Bat Mitzvah ??s

[Briar Rose 7457]

the way we usually do it, we drop the first number. so if you were going to give $200, you'd give $218. and so on.


although, once, whe we bought trees from the Jewish National Fund, we bought 6 trees for $108.

so either way would do, I guess.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

Catholic girl here. Went to my first bar mitvah back in October for my cousin's son. Learned about the tradition of 18 at that time. I think we gave around $50 because we were unable to make it out to NY for the party and only attended the service and luncheon.

It bugs me that several non Jewish people have been knocking the celebrations without even knowing what is being celebrated. And by the way, I know of many Catholics who have their kids receive 1st communion because "it is the thing to do" when the kid is in the 2d grade. All the kid has to do is dress up and say amen! How many second graders that you know really understand and appreciate the transfiguration? And yes, there have been pretty elaborate and dare I say "over the top" expenditures for 1st commununion as well ($500 dresses, rented tuxes, limo to the church etc.).

I think all of our Jewish dis friends have been more than patient explaining things to the rest of us on this thread, even in the midst of thinly veiled insults. A big Thank You to all of you.

BTW, BriarRose, that FM thing offends me too. I imagine it is a lot like the US Supreme Court declaring Christmas a secular holiday. That offends me.

 

[ScarlettO]

Originally posted by sandramaac
I agree, I was going to say myself that for a family of five, I feel a gift of $250 would be the most appropiate. $150 I feel is a little on the light side considering you are a family of five.

This is something i see time and time again on the CB...people telling others what is an "appropriate" gift To me you would give something less than a wedding gift but more than a typical birthday gift, more in the range of a High School grad gift. How can folks tell others what is customary for their part of the country or their income level....and frankly, I never heard of "upping" a gift depending on the number of guests invited!

 

[MHopkins2]

Scarlett, usually I would agree with you, but I think the OP asked what would be "appropriate?"

 

[meandtheguys]

IGB40, perhaps some of the statements re. the extravegance are cultural in basis. I have to say this has been a really interesting thread to me, because I live in an area, in the middle of appalachia, with a very small jewish population. I had no clue about bat mitvahs until BR was posting re. her DDs.

Gotta say, though, they sound like an awesome time after a great deal of effort on the recipient's part! To the OP, thanks for asking!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

lol, are we now going to move on to the "the gift should be enough to cover your plate" debate?

If I go to a formal affair, I give a gift I think is appr=orpriate. if my children are also invited, they should also bring a gift, shouldn't they?

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Originally posted by sandramaac
I was just scrolling down to reply when I saw Marlasmom's post---I agree, I was going to say myself that for a family of five, I feel a gift of $250 would be the most appropiate. $150 I feel is a little on the light side considering you are a family of five.

Well I certainly agree $150.00 would not be enough, but my question was "what is an appropriate gift" not how much. I just wasn't sure if cash was the way to go or were we supposed to bring a gift. But I really appreciate the replies. (well most of them)

 

[Doesney]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
We had a CD booth at my daughter's party. (but you knew that already, I suspect. )



if you thimk a party like that is over the top, doesney, that's fine. I won't invite you to my daughter's.

BR- I think you may have me confused with someone else.
But I was so looking forward to attending your daughters bar mitzvah. Maybe we can work things out because I really want to come.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'm sorry, doesney, I thought you were a regular CB reader. I posted about the CD booth just a few days ago. guess you must have mised that thread.

so, should I get a caricature artist this time around?

 

[Doesney]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
so, should I get a caricature artist this time around?

Sounds great. Maybe some pony rides too? And a petting zoo for all your buds.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by marlasmom
For a family of 5 I would give a minimum of $250. While the hosts certainly are not doing it for the money I would guess they are spending at least $100 per person.

So, now we're talking about paying to get into the Bat Mitzvah???!!! It has been said on this thread that the hosts should be able to do whatever they want with their money. If that's true then, the "gift" shouldn't be reflective of how much the family is spending.

If people are "expected" to give that much at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, then, heck!, I might just have a Faux Mitzvah for my sons. It sounds like a great way to get some money. Perhaps I'll even have an "Open House" so people can just come and drop off the check (or preferably cash). Maybe the guest of honor won't even be there. Hey this is sounding better and better. I won't have to save for college!!!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I knew we were going to get into the "cover your plate" debate.


some people follow the alleged rule, some don't.

what my daughter got back in gifts did not cover the expenses of the party. but that wasn't why I made the party, of course. and she was truly appreciative of the gifts she got.

and by the way, she used a portion of the gift money to make a donation to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. a portion was donated to the synagogue's prayer book fund. and a portion was given to M'Yad L'Yad, which helps indigent families on Long Island. the rest she's investing for college.



doesney -- no, no petting zoo or pony rides. dd's party will be black tie optional, and I doubt 13 year olds would want to ride a pony anyhow. but I may hire some dancers to keep things moving on the dance floor.

 

[marlasmom]

Of course you don't HAVE to cover the cost of the plate. The last elaborate party I gave was my daughter's wedding and the gifts came nowhere near what we spent - and that was helped by a couple of very generous gifts from my sister and SIL's grandfather. However, I think for an elaborate entertainment, IF YOU CAN, you should be generous. We try to be equally generous at a wedding at the VFW hall with polish sausage and a keg of beer.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I like the caricature idea. I have had mine done at a holiday party I attended in December. The hosts also had a photograper there and you could have your picture taken; they were ready in about an hour. BTW, the party is given each year by a law firm with all Jewish partners for their colleagues in the legal community and their spouses/SO's. They do not call it a Christmas party on the invitation, but in this predominantly Christian town, it is remembered as the best "Christmas" party of the season.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

cool.

 

[ScarlettO]

LOL! I just figured out how Jewish parents send their kids to college. $250 x 100 invitations =$25,000.

 

[KarenC]

In my neck of the woods, it seems like extravagent gifts aren't expected. When my son was invited to his "girlfriend's" Bat Mitzvah, I asked around to find out what he should give as a gift. I was stunned when every person I asked answered $18. Makes sense because some of these kids are going to a different party every week while they're in 7th grade.

If the whole family had been invited I would have given something more substantial, but we gave this girl 18 dollar coins tucked into a jewelry box.

Life is too short to get hung up on the value of gifts. It's the thought that counts!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

Exactly, karen.

dd's friends spent about the same as they would spend on a birthday present. my friends and family gave larger gifts.

 

[caitycaity]

Originally posted by ScarlettO
LOL! I just figured out how Jewish parents send their kids to college. $250 x 100 invitations =$25,000.

minus the cost of the party, jb.

 

[vickyBaby]

Originally posted by shelbyjosh
I guess us Catholics are just plain cheap!

Please don't include me in your "us."

Originally posted by shelbyjosh
We don't throw these big extravagant carnivals for our child's first communion. Heck, we had a small family (20 people) at Logan's and then went to church. I do not feel like I have to impress everyone an have the biggest party. IMHO, I think these things are a little too much! $150 gift for a bat mitzvah? No way...wouldn't be getting that from me. Maybe $50. Ithink a kid gratuating from high school is a bigger event and accomplishment than someone turning 13. I aplogize if I sound "flaming" but I just don't get why people have to flaunt their money.

I didn't have an extravagant carnival for my son's First Communion, but we had a DJ, favors and 80 guests out at a catering hall. We wanted to keep the party small and just have immediate family. We didn't invite all of the second and third cousins.