Be careful who you put on your ownership!

[hbehrman]

You need a lawyer ASAP. Forget about the DVC, that's not the big issue.
You need to also involve the Elder care authorities in the state your mother is currently being housed. . What they are doing is potentially illegal.

Failure to use your mother's assets to care for her is "theft"
Having your mother, who has dementia, sign ANYTHING is fraud. To sign something like that the person must be of "sound mind" She cannot sign a POA if the statement that "she has dementia" is correct. Moments of "clarity" do not mean the person understands legal documents. if your mother has dementila only a court can sigh the POA.

I would call the institution where she is staying and ask some POINTED questions. Question #1 WHO is paying the bills. if they have claimed she has no assets and have her on Medicaid you have even more issues! Ask them if they have the POA? Ask them if they have visiting hours. Without a court order I don't think they can deny you a visit.

Get a lawyer and protect your mother IMHO then worry about DVC!

Lawyer up is right and get a court appointed guardian for your mom.

 

[Dean]

Agree with the lawyer. From a DVC perspective you need to force the sale now and buy your own points separate. Also, I wouldn't pay anything out of your pocket toward DVC or anything else (other than appropriate care for mom) as it will almost certainly be money down the drain no matter what they tell you now.

 

[rutgers1]

I think we are making an assumption that we are hearing the whole story from the OP and that the siblings are doing this out of greed or some perverse desire to upset the OP. Perhaps there is something in the OP's past that suggests that she would not be the best caregiver. Perhaps the siblings are doing what they feel is in the best interest of the mother.

I think the focus of the thread should stay on the original idea --- be careful who you put on your ownership. That is something I think we can all agree on. Just because someone is family doesn't mean that joint-ownership will work out well.

 

[TisBit]

I think we are making an assumption that we are hearing the whole story from the OP and that the siblings are doing this out of greed or some perverse desire to upset the OP. Perhaps there is something in the OP's past that suggests that she would not be the best caregiver. Perhaps the siblings are doing what they feel is in the best interest of the mother.

Not even saying there is a problem with OP, but yes, I am sure the brothers feel that it is better/safer for their mother in a long term care facility than at home and only being checked on or putting the burden on the OP.

Family issues are quite difficult to take sides, because it is usually just two different points of views. Even the DVC, I am sure they think the OP is trying to use the DVC points to her benefit, etc so they want the contract to sit until the estate is dealt with.

Usually in these situations no one is happy in the end.

 

[hbehrman]

Not even saying there is a problem with OP, but yes, I am sure the brothers feel that it is better/safer for their mother in a long term care facility than at home and only being checked on or putting the burden on the OP.

Family issues are quite difficult to take sides, because it is usually just two different points of views. Even the DVC, I am sure they think the OP is trying to use the DVC points to her benefit, etc so they want the contract to sit until the estate is dealt with.

Usually in these situations no one is happy in the end.

How true (especially the last). That is why a lawyer seeking a court appointed guardian and objective review of care of the situation is best. It takes the sides out of it and allows the loved one to be cared for appropriately after careful deliberation of the situation. It may also find if any appropriate behavior on either side occurred or if any laws were broken.

 

[Twende]

I agree my original warning stands. Just be careful who you have joint ownership with.

Few of you know me in real life but those who do will attest that I was a fine caretaker for my mother. Even the siblings agree to that. No arguments there.

The problem was in me caring for my mother in her home. If they can sell that home and have my mother out of it, they feel they will get more money in the long run which at well over 90 years old is really a short run. This has nothing to do with where they feel my mother will get the best of care. In all seriousness they do not care about that nor have they ever cared about my mother's health or needs.


My home was not properly equipped to handle my mothers needs plus they felt they had more control over her when she was away from me. I live across the county from my brothers main homes. We have steps, narrow hallways, and no handicapped bathrooms. She has had three broken hips and one broken pelvis in the past, although right now she is 100% recouped from those injuries. This is why it was stipulated in our family meeting and in my father's will that I was to care for my mother in her home, where she is familiar with the surrounds and where all of her needs can be met with ease.

They do not feel they are being greedy or that they are acting out of greed. They feel they are entitled to my mothers money and that it is their responsibility to get it.

My siblings will and do openly agree that this is all about the money. They literally announced it in an open meeting. Their wording was: "It would be irresponsible to spend the money on mom's care. This is our inheritance and not to be spent by mom for mom." My reply was: "Well, I will always disagree with you then. This is not our or your inheritance. This is mom's money that should be spent on mom. If there is not one cent left when mom dies then so be it. It is her money not ours or yours."


I am looking into the aging agencies in the area where my mother is and looking into what they can do to get a guardian appointed to care for her needs.

Thank you all for your ideas. And again the real purpose of this thread was to make sure people are careful with who is on the DVC deed but I guess a side note is to be very careful who prepares your will. Make sure that your last wishes can be legally met with the wording in your will. Expect the worst and pray for the bast.

 

[twinklebug]

I agree with all you've said about being careful as to who's on the membership. I really hope things work out for you and your mom. DVC is just a luxury that can be replaced. Your mom can't and neither can your other family members even if they are being a bit... err... bratty right now.

 

[BeesKnees]

IDGI. It is cheaper to keep her in her own home. If she is in a state assisted home the state will just take all of her assets anyway to pay for it and if money is taken or assets sold they state will then come after anyone who benefited from them. So if your brothers spend the money they are taking they better have a way of paying it back later.

The best possible scenario for anyone who wants to protect their inheritance is for the family member to pass peacefully at home. I have family currently going to the other extreme doing whatever they can to keep their mother at home. Even one of the DiLs who can't stand her gets over there and shoves food into her to make sure she doesn't lose any more weight because the doctor is threatening to have her removed and placed in state care. I see no reason to intervene though because they aren't abusing her and she still has some quality of life and while she may not appreciate being forced to eat it beats a feeding tube.

 

[dianeschlicht]

IDGI. It is cheaper to keep her in her own home. If she is in a state assisted home the state will just take all of her assets anyway to pay for it and if money is taken or assets sold they state will then come after anyone who benefited from them. So if your brothers spend the money they are taking they better have a way of paying it back later.

That is absolutely true! I'm not sure how they think they are going to get around that part of it unless she has a living trust.

 

[Twende]

She is in a private pay home and they are using her income to pay for it.

It is over twice as expensive as just meeting the costs of her living in her own home but some how the "financial wizards" that they are figure that they can earn more money on the sale of her home and then investing that money than just paying her bills at her home.

I just do not see it. I think it is costing them more. I know that my mom's standard of living is not what she had or was expecting to have!

To add to the Disney end of this mess, I just found out that the reservations that they cancelled, just to be mean or funny, are going to hurt too. We had never cancelled a reservation before so I was not really aware of how it works but it seems those points are put into a holding account and the points have to be used by the end of the current use year. Live and learn!

 

[deebits]

I just find this thread so sad. I lost my mother 4 years ago and there is nothing that I would not do for her. She is my best friend. There are no words to describe how AWFUL it is for your brothers to keep you away from your mother. You obviously love her so much that you want her with you.

I hope and pray that it works out for you

 

[hakepb]

Wow. I'm sorry, that's messed up.

Part of me would want to buy a 25 point resale contract, then transfer in the BCV points (once transferred they cannot be touched, I think)
Just to mess with them. And then point out they legally cannot accept payment for transfer.

But, I'm sure they would fail to pay the dues and then the points cannot be used at all, then they go to disney. And holding points cannot be transferred, so those current points are pretty much gone.

 

[BeesKnees]

She is in a private pay home and they are using her income to pay for it.

It is over twice as expensive as just meeting the costs of her living in her own home but some how the "financial wizards" that they are figure that they can earn more money on the sale of her home and then investing that money than just paying her bills at her home.

I just do not see it. I think it is costing them more. I know that my mom's standard of living is not what she had or was expecting to have!!

The POA was still illegally obtained but this is not quite as nefarious as I originally thought. Some would even argue that depending on the level of dementia she is better off with professional care in a facility that is equipped to handle it. If she is, indeed, in a private care facility for which they are paying it is not like they dumped her off in a state-run facility.

The biggest mistake I see here is that you have go and see her. Regardless of her wishes you need to see the facility and they care she is being given for yourself. A lot of breakthroughs have happened recently in the care of the elderly with dementia it might surprise you to find that therapy sessions may be improving her condition. You would still need to stop your brothers from stealing the estate but you might rest easier if her care level and quality of life is high.

I have to wonder too how fair it was to expect you to continue to invest so much of your life into caring for her. It sounds like you have been doing this for way too long as it is. If they had the means why didn't they already have a full-time nurse?