Bad In Laws

[mommyflower]

What a great thread.
As I was telling Soltwisch Family over on the disney for families board I also have not so nice MIL. What is sad is she use to be very nice to me. There was a time when I liked her better than my own mother (another bad relationship). But MIL is the kind of person who seems to change her personality to go with the man she is with at the time. I'm not sure I can explain this well, so I won't try just in short she is completely different now than she was when DH and I first started dating (11 1/2 years ago).
Now MIL and her husband live 5 hours away. They moved just before my DS was born. They moved because they wanted to and yet expect things to remain the same as the were before moving.
I am the kind of person who goes out of the way to make things special for my family (no matter how unspecial they are to me). Since my DS was born I have sent letters every couple of months to family, mostly DH's because mine are all local, with pictures talking about DS activities, growth, etc. Each time I ask them to write back. My DS is now 2 1/2 and enjoys mail. MIL has never sent anything. We have to call, her she never calls us. But get this, WE don't call MIL enough and WE don't communicate enough. They don't have enough photos. All MIL ever does is complain. I have yet to get a real thank you for all the packages I send her.
They come to visit us about four times a year. Each time we end up hearing that MIL is coming from SIL. So we call to find out what is going on and of course they are coming. And we had better drop all of our plans to accommodate or else we must not like MIL. She has even asked DH if I hate her because we always seem to be busy when she visits.
MIL also decided that we should be able to come to her house every christmas. Never asked, just decided. Even though when my DS was little he hated the car. In an effort to try to be civil we will be going to MIL's for Thanksgiving and having an early Christmas celebration then. From there we will be driving to WDW. Knowing we are going to WDW is really the only thing keeping me from going crazy about this visit. I have told DH many times if the situation doesn't improve we may have to avoid them all together and he agrees. The only problem is my DH is very agreeable and doesn't want to disappoint anyone, so he has a hard time confronting MIL about her actions. He is working on it though.
One last gripe and I will stop because this is way too long and I could go on and on. My MIL has a bad habit of calling herself mommy when referring to herself with my DS. One slip once in a while I could understand, but this is constant. It is been along time since she's been referred to as mommy, so why the slip? I really wonder if she does it on purpose just to drive me crazy!
Good luck to everyone dealing with their not so great ILs this holiday season! Whew! I feel a bit better now!

 

[2MuchOhana]

Crisi,

Glad you got a laugh out of my comment about the hair pieces. I can laugh about it now too; but at the time it sure was not funny.
Here's a good one for you. Maybe your ex MIL and mine are related. She is also from the deepest pits of....... Turns out she may have been adopted as a baby.


Mac3,

I agree 700 miles is not near far enough! Believe I would move to the moon if I thought it would help. Unfortantely, they probably would still come. They would find a way!

Mommyflower,

I feel you pain! I planned to send DH parents to the CP then meet them for dinner followed by a shared Illuminations cruise afterward. Of course, this is when I thought things were finally going to improve. LOL! No matter how tight our money was when we were first married we always gave nice gifts to everyone. It wasn't because we had to but because we wanted to.

They complain about how we live our lives, what kind of house we live in (too big), the fact that we buy new cars and not used. You name it they have a problem with it. We have gone a year without talking to them once. We both agree it was a good year then! What we don't do for the sake of our children. Still I am not sure I want DD anywhere near them!

Hang in there! I'll do the same!

 

[Melora]

I can definately try to top those awful stories. My ex MIL used to encourage my ex hubby to have an affair. Would try to set him up with women!!!

She said I made him great looking kids but couldn't possibly do it for him in bed because Im short and not the tall lanky female he obviously wanted.

The very first day I met her (and was thin) she broke out a diet book and offered it to me....

SOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo glad to be rid of her. My new in laws love me...

 

[Kristi1357]

I think my ex-MIL is related to all of your MILs from HE**! I never really liked his family, but tolerated them since they were his family. When things were going downhill, and fast, she acted like she was on my side - trying to help, etc. They even tried to have an intervention of sorts with me to get him some help for alcohol and drug abuse.

Somewhere along the way, she did an instant 180. She suddenly said that I was crazy for thinking he was on drugs, cheating, etc. She even told me it was my fault since I nagged him all the time. Yeah lady - he does drugs and cheats on me because I nag?!! I showed her a circular bruise on my arm where he bit me for goodness sake and she told me again that this would not happen if I didn't nag him! She now loves the girl he was cheating on me with. And I know why! She is just like ex-MIL!!! What a pair - hope he's happy with his choice! (I don't think so...)

I was so lucky the second time around - my in-laws are great! As well as DH, of course. Maybe I went through all this so I could appreciate them more.

 

[jacksonsmom]

I am glad to hear I am not the only one that has awful in-laws.

My MIL never liked me from the start. DH & I were dating for about 2 months & decided it would be a nice time to meet his mother & father.
Right off the bat, she started talking about DH's ex-girlfriend! DH basically told his mom to 'shut up' (in nicer terms though)

When we were getting married, we asked SIL to be in our wedding. Well, SIL made a comment about how high the bridesmaid's dresses were, so MIL thinks it is her job to tell us to get cheaper ones!!!! We called SIL & asked her if she wanted out of the wedding, she said NO & it was not MIL's place to have said anything!!!! (she is married to DH's brother)

At our wedding MIL looked like she was at a funeral She never smiled once & I am not the only one who thinks that. My great grandma asked me what was wrong with her because she never smiled.

My MIL is major complainer. She has no problem putting down people in front of other people. I had always tried to put up with her BUT one day she thought it was OK to put MY mother down in front of me. Well, I lost it & it was then that we (DH & I) KNEW she was just a crabby old woman who loves to make other people miserble.

We basically see her during the Christmas week. They refuse to drive out here to see us (we are about an hour away) but expect us to drive to them. They are always complaining about how they don't see their granchild & their grandchild doesn't "know" them. Which is probably a good thing, I don't want my son around someone who thinks the world is negative all the time!!! They expect us to call them also. She even laid a guilt trip on DH recently. She caled here & said to him "you don't love me anymore. What did I ever do to you"
DH told her point blank to knock it off & stop trying to make him feel guilty.

Oh also when my son was born, they did make it up to the hospital, I was very surprised. Anyway, their "gift" to their first born grandson was a bunch of used garage sale baby clothes. Now, I don't have a problem with garage sale clothes BUT they have to look nice. These were so worn & some were even stained!!!!! No way was I going to put my brand new baby boy in ANY of those clothes. DH just grabbed them from her & we never said Thank You. (she probably thinks we were rude about that)
I thought it was rude to bring garage sale clothes to a new mother & baby in the hospital.

I have lots of other stories, I could be here forever!!!!
MY MIL drives me up a wall.
My hat is off to you guys that can vacation with your In laws.....I could NEVER do that, I think I would rather have surgery without being put under!!!!

 

[WeirdEyes]

Gosh, after reading all of these, my MIL sounds like an angel. Thanks everyone!!

 

[Toad]

My SIL used to treat my mother like garbage. And my brother said NOTHING. As far as I was concerned my brother was just as guilty. UNTIL the day my mother died and SIL was found going through her jewellry box. That was the day my brother grew a backbone and kicked her out.

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

It does make me feel better about my IL's to know there are less fortunate people in the world, I'm sorry for your bad experiences. I actually like my in-laws but DH and I have been married for about 10 years and it has taken teaching them a lesson now and then. Maybe I'm a little sensitive about this but when I got pregnant the first time I was a little older than the avg new Mom but not THAT old! I have two MIL's as FIL was divorced from DH's Mom and remarried. Anyway so MIL #2 calls me when I was about 2 months along to tell me to be sure I have an amnio done so that if there's anything wrong (Down Syndrome mostly) I would have time to terminate the pregnancy. She's a nurse and I realize she probably was trying to be helpful but I think that is SO personal (BTW something I personally would not do) and SO none of her business. I was so shocked that I can't even tell you what I said back to her. DH wasn't home but when I told him he called them back and let 'em have it. They tried to butt in a lot in the beginning but after a few times they did learn to back off. Neither DH or I are shy about telling them the way it's going to be.

My other MIL rearranges our house to suit her when she comes to visit and leaves it her way when she departs. Last time she hadn't been in the house 5 minutes before telling me our pictures are hung too high I've always thought that was pretty rude but don't say much as she doesn't visit often (been 3 years). We live far away from ALL in law's - thank goodness!

 

[crisi]

Melora,



To the best of my knowledge, my mother out law never tried to set up my ex husband while I was married to him.

 

[peg2001]

This thread reminds me to tell my MIL and FIL how much I appreciate them! I think I will call them tonight. Thanks all.

Peggy

 

[2MuchOhana]

It is nice to see that some of you are Thankful for the IL's you have. I never expected it was going to be this way.

I agree that it isn't always the MIL that is to blame. I actually blame my FIL for being a spineless jellyfish that won't stand up to his wife when she is out of line. My SIL often causes the problems on purpose just be spiteful. She is a whole other story.

Actually, I feel sorry for these people. The only way they seem to be happy is if they are putting other people down. They seek praise for everything they do. They are the ones that are missing out on the opportunities to be a part of our lives in a positive way.

These people desire our pity and our prayers. I will continue to keep trying to make this work for the sake of our DD. They can't be all bad; there has to be some good in there somewhere. Even Stitch, who had a very high level of badness for someone his size, was still good. After all they did raise a warm caring person that happens to be my husband. Still I think the fact he was out on his own by 17 helped.

So, for those of us that love the husband not the IL's Hang in There! We are strong, we will survive and eventually we will triumph!

Here is some Pixie Dust for us All!

 

[doxdogy]

My MIL and FIL were great people. But, my BIL and his wife are another story. They have taken advantage of everyone in the family. They owe us thousands of dollars. Lived with MIL and FIL for about the first 5 years they were married. BIL couldn't keep a job. They then lived with us for about two years. Moved out, and then back with us again. The only reason we allowed them to live with us was because of our nephew and niece. BIL even once had the nerve to tell DH and I that we weren't "real" parents because he didn't have custody of his daughter and we didn't know what we were doing when it came to raising a child. He then told me once that DD didn't want to live with us because I was and he used the "b" word. Then when DD was younger, he lived near her grandmother and mother. They would get her on weekends every so often and not tell us! When our nephew started getting into trouble and we took him in (cause he didn't get along with his parents) they both thought we were wasting our time, that he wasn't going to amount to anything. Their daughter was the good child as far as they were concerned. Well, dear nephew is doing great in the Army and their daughter didn't make it through boot camp and was basically kicked out of the Army because she didn't make it through boot camp. BIL even admitted to DH that we were right all along about dear nephew and he was wrong.

 

[binny]

What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?







































Outlaws are WANTED!!!!!



an ummm

At our wedding MIL looked like she was at a funeral She never smiled once & I am not the only one who thinks that

OMG I thought MY MIL was the only one!!

I wont even get into my MIL troubles, Im seeing her at Christmas and amd having PTSS about it that would be PRE traumatic stress syndrome

 

[MAC3]

Originally posted by binny
What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Too Funny! That's what I lovingly refer to mine as! They know it too. Really I have no problems with any of them and when there are issues between them I step aside.

My sympathies to those of you who do.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Seriously, she decided we'd had enough children and nagged him until he agreed and had the surgery shortly after the birth of our youngest child. I finally got myself together a few years later and divorced them BOTH!

I used to say "Well, yes I love my mother-in-law, I love her 1300 miles away from me."

 

[swea_pea1]

I have so many stories about my MIL from HE** (some I've shared here) but this is my absolute favorite because it was when she got her comeuppance.

When DH and I were dating, he and I were out late one night and as a result he was late for work the next day, a Saturday (he worked retail). Anyway, in the middle of the day she called me but I couldn't get to the phone before the answering machine picked up. When I heard her voice, I finally did answer but I left the machine on to record the conversation. Well, she went OFF! She screamed and yelled at me for 20 or 30 minutes...how I was a bad influence on her son and he needed to get rid of me, yada yada, yada. I was as calm as could be, and when I could get a word in edgewise I told her that she would need to talk to her son about his irresponsibility and not me. Then I hung up and called DH at work....and played him the tape! He was livid and told her exactly what he thought of her antics. I think it was probably the moment when I knew that I could marry him and we'd face my IL's together. To this day, she still treats me like crap, but he sticks up for me and tells her where to go. We live 6 hours away, so luckily I don't see her that often...and that's just the way I like it!

 

[Talking Hands]

My inlaws are really nice but I did have to put my foot down a few times. First time was when my oldest was born. My husband's parents are divorced and both had remarried. Now I had already been in the hospital on bedrest for 2 weeks with toxemia and just had a C-sec and my baby moved to another hospital to the NICU because she was a preemie and was in respiratory distress. Step MIL calls insisting that I call MIL and find out when she would be visiting so she and FIL could visit and not see them. Well, I just told her flat out to call herself if it was that important that MIL and FIL not see each other.

One time we paid for step MIL and FIL to stay with us at Ft Wilderness for Thanksgiving. They were total PIAs. Wouldn't leave the cabin even to go for meals. One evening my daughters and I came back form MK (DH had stayd back with his parents) and I told my husband I needed to eat. FIL tell me to wait, that step MIL is not ready to eat yet. We have to eat later. I am diabetic. When I say I need to eat I mean it. It means my sugar is dropping and either I go eat or I end up in the ER. Looked at DH and said we are going to eat now, you can join us or not and walked out. DH came with us. When we got back ILs had decided that they would leave in the morning and go home.

I rarely go to see them now and they don't come here because MIL is in a nursing home. And most of the time they have been great. Even paid for all my daughters' college and are willing to pay to help them go through grad school. It is just sometimes I have to set them straight.

 

[lisajl]

I am not surprised by any of these stories.
I have a terrible in law problem also.

My DH usually won't stand up to them, but sometimes he does.
When I first met his folks, his mom saw a very pretty woman on a motorcycle. She kept telling him about her...I was sitting right beside him.

Lots of stuff like that have happened over the 21 years we have been together...married 19.

We lived together...she wrote him a nasty letter that said "that is not the way we raised you"!

Well...my mom did not raise me that way either!

My mom stood up for us though, she told her that we were very much in love. "If you saw them together, you would know that."

I had it out with her a few years ago. She called me to complain about something that was said. Again, like beforeher daughters were causing trouble. They said I said something nasty about the family and I had not.
I finally told her that not everything her son and I do revolves around her....not everything is about her. That she had to realize we have our own life, and we can't drop everything and visit every weekend....4 hours away. Crap people...my mom is 83 and I don't see her twice a month.

Oh well...another reason to love my mom....we understand each other.
At any rate...she will never break up this marriage.

Lisa

 

[RUDisney]

Someone said earlier that they felt sorry for their ILs. That is exactly what I feel for mine. I thought, at first, it was hate, but then I decided that would hurt me and my family, and I realized that it wasn't hate that I felt... but pity. There is so much good in life... to be happy for... yet they wallow in gloom and doom.

My SIL was so jealous that she wrote me an email telling me that I didn't deserve my kids because she so desperately wanted her own. BTW, I also don't deserve her brother and don't show any respect for him... according to her. Funny thing is that our friends see a loving couple who works well together to our common goals.... I guess they are not the ideals and goals that MIL and SIL think we should have, so we are not right.

As for our wedding day... that is the day that everything changed between MIL and I. Up until that day, I thought I was getting really lucky in the MIL department. She and I were friends and often hung out together without my DH. The day of our wedding... when I stole her first baby from her... I became the enemy. As for no smile, she not only didn't smile on our wedding day, she needed to have a "date"... or as she put it, she needed to be "represented" by a man. So, she was represented by one of her bachelor brothers. Not that I cared about that, but when it came time for family photos, Uncle Nick had to be in all of them. When people look at our album, they always ask if that is my DH's father. I explain that it is his uncle and his mother needed to be represented by her brother since she divorced her husband about 10 years earlier.

Yep, they definitely need our pity and prayers.

 

[2MuchOhana]

Okay. Here's the update. IL's made sure we wouldn't have time to cut the tension before the trip; so we took matters into our own hands. We told them that under the circumstances we were changing our intinerary. We were still sending them to the CP but would no longer be joining them for the dinner. We weren't going to CP itself that night. Also, that they were no longer invited to join us on the Illuminations cruise. If they didn't like it they could feel free to make their own plans.

I wonder how long it will take them to respond? We are taking control of our trip and our lives. If they don't like it than tough cookies!

We know there is nothing we haven't tried or done to improve the relationship. Unless his parents want it there is no point in trying any longer. While we would like DD to know both sets of grandparents; she doesn't need to be exposed to people like that. They have already made nasty and snide comments about her to us. Sorry but we actually believe in taking care of our daughter unlike SIL.

I still feel sorry for them. They need and crave praise for everything they do; but are not happy unless they put others down. I don't think MIL has been happy a single day of her life. It's so sad really. So, I will continue to pray for them as that is about all I can do.

Will keep everyone updated as to what happens. The saga continues!