B-Day Invitation and dress code

[mom to minnie&mickey]

So dd (16) came home today with an invitation to a close school friend's Sweet 16. The party is being held on a Friday night at a reception hall. At the bottom was written "Dress fancy- dress, skirt and high heels. NO PANTS!"

We have never received an invite to anywhere telling us how to dress and frankly we are well aware of what is appropriate for any given occasion. Keep in mind we live in a very cold climate where the temp. today is -20 below Celsius so dress pants during the winter is usually very appropriate even for fancier weddings.
I'm puzzled is this the new norm and has anyone else ever received an invitation like this? DD was torn between wearing a dress or a nice pair of pants and fancy shirt but now I guess the decision has already been made for her!

 

[Wendy31]

I don't know whether or not this kind of invitation is the "norm" or not, although many invitations do mention "dress" sometimes - formal, sem-formal, business casual, costume, etc.

From the invitation, I would just assume that the bday girl wants a "fancy" party & is trying to ensure that everybody dresses the part - she wants the girls in dresses! And pants, even if they are "dressier" tend to be less dressy than a dress - at least in the bday girl's mind.

For DD's 2nd birthday, we had a "Snow Princess" theme &, on the invitation, I said "If you'd like, wear something snowy!" Her 4th birthday was a Princess party, &, on the invitation, I told everyone to feel free to wear a princess costume. For her "Strawberry Shortcake" 6th birthday, the invitation asked everyone to wear their pajamas. For our boys, I never mentioned dress on their bday invitations! LOL!

 

[TinkerBelled]

I don't know whether or not this kind of invitation is the "norm" or not, although many invitations do mention "dress" sometimes - formal, sem-formal, business casual, costume, etc.

From the invitation, I would just assume that the bday girl wanted a "fancy" party & is trying to ensure that everybody dresses the part - she wants the girls in dresses!

For DD's 2nd birthday, we had a "Snow Princess" theme &, on the invitation, I said "If you'd like, wear something snowy!" Her 4th birthday was a Princess party, &, on the invitation, I told everyone to feel free to wear a princess costume. For her "Strawberry Shortcake" 6th birthday, the invitation asked everyone to wear their pajamas. For our boys, I never mentioned dress on their bday invitations! LOL!

Amusingly, pants means underwear in Britain, so when I saw the first few lines, I was pretty taken aback!

 

[sonnyjane]

So dd (16) came home today with an invitation to a close school friend's Sweet 16. The party is being held on a Friday night at a reception hall. At the bottom was written "Dress fancy- dress, skirt and high heels. NO PANTS!"

We have never received an invite to anywhere telling us how to dress and frankly we are well aware of what is appropriate for any given occasion. Keep in mind we live in a very cold climate where the temp. today is -20 below Celsius so dress pants during the winter is usually very appropriate even for fancier weddings.
I'm puzzled is this the new norm and has anyone else ever received an invitation like this? DD was torn between wearing a dress or a nice pair of pants and fancy shirt but now I guess the decision has already been made for her!

I kind of agree along the lines of what a previous poster said, which is that I don't think they are trying to be insulting or imply that you wouldn't know how to dress, more that the girl wants everyone in dresses for the fun of her party. I see this for bachelorette parties a lot... "Wear your sexiest black dress!" etc.

 

[Shanna-like-Banana]

well, believe it for not, some people think dressing "nice" and wearing the same ole jeans they wear to school.

so I *think thats where the pants comment comes into effect

 

[njmom47]

Sweet Sixteen parties are a big deal around here. A short fancy dress is what the girls wear.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. Sweet 16's in our area can be anywhere from wedding-like to very casual home events. For my dd we rented part of a restaurant that had a private room and we invited family and friends. It never occurred to me to put a dress code on the invite and people were dressed casually fancy (high heels and flats, dress pants and skirts and dresses). We just wanted everyone to be comfortable and have a good time.
What stuck out to me was the NO PANTS in all caps...but whatever it's her party.

Now I can totally understand having a themed or costume party and advising people of it on the invite like a pp said.

 

[NaLisa]

I would let my daughter decide, but I personally would not want to attend a party that dictated that I wear a dress or skirt and high heels. I am not comfortable in a dress or skirt and certainly not in heels (the repeated wearing of which can cause a variety of health problems). I think a very nice pair of pants and blouse would be fancy enough for a sweet 16 party.

 

[rigs32]

If you're worried about cold, yoga pants can be worn under a dress for transit and easily removed upon arrival.

 

[sonnyjane]

If you're worried about cold, yoga pants can be worn under a dress for transit and easily removed upon arrival.

Or tights!!

 

[Art 1]

I would let my daughter decide, but I personally would not want to attend a party that dictated that I wear a dress or skirt and high heels. I am not comfortable in a dress or skirt and certainly not in heels (the repeated wearing of which can cause a variety of health problems). I think a very nice pair of pants and blouse would be fancy enough for a sweet 16 party.

It really wouldn't be for many of them, especially the quinceanaras. I had the "suggested" dress code put into my daughters invitations mainly so to keep anyone from being embarrassed, it was very formal.

 

[minkydog]

DD20 had a birthday (14, maybe?) where she invited her best girl friends and had them all dress up in their nicest party dresses. I figured, it's her party. If she wants to have something really special, why not? I made a special dinner and used MILs good china. Served sparkling apple juice in goblets and later served tea from my silver service with little cakes. The girls loved it! Even today, sometimes she and her friends will declare Dress Up Night and go out to dinner or a movie together.

 

[LilyWDW]

It is their party and if that is what they want, then that is what they want. I figure if I don't want to wear a dress then I don't want to go badly enough. Just like if a wedding is "black tie". They can have whatever theme they want and either you follow it or you don't go.

 

[clm10308]

Amusingly, pants means underwear in Britain, so when I saw the first few lines, I was pretty taken aback!

Totally OT, but this reminds me of a few years ago when I attended a workshop on the history of women's clothing, and I learned why it used to be considered scandalous for a woman to show her ankles in public.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I would let my daughter decide, but I personally would not want to attend a party that dictated that I wear a dress or skirt and high heels. I am not comfortable in a dress or skirt and certainly not in heels (the repeated wearing of which can cause a variety of health problems). I think a very nice pair of pants and blouse would be fancy enough for a sweet 16 party.

Obviously thats not what the birthday girl wants though and its her day.

I couldnt imagine a 16 yo girl going against the grain and wearing something specifically different than what was placed on the invitation.
Most 16 yo's I know would wear a dress and heels anyhow, even without it written on the invitation.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Is the mom's name "Peggy"?

 

[LilyWDW]

I would let my daughter decide, but I personally would not want to attend a party that dictated that I wear a dress or skirt and high heels. I am not comfortable in a dress or skirt and certainly not in heels (the repeated wearing of which can cause a variety of health problems). I think a very nice pair of pants and blouse would be fancy enough for a sweet 16 party.

And wearing a nice pair of pants and a blouse would be considered quite rude. It would say "I am more important then the birthday girl so I ignored the invitation".

If you got invited to a wedding that was "black tie" would you show up in pants and a blouse? I wouldn't. It would be the incorrect dress for the occasion. Same as here.

 

[DizBelle]

You might know what is appropriate but in my experience, most people don't and need to be told straight out what is appropriate.

 

[scrapquitler]

So dd (16) came home today with an invitation to a close school friend's Sweet 16. The party is being held on a Friday night at a reception hall. At the bottom was written "Dress fancy- dress, skirt and high heels. NO PANTS!"

We have never received an invite to anywhere telling us how to dress and frankly we are well aware of what is appropriate for any given occasion. Keep in mind we live in a very cold climate where the temp. today is -20 below Celsius so dress pants during the winter is usually very appropriate even for fancier weddings.
I'm puzzled is this the new norm and has anyone else ever received an invitation like this? DD was torn between wearing a dress or a nice pair of pants and fancy shirt but now I guess the decision has already been made for her!

My 17 year old daughter has been to two parties that said things like this on the invitation. Let me start by saying that she does not own a pair of high heels except for the ones that have taps on them and all her other shoes are sneakers, and she does not even own a dress. And never wears makeup except for during dance recital.

For one of them, she wore a nice pair of capris and a dressy top and cute flats. For the other, she did buy a dress and wore a pair of flip flops with it.

My statement to my daughter was simple: "they want you to be dressed up, if you aren't dressed up like everyone else, you might stand out and look out of place, but that's not my problem. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what is expected even if it's not what you want to do." Then I let her make the decision.

Just last week, she had a reception for the graduating seniors at her dance studio. Of the 13 girls, she was the only one that was not all dressed up. Again, she went in sneakers, nice jeans and a dressy top. Everyone else was in new dresses, high heels and all dolled up. She didn't care, and nobody was surprised to see her being herself.

I think you should just let your daughter decide for herself what she is comfortable wearing. For my daughter, she decided that she was not particularly concerned with what other people think.

 

[NaLisa]

And wearing a nice pair of pants and a blouse would be considered quite rude. It would say "I am more important then the birthday girl so I ignored the invitation".

If you got invited to a wedding that was "black tie" would you show up in pants and a blouse? I wouldn't. It would be the incorrect dress for the occasion. Same as here.

I would not ignore the host's instructions and wear pants and a blouse to a party that specifically said not to wear pants; I would just choose not to attend. For me, personally, I would not be so strict in requiring girls to wear a dress or skirt to a 16th birthday party, and none of the 16 year old girls I know would want such a "fancy" party. To each her own.

Obviously, a wedding is an entirely different matter. If the invitation said black tie and I wanted to attend, then I would definitely wear a black tie.