BAD/ABSENT Wedding Reception Food

[ducklite]

Not everyone has $50K budgets,

My reception was for 50 people, in NJ (to give you an idea of the costs we were dealing with.) We had a full open bar, cocktail hour with passed appetizers and serving stations, a full sit down dinner which included a salad, intermezzo (sorbet), entree, and cake for dessert. Between that, my dress, flowers, photography, invitations, and everything else, our total cost was around $5000.

We chose to have a smaller wedding in order to have a memorable reception for our guests. More than anything we wanted really good food, and lots of it. The place we settled on simply didn't offer a no-alcohol or cash bar option, it was all bundled together in the price--which was surprisingly reasonable for that area. And no one got stupid drunk, in fact most of our guests had a drink or two and that was it--well, except my two crazy friends who showed up to the wedding drunk at 11:00 am...but they were discreet about it and didn't make a scene, so whatever. When I told my mom how trashed they were a couple weeks later, she wouldn't believe me. She said they were the quietest drunks she'd ever seen!

Anne

 

[barbeml]

My reception was for 50 people, in NJ (to give you an idea of the costs we were dealing with.) We had a full open bar, cocktail hour with passed appetizers and serving stations, a full sit down dinner which included a salad, intermezzo (sorbet), entree, and cake for dessert. Between that, my dress, flowers, photography, invitations, and everything else, our total cost was around $5000.

We chose to have a smaller wedding in order to have a memorable reception for our guests. More than anything we wanted really good food, and lots of it. The place we settled on simply didn't offer a no-alcohol or cash bar option, it was all bundled together in the price--which was surprisingly reasonable for that area. And no one got stupid drunk, in fact most of our guests had a drink or two and that was it--well, except my two crazy friends who showed up to the wedding drunk at 11:00 am...but they were discreet about it and didn't make a scene, so whatever. When I told my mom how trashed they were a couple weeks later, she wouldn't believe me. She said they were the quietest drunks she'd ever seen!

Anne

My wedding was 8 years ago, reception was at a restaurant in central NJ. This place was famous for weddings. It was a package: $55 per person (+ tax & gratuity) got us 5 hours of top shelf open bar, cocktail reception with tons of hors d'oeuvres, sit down dinner (two entree choices), champagne toast and wedding cake.

I've never been to a wedding that didn't include dinner. Only one had horrible food...it had all been sitting out so long by the time we got to the buffet (our table was never called...apparently, the bride decided that the one table of the groom's friends didn't count--she had 14 of us at a table big enough for 10 wedged so tightly into a corner that 5 people had to get up for one to go to the restroom), that the cold cuts were curling up and what was left of the salad was wilted. I left there starving and with a splitting headache. And of course, it's 13 months later and we never received a thank-you note for the generous check we gave them.

 

[crz4mm2]

Around here a meal would not be expected. Maybe people should put if they are serving a meal, so people should plan accordingly. Then you can't fault them when they don't eat the meal that was paid for.

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In this area - if a meal is to be served, normally there will be a card inside the wedding invitation asking you to check off one of two entrees that are being offered and that card basically serves as your RSVP when you mail it back..

Not everyone has $50K budgets, sure, but there is no reason why you can't let people know somehow that it is a cake and punch reception, or that only light finger foods will be served, or a "light luncheon" in your son's case. Or have it at an off time, when people will not be expecting a meal. People would expect a lot less food wise from a 2 pm wedding than from a 5 pm wedding. Either find a way to gracefully tell people, tell people just by the scheduled time, or yes, people will be expecting a full meal and upset when there's not one there. I know for myself personally, I have blood sugar problems and need to make sure I eat at reasonable times. If I am invited to a party of some sort and it is made to seem that a meal will be provided and then one isn't, I'm in trouble. If I have travelled to a place that I am not familiar with, I'm in even bigger trouble when I need to find somewhere else to eat. If people come expecting a meal and one isn't served, then you really can't fault them when they leave to go get one. As long as expectations are set forth appropriately from the start, these things can be avoided, and I think a lot of people who've posted here would agree to that. Good luck with your son's wedding, I am sure it will be lovely.

I think most people around here don't EXPECT a full meal. That's the difference. There would be a RSVP card enclosed if a meal was planned as C-Ann stated.
I suppose they will have some sort of reception notice enclosed in the invite. I haven't asked them about that.
I guess we do things differently here

 

[crz4mm2]

I got married in Vegas, and we had our reception at the buffet. Tacky? Maybe, but it was cheaper than a reception, and everone got full, and ate what they liked. They also made us a cake, and gave us champagne and cider. It was a blast!

DD wants to go to Vegas and get married when her time comes! I think this is great!!!

 

[barbeml]

I got married in Vegas, and we had our reception at the buffet. Tacky? Maybe, but it was cheaper than a reception, and everone got full, and ate what they liked. They also made us a cake, and gave us champagne and cider. It was a blast!

Not at all tacky! Some of those buffets are incredible. One of the best weddings I attended was held at a small restaurant. The couple basically "bought out" the place for the evening, and the buffet had everything you could wish for, and it was all excellent!

I really wanted to do "food stations" for my reception, but the coordinator at the restaurant advised me to have that type of food at the cocktail hour, because the Italian family I was marrying into would go nuts if there was no sit-down dinner. He was right!

 

[tiggger1]

i have a suggestion for any type of reception with food (full blown meals or just the nuts/mints/cake/punch variety). if you are inviting young children to a reception-try to include in your offerings something that they can actualy eat. i felt so bad when my kids were little and they basicly ate nothing at the reception dinner-such a waste of food and money something as simple as offering mac n cheese or chicken nuggets as an alternative to the full blown meals can save you $$$ and make your youngest guests much more comfortable. if you're doing the nuts/mints thing-consider that little ones can choke on nuts so allot of parents don't let them eat them (and not many parents want a toddler 'hyped' up on handfulls of mints)-so think about adding a bowl of 'cheddar cheese goldfish crackers', fruit juice fruit treats or pretzles on a 'kids table' for them to munch on.

I had 20 kids at my wedding. I had chicken nuggets and fries for the kids meals and I also made goody baskets for the kids...it had white grape juice boxes, goldfish crackers, fruit snacks and small toys deck of cards, cars, and crayons and a tiny coloring book. the kids loved it, the parents loved it and they had something to eat and entertain them!

 

[tiggger1]

That is so interesting to hear people's opinions about cash bars!!! Every wedding I have attended has cash bars....I wonder if it is just a CO thing?

99% weddings I have been here have been cash bar ( including my own) I think that I have been to 2 or 3 that have have an open bar ( one had an open bar for about an hour during the apetizers....then you had to cash bar during the meal...

im my opinion its more normal here to have a cash bar than a open bar...

 

[aprilgail2]

I really wanted to do "food stations" for my reception, but the coordinator at the restaurant advised me to have that type of food at the cocktail hour, because the Italian family I was marrying into would go nuts if there was no sit-down dinner. He was right!

I would have no problem with food stations, at least its food and not finger sandwiches LOL...the past few receptions I have been at have had the food stations but for the cocktail hour, not the dinner. A lot of times the food at the cocktail hour is better than the sit down meal that follows it but until the DIS I have never heard of weddings with only a cocktail hour or nuts and punch weddings. The wedding we went to in Virginia was not our norm, in fact most relatives still talk about it as the wedding in the hell hole- it was in the basement of a church in the summer with no A/C -it was brutal down there! Kind of hard to enjoy yourself when its 85+ degrees and no real food to eat and only punch to drink! And there was no Band, DJ or music to dance to either!

 

[rhiannonwales]

I really think it IS a regional thing. I live in central NJ, and here cash bars are just not done. Theres always a meal, and 99% of the time the reception is held in a a hall not the church. In certain circles here buffets at weddings are considered tacky as well.
2 bad wedding stories:
My best friend got married at 17 (dont ask me why she divorced 3 years later) and the wedding was in the church basement (which i understand seeing as how she was a kid and was very poor) the food was sandwiches from a sub shop and the entertainment was a boombox with a pile of cassettes next to it. This was about 10 years ago.

Other story:
My SIL got married in a very lavish and expensive wedding. DH was a grromsman so we were at the table with the bridal party. SIL ordered special side dishes for herself, her husband, and their best man. We then sat there with them and watched them eat this yummy extravagant food that we werent allowed to have! Also i was about 7 months pg at the time and they served a sorbet between courses as a palate cleanser. However, DH is absolutely dry (no alcohol at all) and i couldnt drink (pg) and we were halfway through the sorbet when we realized the sorbet was swimming in some kind of liqueur.Another guest who is a recovering alcoholic was also very upset.

 

[suzannen]

Probably the oddest I went to was the wedding of my boss (also the chairman) of my company. The wedding was at 5:00 pm in NYC on a Friday night with the reception starting at 6:00 pm at an exclusive, private membership-only club. As others have stated - normally in NY it's always a sit-down or carving station buffet. Well for his reception, there were 6 open bars serving any cocktail you wanted, all night long. Meanwhile for the food -well each bar had one bowl of mixed nuts and pretzels, and that was it.

This man was worth multi-, multi-millions that he inherited from his famous and wealthy father, he owned 4 separate homes each with full staff, an enormous art collection...so money was never an issue. It was the 4th wedding for both the bride and their groom (both in their 60s) so I guess they decided food was just not important. They also nixed flowers and music. So, the group I was with each had 2 glasses of expensive wine and then went out and had dinner in a coffee shop wearing our gowns and tuxedos.

 

[sha_lyn]

Where you live do you have the reception in a separate place or will it say on the invitation something along the lines of "reception to follow in church hall" or "cake and punch to be served afterwards"

All but 2 weddings here in GA have been either in a home, or church, with the reception to follow in the same location. The first was a when I was still in highschool. I don't even think I received a written invitation, and word about location of reception was given at the wedding.
The other was last yr (or 2 yrs ago now? LOL). There was a map with direction to the reception in the invitation.

As for the ones in homes or churches with reception in same location, I don't think they even mention the reception most of the time. One cousin's did mention babysitting provided during wedding, children welcomed at reception. The reception was a typical Baptist reception in the church basement.... Cake (wedding cake and grooms cake), punch, fruit try, nuts, cheese straws, mints. I think they had finger sandwiches too.

Typically if sandwiches are served it's chicken salad and/or egg salad
One wedding yrs ago had cheese biscuits w/ham

We are invited to 2 weddings in the coming yr. Invitations for the 1st one should be arriving soon. Now I'm very curious as to what to expect. The bride is from Boston and the groom is from England. Neither are Christain. My guess is it will be heavy finger foods (high english tea type foods) and lots of alcohol.

Other wedding is a cousin. He was rasied Southern Baptist, by a Methodist mother. I have no idea about the brides side other than they are from NC. Hmmm.... maybe a good old fashioned NC pig roast LOL.

 

[cristit14]

I am newly engaged (Christmas morning!!!) and am now terrified of planning my reception. I am not sure how much things cost for catering, but I feel like I will be ridiculed if I don't do a top notch dinner now. I didn't realize people had such strong feelings about what is to be served at the reception. I would like an afternoon wedding (about 1:00) and the reception to follow. I was planning on appetizers, but may need to rethink!!!

Heidi, you will be fine with doing appetizers and a cash bar. I have only been to one open bar at a wedding and those can get you into trouble. Of course that is how DH and I got together.

 

[Costumesaremylife]

Going to a buffet in vegas sounds fun! I don't think there would be a lack of food there.

That reminded me of something that happened at the Aladdin buffet in october. I was behind a small wedding party. Bride groom, bestman maid of honor, a few more people and the mother and grandmother of bride or groom. It was about 10 people. Well some people went up and paid for themselves. Then the bride stood there and said "Who is paying for me?" The best man sort of shrugged and went to pay for them the bride and groom got their reciept and moved away from the counter to be with the others that had paid. Then I realized the mother and grandmother were just standing there they ended up having to pay for themselves. The grandmother seemed quite upset. If you were having your wedding anywhere that wasn't already set up for dinner, wouldn't you want to make sure everyone was taken care of especially your mom and grandma?

 

[reddixie]

I was also raised in the Deep South. I have never been to a sit down meal at a wedding that the bridal party paid for. The last wedding I attended my best friends actually, we went to their favorite restaurant and we each paid for our own meal. I didn't think it was tacky at all. They were so broke that I paid for half of the wedding gown and the flowers for her, as her wedding gift. My dd 11 at the time played the wedding march on the church piano. She did a great job. I think that it is tacky if your like the millionaire and expect your guest to go hungry. Also if you do a huge sit down ordeal my family and friends would say you were putting on airs and that would be worse than a cash bar . We never serve alcohol either. We do have tons of fun though. As for funerals we have tons of food but that is brought in as pot luck. After all in times of trouble food cures most ills.

 

[Todd&Copper]

Sorry, I still think cash bars are tacky. Not everyone carries around the cash to buy a drink or two. I rely almost entirely on my credit cards, and rarely have more than a couple of dollars in my wallet. I've been to a reception or two where a cash bar was unexpected, and I had to borrow bills to buy a glass of wine (I didn't need the drink, but I like to enjoy wine at functons, much like some people enjoy desserts or steaks when they go out).

When DH and I got married, we decided to have only wine and beer at our reception and no hard alcohol [there was also water, iced tea, and assorted sodas - it was an all adult affair].
If cost is your concern, I'd rather skip serving any alcohol entirely rather than have a cash bar, unless it really is expected in your area, and more importantly, expected/anticipated among your guests.

 

[mickeyboat]

Cash bars are expected and anticipated among guests in my social circle and area of the country. It is very rare (and wonderful) to find an open bar.

But I can see why it would seem tacky to other people who did not expect it.

The best advice I can give someone planning a wedding is to inquire about what the bulk of people around you are doing. If you stay in line with that, you should have nothing to worry about.

Denae

 

[NotUrsula]

Originally posted by Shovan:
Wow, weddings sure are different here in the Deep South! No matter what the budget, there is always LOTS of food! Usually served buffet style and lots of appetizers! On a smaller budget a local hall would be rented/borrowed & family would cook all of the food. On bigger budgets you'd probalbly still have food served buffet style even in the nicest downtown hotels. Again lots of appetizers with carving stations, pasta stations etc. Several types of alcohol are always included. Even if it's a help yourself bar and beer in a ice-chest! You will have liquor! I have never attended a wedding with a Cash Bar.

It's interesting to hear what the "norm" is elsewhere. My DD & SIL just attended a wedding "up north" (North Louisana) and were shocked at the lack of food served. Just the little sandwiches, mints, punch and cake. Champagne was served to the wedding party only. I say shocked because they have never attended a wedding like that. Not a judgement just something they did not expect. The only bad wedding experience I can even come up with, would have to be just not very good food. This usually occurs at the fanciest weddings!

South Louisiana (along with the lower half of Florida) is not really the "Deep South" as most Americans define it. For starters, the majority of the population is Roman Catholic; a rare breed in most of the true Deep South. My family is heavily involved in the wedding services industry in S. Louisiana, and I can assure you that cake & punch weddings do happen quite frequently at fundamentalist Protestant weddings in the area. You're just not regularly invited to them. In most of the South, and especially in Louisiana, the religion of the bride's family usually determines the style of the party. The type of wedding you've described *is* normal for Catholics and for those Protestants who don't have objections to alcohol, but not usual for members of other faiths.

The tackiest wedding food I've encountered? In S. Louisiana, at a "shotgun" wedding that I worked with my photographer sister about 25 yrs. ago. The bride's parents VERY reluctantly provided PB&J on Holsum white bread, uncut, each one in a flip-top Glad sandwich baggie, and all of it appetizingly stacked in a Charmin carton with one side cut away. The only drink offered was ice water from a couple of Coleman dispensers -- the only cups were the little paper cones you now usually only see on construction trucks. The food was served off of the tailgate of a pickup, as the "reception" was held outdoors in the side yard of the church -- overlooking the cemetery.

Oh, and cash bars? Tacky. Serve what you can afford, and if you can't afford mixed drinks, so be it.

 

[barbeml]

The tackiest wedding food I've encountered? In S. Louisiana, at a "shotgun" wedding that I worked with my photographer sister about 25 yrs. ago. The bride's parents VERY reluctantly provided PB&J on Holsum white bread, uncut, each one in a flip-top Glad sandwich baggie, and all of it appetizingly stacked in a Charmin carton with one side cut away. The only drink offered was ice water from a couple of Coleman dispensers -- the only cups were the little paper cones you now usually only see on construction trucks. The food was served off of the tailgate of a pickup, as the "reception" was held outdoors in the side yard of the church -- overlooking the cemetery.

I believe we have a WINNER!