Bad kisser FINAL UPDATE LAST PAGE!

[Agri]

I'd give him another chance and just tell him. Unless someone TELLS him what he's doing wrong he'll never get better. Kissing is important. It's a prelude to something more. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him that what he's doing isn't working for you. Don't say "Oh, gosh, that's awful" just say "I really like it when my partner does blah blah blah. Can we try kissing like that?"

I think *most* people appreciate a straightforward, but kind/polite approach to corrections like that.

 

[kimblebee]

I totally agree with what the two PPs are saying. I would never say you are a bad kisser! I might say something like the kisses were nice but a little forceful. I like more soft and gentle kisses, building to more passion. I like the challenge LOL

 

[disneydee6]

Haha, it happened once, and he was a longtime friend before that. I had to put a stop to it. SO bad. Licking my face bad. Fortunately, I didn't really have an interest in him, so the awkward 'bad kisser' talk never had to happen.

Years later, he hooked up with a friend of mine and it was safe to say that his skills had improved! So I think that for some, it just takes practice.

However, when it comes to physical stuff, with any new person, it usually can take some work. Usually the first time doing...other stuff...tends not to be as fun as when you've had some practice.

Make it about you and take charge, "I like it when you do this.." "I don't like you licking my chin" "Aim your tongue for my mouth" Good luck!!!!

 

[shortbun]

Bad kisser. Deal breaker. Get out now. Don't bother with instructions. Teaching a man how to do things your whole life would be a drag.

 

[LJSquishy]

Haha! How terrible!

I wouldn't say anything to him quite yet -- especially since you mentioned he isn't very experienced in that department. Give him at least a few more tries before either saying something to him about it or kissing him goodbye!

Honestly, I'm not sure how you could approach him about his bad kissing technique without truly offending him or really embarrassing him. I would be humiliated if someone told me I was a bad kisser.

I briefly dated a bad kisser. Key word: briefly. It was just so horrible I couldn't get past it. Looking back, I know we wouldn't have become very serious anyway, but at the time I thought we were great together and felt bad that I couldn't move on from the bad kissing aspect.

Kissing does take practice, so give him a little time to catch on...but not too much time if it really is a deal breaker for you.

 

[PizzieDuster]

Bad kisser. Deal breaker. Get out now. Don't bother with instructions. Teaching a man how to do things your whole life would be a drag.

Hmmm...teaching other things...

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Drop him!

I think this was a Sex and the City episode

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Am I the only one who would like it rough like this??

 

[aprilgail2]

No, believe me, it's him. I didn't even really get a chance to kiss back because I had his tongue rammed down my throat going like a roto-rooter! That's really mean and I fully accept I may get called out for it but that's truly what it was like. I want soft and gentle to start and that's just not what I'm getting.

I keep thinking of how awkward it will be BUT, if we are going to have a relationship we need to be honest from the start. If it doesn't get better I guess I will have a story for the bad first date thread.

LOL--I dated a guy once who kissed bad, I can't even describe it well-it was like his tongue expanded to 4 times its normal size when he tried to shove it down my throat-it just was not pleasant- then sometimes he would just shove is tongue in and leave it there, just like sitting on my tongue-oh god thinking about it gives me the creeps! Then my mind started to go thinking if his kissing was this bad I didn't want to see how he was in bed LOL-so that was the end of him. Maybe he was "new" at all of it but we were not kids, we were 23 years old! I just like my guys with some experience and that know what they are doing-not some clumsy like-virgin fumbling about.

 

[mombrontrent]

Most men I know don't like to kiss. They just want to have sex.

Are you my husband?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Haha! How terrible!

I wouldn't say anything to him quite yet -- especially since you mentioned he isn't very experienced in that department. Give him at least a few more tries before either saying something to him about it or kissing him goodbye!

Honestly, I'm not sure how you could approach him about his bad kissing technique without truly offending him or really embarrassing him. I would be humiliated if someone told me I was a bad kisser.

I briefly dated a bad kisser. Key word: briefly. It was just so horrible I couldn't get past it. Looking back, I know we wouldn't have become very serious anyway, but at the time I thought we were great together and felt bad that I couldn't move on from the bad kissing aspect.

Kissing does take practice, so give him a little time to catch on...but not too much time if it really is a deal breaker for you.

I agree.

OP, many people are nervous when they kiss someone for the first time. If he's inexperienced, he's probably even more nervous and he probably wants to at least appear a little more experienced than he is, so maybe that's why he just "jumped right in."

I wouldn't say anything. If you like him and want to give it a shot, next time you feel comfortable, I'd lean over and kiss him very slowly. If he starts getting a little over zealous, I'd lean back and try again in a bit. If it happens again, I'd say something like, "Can we take kissing a little more slowly, I'm a little nervous" or something like that. That way, it might help him feel more comfortable and more confident.

You know, most teenage guys kiss like that their first few times (in my experience) and if he's really that inexperienced, it may be just his time to get to know how to kiss.

 

[java]

In all my dating years I remember ONE bad kisser. He was known as a bad kisser but I was always of the "anyone can learn to be a better kisser" believer.

Nope- bad kisser through and through. I know his wife now and we still joke about it. And he is still not the best kisser but according to her he's good in all the other ways so she's good.

I would give it another chance- one bad kiss doesn't make someone necessarily a bad kisser- but 2 well then I think that might be a sign.

 

[JamesMom]

Oh, come on. It couldn't be any worse than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms

I, personaly, don't like French kissing or with tongue - I just don't (and I have kissed a few frogs in my time). I would be totally put off with some guy jamming his tongue down my throat including my husband of 12 years! I like the teaching idea and giving him another chance. I remember my husband and I's first kiss not being all that, but then we fell in a groove and have been groovy ever since

 

[Liberty Belle]

Oh, come on. It couldn't be any worse than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms

I, personaly, don't like French kissing or with tongue - I just don't (and I have kissed a few frogs in my time). I would be totally put off with some guy jamming his tongue down my throat including my husband of 12 years! I like the teaching idea and giving him another chance. I remember my husband and I's first kiss not being all that, but then we fell in a groove and have been groovy ever since

Omg!

 

[tennvalgirl]

Oh, come on. It couldn't be any worse than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms

I, personaly, don't like French kissing or with tongue - I just don't (and I have kissed a few frogs in my time). I would be totally put off with some guy jamming his tongue down my throat including my husband of 12 years! I like the teaching idea and giving him another chance. I remember my husband and I's first kiss not being all that, but then we fell in a groove and have been groovy ever since

Somehow I knew it would be the TLC clip.

 

[branv]

Oh, come on. It couldn't be any worse than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms

Oh..my..gah.

They look like dogs eating peanut butter.

 

[kimblebee]

LOL thanks for that clip! How. . . Awkward


So, update. I did talk to him last night about it and it went ok. I know he felt bad and embarrassed. He also kept apologizing which made me feel worse. I was very gentle about it and told him I knew he didn't have a lot of experience and that it was ok. We are going to take it slow, slow, slow and I will show him what I like. I also said he can show me what he likes so that its not all about me.

I'm seeing him on Saturday, so we'll see what happens. Thanks for the advice guys and gals!

 

[kimblebee]

I have the mobile app which doesn't show any info under my name. I went to the actual site to try and edit the title and OMG I have a tag!!!!!!!

Thank you, TF!

 

[tzolkin]

I like the teaching idea and giving him another chance. I remember my husband and I's first kiss not being all that, but then we fell in a groove and have been groovy ever since

My first kiss with DH was very romantic, but it was not good for me. He wasn't an awful kisser, but he definitely wasn't good. He was, however, a quick learner and we are now very compatible.

OP, just show him what you like. There were many times where I would tell DH "let me just kiss you"-- I initiated the kissing, let him get a feel for it, and then he started reciprocating... very well

I would not give up so quickly. It is possible to go from bad to best.

Am I the only one who would like it rough like this??

There is a difference between a big slobbery tongue getting shoved into your mouth and rough kissing. I like rough, including lots of lip biting and tongue, but there has to be some skill involved.

 

[Liberty Belle]

LOL thanks for that clip! How. . . Awkward


So, update. I did talk to him last night about it and it went ok. I know he felt bad and embarrassed. He also kept apologizing which made me feel worse. I was very gentle about it and told him I knew he didn't have a lot of experience and that it was ok. We are going to take it slow, slow, slow and I will show him what I like. I also said he can show me what he likes so that its not all about me.

I'm seeing him on Saturday, so we'll see what happens. Thanks for the advice guys and gals!

Well that's good! As tough as the conversation probably was for him (and probably you), at least he knows that you're going to be honest with him and that it wasn't such a huge thing that you'd not want to see him again. He probably already felt like he didn't do such a good job, now he knows it's fixable.