Baby naming pressures... Updated with PIC: post #71

[nmmom95]

I haven't read anyone else's post so as to not taint my opinion.

Name your son the name you want, Harrison, as the first name. Then use the traditional name as the middle name. If you have another son, use it again.

I agree with this. Tradition is nice, but there is nothing wrong with starting your own tradition. Using "Hank" for a middle name for your son(s) is a nice way to honor your husband's family's tradition, while still being able to choose your child's name. In addition, it will be so much easier for your son. Everyone I know who is called by their middle name says it is a giant pain.

 

[worm761]

Your inlaws don't get to name your child. You and your DH do. If you feel that strongly against using for a first name then either use it as a middle name or not at all. If your DH really felt strongly about using the name then he WOULD say something. He just doesn't feel that strongly about the name but doesn't want to disappoint people.

When I got pregnant with DD I told Fiance that we were not naming the child after him as I don't like his name. Well, not his whole name and he is a Jr. When we found out that it was a girl I made the statement that I didn't care if it was a first or middle name but I would be using Olivia. He liked it so it is her first name. She is named after my grandma whom I miss daily. His mother threw a fit and stated that she wanted one of her grandchildren to be named after her. She would not let up about it. About a week before I had Olivia she was visiting and started in again. I simply told her that she named her children and I would name mine. End of discussion. No one but Fiance and I got an opinion. Though we did let DS help in naming his little sister.

 

[SweetJoy]

I would (and did) name my baby what I liked, and not feel obliged to follow tradition.
My husband is also from a long line of 'Hanks'. I love my husband - but I don't really care for his name. The name was passed down, his father 'Hank' died when my husband was a teenager, and my husband is the only son (and the last bearer of their surname). Also - my husband's sister did not name her son 'Hank' - although she did consider it - just in case DH and I ever had a son and wanted to use the name. So, the pressure was really on us to go the traditional route. DH and I agreed on choosing our own name (which we love) and don't regret doing so. If we disappointed anyone, they never made it known to us. Good luck OP

 

[Katy Belle]

Dh keeps deflecting responsibility to me, saying things like, "I guess we don't have to," "It's important to me but it's not THAT important to me," .

I have not read any other replies... but I think these two sentences from your original post speak volumes. He is not saying..."I don't want to" and "Its not important to me." Go with tradition, call him Harrison, it will be fine. I know lots of people who go buy their middle names and its fine, a pain occasionally, but in general, not a big deal.

 

[bellebud]

This is a situation in which you can provide a "win" for everyone:

Name him Hank Harrison Smith, but call him Harrison.
This gives the nod to tradition, yet also gives you the name you want to call him. You don't sound opposed to giving him the name legally so long as you can call him what you want every day.

When you set him up as a patient at the pediatrition, when you register him for school, etc., never tell anyone that Hank is his first name. Just say that his name is Harrison Smith. Official, legal names aren't required at these places -- yes, even school -- so you'll never have a problem. This saves him from saying every single year, "I go by my middle name."

His full, legal name will be on his birth certificate now and later it'll be on his driver's license, his diploma and other legal documents. You can pull out the whole name when those things become necessary.

As an adult, if he wishes, he can have H. Harrison Smith on his business cards.

This is much easier than being a Junior; having the exact same name as eight other family members is harder.

I like this solution the best.

I have to say though, I'd be very annoyed that I "had" to follow any tradition in naming my child. I'd make the deal that if we named our child this traditional name, even though calling him by the middle name, *I* alone get to name subsequent children (childish of me? possibly... but that's the only way I'd feel ok w/ the naming of my child being literally taken away from me).

Good luck!!

btw, I actually like the H. Harrison Jones thing. The first initial is very professional sounding.

 

[castleview]

I agree with this. Tradition is nice, but there is nothing wrong with starting your own tradition. Using "Hank" for a middle name for your son(s) is a nice way to honor your husband's family's tradition, while still being able to choose your child's name. In addition, it will be so much easier for your son. Everyone I know who is called by their middle name says it is a giant pain.

This is where I'm at. I'm just not into two immediate family members having the same name. Believe me, my husband is a "Hank IV". But our first was a girl and his family believed the roman numeral could only be carried down if the boy was firstborn. If I did name the boy "Hank" - I'd never call him that.

 

[Magic Mom]

It sound like it is important to your husband, but he doesn't want to upset you. I would go with tradition and call him Harrison. My brother is John Paul. My father and maternal grandfather and uncles are also John. My brother has always gone by Paul. His SS card and birth certificate say John Paul, but his business name is just Paul. It has never been a problem for him. Everyone knows him as Paul.

 

[Colleen27]

Going by a middle name really isn't a hassle at all, and it sounds to me like it does matter to your husband to continue the tradition. If it didn't matter he'd say so outright; dancing around it suggests to me that he cares but doesn't want to upset you or make you feel like he's making this decision unilaterally. My husband did the exact same thing when I was pregnant, and it wasn't until after the u/s showed "girl" that he really opened up about how important using that name was if we had a son.

Personally I'd stick with tradition and use the name you like better as a middle name, with that being what you call your son on a day to day basis. As others have said, the H. Harrison Smith route would be a good compromise.

 

[pyrxtc]

I would use the family name and use what I want for the middle name. You can call him the middle name or a nickname but stay with the tradition.

 

[Swan4Me]

Giving perspective as a girl with her moms name and my brother having fathers name
When you get older, and still live at home, trying to figure out which person the mail was for and who the phone call was for was irritating
I really wish I has an unique name

My DH is a junior- and parents hated the name, but wanted to keep the tradition DH was given a nickname that has NOTHING to doo with his real name- its a pain , as adults , that checkbooks, legal, banking is in a name that no one knows him by...you just can not imagine


I gave our kids original names.

 

[BelleBriarRose]

My name is very old and out of style, but I come from a long line of women with the same name. I used to hate the name as a kid, but now that I am older I enjoy learning about all the remarkable women whose name I share. The name therefore has more significance for me than a name that is more stylish, and I would not trade it for anything. My advice would be to stick with tradition, and call your child by his middle name, but do not be surprised if he decides to go by his first name (or a shortened version of it) when he is older. Today, I am proud of my name and its connections to my family tree, and I would not trade it for anything else. But that has just been my experience

 

[Coconut36]

To me the only thing that would play into my decision is it being my DH's name and his feelings on the matter. Depending on how important it was to him balanced with how you feel about the name. I think you guys have to talk about it and really work to come to a common ground. If other family is giving their input ignore them..it isn't important what they think about it.

My DH had a tradition where a child is given a name using the first initial of someone who passed..so if Uncle John died you would use a J name for the child. The initial of the person who passed was the same starting letter of our last name and I HATED all the names of that letter we came up with against our last name (and I am not a fan of matchy match like Susie Smith or John Jones so that was a part of the problem). We agreed to use the initial for the middle name vs the first so the tradition would carry on but I could live with the first name choice.

I am shocked at how many people say to continue with the tradition..I just don't see it is so all out important although I am sure it comes from the fact that I am NOT a fan of "Jrs" or family members all having the same name..we have 4 people with the same name and I find it an annoying PITA..things get confused, mail or credit reports get screwed up (my Dad and Grandpa for instance are like the OP..same first name but different middle names and it still happens) and you have to explain who you are talking about "Big John" vs "Little John" and I dislike the lack of personality identity when this occurs so I know that clouds my judgement.

So for me I would say have a heart to heart with your DH and really think on it yourself. If it was something that was extremely important to my DH then I would likely put my issues aside and use the family name..if he was "eh" about it or was bowing to outside pressure then I likely wouldn't do it. I am all about starting new traditions as well.

 

[sookie]

Give him the traditional first name, calling him by your preferred name.
We have done this and I am so happy we did!!! my son is the sixth!!
I has made everyone so proud... I am thrilled because it is such an unusual name and everyone loves it. Believe me when I met his dad (who does not go by the name) I was so shocked by the name I was like - seriously - THAT is your name?! Ha!!!

 

[ReneeA]

I would go with tradition and name the baby with the traditional first name, your choice for middle name, and then call them by their middle name. Of course, this is coming from someone who has a "Jr." and a DH who was named after a long line of men from his mother's side of the family.

We know many people who go by their middle name, and it's not confusing at all. I imagine it's about the same as having a Jr. with official documents...people occasionally seem baffled, and then when it's clarified...not a big deal.

I also agree with some of the others that your DH probably feels much more strongly than what he's telling you right now. I know that my DH did lots of tippy toeing around me the last few months of my prenancy, to avoid undue emotions/drama from me. If it didn't matter to him, he'd have told you up front to go ahead and give the baby the name you picked out.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I'm glad I didn't have anyone chiming in on my naming decisions! We ended up choosing a name for our daughter and my mil liked it because it was her mother's middle name (my dh hadn't known that) and we ended up giving my grandma's middle name to her for her middle name. That made my mom happy since she always wished she'd used that for me. We picked the name for our son based upon its meaning and his middle name is my hubby's first name.

My cousin did have issues. Her dh is Hank IV and it was expected that my cousin would give birth to Hank V. It was a big nightmare when she was pregnant with their first. I thought it was hysterical since neither her dh or her fil like the name Hank and each goes by a nickname. First child was born and luckily was a girl. The compromise is that the daughter's middle name is a common nickname for dad's name. The next two children were boys and neither was named Hank. I guess they all got over it.

If I were the OP I would name my baby what my husband and I liked. I do like he idea of tradition and naming a baby after a relative, but I would also have to like it. I really think that if you choose something different, the family will get over it.

 

[cornflake]

I don't like the jr. thing at all, personally.

I also - as a person who was the recepient of this one - would NOT do the 'name him one thing, call him another' thing. It's an endless pain in the rear, honestly. First, try to convince everyone to call the kid that - isn't happening. There are either teachers who go by what's on the roll or relatives who don't want to or whatever, so there are always two in play.

Then, it's forever with 'oh, wait, that's not my legal name...' and people who know you by the name you go by seeing it someplace and being 'wait, your real name is?!... I shall call you that cause I find it amusing that no one else does...' It's just annoying on many fronts. If it's a James-to-Jim or a Harrison-to-Harry, everyone gets it's a nickname. When it's an entirely other name, it's issues.

I'd sit down with your husband, lay out your feelings, say you want to honour HIM but that doesn't necessarily need to be with a first name. After all, if you have another son, not going to go the George Foreman route, I assume. So...do the same middle name for the family name but go by the actual name, whatever one you choose, would be my choice.

 

[Bluestars]

I wouldn't give my child a name that I didn't like and that I thought he wouldn't like either. I'm not fond of using the same first name from generation to generation either. I would choose a first name that both my husband and I could agree upon. I would not make my child use his middle name throughout his life either. Whatever he was going to be called would be his first name.

But people need to do what they feel comfortable doing. I think the name of a child should be between the mother and father of the child, not any other family members.

 

[LilyWDW]

If I didn't like the name, I wouldn't follow tradition. I would use it as a middle name to keep the family name, but I would not name my child something I didn't like just for the sake of tradition.

This is how I feel. This is YOUR child, not the family's child. If you and your husband agree, then don't feel pressured to do what other people want. If you don't like the name, then don't use it as your child's name. There is no reason to follow tradition if you don't want to. Make your own tradition.

Note however, that I do think you need to sit down and really talk to your husband about this. Find out how big of a deal it REALLY is to HIM.

 

[100AcreWood]

Someone will end the tradition. Either you end it or a future generation will. Someone will eventually put their foot down.

Maybe you start a new one and use Harrison as the first name and the name you call your husband by as the 2nd.

My dh was the first of many generations that was not a Charles. His grandmother was the one that suggested the end of the Charles.

 

[Scurvy]

It sounds like it's important to your husband, and for that reason I'd follow the tradition and give him your husband's first name, but call him whatever you want to call him.

For my whole life I've gone by a nickname that comes from my middle name. My first name is one that had been used in my family for the first girl in each generation for many years. It's never been a problem for me that my first name isn't the one I go by - if anything, it's made it easier to weed out the calls from telemarketers.