Bat Mitzvah Gift - HELP!

[AKLRULZ]

My daughter has been invited to a good friend's Bat Mitzvah next month and we're wondering what kind of gift is appropriate? It's our first experience with being involved in a celebration of another faith other than our own so I'd really appreciate any advice. She is very excited to have received an invitation - the reception is at a super elegant downtown hotel and she is already saying she needs a new dress and a spa appointment for nails & hair.

Anyway, I'd be grateful for any advice on gift giving for a young lady's Bat Mitzvah.

 

[Tiffer]

ARe you invited or just your child? Are you close friends w/the family? What region of the country? what day of the week? What time of day?

Sorry, but those are factors...

 

[CarolA]

I went to my first Bat Mitzvah last year.

The girl did not receive hugly lavish gifts from her friends. (Seems like the average was a $36 or $18 check... there was a reason for those amounts) She also got some things like ITunes gift cards that she liked. I recall a Barnes & Noble gift card and some small coutume type jewerly being in the loot also LOL!

From adults it was a whole different matter LOL! (I am a Southern girl and just could NOT do the cash so she got a Star of David from Tiffany and she and her sister got a week at my DVC resort. Her sister will get the same Star of David this spring!)

 

[swankybeth]

At mine I mostly got savings bonds or money.

 

[AKLRULZ]

ARe you invited or just your child? Are you close friends w/the family? What region of the country? what day of the week? What time of day?

Sorry, but those are factors...

We're not super close friends w/ the family (although my daughter is with their daughter) and just my daughter is invited. They have a temple celebration/reception Friday evening and a temple celebration/hotel reception Saturday at 10:00 am. We're from the South (Virginia).

Love the ideas thus far and would be grateful for others.

Edited because I used the word "church" instead of "temple". It wasn't meant as a slight, insult or slam on the Jewish faith - rather it's the word I use for the place I worship. My sincere apologies to those who were offended.

 

[LBAK]

We alway's my DD's friends $36. Correct me if I'm wrong anyone but it's a double chai (Sp?) which means good luck.

 

[Tiffer]

We're not super close friends w/ the family (although my daughter is with their daughter) and just my daughter is invited. They have a church celebration/reception Friday evening and a church celebration/hotel reception Saturday at 10:00 am. We're from the South (Virginia).

Love the ideas thus far and would be grateful for others.

I only ask because in the New York area, the $$ gifts tend to be larger, at least from what I'v eread here on these boards..for weddings at Bar/Bat Mitzvahs..

We just had on ein June, only DH attended and we gave $300. BUT, that's b/c were are REALLY good friends w/ the eniter family, have vacationed at their FL house, etc. And they are always generous w/ my DD.

Not to mention the celebration was a black tie affair with a caviar bar, dancers, etc...

I would say $75-$100 for your daughter to attend would be reasonable.

 

[CraftyMouse]

Traditionally gifts of money are given in multiples of $18. Chai, the Hebrew word for life is represented by the number 18 so giving a monetary gift in an amount that is a multiple of $18 is like wishing them a healthy/happy/good life.

My DD14 went to a friend's Bat Mitzvah last year. We gave her a check for $36 and DD picked out a nice necklace for her.

 

[VioltePrincess]

please don't call it "church", it's a synagogue or a temple.

as several others have said, Hebrew letters have a numerical value, and the letters in the Hebrew word "chai" (life) add up to 18, so gifts in multiples of 18 are traditional. spend a little bit more than you'd spend on an ordinary birthday gift; a bat mitzvah is more than just a birthday celebration, it is a ceremony acknowleging that the young lady had reached the age of adult responsibility. the bat mitzvah girl will likely have a large leadership role in the religious service, for which she has studied for several years.

and i'm sure your dd will enjoy the party.

 

[AKLRULZ]

please don't call it "church", it's a synagogue or a temple.

Gosh, I truly apologize. I didn't know that would be so offensive and it's just what I'm used to calling a place of worship.

 

[minijeanie]

Gosh, I truly apologize. I didn't know that would be so offensive and it's just what I'm used to calling a place of worship.

Please,,,don't apologize to someone so in my words...uppity..

you were only asking because you did not understand and wanted to do the right thing...

Here in central NJ...we give money as well...mostly $36 which I find sufficient not matter whether they have party at the RITZ or a temple.

It is the parents choice where to have the party,how elegant it is, etc etc.
Therefore, I would give $36 whether it was at a temple or at the Ritz Carlton in NYC

Please do not be initmidated...
And I am sure she will have a wonderful time !!

 

[AKLRULZ]

Please do not be initmidated...
And I am sure she will have a wonderful time !!

Thanks - she and her friends are very excited to be invited and her mom and I are very thrilled for her to be immersed in another culture and religion. I think she'll have a great time and learn a lot about another faith in the process.

I have been informed she needs a new dress, however she seems to find an excuse to go shopping no matter what! LOL!

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I have gone to many Bar and Bat Mitzvah's here in NJ. It is common practice where I live to give money.

 

[VioltePrincess]

Please,,,don't apologize to someone so in my words...uppity..

L'Shanah Tovah, and may you be inscribed in the Book of Life.


if someone is asking a question because he's never had experience with the ritual, don't you think he should have complete information?

 

[simpilotswife]

Please,,,don't apologize to someone so in my words...uppity..

you were only asking because you did not understand and wanted to do the right thing...

How is it uppity to point out that it is a temple not church. I do believe that the words please were even included.

Here in central NJ...we give money as well...mostly $36 which I find sufficient not matter whether they have party at the RITZ or a temple.

It is the parents choice where to have the party,how elegant it is, etc etc.
Therefore, I would give $36 whether it was at a temple or at the Ritz Carlton in NYC.

Please do not be initmidated...
And I am sure she will have a wonderful time !!

Why should he feel intimidated?

Maybe you are intimidated by Bat Mitzvah celebrations in your area (and being in NJ I'm sure they are lavish) but why put the OP in a position of even needing to feel intimidated. It is a beautiful ceremony and tradition to be a part of and should be looked at in that regard. I becomes even more special when someone who is a Christian stops to realize that Jesus himself probably also was a Bar Mitzvah.

To the OP, while they are not exactly the same, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is on the order of a child's confirmation and should be gifted along those lines.

 

[VioltePrincess]

I have gone to many Bar and Bat Mitzvah's here in NJ. It is common practice where I live to give money.

my dd's got mostly money and savings bonds, but a few of their friends bought them gifts instead.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It is the parents choice where to have the party,how elegant it is, etc etc.
Therefore, I would give $36 whether it was at a temple or at the Ritz Carlton in NYC

I agree. When one of our kids goes to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah we give $36 and it doesn't matter how simple or fancy the reception or party is. If our whole family goes, we are more generous and if it's a family member or close friend, we are more generous. One son is on the "Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit" this year--it's an expensive, albeit fun year!

 

[minijeanie]

I believe the OP was extremely intimidated...

sorry my opinion

No need to jump all ove her because she called the place of worship a church rather than a temple

she was just asking and if in quite a politelful way.

Although I am not jewish, I would never be offended if someone asked me if my children were making there confirmation in a temple rather than a church.

We are all one people...most of us who believe in one God...where we worship is all our own choice

In this day and age people are to over sensitive....

 

[VioltePrincess]

I agree. When one of our kids goes to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah we give $36 and it doesn't matter how simple or fancy the reception or party is. If our whole family goes, we are more generous and if it's a family member or close friend, we are more generous. One son is on the "Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit" this year--it's an expensive, albeit fun year!

youu have my sympathies.

my girls are two years apart in school. older dd went on the circuit in 7th grade. she had her bat mitzvah in 8th grade, one of the last in her class. when she entered 9th grade, younger dd was in 7th grade and just beginning the circuit. when younger dd was in 8th grade (and celebrating her own bat mitzvah) , older dd was in 10th grade and on the "sweet 16" circuit. and so it goes...

 

[robinb]

We have been to many Bat/Bar Mitzvahs in the past few years. It seems that all of the kids in my DH's family are turning 13! We usually give a gift card. Usually an I-Tunes card, but sometimes a Best Buy or Target card if we're not sure the kid has an i-pod.