Behavior Challenge Thread

[DisDreaminMom]

Howdy all! I have been such a loser no-show. Hope everyone is OK! Roll Call!!!!

Anyway, how about this vent:

Surprise, surprise, it involves my sister's son (7) and my son (7) at Easter. Honestly ,I don't know why I even bother. So my son tells me on the way home that after the Easter Egg hunt, he opened his eggs and found $20 bills in two individual eggs (total $40). My daughter was there with him and saw him open the eggs. He was completely surprised, but I knew my sister was putting money in the eggs, so I figured that she was in a generous mood.

Well, my sister just happened to invite us over for dinner last night and nonchalantly said, "Fred said he had $40 up in his room and it was gone Easter. So somebody stole it and we were wondering if it was his cousin. Our son thinks it was him." At this point the father jumps in and says, "But he can't tell us exactly where he put the money and didn't have it locked up, so it's his fault for losing it."

I didn't know what to say. So I just said I didn't know if my son had any money. I didn't bring up the eggs or anything. And then on the way home last night, my daughter said the cousins were asking them about this kid's supposedly lost money.

Now here is the issue. As you know, it is hard to get one of our kids to lie. And today and last night I asked my son where he found the money and his answer was, "Why would I steal from my cousin? I love him!" and he told me the egg story again with eyes wide open and not a hint of a lie on his face.


Since it's not the first time my sister's son has lied to me or anyone else for that matter, I think one of a few things happened: 1) My sister put money in the eggs and tried to get her son to pick them and mine beat him to it and my sister doesn't want to tell what she did OR 2) Her son tried to hide his own money in some eggs and my son happened to pick them up. OR 3)The neighbors also hid eggs with $ in them, because my son said it was in a certain size egg that the neighbors brought over.

Apparently she has been grilling all the kids who were over that day about it. Her son has accused my son and others of taking his things but repeatedly steals from others, so I just don't know what to think. But I really don't think my son stole from his cousin, when his sister leaves wads of cash around the house and my son has never taken that before, either. I even leave money out and he will ask me about it, but is very direct and forthcoming about it.

What do you think?

Oh, and never take a sensory challenged kid with you to the expensive artist's supply store unless you are prepared to make him un-hand the expensive brushes that he is fondling.

We also had DS's first violin recital yesterday and he did great, even playing on the hand he hates using (he'd rather play with it in his right arm, which is incorrect for classical violin but fine for fiddling).

Teacher told me today that he needs to learn notes (he likes to play by ear) so I need a website to teach him, since I never learned.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hey everyone. Me and koolaidmoms are still around.

DDM Ahh family, gotta love it. Maybe next year volunteer at a soup kitchen (or go to WDW).

DS's Bday is coming up next week. We couldn't escape to Disney like we did last year so we have invited 4 other families to a birthday party at a baseball game for our local triple A club. We have a fairly new GF Vegan bakery in town for his cake.

Our kids have off for Spring Break this week. DD is at a Drama camp so it's been DP and DS all week. Overall it's gone well. The nice weather has helped so he's been on his bike a lot and DP has been doing science experiments with him.

We'll see what happens when school starts again next week. Our kids' last day of school is June 29th, which seems crazy late to me, even for up here.

Take care all.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Hi everyone. We need to keep this thread going...it is my venting place. (as opposed to WDW being my "happy place" )

I feel almost guilty for coming here to vent to you guys, some (or maybe most) of whom have far worse situations to complain about. I find my existence to be an up and down rollercoaster, driven mostly by dd and her needs. Some days I cry myself to sleep with the agony of watching and enduring dd's difficulties which most people don't understand and therefore, I find myself having no one who "relates".

Like this am dd's substitute teacher thinks it's a good thing to greet dd with "today is dance party day". (absultely NO notice given to me to prepare dd) Will I NEVER get through to these people??!?!?!?!? You absolutely cannot do this!

Then, dd has to get scoped or have an upper GI because of possible stomach ulcer and does NO ONE understand it's just NOT as easy as just making an appt for this and getting it done? Now I have to go through all the explanations to yet another specialist. I CANNOT endure dd being strapped down to a board ONE MORE TIME. So what do they do? They prescribe valium. And I feel like no one truly understands what the issues are! My dd is not an animal!

And how can you express without being seen as overprotective that no, my dd can't go on the fieldtrip, even with an aide because I don't trust you guys (who obviously don't fully get it) to keep dd safe? They told me in the last parent/teacher conference last Friday that dd wanders off and that they are having a problem with her leaving the classroom without permission. Huh? You're telling me you're "losing" my daughter during the school day??? How is that possible? And you want to take her on a field trip?

And how do you say to the school, PLEASE don't talk to dd about American Idol? Because she got so wrapped up in the show-with the charting and statistics that she absolutely can't chat about it then move on-that it becomes consuming and distractive.

I feel like a crazy person.

And I shouldn't complain, I shouldn't, because some days I feel so guilty for complaining when dd has come so far and is doing well at home. I often feel that if only I could move to the middle of nowhere we could have a nice life, much easier than constantly dealing with these issues. When I can just let dd be herself and shield her from the topsy turvy world she does amazing things. She is starting understand that she is different and she'll say to me "I am who I am and that's OK". And I really praise her for that...she's starting to realize the problem is not her-it's this crazy world that we can't control that bombards her senses and confuses her "reason" based brain. Her brain says "We don't have a dance party on Fridays" and so when that is introduced she cannot assimilte the fact and move on, it becomes a gigantic "This is not supposed to be happening-it's Friday and we always do _____ on Friday" which causes her to become VERY upset. And I had to limit American Idol because she could not deal with the person who was highly praised and the judges said would win get voted off. That doesn't make sense and so it shouldn't happen in her world. That person had 5 checkmarks but the person who stayed had one x and 2 checkmarks. It is ALL WRONG. And how do you explain a world that for the most part doesn't make sense????

Ok, enough venting!

DDM: I would tell the sis your son found $$ in the eggs. If she insists on it back then perhaps pay it yourself and avoid the upset to ds. I am amazed at the musical abilities of your son!!! You must be so proud!

C&G: How's GF/CF going? We may have to go that way if these stomach issues are not fixed soon.

Bookwormde: still fighting the good fight?

Hope all is well with everyone!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Grace, Vent away. And yes, I want to keep this thread going too.

This is where we can come where other people get us and our kids. There is no one person's situation is worse than the other. It is what it is and we each deal with our own issues. But we can come here to vent.

Sometimes I find myself venting about the same things over time. But it's okay. Where else can we go and talk about fan obsessions, perseverating on American Idol and a 7 year that wants to talk about nothing but Greek mythology. And rather than "that's nice dear" where we may get other places we get. "Oh year, my kid..." or "another great resource for Greek Mythology is..."
So in short, I love you guys and yes please let keep this going.

As for GF/CF. You know, it seems to be making a difference. To be honest I was a skeptic and I found out after a couple of weeks of DS being on GF/CF that DP was too. She did it at the suggestion of DS's new therapist who said "you're working so hard doing everything else, why not try it, it can't hurt". Well we're converts. We've definitely noticed a difference in him and so have others (who didn't know about the diet). He still has melt downs but they are fewer and shorter. A couple of weeks ago he had batter dipped fries and we swear his behavior was worse for the couple of days after.

We have a local pizza and deli that's been around over 20 years. About 5 years ago the wife was diagnosed with celiac and now they have a line of GF stuff. The bread is great. I've tried the Red Mill mixes and the first time I made it it came out fine but the 2nd time I ended up having to throw it out. So I'm going to the pizza joint for the bread from now on. And DS thinks it's cool that he can order a sandwich while he's there (on a GF roll) and no cheese.

So that's it for now.

My baby boy is going to be 7 next week

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Thanks for understanding. Sometimes I go back and read my previous posts and think how negative I sound. But this is the Behavior "Challenge" thread so I think I vent more about our struggles than our successes.

I have been told my dd's MD's that GF/CF won't help, and you know the whole argument there between western pharmaceutic Dr's and the biomed homeopathic people. I use GF items when possible but by no means have never been totally GF. DD has chronic stomach aches that can be quite severe. Usually in the am which I thought was school anxiety but they think it is acid erosion during the night. She is hoarse in am and is constantly clearing a throat that she complains hurts.

Sometimes I think my dd doesn't have AS, but OCD. Yesterday I took her to see Oceans. I never take her to movies because we've never had a good movie experience. But about 1 x year I try it again. Yesterday she was so into counting the number of people that she didn't watch the movie at all. Constant fidget. Counting. A person would leave for the snack bar or bathroom and she'd count everyone again. She was turned around in her seat the whole time. Afterwards I asked her why she did it. She didn't have a reason. I said what if I told you not to do that anymore. She said "you want me to do it in my head?".

Happy Birthday to your ds! My dd will be 7 just around the corner. They grow up so fast.

 

[C&G'sMama]

T

I have been told my dd's MD's that GF/CF won't help, and you know the whole argument there between western pharmaceutic Dr's and the biomed homeopathic people.

Yeah there's no scientific basis, blah, blah, blah. But like his therapist said it can't hurt. We have a friend whose son is Autistic also. She swears by the diet. He's 10 and she's been doing it since he was 5 I think.

I'll try eastern, western, grandma's home remedies, whatever works. One of the woman I work with is originally from China and she has me hooked on I think they're called Bin Laden Grain tea for cough and colds.

I found out my sister has tried GF She doesn't have celiac or anything but wanted to try to see if it would help her feel better over all. And she says her energy levels are better when she's strict about it.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

It makes sense for a few reasons: possibly the GF/CS part of it but also perhaps that by eating those items you aren't ingesting the junk that's out in our food supply these days. I think just by being strictly organic and whole foods anyone could feel a lot better. It's practically impossible to get away from corn syrup, preservatives, and food dyes these days!

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I read the biomed bible: Healing the new childhood epidemics and the whole thing was very intimidating.

Hey Bookwormde, I thought you'd get a kick out of this: In Parenthood, when the aunt suspects her dd may be AS and goes to see the dr, the parents with Max, the AS child, give the aunt Attwood's book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's, stating "this book was the most helpful". Is anyone else watching this show?

 

[koolaidmoms]

I am watching Parenthood and actually like it very much. I think it is a good television show overall.

Actually with DS we are GF/CF/SF and food coloring free. He is doing amazingly well for the most part. It has taken me tons of time in the grocery store reading labels but actually it has been good for our whole family.

We are all eating better. We tend to eat a meat, several vegetables, salad (with homemade dressing or none for DS) and a bit of rice, potato or pasta. I used very little canned or boxed foods before except mostly for soups, pastas and pasta sauces. We now make our own soup and add GF pasta for DS or rice, the pasta I still buy special and the spaghetti sauce is either fresh tomatoes or a higher end sauce that has no soy bean oil.

We went out to eat the other day (which has become much fewer and farther between - no more stopping at McDonald's or Arby's). It was his "birthday" free meal from Red Robin. They were actually really great. He had a hamburger wrapped in lettuce leaves with tomato, separately fried french fries with no seasoning or salt and when they brought out the dessert - an ice cream sundae he told the waitress he couldn't eat it so she went back and made a plate of fresh cut fruit for him. We let him have one bite of the sundae and he loved his fruit plate. No whining, no complaining. Not typical for him before all these changes.

I honestly thought this would fail but for him it does seem to be making a difference.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I am thinking dd's tummy troubles could be something other than acid. Yesterday she ate a piece of pizza (cheese) and drank some milk (lactose free organic .5%) and about 15 minutes later she was doubled over in pain. She says the pain is in her chest. She wasn't in any undue stress at that time so I don't think it's panic. Perhaps dairy is doing it...although she eats very little dairy-very rarely drinks milk-but does enjoy yogurt a lot. But I was thinking the cheese on the pizza plus the milk???? Or maybe the grease messed with the acid. Her dr said no grease due to the ulcer. Yikes. I am a very bad mom sometimes! I gave her a Prevacid and the paid did subside after about 20 minutes. We have to wait until August for the appt with the GI!

I need to start food journaling!

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Grace, a lot of times, an ulcer can be felt in a person's chest. My husband thought he was having a heart attack, and it was ulcers. So it's possible that she'd feel it there. Or she could have ulcers in her esophagus, which is possible with gastric reflux. I'd imagine that that sort of pain would make anyone a little ON EDGE, to say the least.

I tried watching Parenthood and it just does not hold my interest. Grace, I like reading your vents, so keep 'em coming.

Ok, study my son is in is an educational study done by University of N.C. The speech teacher told me that the day the national team was there to do initial assessment of teaching team (they are studying and helping teachers help ASD kids who have a good likelihood of going on from Primary level with no special services with enough intervention) they just happened to sit in on the Speech team during my son's lesson. He uses a "smart board" that is a super expensive, cool technology and it has a section on instruments that my son loves. He did the "Big SHow" for them, according to the teacher. She said he was perfect and adorable and told them all about every kind of instrument and was the textbook Aspie. She said when my son left the room, one of the observers said, "That kid is too cute!"

I asked my son if the visitors were ice. He said, "Of course they're nice! Visitors have to be nice! Why would you have a mean visitor?"

Ok, so totally off topic, but talk me into or out of booking a trip in October using the Kids Stay, Play a Dine special. My husband will kill me if I book a trip, but my Aunt wants to go with just me and the kids, so it's really tempting. My daughter will be turnig 10 in May, but I thought that if you book the trip before the b-day, the it's kosher. What say you, my Disney OCD friends? Should I wait to book and see if there is just open free dining?

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Forgive all the typos, but in an effort to quickly vacuum the computer desk, I sucked the "n" key right off my wireless keyboard, then I had to fish it out of the bag and try to put it back on the keyboard. It's ot happy, that's for sure. Kinda hanging there like a half off fake fingernail.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Ok, so totally off topic, but talk me into or out of booking a trip in October using the Kids Stay, Play a Dine special. My husband will kill me if I book a trip, but my Aunt wants to go with just me and the kids, so it's really tempting. My daughter will be turnig 10 in May, but I thought that if you book the trip before the b-day, the it's kosher. What say you, my Disney OCD friends? Should I wait to book and see if there is just open free dining?

OMG!!! Like I'm going to try to talk you out of it?

BOOK IT!!!

I want to go in October so bad I can taste it but not this year. So, if anyone I knows has the opportunity to go they must for my sake. I would say it's a moral imperative.

Can you book the kids stay and dine and then change it if the free dining is a better deal? As far as giving DD the October trip for her Bday, absolutely. Our 2008 Christmas present to the kids was the April 2009 trip. We decorated them each a big box with Disney paper and put a helium Disney balloon inside with some Disney stickers a couple of brochures and a couple of other small Disney things

PS Our DD will also be 10 in May (the 18th)

DS will be 7 on Thursday.

Oh and if I wasn't emphatic enough. Do it!!!!!

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I was all ready to come on here and post a glowing success story about how dd went on a field trip today. She had one dedicated aide and another helper. It seemed to go well. Well tonight we met the other people we are going to WDW with next month at a pizza place and dd had what I can only describe as a complete psychotic episode. She slammed the other girl into the table then proceeded to kick and hit me. All this while I was dragging her out of the place while she was screaming at the top of her lungs and making a complete scene. I felt so horrible! She continued to rage in the car, escaping from her carseat, and kicking and hitting me. I had to do the best I could to get her home and into her room to keep her and myself safe.

I am so completely and totally overwhelmed and exhausted!!!!!

Sometimes I feel as if I cannot do this anymore!!!!!

If I were a drinking woman I'd be drowning my sorrows.

I know she was overwhelmed by the field trip, probably barely getting through the whole day and then I further overloaded her by taking her to the loud, crazy pizza place. It's my fault. I know it is.

DDM, you should go to WDW. Sometimes we have to take the happiness where and when we can get it.

 

[dogodisney]

Grace, a lot of times, an ulcer can be felt in a person's chest. My husband thought he was having a heart attack, and it was ulcers. So it's possible that she'd feel it there. Or she could have ulcers in her esophagus, which is possible with gastric reflux. I'd imagine that that sort of pain would make anyone a little ON EDGE, to say the least.

I tried watching Parenthood and it just does not hold my interest. Grace, I like reading your vents, so keep 'em coming.

Ok, study my son is in is an educational study done by University of N.C. The speech teacher told me that the day the national team was there to do initial assessment of teaching team (they are studying and helping teachers help ASD kids who have a good likelihood of going on from Primary level with no special services with enough intervention) they just happened to sit in on the Speech team during my son's lesson. He uses a "smart board" that is a super expensive, cool technology and it has a section on instruments that my son loves. He did the "Big SHow" for them, according to the teacher. She said he was perfect and adorable and told them all about every kind of instrument and was the textbook Aspie. She said when my son left the room, one of the observers said, "That kid is too cute!"

I asked my son if the visitors were ice. He said, "Of course they're nice! Visitors have to be nice! Why would you have a mean visitor?"

Ok, so totally off topic, but talk me into or out of booking a trip in October using the Kids Stay, Play a Dine special. My husband will kill me if I book a trip, but my Aunt wants to go with just me and the kids, so it's really tempting. My daughter will be turnig 10 in May, but I thought that if you book the trip before the b-day, the it's kosher. What say you, my Disney OCD friends? Should I wait to book and see if there is just open free dining?

The ages go by how old they are the day you arrive on your trip, not when you book it. So if you go in Oct. she will no longer be a "child". But if you go in May and arrive even a day before her bday, then she will still be considered a child.

 

[bookwormde]

GraceluvsWDW,

We all over do it sometimes with our kids (with a child a bright as yours it is especially easy to forget), learn from the experiance and talk to yor daughter about what happened and how she got overloaded (social autopsy) you will both learn and learn to manage thigns better the next time. Even the most difficult times can in retrospect be turned into teachable moments for all involved (and do not beat yourself up, since that is nto helpful for your daughter) Lots of hugs, we have all been there (may times)

bookwormde

 

[bookwormde]

DisdreamMom,
My DS has a smart board in his classroom (the whole district should have them in 2 years and they are a great tool, espcecially since the teacher can print out what is on the board at any time so DS can have it in front of him to review and refer to. Consider asking to have this accommadation (assistive technology) added to his IEP as this is becoming a know "item" that helps our kids (and all the kids in teh classroom)

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I tried to talk to dd about it, she became even more agitated. I let her go to bed without bathing or brushing teeth. I thought she would have calmed down but this morning was more raging. Refused to get out of bed. She was crawling on the floor, crying, and talking baby talk. Last night after she had calmed down a bit I had told her that maybe the field trip plus the pizza place was too much. This morning when I took her to class she told the teacher "the bus makes me bad". I don't know if this is a projection of what I told her last night or if there is some clue about the aggression & volatility.

She was alo picking her eyelashes this morning and then eating them. Could this all be related to the meds? I have a call in to the Dev Pedi. I am sooooo frustrated. DD was screaming at me last night saying "you're not my mom. I don't know who you are!" and things like "You hate me. It's too late, I know it's too late." I feel like she wanted me to hold her, comfort her and tell her I love her. But I was so conflicted....would holding her and comforting her reinforce the bad behavior? I told her calmly I love you, I love you. But she kept on. I don't know if this is manipulation? I just feel so lost and I don't know what to do in these situation.

Any help anyone could be on how to handle these violent episodes..any comments or suggestions?? I don't know if I should have kept her home today...that would have been positive reinforcement to the bad behavior I felt but we all know standard rules don't apply to our kids. Help! I'm going to go back and read "The Explosive Child" and see if I can integrate some of those techniques.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

C&G's Mama, you're a naughty influence. I will call and just quote trip, I suppose.

Grace, that is so horrible. I don't have any helpful words for you. Just a giant hug. That's all I've got...

There has to be something physically wrong with her that they just have not found yet. Either that or the meds aren't helping. But in her defense, I avoid pizza places like the plague. Just too much energy, much of it negative.

Grace, I have a question, and it may sound kinda corny and hocus pocus, but listen anyway. Is it just me or does your DD react poorly to places with high energy and/or high electricity? Like lots of lights, machines, etc. Except for WDW, and even that can be difficult or overwhelming, I find that my son (and myself for that matter) becomes Overly agitated in high energy/electrical places. Airport, mall, school, crowded restaurants, etc. We can go to these places when it's not crowded with very different results. I used to think it was just the crowd, but some places with a high electrical vibration make my so go crazy, too.

I bet your DD is better out in the country with peace and quiet. And horse energy is reciprocal, but man made energy is not. If I were a multi-millionaire, I would buy her a guide mini-horse. They have them now. It would be a really fun thing to see if it helps your DD.

Ok, I know, just thinking out loud...I'm nuts

 

[Kat77]

GraceLuvsWDW- I have said this before but your DD's behaviors sound SO much like my DS. I was also convinced he was OCD for a while.
Would holding her and comforting her reinforce the bad behavior? No...Comfort her!!! Soothing a hurt child is not catering to bad behavior and anyone who tells you otherwise is misguided.
Meds do not always work the way they are expected to. What is she taking, if you do not mind sharing that info? If current meds are not helping ask to switch!
Risperidone helped control DS9's meltdowns really well. We are trying Abilify now since the risperdone quit working. The Abilify is helping but the risperidone was much better when it worked. Prozac agitated him (majorly po'd!) but Zoloft works as expected.
Off to pick up kids... or I would write more.