Attention All Married Ladies out there I NEED your help and thoughts!!!

[DisneyJen0504]

DH and I have never had the type of relationship where we tell the other what to do. But we know what we don't like the other doing, and we each respect that. That being said, DH has a guys night once every few months and plays cards about once every 2 weeks with the guys. Usually, since all the guy's wives and girlfriends are friends too, we just work it out so the guys and girls have their own nights out.
Doesn't bother me if he goes out with the guys.

 

[tar heel]

My DH doesn't go out to bars and that kind of thing, but he plays music with long time friends who live two hours away. He is usually gone all day a couple of times a month and once in a while he spends the night. This really isn't a big deal to me b/c it means a lot to him. I use the time as an opportunity to do things I want to do -- might be a house project, shopping, visiting parents or going out with girlfriends.

It would be a really big deal to me, however, if I had young children who needed constant care. If that were the case, I would feel dumped on. Do you OP?

 

[Miniefan]

Okay, so maybe I opened up a can o' worms here.....I guess I should be a little more specific with the nature of our life and what does go on...... We own two businesses, one-construction business owned by Dh and I and two- Dh is part owner of a construction business with his bro. Dh and bro and friends are on men's baseball leauge, me and our two kids ds8,dd6, attend most of these games, ATVing is done all day Sunday and it is attended by the whole family, although it is together, it sometimes feels solitarty because most of us find ourselves exploring on our own. I go to the gym at an all women's gym during the day, dh goes in the evening to his gym between jobs, activities or whenever he can. His "bike night" is on Tuesday nights where all the bike riders meet at HOOTERs and BS, and the occasional Sunday afternoon when they might all get together and "Stunt" . Men's Ball is usually on Mon & Wed or Tues & Thurs. DD has dance on Tues night and DS has boxing on Thursday. All in all we are alla really active family. Dh usually doesn't work weekends but has lately due to lots of Katrina work.

Like someone else posted We do not have the kind of relationship where we tell each other what to do nor do we try. The main purpose of my post was pure intrest in other's marriage, and basicly if other hubbies out there even do go on "guys night out" And, by guys night out, usually this is done at a local bar that we all hang out at, myself included a lot(although not on guys night out) or at someplace like TGI fridays with some of our mutual friends which I might include most aren't married, only 2 (dh&his bro) but a few have girlfriends(who occassionally show up at GNO) I don't mind GNO , when Dh does go he waits until we have done dinner and put kids to bed and then goes, I guess in my own personal situation it just bugs me sometimes when I feel it is taking personal time away from me and Dh. My Dh is a great fun-loving guy who is everyone's friend and nobody's enemy. He is a great big kid and will probably never grow up but honestly this is probably why I love him so much.
Thanks guys!
Kim

 

[mamacatnv]

My Dh never does this although I really wish he would once in awhile. He is not very outgoing and much prefers to be at home bugging me

MamaCatNV

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I didn't vote in your poll because there really isn't an option for me. Or I didn't see it.

No, my DH doesn't normally go out for a guy's night out sort of thing, at least not on any kind of a regular basis. Very occasionally he'll get invited to go to a basketball (college) or baseball game (pro) and will go with a friend. That's really about it.

It's not that I would mind him going to a bar, restaurant, etc, with friends, but we have children and their activities, we value our time together, our priority is family time, he works a lot, and he doesn't want to be on the go every minute. We realize that these years pass fast and there's no reason to run outselves ragged.

So no, he doesn't normally go, but if he wants to go he can. I'm not opposed to it if he has the desire.

Usually when we go somewhere it's either as a family or the two of us, as a couple.

 

[disneymcgraw]

I've been married for 13 years and we both have nights out. Hubby plays poker every other Monday night and he golfs on occasion.

Our best friends are another couple and they are truly like family. My husband goes away with our friend on a golf trip once a year. My hubby works very hard and he really misses out on doing a lot of things so I really am glad when he gets to go out.

That being said, I go out on girls' nights out too. My best friend and I will be going to the Bahamas in July, no kids or husbands. This will follow a family trip to Cape Cod. We do things as a family but I think for us it's healthy to also do things without each other. My best friend and I go to concerts whenever we can. We are taking the boys with us to see Tim and Faith but normally it's a girls' night out.

 

[kirstyfly]

Do you have 'date night' for just you two?

My hubby and i were hardly seeing each other due to other commitments so we made sure that one night a week every week is our date night.

We have a date night on a Thursday so make no plans for other things apart from each other.

Date night works as we get to spend quality time together.

He still goes out and does his things and i do mine. he is going out with the boys tonight but i don't mind as we get to have time together.

 

[Planogirl]

My husband and I have both gone out without one another from time to time over the years and it's no big deal to either of us. We have our own interests apart and it really doesn't seem necessary to do everything together. My DH doesn't even like WDW for goodness sake and I definitely don't like gambling.

 

[taeja71]

be carefull paying too much attention to advice here. i was in a similar situation and it cost me my marriage.
he seems like a very motivated guy who wants to provide for your family.
you said you were mildly miffed.
i would suggest you are not being ignored or disrespected as someone posted. perhaps he feel very secure in your relationship. my husband did and had no idea how i was feeling. he thought he was being a good husband, what was one night out. he wasn't doing anything improper. so i was the one who started looking elsewhere. if its attention you want, someone will always be there to give it to you.
i realize now how great he was. marriage it sacred. men have feelings, needs and desires too.
talk to him about how you feel. don't poll 60,000 of your closest friends.
i have followed so many of these threads and before long you will be told to dump his rear end because he a male pig.

I agree with this poster. Talk to your mother, dad, his parents, pastor, rabi, spiritual leader...get the point? All dh's are different and so asking your question and asking for replies, you are going to get a whole bunch of different responses.

I would suggest, put your most recent post about...opening a can of worms..... up in your original post. I didn't read the that page until now. I started writing a lONG reply and then found your post explaining his business, your family time, etc.. I think having that info up front would help other readers. I started posting about how I thought you were a young (time wise) married couple....boy was I wrong-whoops!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Okay, so maybe I opened up a can o' worms here.....I guess I should be a little more specific with the nature of our life and what does go on...... We own two businesses, one-construction business owned by Dh and I and two- Dh is part owner of a construction business with his bro. Dh and bro and friends are on men's baseball leauge, me and our two kids ds8,dd6, attend most of these games, ATVing is done all day Sunday and it is attended by the whole family, although it is together, it sometimes feels solitarty because most of us find ourselves exploring on our own. I go to the gym at an all women's gym during the day, dh goes in the evening to his gym between jobs, activities or whenever he can. His "bike night" is on Tuesday nights where all the bike riders meet at HOOTERs and BS, and the occasional Sunday afternoon when they might all get together and "Stunt" . Men's Ball is usually on Mon & Wed or Tues & Thurs. DD has dance on Tues night and DS has boxing on Thursday. All in all we are alla really active family. Dh usually doesn't work weekends but has lately due to lots of Katrina work.

Like someone else posted We do not have the kind of relationship where we tell each other what to do nor do we try. The main purpose of my post was pure intrest in other's marriage, and basicly if other hubbies out there even do go on "guys night out" And, by guys night out, usually this is done at a local bar that we all hang out at, myself included a lot(although not on guys night out) or at someplace like TGI fridays with some of our mutual friends which I might include most aren't married, only 2 (dh&his bro) but a few have girlfriends(who occassionally show up at GNO) I don't mind GNO , when Dh does go he waits until we have done dinner and put kids to bed and then goes, I guess in my own personal situation it just bugs me sometimes when I feel it is taking personal time away from me and Dh. My Dh is a great fun-loving guy who is everyone's friend and nobody's enemy. He is a great big kid and will probably never grow up but honestly this is probably why I love him so much.
Thanks guys!
Kim

Gee, it doesn't sound much like your original post.

It sounds like everything is rocking along just fine for you guys. Our family is somewhat different in that we don't take on all those extra activities. We like to spend time together in our home where it's quiet.

I wouldn't worry too much. It sounds like everything is good for you and you wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[azgal81]

Maybe you can join in on one of the activities with him and he could do the same for something you enjoy doing. That way you would get to spend time with him also maybe have a date night once a week or something like that. In all honestly I think you should talk to your husband and tell him your feelings he might just not realize how much he's doing other things and not spending time with you.

I think guy nights as well as girl nights are good every once in awhile. Everyone needs to do their own thing once in awhile.

 

[shortbun]

My husband has loads of friends but they don't do "guys night out." They do kayak, bike and help each other with home improvement projects as well as see each other when the families get together. IMHO, it seems that your husband has plenty of "out" opportunity with his other recreational endeavors. And...a weekly night out is bordering on immature and definitely overdoing imho. If these "guys" want a night "out" on top of their many other manly activities, I'd say they should invite their women friends to go along OR make it a monthly instead of a weekly. How old are these guys anyway?

OK-just read your 2nd post and had my questions answered. Seems like your lifestyle is much different than ours. We spend loads of family time, at home, in the park, biking, going to sporting events but not in bars. Seems like you have kind of a frat thing going on so I understand why your spouse keeps it going. I would suggest a date night for the two of you once a month so you keep the marriage thing going too. Have fun and be safe! Be sure to let your husband know you want to be his playmate too!

 

[sunlver]

I havent read all the responses yet. Each marriage is different, you wont get one solid answer. Ive been married 12 yrs. I can count on both hands how many times hes been out with friends. He actually one has one good friend who he talks too. MOstly,he goes and hangs at his house because his friend is always needing help putting together/repairing some sort of car(my husband is very good with this sort of thing). Every couple of months my husband goes there, but normally waits until the kids are in bed, so he can help with bedtime stuff.
I go to moms nights out with my playgroup. I do this every couple of months. This month we are going to a comedy club, while my husband stays home with the kids.

 

[rlovew]

My husband has an occasional guys night out, although it is with a group of guys that meet for Bible study and dinner in my home weekly. They go out instead of Bible study for the week so it is still only one night a week. Occasionally when celebrating someone's birthday the guys and their significant others will go out. But as I said these are guys that are at my home once a week and I really know. Many times they go out because it is inconvient for me to cook for them on that night because of something I am doing.

At the same time my DH and I have many activities that we do together and we try to schedule seperate activities on the same night minimizing the time we are apart. I would suggest trying to get involved in some of his activities. Ask him to take you with him on the motorcycle or show you how to drive he four wheel. If you show an interest, he may also begin taking an interest in something you do. Also instead of arguing about guys night out try to ask for a night to do something together, ask him to mark his calander. Many couples I know set up a date night once a week to have time for just themselves.