MainStreetMomma
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
- Messages
- 154
I know this is long and confusing. I will try hard to make it easy to follow. I don't want to share the actual name in question because it's very unique and google-able, I hope you understand.
I am expecting in two months.
DH is the 8th generation of firstborn son in a row to be given the same first name. Each of the 8 men have had different middle names, though, so DH isn't really "the 8th" or a junior or any of that.
We have spent the last several months talking about names. What our son will actually be called is something we both totally agree upon-- we have chosen the name Harrison. What we haven't agreed upon is the order of his name. Harrison will either be his middle name, if we follow suit, or his first name if we buck tradition.
To give an example to clarify: Let's pretend the first name handed down 8 times is Hank (that's not the real name of course)... we can either:
- name our son Hank Harrison and call him Harrison all the time... we'd be following tradition but DS would go by his middle name for life. OR
- name him Harrison Hank, bucking tradition, DS would go by his first name and Hank would get the non-traditional placement of the middle name instead of the first.
Dh keeps deflecting responsibility to me, saying things like, "I guess we don't have to," "It's important to me but it's not THAT important to me," "We should do whatever you want to do," etc. I know he doesn't want me to feel pressured but he also doesn't want to let down his dad if we don't follow suit, so I feel he isn't being forthcoming about HIS true wishes to anyone. I feel that by letting (forcing?) me to make the final decision about the name, he is effectively clearing himself of responsibility when it comes to answering questions about why we didn't follow the tradition. I've presented this to him and have been met with more of the same "whatever you want" responses.
Here are some of my thoughts/ concerns:
-The name is VERY old fashioned and unique/ not in style, definitely a name a kid could get teased over
-Although it's grown on me because I love my DH, I do not particularly like the name at all
-I worry that my child will be angry at me for intentionally calling him by his middle name and setting him up for a lifetime of inconveniences and confusion
-On the other hand, I worry that my child will be angry at me if I break the tradition and don't include him in the long line of men before him.
-I feel like my concerns are rooted in our future child's feelings and DH's concerns are rooted in his father's feelings.
-My FIL is a particularly amoral man who I do not look up to nor wish to name my child after... he has done many truly unsavory things, we'll leave it at that
-Yet conversely I feel that this name would be also for my husband
-I feel like the middle name is still an honorable placement
-I don't want my husband to feel disappointed and tell me so in the future after it's too late-- but then I also feel that I've given him numerous chances to tell me his true feelings and he has not (or he really doesn't care after all.)
-Selfishly (and yes I recognize the selfishness), I feel that I'm sort of being robbed of the joy of naming my child whatever my husband and I choose without third party pressure... after all, I'm the one with the stretch marks.
-I feel like it's a no-win situation because someone is going to wind up hurt or resentful no matter what we decide to do.
ETA: -no, there aren't really any nicknames that aren't already used and/ or we like, sadly.
-I also worry about having a second son and him feeling left out or weird about the whole thing-- if we use "Hank" as DS1's middle name, we could repeat that in the future.
What would you do if you were in my situation? I TRULY want to just do what's best and what's fair to everyone, and I've tried so many ways of looking at it/ weighing it out, and praying about it, and no clear answer has come to me. I feel like I'm wasting the last few months of my pregnancy being anxious and worried instead of being joyful in this fleeting moment in my life.
If you got through this, I owe you a dozen Mickey bars.
I am expecting in two months.
DH is the 8th generation of firstborn son in a row to be given the same first name. Each of the 8 men have had different middle names, though, so DH isn't really "the 8th" or a junior or any of that.
We have spent the last several months talking about names. What our son will actually be called is something we both totally agree upon-- we have chosen the name Harrison. What we haven't agreed upon is the order of his name. Harrison will either be his middle name, if we follow suit, or his first name if we buck tradition.
To give an example to clarify: Let's pretend the first name handed down 8 times is Hank (that's not the real name of course)... we can either:
- name our son Hank Harrison and call him Harrison all the time... we'd be following tradition but DS would go by his middle name for life. OR
- name him Harrison Hank, bucking tradition, DS would go by his first name and Hank would get the non-traditional placement of the middle name instead of the first.
Dh keeps deflecting responsibility to me, saying things like, "I guess we don't have to," "It's important to me but it's not THAT important to me," "We should do whatever you want to do," etc. I know he doesn't want me to feel pressured but he also doesn't want to let down his dad if we don't follow suit, so I feel he isn't being forthcoming about HIS true wishes to anyone. I feel that by letting (forcing?) me to make the final decision about the name, he is effectively clearing himself of responsibility when it comes to answering questions about why we didn't follow the tradition. I've presented this to him and have been met with more of the same "whatever you want" responses.
Here are some of my thoughts/ concerns:
-The name is VERY old fashioned and unique/ not in style, definitely a name a kid could get teased over
-Although it's grown on me because I love my DH, I do not particularly like the name at all
-I worry that my child will be angry at me for intentionally calling him by his middle name and setting him up for a lifetime of inconveniences and confusion
-On the other hand, I worry that my child will be angry at me if I break the tradition and don't include him in the long line of men before him.
-I feel like my concerns are rooted in our future child's feelings and DH's concerns are rooted in his father's feelings.
-My FIL is a particularly amoral man who I do not look up to nor wish to name my child after... he has done many truly unsavory things, we'll leave it at that
-Yet conversely I feel that this name would be also for my husband
-I feel like the middle name is still an honorable placement
-I don't want my husband to feel disappointed and tell me so in the future after it's too late-- but then I also feel that I've given him numerous chances to tell me his true feelings and he has not (or he really doesn't care after all.)
-Selfishly (and yes I recognize the selfishness), I feel that I'm sort of being robbed of the joy of naming my child whatever my husband and I choose without third party pressure... after all, I'm the one with the stretch marks.
-I feel like it's a no-win situation because someone is going to wind up hurt or resentful no matter what we decide to do.
ETA: -no, there aren't really any nicknames that aren't already used and/ or we like, sadly.
-I also worry about having a second son and him feeling left out or weird about the whole thing-- if we use "Hank" as DS1's middle name, we could repeat that in the future.
What would you do if you were in my situation? I TRULY want to just do what's best and what's fair to everyone, and I've tried so many ways of looking at it/ weighing it out, and praying about it, and no clear answer has come to me. I feel like I'm wasting the last few months of my pregnancy being anxious and worried instead of being joyful in this fleeting moment in my life.
If you got through this, I owe you a dozen Mickey bars.
Naming a child w/o any tradition interference is often difficult enough. Use the traditional name as the middle name. It is your child and if your husband is going to use you as the scapegoat then so be it, at least you have a name that you like saying..if your son dislikes the fact later that he did not follow in tradition he can always legally change his name, my cousin and best friends have done so, they hated their first names (both named after family and very "old fashioned" names) but loved their middle, both ladies legally changed their middle to their first name. When I had my DD her name was going to be decided upon by the 2 people that created her...listened to opinions but went with what we loved...and middle name was in tradition. Good luck
as the middle name to honor their mother's father. I said i didn't think it was right to have both names from one side of the family and no recognition at all. His sister said I had NO rights in naming our baby, because I had already named the first child (my son from a previous marriage). Just for future reference, you NEVER tell a pregnant woman she has no rights in the naming of her baby!!! I was ready to strangle her through the phone.
