Beacuse I don't want kids, that's why! *pardon my rant..*

[LaurenLC]

When people ask my husband and me when we will be having kids, we politely ask them when they would like to help us financially support them.... That usually stops their questioning..... We want kids; we just would like to wait till we have more for them.

 

[RC Fan]

We have gotten the question for years. Some people just can't understand. All you can do is be honest about it. They will give up for the most part after a while, but yeah, it is irritating. I have never been one to do what everyone else does 'just because'. Go your own way, and be proud of it.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Perhaps when they say it to you, they're trying to be kind, in case they are feeling you regretted not having children? I'm thankful I've never met any parent who says they wished they'd never had children. I pray their children never hear them say it.

I'm not a perfect parent and I've yet to meet one. Parenting is very difficult. I wish there were programs available to help parents - and ones that didn't have stigmas attached to them.

No, they definitely weren't trying to be kind. That's a very optimistic interpretation though. One of them asked me how long DH and I had been together and when she heard (at the time) we'd been together 10 years, she said, "Well, don't have any kids! We were together 10 years and just kind of thought that's what you do next " (have a child)."I love my daughter but if I could do it over again I would not have a child." Etc.

I wish there were more programs for parents, too, but honestly, even more than that, I wish people who abused or neglected children got sterilized on their first offense. I wish every child was a choice rather than the result of a couple of people who had sex without thinking about the consequences. I wish parents would educate kids about sex, love, intimacy, and birth control, rather than teaching abstinence and crossing their fingers. I wish a lot of things.

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded

Some of the dumps might be straight caregiver burnout. It does happen and it's pretty brutal when it does. When my mom went downhill her entire personality changed and she got really mean, it was horrible. I honestly wanted nothing to do with her by the time she finally landed in the home in crisis, I lost my 20s to caregiving. I do visit her at least once a week still, and I'm much happier with her relationship now that the responsibility is off my shoulders...but coming out the other end of that hell I do understand how people can just be done. I agree with you, but when I read your story, I do not see a "dump". I see a daughter who did the best she could for her mother and made changes to the plan as her mother's needs changed. Very different from the people I have heard say "Put Mom in an inexpensive nursing home. We want something left when she's gone". And yes, I have heard the "children" who were supposed to take care of Mom in her old age say this. Sorry, but that's a dump. A person realizing that their elderly parent needs more care than they can handle and who places their elderly parent in an appropriate facility is not "dumping" anyone anywhere.
This is why having kids to look after you in old age is such a selfish pile of crap. I would NEVER wish on my kids what my mother put me through. Idealy they won't be having to do that, when I see them when I'm old I want it to be for a visit...not them driving me to errands, or cleaning up my bodily fluids, or investigating a halucination, or cleaning my home while they still have their own responsibilities. They are my children, not my future slaves. It's my job to plan for my eventual decline in abilities and that doesn't mean assuming my kids will pick up the slack. It means ensuring that I have the money to go into assisting living when I'm no longer able to take care of me and my home.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sorry for being kind of O-T here but I wanted to comment on this whole nursing home/elderly care issue. Recently my MIL was in the hospital and my DH barely went to see her. My mom (who I am extremely close to) commented that she thought it was a gender difference between boys and girls - boys are more negligent while a girl would be calling and visiting everyday. I disagreed and told her I believe it's because my MIL neglected my DH throughout his entire childhood - why would he be so concerned about her now? I really believe that in most cases parents will get what they gave when they need care later in life. My parents are amazing and we are extremely close. If they ever need me to I would try to care for them in my home and if they needed to be in a nursing home I would visit them all the time. My DH, who was neglected by his mother, will not show that much interest in her as she ages. He loves her, but their bond is just not that close.

I can understand exactly what you're saying, but then that kind of negates a PP's statement that you (the universal you, not specifically you) have children so you have someone to care for you in your old age. Because you have no guarantee that your child will care for you in your old age...many things may impact that. Your child may feel neglected by you throughout their life and will therefore neglect you when your turn comes to need care, your chilod may become ill and be unable to care for you, your child may need to live far away and be unable to care for you, your child may just turn out to be a scumball despite you doing your absolute best to raise him/her and they may neglect you.

 

[sunnyday123]

Tell them you think the cat would be jealous, and you're afraid you wouldn't have the quality time you have now with him. Then launch into a detailed story about how cute he looks when he plays and the bedtime routine you have for him.


I get the "when are you getting married again?" question all the time. From family. I tell them I did get remarried when I was in Vegas, but I don't know his last name or where he lives. I either get a blank look or "oh". And then they walk away.

 

[chell]

We haven't even hit our first anniversary yet and we are already getting that question. Maybe it's because I'm 35. I can't stand the questions for 2 reasons because I think it is none of their business and because I can't have kids. Then they just don't want to shut up about it. I don't want to go into the whole story with them. At this point we don't want to adopt either.

Even if we could get pregnant we have instant birth control - 5 year old and 6 year old nephews! We love them to pieces, but they remind us that we don't want, don't need and aren't ready for kids. We love our life the way it is. We have fur babies and the fur babies are perfect for us.

It's easier to talk about here hiding behind a computer screen. I can't get pregnant because I was raped when I was 6 years old and there was damage done. Since he made more threats I didn't tell anyone until I was older, so I never saw the doctor until years later and there was nothing that could be done. But I have now had plenty of time to accept the fact that I can't have my own children. Besides there are other health reasons why I can't carry a child. It just wasn't meant to be for me and I'm okay with it finally. But I don't think I should have to explain that to every single person who thinks we should already be pregnant just because we got married last year.

His father is really pushing for a grand-baby and so is my step-mother. UGH! They just don't know when to stop. I'm going to have to go by each of them a baby-doll from the store I guess.

OP sorry to get into all that I was just trying to say that I feel your pain...

 

[punkin]

All I can say is that people who do not want children (and I mean really want them badly) are much better off not having any.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Chell:

You shouldn't have to explain all that to a stranger, but even more, your own family! People need to learn when to shut their yaps.

 

[nephthys43]

I am so using the johnny depp line the next time I get asked!

 

[chell]

Chell:

You shouldn't have to explain all that to a stranger, but even more, your own family! People need to learn when to shut their yaps.

Thanks Jessi! Sometimes people won't stop pressing the issue until they make me tell them. Then they conveniently forget and ask again in a few weeks or months.

We may have to come up with some of these clever lines you guys use!

 

[Lil Lil]

I feel your pain! DH and I don't want children and we use to get bombarded with "WHY", I don't understand, etc... People never respected our opinion why we didn't want kids. They called me selfish etc... I started saying yep, I'm 100% selfish. I would also say their aren't any refunds. Finally people have stopped bugging us. I guess they got the hint since I'm in my late 30's. Don't get me wrong I love kids, but never wanted any of my own. DH and I enjoy being auntie and uncle. You can send them back when your done (LOL!).

 

[Mrs.Toad]

All I can say is that people who do not want children (and I mean really want them badly) are much better off not having any.

and so are the kids!

 

[si-am]

I don't think there is one rightanswer to give to shut them up The only thing that puzzles me is spending so much time at disney without kids. When i get a chance to vacation without the kids I go places that are all inclusive with no kids. I don't like the shrieking, splashing in the pool, tossing a ball in a pool that hits other guests and the whole deal. I also go places like vegas and new orleans where you are less likely to see little ones. We have been to disney without the kids and it isn't the same and I get annoyed with all the out of control kids walking all over out of their strollers and pitching fits and tripping people. Just not a place to choose if you are not that into kids even if they are someone elses. JMHO

I am almost 35 and I don't have kids (trying for a while, there are problems) and I LOVE Disney. I have been every single year since I was 9 months old and it is just a family tradition.

My husband and I take trips other places, too, but I don't feel weird about loving my Disney vacations, either. I don't get the appeal of all-inclusive adult places. They seem really cheesy to me.

To each her own.

Not everyone who doesn't have kids hates kids, you know.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I am almost 35 and I don't have kids (trying for a while, there are problems) and I LOVE Disney. I have been every single year since I was 9 months old and it is just a family tradition.

My husband and I take trips other places, too, but I don't feel weird about loving my Disney vacations, either. I don't get the appeal of all-inclusive adult places. They seem really cheesy to me.

To each her own.

Not everyone who doesn't have kids hates kids, you know.

Agreed, I love kids, just didn't want any of my own. I enjoy most of the shrieking kids at Disney , they don't bother me a bit. Same with DH. There is so much to do at Disney, we love every minute of our Disney vacations and we go (on average) 8 weekends a year.

 

[AngieBelle]

You know, I think it's becoming more and more common to not want kids. Every time I turn around, I learn of another peer who has taken that stance. It's gotten to the point that I've started to wonder if I'm foolish for wanting them when I so enjoy my freedom, and I'm a big kid myself.

And yet I do want children in my future...very much so. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.


I do think people can be way too judgemental about how others choose to live. I would never give a person a hard time over that issue even with a difference of opinion.

 

[manning]

Why do some think that every married couple must have children???

 

[Colleen27]

The only thing that puzzles me is spending so much time at disney without kids. When i get a chance to vacation without the kids I go places that are all inclusive with no kids. I don't like the shrieking, splashing in the pool, tossing a ball in a pool that hits other guests and the whole deal. I also go places like vegas and new orleans where you are less likely to see little ones. We have been to disney without the kids and it isn't the same and I get annoyed with all the out of control kids walking all over out of their strollers and pitching fits and tripping people. Just not a place to choose if you are not that into kids even if they are someone elses. JMHO

There's a different dynamic when you have kids but are traveling without them. You know you're going to be returning home to your own shrieking, splashing, ball-playing little ones, and you want a break from normal child behaviour. I've noticed that in myself over the years. Pre-kids, I thought nothing of traveling to family destinations. I didn't mind the noise and chaos of being surrounded by families with children at all. Since having kids, though, my kid-free travel has shifted sharply to things like golf & spa resorts, adults-only resorts, etc. because if I'm leaving my own kids and their noise & chaos at home, I certainly don't want to be spending time listing to other people's kids noise & chaos while I'm on vacation!

 

[Cee]

I have quite a few friends who decided not to have children. I admire them and on many occasions, even envied them.

 

[tennvalgirl]

I have quite a few friends who decided not to have children. I admire them and on many occasions, even envied them.

Thank you for your honesty.


I try not to throw my freedom in others faces, but I must slip up every now and then because I get the jealous/repetitive "But Why!?" with a smirk!

I have started saying that I have "narcissistic personality disorder"

Some people are like, "What's that?"