"? I've read that book several times, and still find all the sensory stuff very difficult to understand. Your daughter is lucky you're her Mom.:hug:
 
My ds's class uses a daily point sheet, I use that as my radar for computer/playstation/outside play. He has a daily goal he has to make, which means doing his work, etc. If she doesn't meet that goal, he doesn't get his priveledges. If he does meet the goal, then he does get those, AFTER he's done his homework and his chore...which is emptying the dishwasher. My dh left for his patrol the beginning of november, and told ds that he's the man of the house and has to look after mom now while he's gone....so ds has been doing alot of the things dh does, like take out the trash, etc. which is NICE!!! There are times I dont' even have to ask!! The past month have been the best, and he has been rewarded nicely for it. (he's earning spending money for disney day next week) He's earned over $21 already! I'm so proud. Anyways, I think the token or chip idea is a GREAT idea! That keeps track of their times and stuff, with 2, it's gotta be alot harder then keeping track of one. and one MAJOR thing I've learned is the FOLLOW THRU!!! That's important. It's easy to get them to stop yelling is to give in, my ds went thru a door slamming phase, and i told him he does it one more time, and i'm taking his door off...and I DID!! he had to change without a door on. He didn't like that one bit!! Remember even if it's more work for you, FOLLOW THRU! It does make life easier in the long run, it's been over a year and ds hasn't slammed a door!!!

I work in an SB room and we use the point sheets. We have suggested to parents if they wanted to try something like that at home too. When it is done at home (a variation of it) & school, there is consistency.
 
I do think I need to find like minded people to have a chosen family. I'm just so sheltered so much of the time. Today when I toured the Center, I ran into a girl who was in dd's social skills class and her mom, who has always been very warm to me and always wanting to get dd and her daughter together. For her daughter's birthday party dd was the only other kid invited. In this town it is very difficult to find 2 Aspie girls of the same age. :goodvibes

Anyway, thank you everyone for the support in my sadness. I really appreciate you all. :hug:

Make a "date" with the mom and her DD. Like you, not only does her daughter need a friend, mom might too. And again when the center gets going you'll probably be surprised who comes out of the wood work.

One of the things I like about LEGO play group is the other moms give me empathetic looks when DS has a melt down as opposed to the tsk tsk look, because they all go through it.

Glad your mom apologized, just stay strong.
 
http://www.abajournal.com/news/arti...t_violated_ada_with_arrest_of_8-year-old_girl


Disability Law
Suit Claims School District Violated ADA with Arrest of 8-Year-Old Girl

Posted Jul 13, 2010 9:14 AM CDT
By Debra Cassens Weiss

The parents of child with Asperger's Syndrome have filed suit against her
northern Idaho school district and the sheriff’s department for the arrest of
their daughter in the third grade.

Spring Towry and Charles Towry claim a violation of the Americans with
Disabilities Act in their suit, filed in federal district court in Idaho, the
Associated Press reports.

Eight-year-old Evelyn Towry was arrested in January 2009 at the Kootenai
Elementary School, handcuffed and taken to the lockup, the AP story says. She
was later released to her parents, and prosecutors dropped the charge. School
staffers say they called police because the girl had spit on and inappropriately
touched two teachers.

After the incident, Charles Towry had said Evelyn reacted violently after
staffers who had placed her in a separate classroom tried to restrain the girl
as she tried to leave, the story says. The girl was placed there after being
barred from a school party for wearing a sweatshirt designed to look like an
animated cow character, he alleges.

The defendants are the Lake Pend Oreille School District and the Bonner County
Sheriff's Department. The school district denies any wrongdoing, according to a
separate Associated Press story.


:headache::headache:
 
all states have to have their restaint and seclusion polocies done by next year and hopefully all this will end.

amazing the incompitance of some schools.

bookwormde
 












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