Becoming a Better Sarah ~ 2015 Journal (The End)

[SarahDisney]

I love your little charts! I think I maybe was in a similar place as you this month in that I didn't have specific goals, just was trying to get through all my races. So now I need to decide what goals are for October. Probably treadmill OR cross train twice a week and do a long run on the weekend outdoors. Maybe try to run 4-5 miles more often. That seems do-able.

There are definitely months when it's easier to focus on what you have going on than on goals - and I think October will be one of those months for me.
In terms of the 4-5 mile runs - do you think doing one of those every other week is reasonable? You can stick with your current mileage for most runs, but do one long run every other week that's 4-5 miles. I think that's a good way to add distance without exhausting yourself too much or taking up too much time every week.

I've also been trying really hard to pack my lunch more often.

Awesome! That's one of those things that can be harder than it looks, and even though it seems small, it makes a big difference!

And by the way nice job on 50 miles this month. I did less than 30 so big props to you for the hard work!!!

Thanks! I think 20-30 is a pretty good monthly range for someone who is still around the 5K mileage - when I was training for my 5K (and the few months after) I was probably getting in around 25 miles a month. It's a lot easier to get in a lot of miles when you're training for a farther distance (does that make any sense?)

 

[LSUlakes]

October Goals​

As always, let’s start by recapping my September Goals:
View attachment 126616
(Just fyi, this graphic is named “Full August 2015” on my computer. Apparently it took me until September 30th to realize that it’s not August)

Weight Loss Goal: 0/3 lbs – Not my best month. I was close, but I made a lot of bad decisions in the last 3-4 days of the month.
Lifestyle Goal: Some days it was a stretch … aka I took something I was doing anyway and made it Sarah Time. So it was kinda cheating, but I made it.
Running Goal: 50.08/50 miles – I just barely made it! I skipped one run and ended up pushing myself too far for the rest of the month, so this goal was definitely too high. But I’m glad I set & met it anyway.

And now, on to my October Goals:
NONE!
I don’t know if it’s really reflected in my progress updates here, but I’ve been stressing myself out a lot recently trying to reach my goals. It’s not good. So I’m taking October off from goals. I will continue to watch what I eat and try to lose weight. I will continue to run three times per week. I will continue to post my progress updates every week. But no goals for October. I’m going to focus on each day, each meal, and each run, and not on an overall monthly goal. We’ll see where that gets me at the end of October, but I’m hoping that it helps me do well without being stressed out about it.

Happy October, people! Feel free to share your September/October goals - I love hearing about how my readers are doing!

Sorry to hear you are under a lot of stress. I hope October becomes a great month for you! Congrats on reaching 50 miles for the month! No point in beating yourself up on being a little short on a goal. They are there for something to strive for, and even if you do not meet your mark, you are still making positive strides to your long term goals. For example, I wanted to run 160 miles last month, but you know life happens and I only got to 158.2. I still feel like I had a good month of running and at the end of the day 1.8 miles is not going to make a difference. Good luck this month and stay positive!

 

[SarahDisney]

Sorry to hear you are under a lot of stress. I hope October becomes a great month for you! Congrats on reaching 50 miles for the month! No point in beating yourself up on being a little short on a goal. They are there for something to strive for, and even if you do not meet your mark, you are still making positive strides to your long term goals. For example, I wanted to run 160 miles last month, but you know life happens and I only got to 158.2. I still feel like I had a good month of running and at the end of the day 1.8 miles is not going to make a difference. Good luck this month and stay positive!

Thanks.
That whole "being okay with falling just short of goal" is something I really need to work on. I had a really great running month in September - not only did I hit 10K for the first time, but I almost made it all the way to 7 miles and I had a lot of good runs. I'm hoping that I can learn to be okay with making it to my goal every month.

 

[stacy~**]

I think you did great in September. 50 miles is a lot!! (I only hit 75 and I'm half training!) You definitely were out their pounding the pavement.

Sometimes the stress of goals, etc. is counter productive to what you are trying to accomplish so I think taking the month "off" is a good idea. I somehow have the feeling that you will still be doing what you have been doing.

 

[SarahDisney]

I think you did great in September. 50 miles is a lot!! (I only hit 75 and I'm half training!) You definitely were out their pounding the pavement.

Thanks! I definitely worked hard to get to 50 miles, but I'm glad I set it as my goal.
That said ... it was definitely too high of a goal for me.
(And ... I'm also training for a half marathon, I just have a few races before then and mine's almost a year away)

Sometimes the stress of goals, etc. is counter productive to what you are trying to accomplish so I think taking the month "off" is a good idea. I somehow have the feeling that you will still be doing what you have been doing.

Thanks. So far I'm not quite at my September activity level, but that's because my schedule has been busy with holidays and PT twice a week.
But I think you're right and my October numbers will be pretty close to September. Just because I've gotten into a good rhythm. Which I'm pretty sure is a good thing.

 

[SarahDisney]

Fear​

There are a lot of things to be afraid of while running …injury, colliding with other runners and/or cyclists (I run on a bike path), dehydration, overhydration, bad pacing, bad running, sunburn, falling (yes, I’ve done that), etc. But that’s not what scares me.

So what does scare me? The distance. I’m planning to do my first half marathon in a little over 11 months. And I don’t think I’ll make it.

My initial plan for the half was to use the Jeff Galloway/runDisney official training plan (“to finish in the upright position” … because that’s pretty much my goal). But looking at last year’s plan, towards the end of the plan, it increases distance by 2 miles between long runs (every other week), and that scares me. So I’ve been trying to modify it a bit. At first I thought of increasing every week (instead of doing the long runs every other week), but the amount that seems reasonable to me is 0.25 miles every week, which will only get me to 12 miles by August. And I want to go over 13.1 before the race (yes, I know many training plans don’t do that, but it’s a psychological thing for me – I won’t believe that I can do the distance until I’ve actually done it). My next thought was to start the plan earlier and increase by a mile at the end instead of two miles (adding a few extra weeks to the plan), but that still feels like way too much to me.

I’m currently increasing my run time by 3-4 minutes every 3-4 weeks (I used to increase by a minute every week, but since I’m now using the Garmin for intervals, this is actually easier). That’s really manageable for me. But it only takes me to about 2 hours before the race … and since the closest thing I have to a time goal is 3 hours, it’s nowhere near enough. Time wise, to get to 13.1 miles at about a 12:30 pace, I’d need to run for 164 minutes (2:44). So my longest long run would need to be about 3 hours. I can get just under 3 hours if I increase by 2 minutes every week … but that means I can’t take a break from increasing in December & January (around Marathon Weekend time), which is what I had originally planned to do.

I know there are a million and one training plans out there. The ones I’ve seen range from 8 weeks to 24 weeks. But the thing about training plans is that they’re not personalized. That plan was made with your average runner in mind, not me. I’ve always wanted to take things slowly. I’ve tried not to push myself too far too fast (and when I have, it’s been a problem). It’s why I spent 5 months training for my first 5K (this after I’d been running on the treadmill for a few months … and had tried running once before), and why it took me 7 months to get from 5K to 10K. And yes, I have 11 months to get from 10K to Half Marathon, but that still doesn’t seem like enough. There are a lot of options out there … but I can’t find anything that will get me to where I want to be using a method with which I feel comfortable.

I thought I’d have more time. I planned it out so that my first half would be in 2020, and I had forever to increase my distance. But my schedule got accelerated (long story), and now we’re planning for Disneyland Half 2016. September 2016 is so soon, and I’m terrified.

I know that part of this is just my fear of failure (which is not some abstract irrational thing but is actually based on the fact that I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded in life and I hate the pain and disappointment that comes with it). But part of it is something more. I don’t know what it is, but it scares me so much. I want to run the Disneyland Half. I want to get my coast-to-coast medal in 2018. I want to eventually run all the races (minus the Star Wars races, which interest me … not at all).

Honestly? I can’t imagine myself running a half marathon. Even the thought of it freaks me out. Maybe things will be different as I increase my distance, but … 5K was a distance I knew I could eventually reach. Same with 10K. I can’t see myself reaching half-marathon distance, and I don’t know what that means. I’m scared that it means I won’t do it and I shouldn’t try and just wind up getting hurt by the failure. But I really don’t know.

I know you guys believe in me and have faith that I can reach this distance and this goal. And that means more to me than I can probably express. But … you don’t know me. Most of you probably don’t understand why I feel a need to take things so slow. I don’t even fully understand it … I just know that I do. Maybe the core of this is the fact that I don’t believe in myself. I never have, and I don’t think I ever will. And maybe that’s my obstacle. Maybe the reason why I can’t see myself running a half marathon is because I don’t believe I can do it.

I’m not scared of running. I actually like running. I’m scared of running far. And I’m really not sure what to make of that.

 

[BuckeyeBama]

A huge part of running is the ability to visualize yourself being successful. See yourself crossing that Finish line. Know that you can do this.

You need to believe, not in a training plan but in yourself. My wife suffers from the same doubts, and she has faced many physical challenges in her life. But she is also VERY determined. When she trained for her half she decided that she would not allow herself to fail. She injured her IT band about 6 weeks before the half and she could barely run a quarter mile on race day but she told me at the starting line that I simply could not allow her to fail.

She NEEDED to finish, so she did. You will, too. Just believe.

 

[SarahDisney]

A huge part of running is the ability to visualize yourself being successful. See yourself crossing that Finish line. Know that you can do this.

You need to believe, not in a training plan but in yourself. My wife suffers from the same doubts, and she has faced many physical challenges in her life. But she is also VERY determined. When she trained for her half she decided that she would not allow herself to fail. She injured her IT band about 6 weeks before the half and she could barely run a quarter mile on race day but she told me at the starting line that I simply could not allow her to fail.

She NEEDED to finish, so she did. You will, too. Just believe.

Thank you for this advice!

I know I need to believe ... but it's hard. The scientist in my brain keeps telling me that since I've failed a lot more than I've succeeded in life, there's no evidence that I'll succeed at this. Until I see that first medal and/or cross that first finish line, I don't have proof that I can do it. And it's hard for me to believe without proof.

But I am someone who can have faith (it comes from being very religious), so I know that I can eventually get to the point where I believe in myself and believe that I can do it, even without empirical evidence. I just need to work towards that point. As you said, I need to visualize myself being successful. If I can imagine myself crossing that finish line, then I can do it in real life too.

 

[LSUlakes]

Fear​

There are a lot of things to be afraid of while running …injury, colliding with other runners and/or cyclists (I run on a bike path), dehydration, overhydration, bad pacing, bad running, sunburn, falling (yes, I’ve done that), etc. But that’s not what scares me.

So what does scare me? The distance. I’m planning to do my first half marathon in a little over 11 months. And I don’t think I’ll make it.

My initial plan for the half was to use the Jeff Galloway/runDisney official training plan (“to finish in the upright position” … because that’s pretty much my goal). But looking at last year’s plan, towards the end of the plan, it increases distance by 2 miles between long runs (every other week), and that scares me. So I’ve been trying to modify it a bit. At first I thought of increasing every week (instead of doing the long runs every other week), but the amount that seems reasonable to me is 0.25 miles every week, which will only get me to 12 miles by August. And I want to go over 13.1 before the race (yes, I know many training plans don’t do that, but it’s a psychological thing for me – I won’t believe that I can do the distance until I’ve actually done it). My next thought was to start the plan earlier and increase by a mile at the end instead of two miles (adding a few extra weeks to the plan), but that still feels like way too much to me.

I’m currently increasing my run time by 3-4 minutes every 3-4 weeks (I used to increase by a minute every week, but since I’m now using the Garmin for intervals, this is actually easier). That’s really manageable for me. But it only takes me to about 2 hours before the race … and since the closest thing I have to a time goal is 3 hours, it’s nowhere near enough. Time wise, to get to 13.1 miles at about a 12:30 pace, I’d need to run for 164 minutes (2:44). So my longest long run would need to be about 3 hours. I can get just under 3 hours if I increase by 2 minutes every week … but that means I can’t take a break from increasing in December & January (around Marathon Weekend time), which is what I had originally planned to do.

I know there are a million and one training plans out there. The ones I’ve seen range from 8 weeks to 24 weeks. But the thing about training plans is that they’re not personalized. That plan was made with your average runner in mind, not me. I’ve always wanted to take things slowly. I’ve tried not to push myself too far too fast (and when I have, it’s been a problem). It’s why I spent 5 months training for my first 5K (this after I’d been running on the treadmill for a few months … and had tried running once before), and why it took me 7 months to get from 5K to 10K. And yes, I have 11 months to get from 10K to Half Marathon, but that still doesn’t seem like enough. There are a lot of options out there … but I can’t find anything that will get me to where I want to be using a method with which I feel comfortable.

I thought I’d have more time. I planned it out so that my first half would be in 2020, and I had forever to increase my distance. But my schedule got accelerated (long story), and now we’re planning for Disneyland Half 2016. September 2016 is so soon, and I’m terrified.

I know that part of this is just my fear of failure (which is not some abstract irrational thing but is actually based on the fact that I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded in life and I hate the pain and disappointment that comes with it). But part of it is something more. I don’t know what it is, but it scares me so much. I want to run the Disneyland Half. I want to get my coast-to-coast medal in 2018. I want to eventually run all the races (minus the Star Wars races, which interest me … not at all).

Honestly? I can’t imagine myself running a half marathon. Even the thought of it freaks me out. Maybe things will be different as I increase my distance, but … 5K was a distance I knew I could eventually reach. Same with 10K. I can’t see myself reaching half-marathon distance, and I don’t know what that means. I’m scared that it means I won’t do it and I shouldn’t try and just wind up getting hurt by the failure. But I really don’t know.

I know you guys believe in me and have faith that I can reach this distance and this goal. And that means more to me than I can probably express. But … you don’t know me. Most of you probably don’t understand why I feel a need to take things so slow. I don’t even fully understand it … I just know that I do. Maybe the core of this is the fact that I don’t believe in myself. I never have, and I don’t think I ever will. And maybe that’s my obstacle. Maybe the reason why I can’t see myself running a half marathon is because I don’t believe I can do it.

I’m not scared of running. I actually like running. I’m scared of running far. And I’m really not sure what to make of that.

Say this out loud... I CAN DO THIS!. Print out some motivational quotes and place them on your mirror, your running bag, your fuel belt, or any other place you will see daily. Half the battle with long distance running is mental, and like your body, you need to train your mind to think positively about your goals. Your body can do great things, the mind is what can hold us back, so its important to have positive thoughts. Each long run that increases your total distance/time is a new PR and something to celebrate, each X on your running calendar for workout completed is a accomplishment. Everyday you put your shoes on and head out the door for a run, you are getting better, and one step closer to the big goal. Do not be afraid of the big goal, the little steps along the way will have you prepared to accomplish them. The first time you head out for a 10 miler will be a major event. You will experience many highs and lows, but when your watch hits 10 miles, the only thing you will remember from that day is hitting 10 miles. You will run that 10 miler in the next 11 months and you will run and complete your first half marathon in this time frame as well. And when you receive the finishers medal at the end you will look back on this and think it was silly you doubted yourself in the first place. YOU CAN DO IT and YOU WILL!

A little running motivation since I brought it up. You probably read it before. When I first started running @ 50 lbs over weight, smoked a pack a day and unable to run a 1/4 mile I printed this out and placed it on my mirror. I also have it on the background of my desktop.
"Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up, you better be running."

Good Luck, think positive, and remember, YOU CAN DO IT!

 

[roxymama]

I may not be the best one to comment because I have not ran longer than a 5k race...yet.
But you said the following which speaks to me on so many levels... "but it’s a psychological thing for me – I won’t believe that I can do the distance until I’ve actually done it"

From my own personal experience (and this is more about speed than distance...but I think it applies)...I did not think I SHOULD run faster than the 10-11ish range because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep that up for a full race. I was afraid to try it. I didn't believe I could do it until one day in my neighborhood I just said "ok, here is my fake race...if I fail no one will be around to know" and then I just tried running below 10 until I hit a wall...and weirdly I did it and it was hard and sucked but I did not hit the wall. I was tired and sore for like two days because I did not stretch properly...but I did it. And I felt like a superhero.
And then because I knew I was able to do it, I went out and tried it at real races and PR'd a couple of times.
I'm now facing the "time to run longer than 5k" part of my journey and was going to write about that in my journal but I'll write it here. I think I know I can run a 8-10k right now, especially if I run slower than I have been, but I am so scared!!! Because I have not done it yet. So I feel you on so many levels!!!
If I make a promise to just go out there sometime in the month of October and run an 8k distance in my neighborhood even if it is slow going and involves walking...will you set a goal you are scared of distance-wise to hit in October? That way I know I can do it and it won't be as scary anymore...And then we can have a virtual celebratory something?
And then maybe I'll try for 10k in November.

Edited because I remembered this is a no goal October for you and I think that is totally ok!!! So I'll just report back on if I did my 8k. And no pressure at all!

 

[Ariel484]

You can absolutely do it. Like you're alluding to in your post...if you think the training plan won't work for you, find one that will. Maybe you can look for a 10-mile race to train for in between your January 10K and your half marathon? That may give you more confidence.

 

[SarahDisney]

Thanks for all the awesome comments and advice. You guys & gals really are the best!
Based on what everyone has said and what I've been thinking about over the past few days, I've come up with a new approach to the distance. It's a three step approach.

Step One: Take it one mile at a time.
Target Date: Starting Now
I will not visualize myself crossing the finish line at the half marathon. From now until registration opens, there is no half marathon.
I will visualize myself running 7 miles. And once I've done that, I'll visualize myself running 7.5 or 8. The race is so far away, I don't need to worry about it for at least 5-6 months.

Step Two: Race a transition distance.
Target Date: April, May, or June 2016
As the wonderful @Ariel484 suggested, I will try to sign up for a 10 mile race. Or maybe a 15K. Either way ... something to bridge the gap between 6.2 and 13.1. It gives me something to work towards that's a little more attainable. I'm hoping I can do it in April or May because I hate running in the summer, but my current plan has me hitting 9 miles in early June, so I'd have to modify a bit (its totally doable, though).
And, of course, I have to find a race. I feel like there aren't quite as many races in NYC as you'd expect. And the darn Hot Chocolate 15K in Philly is on a Saturday so I can't do it. But I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Step Three: Start working towards half marathon.
Target Date: June 2016 through race day (September 4th, 2016)
Once I've done that 15K/10 Mile race, then I'll starting working towards the half marathon. Once I've done 9 or 10 miles, 13.1 may not seem so hard. I think the baby steps will get me there.

It should be simple enough, and allows me to take things slowly. Before I can run 13 miles, I have to run 12 miles, and before I can run 12 miles, I have to run 11 ... and so on and so forth. I just need to take things one step (and one mile) at a time.

@roxymama - since you're being awesome and going out there and doing an 8K ... I'll commit to visualizing myself hitting 7 miles. Whether I do it or not will probably depend on my pacing (which has been getting faster as the weather cools down) and how I feel, but I'm at least going to visualize it. And hopefully we'll both be back here in 24 days, with me having crushed that 7 mile run and you having crushed that 8K!
Anyone else want to join our challenge and pledge to do something new in October?

 

[roxymama]

Sounds good to me. I have some time off work tomorrow so I'm going to see if I have 4 miles in me before picking up my daughter from school. I'm just going to "enjoy" it aka run at a very comfy pace.

 

[Ariel484]

Seriously, the jump from 10K to 13.1 is no joke. 10-milers and 15Ks are tough to find (at least in my area) but I think getting yourself to where you can run a distance in the double digits will be a huge mental victory for you (it was for me).
And then after that you just need to add a 5K to that...piece of cake by that point, you can do 5Ks in your sleep!

THOUGHT: If you can't find a 10-mile or 15K race that works with your schedule (i.e. a Sunday race), maybe look into a virtual race. You pay the fee (which normally goes toward a charity or whatever) and then set the date for the race yourself. They send you a medal (and sometime a bib) and you run the distance on the prescribed date. That way if you can't find a race to do in NY you still have that date to work toward and you still earn your medal.

^^that's my thought process, anyway. Gotta play some mental tricks on myself sometimes...

 

[roxymama]

I've never thought about doing a Virtual Race before...maybe because there are no free bananas at the end (I'm kidding!)
But I wonder if people would ever be into doing a Dis-boards virtual race/walk (so it can include some the excercise challenge people who are not necessarily runners?) Hmmmm....something to think about.
Maybe the "medal" could be in banner format for signatures on the board instead of a physical medal. So that way people aren't having to pay for or mail anything.
I'm sure there's more to think about, but kind of a fun idea.

 

[Ariel484]

I never thought about doing virtual races until I saw Hogwarts Running Club's medals. Amazing for this Harry Potter fan!

 

[SarahDisney]

So, virtual races. Here are my issues with virtual races:

1 - I can't wear a bib for a virtual race. I'm much too self-conscious for that.
2 - How do I know that I'm actually running the right distance? Am I just trusting my Garmin on that?
3 - It doesn't simulate actual race environment. I feel like the medal isn't just for the distance, it's part of the experience, and to get a medal without the race experience seems weird to me.

#3 is the one that makes me really hesitant to use a virtual race as a bridge between 10K & Half-Marathon. Because then 10K will still have been my longest race before half marathon, and that may still make me nervous.

I've been looking at 10 milers. I've found 2 in NYC so far - Bronx 10-Mile in September (aka after the DL Half) and Central Park Cocoa Classic, which is on a Saturday in January (while I'll be at Disney). So neither of those is gonna work. But I'll keep looking.

 

[Ariel484]

I agree with you in the virtual races - I think it's an interesting idea, but not something I've ever done or probably will do. Just putting the idea out there in case you can't find a race. Hopefully you can find something!

 

[SarahDisney]

I agree with you in the virtual races - I think it's an interesting idea, but not something I've ever done or probably will do. Just putting the idea out there in case you can't find a race. Hopefully you can find something!

Exactly - I know some people love them, but I don't think it's for me.
I would like a real-life (non-virtual) Harry Potter race, though. Seriously.

The good news is ... I seem to have found a race that's a 10-miler on a Sunday in May. It'll be a bit of a pain to get to (unless I can stay at someone's house close by the night before), but if I'm willing to spend an hour on the bus (each way), it's easily doable. So that's my top contender right now. If that doesn't work out, I may have to look at virtual.
(The only downside is that it's only 3 weeks after the 10K I wanted to use as my proof of time for the DL Half, but I may end up deciding to just use my Disney 10K as my POT because the timing of that 10K isn't great)

 

[Ariel484]

I would sign up for a real-life Harry Potter race with ZERO hesitation.