Baby sitting where have we gone wrong

[manning]

We are a couple of old selfish people without children who have just spent the labor day weekend baby sitting four children 3 - 9. The parents were supposed to be back arriving at the airport around 5:30 and at home around 7:00. They arrived later, much later.

For four days whenever we tried to discipline or stop a fight we got a no, or a no with a laugh, or we don't have to or our parents let us do it. The games and arts and crafts we brought over is boring.

My wife was listing what was happening and when we told the parents we got (at a shout in duet) what do you expect, they are children, we are selfish and a get out of our house. Which we gladly did never to return.

I guess we will be returning what we bought the kids (weren't given to them). Boy is that going to save us a ton of money! I kind of wonder what the mother is going to do with the 40 or so tops the wife sewed for her.

We did selfishly rearrange our schedule so they could go out of town for a few days for a medical emergency, while we watched the kids.( that one was a month ago)

Do you think they will miss all the pictures we take at the parties?

I don't get it, what have I missed here. Maybe we are selfish and self centered.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

***Read this in a serious tone, I am NOT being sarcastic!!!***

NO, you are NOT selfish. I see kids like this more and more, that's why I can't stand most of them. My husband and I aren't having kids, so add us to the selfish list

SOOO sorry for your horrible weekend. My heart sincerely goes out to you.

 

[Marseeya]

Okay, take this for what it's worth (probably nothing) as I only have a vague idea of what's going on from what you've posted.

The parents had to go out of town for an emergency, you say, so let's assume this was a stressful trip for them.

They come home with all this stress still going on (and who knows what happened at the airport, which are crappy places nowadays). They probably expect hugs and kisses from the kids and smiles and compliments about their little darlings from the lovely people who were kind enough to watch them. Instead they get a litany of complaints about their kids' bratty behavior and I'm sure the kids were still being bratty when they got home, so their happy reunion after such a crappy trip was totally shot down.

They snapped and took it out on the people they should have been down on their knees thanking (no, that's not sarasm).

How am I doing so far?

Try imagining a different scenario in which you held your complaints until a day or two later after mom and dad got settled back in, and instead focused on a few positive things the kids did while the parents were away. There had to be something positive, right? Little Susie did something cute, or little Johnny is such an imp... know what I mean? Nobody wants to be hit with all that negativity when they walk right in the door and I'm sure if the kids were so bad for you, they were probably the same way for their parents when they got home.

You did a wonderful thing for these people, but from the few words you posted I got a picture of what the parents might have felt upon walking through the door. I'm not saying what they did was right, but it might be one explanation. Anyway, try not to let their reaction mess up what was probably a decent friendship until you find out what was going on underneath it all. And if it wasn't a decent friendship, then it's no big loss, right?

 

[Marseeya]

***Read this in a serious tone, I am NOT being sarcastic!!!***

NO, you are NOT selfish. I see kids like this more and more, that's why I can't stand most of them. My husband and I aren't having kids, so add us to the selfish list

SOOO sorry for your horrible weekend. My heart sincerely goes out to you.

I don't understand why selfishness is always brought up when people are childless/childfree. Personally, I've always seen it as more selfish to have kids, especially lots of them.

 

[Martha7]

There can be huge discrepancies between what kids like to do these days, as opposed to the things that amused them back before they had computers, video games, etc. If the kids were dropped off at your place and didn't have any of the things that usually entertain them, I could easily imagine a conflict. My teenage DS's are used to the technology they have at their disposal, and although they adore their grandparents, they have to switch gears when they go to the farm in the country to visit them. Their grandparents go way out of their way to have things to entertain them. Once in a while, it gets a little awkward when the kids complain about the slow dial-up internet connection, etc., but they have so many other things to do, (outside activities: swimming pool, mini-bike, blueberry picking, going to the movies, out for ice cream, out to the skate park, etc.) that the moping doesn't last long. If we only provided them with puzzles and crafts, it'd be a disaster. Not to defend the way the kids acted, but if you don't have the "stuff" they're used to, it could have been a formula for problems from the beginning. It's too bad that the parents couldn't have shown their appreciation. It sounds like it was a stressful time for all concerned! Let some time go by, and see if everyone cools off a bit.

 

[phorsenuf]

I don't understand why selfishness is always brought up when people are childless/childfree. Personally, I've always seen it as more selfish to have kids, especially lots of them.

I usually stay away from childless/childfree conversations but I have to ask. I have 4 children, why does that make me selfish? Not wanting to start a debate (or hijack this thread) but that remark confuses me.


As far as the OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems so odd that they would be so snappy to you in light of the nice thing you did for them. Like somebody else said, maybe they were just stressed out. Not that I'm making an excuse for them but I know I've snapped at inappropriate times because of it.
FTR- it was a very nice thing you did to help someone out in a time on need.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Marseeya, I mention it because I have been told that many time. That it is my duty to have kids, I am being selfish, you name it, I have heard it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For four days whenever we tried to discipline or stop a fight we got a no, or a no with a laugh, or we don't have to or our parents let us do it. The games and arts and crafts we brought over is boring.

Do you think they will miss all the pictures we take at the parties?

I don't get it, what have I missed here. Maybe we are selfish and self centered.

It sounds as if you had expectations but reality was a different matter.

What did you say to the parents to have them throw you out of the house? That sounds wierd.

No they will not miss your pictures.

When you don't have kids it is hard to understand how it really is, let alone FOUR! That is tough.

I have to say it....no good deed goes unpunished, right?
Sorry things blew up. {HUGS}

 

[nliedel]

That's horrible. I am still in baby sitter search mode for our upcoming trip (my in laws are going to watch them but they need someone to help out days) and am lost. I wish I had someone as "selfish" as you. Not that my kids would not find crafts boring (my eldest can get into them and not) but they would not talk back like that. Not all kids and parents are like that.

 

[Minnie824]

I think nowadays, and this is just my opinion, kids are not disciplined well, and you may have experienced that. I have kids. Are they perfect? No. They misbehave and scream and say no, just like every other kid does. But everyone tells me they're well behaved, and then says, you should see so-and-so's kids, they don't listen at all. Kids also have so much electronic stuff now they don't care about craft stuff as much. We try to do both with our kids. Our neighbors let their kids ride around on all their electric scooters, no helmets, no supervision. I'm sure you did fine babysitting, not having kids, you may just not have known what you were getting yourself into.

 

[Missy1961]

Sorry that happened to you. Sounds like your expectations & reality didn't mesh. It happens.

When I read stuff like this, I realize again how lucky I am. My sister & her family (2 girls, ages 3 & 6 1/2) live here in NY and I babysit them frequently. They drive you nuts at times, but all in all, they are really well behaved. They love the craft projects, they love to help me cook and they listen! In fact, I volunteered to take care of them on Sunday so my sis & BIL could do some work around their house. I know my sister & BIL appreciate my help & I know that the girls love to hang out with me.

 

[pattyT]

I agree with Marseeya - about how maybe they weren't thinking clearly do to the stress...
but it sounds like there is more to the story than you are telling...

as for this comment:
"I don't understand why selfishness is always brought up when people are childless/childfree. Personally, I've always seen it as more selfish to have kids, especially lots of them."
I DO NOT GET THAT at all!
Everyone makes their own choices for their own reasons but why on gods earth is it selfish of me to have threee kids... please I would love to understand this theory! Obvioulsy you don't HAVE kids to make such a comment though!

 

[manning]

Okay, take this for what it's worth (probably nothing) as I only have a vague idea of what's going on from what you've posted.

The parents had to go out of town for an emergency, you say, so let's assume this was a stressful trip for them.

They come home with all this stress still going on (and who knows what happened at the airport, which are crappy places nowadays). They probably expect hugs and kisses from the kids and smiles and compliments about their little darlings from the lovely people who were kind enough to watch them. Instead they get a litany of complaints about their kids' bratty behavior and I'm sure the kids were still being bratty when they got home, so their happy reunion after such a crappy trip was totally shot down.

They snapped and took it out on the people they should have been down on their knees thanking (no, that's not sarasm).

How am I doing so far?

Try imagining a different scenario in which you held your complaints until a day or two later after mom and dad got settled back in, and instead focused on a few positive things the kids did while the parents were away. There had to be something positive, right? Little Susie did something cute, or little Johnny is such an imp... know what I mean? Nobody wants to be hit with all that negativity when they walk right in the door and I'm sure if the kids were so bad for you, they were probably the same way for their parents when they got home.

You did a wonderful thing for these people, but from the few words you posted I got a picture of what the parents might have felt upon walking through the door. I'm not saying what they did was right, but it might be one explanation. Anyway, try not to let their reaction mess up what was probably a decent friendship until you find out what was going on underneath it all. And if it wasn't a decent friendship, then it's no big loss, right?

The trip before this one was the medical emergency, This one was to Las Vegas!

 

[pattyT]

aaaahhhh
that makes things a lot different...
sounds like they are ungreatful, rude people and they are teaching their kids to be the same way.

 

[Nite0wl71]

I have to say I was confused at the post, I have raised 5 children and I would have been horrified if my kids had acted that way. I always taught them that whoever watches, them no matter how long, they have to listen to them and never say those dreaded words "you are not my parents".

My kids are not perfect either but other people think they are. I understand that they are children and certain things go along with that, but there has to come a time when that line doesn't work anymore.

I never thought anyone who didn't have kids was selfish nor have I thought the reverse.

 

[yeartolate]

aaaahhhh
that makes things a lot different...
sounds like they are ungreatful, rude people and they are teaching their kids to be the same way.

I was thinking the same thing.


IN my most judgemental tone....shouldn't labor day weekend be family time??

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Marseeya, I mention it because I have been told that many time. That it is my duty to have kids, I am being selfish, you name it, I have heard it.

Anyone that doesn't want children would be doing them a huge disservice by having them.

T&B

 

[Disney Doll]

There can be huge discrepancies between what kids like to do these days, as opposed to the things that amused them back before they had computers, video games, etc. If the kids were dropped off at your place and didn't have any of the things that usually entertain them, I could easily imagine a conflict. My teenage DS's are used to the technology they have at their disposal, and although they adore their grandparents, they have to switch gears when they go to the farm in the country to visit them. Their grandparents go way out of their way to have things to entertain them. Once in a while, it gets a little awkward when the kids complain about the slow dial-up internet connection, etc., but they have so many other things to do, (outside activities: swimming pool, mini-bike, blueberry picking, going to the movies, out for ice cream, out to the skate park, etc.) that the moping doesn't last long. If we only provided them with puzzles and crafts, it'd be a disaster. Not to defend the way the kids acted, but if you don't have the "stuff" they're used to, it could have been a formula for problems from the beginning. It's too bad that the parents couldn't have shown their appreciation. It sounds like it was a stressful time for all concerned! Let some time go by, and see if everyone cools off a bit.

nd I have a problem with kids who need to be constantly entertained and will mope and complain and cause "conflict" when they don't have an endless amount of entertainment at their disposal.

Children today are becoming more rude & self-centered, and that's a shame. We are raising a generation of people who think the world revolves around them.

 

[Marseeya]

The trip before this one was the medical emergency, This one was to Las Vegas!

Well, that blew my theory all to shreds! Holy mackeral... at least you know not to ever make that mistake again.

But then too, pleasure trips can end up rather stressful as well, but I think I'd be less understanding of a blow up like they did than if this was the emergency trip.

 

[PlaneJoy1]

This is just my opinion, and nothing excuses the behavior of the children! My DH and I try to go away once a year around our anniversary. Sometimes for a weekend, sometimes just on an overnight. My parents usually watch the kids and I am very greatful for that. The last thing I want to hear, though, when I pick them up is a laundry list of what they've done wrong for the time we've been away. During our time we've hopefully "caught up" on some much needed time together and are ready to re-engage the world when we return.

I do think you should address their behavior with the parents, but perhaps timing was an issue here. A day or two later, while you have had time to really think your words through and for them to settle back in might have done a lot of good.

I think you are totally amazing for sacrificing your time for them. Couples need time to reconnect and relax. I, for one, THANK you for allowing them to get away.