Baby Showers for Unplanned Pregnancies (Young Mothers)

[Talking Hands]

The baby shower is to celebrate the birth of a child. It is not to celebrate the mother really. Perfectly ok to have a baby shower for the baby. No matter how the baby came about it still needs the basic necessities and as a single mom, the mother probably has less ability to get those needed items.

 

[diznygirl]

Look at it this way - the unplanned pregnancy could just as easily be aborted. And then there would be no need for a shower and life would go on. But these women are choosing to keep the baby, and face a difficult road. I would most certainly celebrate their behavior.

 

[Crystal0608]

I was 20 when I had my first unplanned baby and was given 3 baby showers, my work, dh's work, & family. I am very fortunate to have had them as a got enough diapers & wipes to fill a closet and lots of necessities. My mom was married and 17 when she got preggo with me and I know I had a shower. I threw 2 baby showers for preggo friends when we were all about 16 and attended quite a few more for teen friends. Two years ago when my cuz was 18, she had a shower and I bought a garbage bag full of diapers & bag full of stuff I got with q's. My coworkers 16 yo dd is preggo & I've already bought her a gift. I don't think buying a pack of diapers, eating cake, and talking birthing war stories is encouraging or glamorizing it, it's accepting it.

 

[Scurvy]

Since you say the "shower is all about helping the woman get ready for motherhood", who deserves this more than a young women with probably very little experience with the realities that are soon to come. Wouldn't she need the help of the older guard now more than ever?
I'm not sure how showers are run where other are from but my experiences usually revolve around a very swollen woman, stuck on a too soft couch, watching other people drink champagne punch, listening to other women tell the most horrific birth stories (...."so there I was lying on the table, with my uterus lying next to me"...."My son Jack cried non-stop for the first 6 months"....) Sure there are some gifts, but its never anything you really want, though it might me something you're going to need of a style that you'd prefer. I Even as a happily married woman, I never walked away from the madness that is a baby shower wanting a baby. The whole situation is just a bit too overwhelming.

I can definitely agree with the bolded. I would hope that the other women in the girl's life would be there to give her advice and to prepare her for what is to come. I hope they would also give the baby just as many gifts as they would have if there had been a shower. But I think they can easily do all that without the party atmosphere, the games, and the "ooh-ing" and "ahh-ing" over all the cute gifts. I can remember when I was young and going to Wedding and Baby showers for the older children of my parents' friends. It was a Big Deal, a rite of passage, and seeing them being honored and celebrated and treated like adults that way (when only a few years earlier they had been one of us kids) did make growing up and getting married and having babies look appealing. (Of course it sounds like those showers were more fun than the ones you went to!) I don't know if seeing a teen treated that way would really make her friends look at teen pregnancy as something more appealing than it really is, but I personally wouldn't throw a shower for a teen (or at least not one where other teens would be invited) because I think that it might. That's just my opinion. I'm certainly not saying everyone else has to feel the same way.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Shame on those judgemental 'Holier than Thou' parents unless they've walked a mile in her shoes . Personally, I don't see a shower as a reward, the baby is innocent and should not suffer the conquences of it's parents lack of responsibility. IMO, each baby deserves some type of shower, no matter the circumstances. Life is going to be hard enough for young mother as it is and I'm betting shower was a real pick me up for her, plus receiving baby necessities is a big help.

There is no way I could've said it any better!

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Look at it this way - the unplanned pregnancy could just as easily be aborted. And then there would be no need for a shower and life would go on. But these women are choosing to keep the baby, and face a difficult road. I would most certainly celebrate their behavior.

I totally agree here. and for the record, I work for our local school district and see girls all the time in the HS oohing and ahhing over all the pregnant girls. They all get so giddy and excited talking about baby stuff and it just baffles me that they could all be so excited about becoming teen mothers, but then again they chose that path for themselves.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Look at it this way - the unplanned pregnancy could just as easily be aborted. And then there would be no need for a shower and life would go on. But these women are choosing to keep the baby, and face a difficult road. I would most certainly celebrate their behavior.

They could also have chosen to let a stable couple adopt the baby. I would certainly celebrate that choice.

 

[MrsPete]

I totally agree here. and for the record, I work for our local school district and see girls all the time in the HS oohing and ahhing over all the pregnant girls. They all get so giddy and excited talking about baby stuff and it just baffles me that they could all be so excited about becoming teen mothers, but then again they chose that path for themselves.

Giddy is the word --big-deal showers do glorify teenaged pregnancy. Also, being very unrealistic, some teens tend to have the impression that new mothers get EVERYTHING they need at showers, and some of them use this as a rationalization for keeping a child they can't really support: "oh, I won't need to but clothes or diapers 'til the baby's close to a year old!"

Of course, these same teens think that the pregnancy is the hard part, and that their friends will all pitch in to babysit all the time.

If it's a girl about whom you care, I'd vote for giving a gift but not attending a party.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

I totally agree here. and for the record, I work for our local school district and see girls all the time in the HS oohing and ahhing over all the pregnant girls. They all get so giddy and excited talking about baby stuff and it just baffles me that they could all be so excited about becoming teen mothers, but then again they chose that path for themselves.

Wow, that is disturbing. Why are they feeling this way? It's so strange. The last thing on my mind as a teenager in high school was having a baby. I wonder if tv has had an influence on making it seem more acceptable somehow. Take that show "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". They put this romantic spin on it...is she going to end up with the father of her baby? Oh wait, her friend is pregnant now too, knocked up by her ex-boyfriend. Lovely. What kind of message is that sending the teenage girls watching.

As far as a baby shower for a young, unplanned pregnancy, that's a toughie. I would probably feel strange going but I'd most definitely send gifts. If anything, I'd give more gifts for the baby since this girl is most likely clueless about how much it will truly cost.

If this were a girl I was close with, I'd support her with any help I could give. She's obviously made a mistake but now it's time to move forward and take care of the baby. But I don't think a baby shower would accomplish that, you can certainly be there for her without a celebration. From my own baby showers and the ones I've gone to as a guest, it is very much about the mother. While everyone is oohing and ahhing about the future baby, it's the mother who's center stage so to speak. The party reminds me of a sort of congratulatory, rite of passage theme (like graduating from college or getting married). Still, it's a sad situation for a teen mom to be in.

 

[luvmy3]

Since to me a shower is meant to prepare the mother with things she needs for the baby's arrival, I don't have any issue with a shower for a teen mom to be.

 

[Lucille1963]

I just also want to add something for the mothers that keep their children home from their peer's showers:

Seeing what my cousin (who was 2 years older) went through during her pregnancy and after the baby was born was the most effective thing for encouraging my abstinence and that of my close friends.

 

[hereyago]

I totally agree here. and for the record, I work for our local school district and see girls all the time in the HS oohing and ahhing over all the pregnant girls. They all get so giddy and excited talking about baby stuff and it just baffles me that they could all be so excited about becoming teen mothers, but then again they chose that path for themselves.

When I was in high school, in the 80's. 1 girl had 3 kids -to be fair she did have a pair of twins with her last pregnancy-by the time we graduated. what was funny she did poorly in our childcare class

Anyway, there were girls who thought it was cute, but these girls who got pregnant and the ones oohing and aahing lacked the self esteem and probably thought it would be great to have someone-even though it was a baby-to love them.


2 of my friends got pregnant actually around the same time, and I didn't think it was cute at all. They both got abortions.

The parents who are "objecting" to this shower, are probably like the ones one of my friends had: she was too scared to tell them she was pregnant, so to this day, 20 some years later, they never knew she was pregnant.

Would I be doing flips if my DD became pregnant? no, but at the same time, I would always have my DD's back and support her.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't see anything at all wrong with an unwed mom-to-be having a baby shower.. So what if people in attendance are "oohing" and "ahhing" and playing a few silly games.. The pregnancy is a done deal - the baby is going to be born - the mom-to-be is already being scorned by people who feel that it's inappropriate.. Just how long should the punishment last? Because that's exactly what it is.. People can hide under the premise that they don't feel it's something that should be "encouraged", but the reality is, they're doling out punishment - to the mother and the baby.. Any woman who has ever been pregnant knows full well that during that pregnancy your emotions are all over the place, so let's make it worse and continue to "punish" the mom-to-be, right?

I've watched "Teen Mom" - as well as "16 And Pregnant" - and I have known my fair share of teens who became unwed mothers way back when they were sent to "take care of their sick Aunt Martha" for 6 months.. There is no "glorifying" going on there.. None.. For anyone who thinks otherwise, watch a few episodes of those shows.. I can't imagine any teen girl watching one of those shows and thinking, "Wow! That's neat!! I think I'll get pregnant.." Someone mentioned earlier that it should be mandatory viewing for teens.. Maybe it should be mandatory viewing for adults too.. It's some of the saddest stuff I have ever watched..

Babies are a gift from God - a gift that would not arrive without the mother who endures the pain and agony to deliver them into this world.. I don't think a cake, a few balloons, and an hour or two of "ooing and ahhing" over some cute little outfits are going to send other teenage girls out into the streets in droves hoping to become pregnant themselves.. That's just silly..

 

[tomthebarncat]

Regardless of the situational circumstances, that surround conception,that does not change the fact that this child will be born with needs. I do not understand punishing an unborn child for the actions of mom and dad. The child is blameless, and hopefully, enough folks will rally around this young family and do what they can, when they can!

 

[quasar4legs]

As an unplanned baby to an early teen mother I would like to think that people still wanted to celebrate my impending arrival to the world.
Women need to support each other regardless of age, planned or unplanned pregnancy.

I cannot imagine anyone needing more support than a young mum. It truly takes a village to raise a child.

 

[NMAmy]

It's not my place to judge or to punish a young woman for her unplanned pregnancy. I guess I just don't understand why some would feel the need to throw their disapproval in her face. The young mother will soon be facing the natural consequences of her actions. I choose to support a young woman in this situation as opposed to trying to push her down for having a baby earlier than I would have chosen.

I'm really surprised that so many people feel that the teen mom needs to feel the disapproval of others so she'll know that they don't like her actions. I thought we were past sticking a big red A on someone's chest but I guess not.

 

[Schmeck]

I think calling a pregnancy 'unplanned' is stupid. Are you telling me that kids don't know you can get pregnant by having unprotected sex? If you have sex, then you should be either using two types of birth control at the same time, or planning on getting pregnant.

Yes, the baby will need things when it is born - so if a friend wants to give something to help out, sure, go ahead, but don't play the game that the young, incapable mother is a victim. She made a choice, and I wouldn't be celebrating that poor choice with cake. (I would go and tell the stories about 48 hour labor, back labor, etc.)

I have worked for over 10 years with special needs students, and a majority of them come from families where the mother was undereducated, incapable of even supporting herself, and made the choice to have a family at a very young age. There are no fathers in the picture, they rely completely on government support for all their needs, and they can't get out of the trap they got themselves in. I don't see that as a reason for a celebration.

 

[DisneyCher]

I don't think 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom glorify teen pregnancy and motherhood, but these shows have made tabloid stars of several of the young girls they have featured, and the girls must get paid, and at least one has revealed she has Hollywood aspirations. I just don't think they are teaching some great lesson about how hard it is to be a teen mom, frankly.

We only had one pregnant girl I knew of in my high school. She must have been 8 months pregnant at graduation. I was a "good girl" as were most of my friends, and the thought of being a mother at 18 was horrifying. Of course, I graduated at the top of my class and was going to a top tier university, and the example my parents set before me was to get married first, settle in to your marriage a bit, then have a baby (or more). I get the sense a lot of these teen mothers don't have such great family lives to begin with, and look for love in the form of sex with a boyfriend, then look forward to the unconditional love they expect from a baby.

As far as a baby shower for a high schooler, I'd probably decline the invitation but give her diapers.

 

[luvmy3]

I don't see anything at all wrong with an unwed mom-to-be having a baby shower.. So what if people in attendance are "oohing" and "ahhing" and playing a few silly games.. The pregnancy is a done deal - the baby is going to be born - the mom-to-be is already being scorned by people who feel that it's inappropriate.. Just how long should the punishment last? Because that's exactly what it is.. People can hide under the premise that they don't feel it's something that should be "encouraged", but the reality is, they're doling out punishment - to the mother and the baby.. Any woman who has ever been pregnant knows full well that during that pregnancy your emotions are all over the place, so let's make it worse and continue to "punish" the mom-to-be, right?

It's not my place to judge or to punish a young woman for her unplanned pregnancy. I guess I just don't understand why some would feel the need to throw their disapproval in her face. The young mother will soon be facing the natural consequences of her actions. I choose to support a young woman in this situation as opposed to trying to push her down for having a baby earlier than I would have chosen.

I'm really surprised that so many people feel that the teen mom needs to feel the disapproval of others so she'll know that they don't like her actions. I thought we were past sticking a big red A on someone's chest but I guess not.

 

[SaraJayne]

I think calling a pregnancy 'unplanned' is stupid. Are you telling me that kids don't know you can get pregnant by having unprotected sex? If you have sex, then you should be either using two types of birth control at the same time, or planning on getting pregnant.

Yes, the baby will need things when it is born - so if a friend wants to give something to help out, sure, go ahead, but don't play the game that the young, incapable mother is a victim. She made a choice, and I wouldn't be celebrating that poor choice with cake. (I would go and tell the stories about 48 hour labor, back labor, etc.)

I have worked for over 10 years with special needs students, and a majority of them come from families where the mother was undereducated, incapable of even supporting herself, and made the choice to have a family at a very young age. There are no fathers in the picture, they rely completely on government support for all their needs, and they can't get out of the trap they got themselves in. I don't see that as a reason for a celebration.

Who is portraying them as victims?

I hate to break your bubble, but not every young mother ends up on welfare with no partner/spouse.