Attending a Catholic funeral questions

[Mkrop]

I am sorry for your loss.

A note if you go to the mass:

As others have already said don't take communion. Just sit and meditate.

Also you don't have to kneel during the prayer portions if it make you uncomfortable - just remain sitting.

You should be able to easily follow along with the others and the priest will usually lead you as to when you should stand, sit, kneel.

As a heads up - There is usually a portion of the service where people greet one another near them - shake hands, offer 'peace be with you' blessings to each other.

Oh good point to bring up, I know my Jewish SIL was kind of like what the heck when she attended her first Mass with us...but she said it is such a nice thing that we do in our services. And it is something someone of any faith/nonbelievers can participate in bc truly I think we all wish peace to one another!

 

[daannzzz]

Oh good point to bring up, I know my Jewish SIL was kind of like what the heck when she attended her first Mass with us...but she said it is such a nice thing that we do in our services. And it is something someone of any faith/nonbelievers can participate in bc truly I think we all wish peace to one another!

Thanks everyone for this heads up. I would have been at a loss!!!

 

[krcit]

It's interesting to read the different ways wakes are done. I'm on LI, NY and every Catholic wake I have ever been to has been at the funeral parlor, 2 days max. Viewing 2-4(sometimes 5) and 7-9. The Mass is in the morning and then the burial and reception. My friend passed away in Feb and for him they had just one day wake(seems to be the trend) and then he had a memorial service in the funeral parlor instead of a Mass. He was then cremated.

 

[bumbershoot]

The "proper" funerals I've been to are long in the past. The most recently Catholic service I attended was a memorial service at the church, after cremation (which is unusual and only relatively newly allowed with the church, I guess). So I'll focus on you feeling comfortable.

If you're lucky the priest will walk all non-Catholics through the service. Since you're not religious it's probably not an issue but you cannot take communion/mass unless you are Catholic.

If you are lucky, yes that will happen. If not, just know that as a non-Catholic you don't have to do anything but sit there quietly. I've seen people who aren't Catholic but feel uncomfortable just sitting there actually go up and do what others are doing (receiving communion)...in fact I almost did it at the first Catholic service I went to! Thankfully a friend stopped me.

Like everyone else has said, don't worry too much about protocal - just being there will be appeciated.

PLEASE don't feel remotely awkward or uncomfortable if you don't know the words. Just stand respectfully.

Like a PP said, don't be suprised if at times the viewing or reception seem like a happy social gathering. that's in the long and grand tradition of Italian and Irish wakes.

Yes and yes and yes. The recent service I went to was full of booze and people trying to remember the awesome life of the man who had died. Lots of tears, but also lots of laughter and smiles. And lots of drinking.

Also you don't have to kneel during the prayer portions if it make you uncomfortable - just remain sitting.

You should be able to easily follow along with the others and the priest will usually lead you as to when you should stand, sit, kneel.

After my first Catholic service (the one where I almost just followed friends up to the priest), I was told that I didn't have to do all the standing sitting kneeling (or "stand up sit down fight fight fight" as my irreverent Catholic friends called it...we were in high school after all). If only I'd known *before*. So now you do. I tend to sit towards the back, and I just sit, I don't kneel. I do stand, though, just seems right. But since I'm not praying (rather agnostic) I don't kneel. If you will be praying, go ahead. The info might be in a handout about the service...or they will tell you...or just follow what others are doing, if you wish to do it.


I'm sorry about your loss.

 

[Disney Doll]

It's not unusual to see folks at a Catholic funeral Mass who are only doing the sitting or standing and not the kneeling part. Usually folks who aren't Catholic just sit during the kneeling part.

 

[daannzzz]

Update for those of you who are curious.

I went to the viewing Friday after work. His sister was there, in charge, I had never met her but she was happy that I could come. There was a couple other people there.
I went to the service today and sat by myself so did not have anyone to shake hands with...which is good because that part came along to suddenly I was surprised. The mass had the incense and holy water and lots of standing and sitting. It lasted just an hour. They are all at the interment now. I had to come back to work for a bit. I will go to the reception shortly where I will try to talk to people as no one there knows me.