At wits end with dd's bedroom!!

[melk]

My 13yo dd has become an absolute slob (shocking, I know ). But honestly, I just walked in and NEXT to the hamper is a huge pile of clothes, some of them still folded!!! I do the laundry and fold it all, but each kid has to get their pile and put it away. She has some kind of aversion to her dresser, b/c the clothes never make it in there!!!

What have you done to get their kids to keep their room picked up? I'm not looking for perfection, I just can't stand the piles of clothes on the floor. She's got a good size closet and a dresser, but seems incapable of using either .

DH wants to take off her bedroom door, and she can get it back when she starts taking some responsibility. Any other ideas?

Thanks for letting me vent!!

 

[cepmom]

DD12 doesn't put her clothes away either. I fold them, put them on her bed then when she goes to bed, she puts them on the floor along with her dirty clothes. . I'm going to start taking the clothes away when I find them on the floor. Then when she has nothing left to wear, maybe she'll figure out how to put them away in the dresser and closet

 

[NMAmy]

I made dd do her own laundry at that age. That cut down on the mixing of clean and dirty clothes.

Aside from that, I kept her door closed and just ignored it. We had a deal--as long as there was no food or plates left in her room, I wouldn't nag her to clean it up. She did have chores for the rest of the house but I let her keep her room the way she wanted it. It just got to the point where we were arguing about it constantly and it wasn't worth the fight.

She's in college now and she's gotten much better. I remember being a slob when I was a teen, too, and that's what my mom did with my sisters and I and we're all three very tidy housekeepers nowadays.

 

[kacaju]

I don't worry about it. I have two teen girls. I refuse to get upset over how they keep their rooms. If I don't want to look at their room, I close the door.

 

[Kirby]

My daughter's the same way and she's 18. I just decided that that was a battle I just did not want to fight anymore. If she wanted her friends to wallow with her in her pig sty, then that was the way it would be. Apparently her friends were just as bad. We just required for her to keep the door closed so that we did not have to see it. Occasionally we would tell her that she had to clean her room in order to visit with her friends but within 24 hours it looked like she had not touched it. And we did require her to clean her room when family came to visit so we could use her room for them to sleep in. Otherwise, her room hasn't had a good cleaning in years. I got to where I would refuse to enter her room. Every now and then she would call me from school to ask if I would look for something that she forgot. Too bad, can't enter your room, too much stuff on the floor.

Fortunately, she has gone off to college and I can get in there now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The only solution I have ever found is too go thru their room, get rid of everything that is not immediate needs for starters. (makes it easy to clean)

Strip the room to the bare bones and then ground them from all TV, computers, phone, etc. anything that they do in their spare time.

The options for entertainment are sleeping, reading or doing homework.

At first they don't care and will push back. After awhile it gets to them and then you tell them they have to earn their way back.

That is probably the only solution out of my bag of tricks that works. Of course as soon as it goes back to business as usual, the kid reverts back unless you stay on top of it.

Right now my almost 13yodd is grounded from her computer for lying. We are in the "I don't care" phase. I have been around the block with my oldest so we will see where this takes us.

Oh and I really don't care about slobness, however she has been leaving food and dirty dishes and other things on her floor that are gross.

 

[dawson5]

we do the same thing, I clean and fold the laundry, they put away their things and all put away the towels & washcloths. My youngest used to give me problems about putting his away (I even made it really easy for him, separated them on his bed in piles of shorts, t's, undies, socks, etc.) Still Iwould find them under the bed, still folded and clean, in the closet behind stuffed animals. Drove me nuts, talking, yelling, taking away games/privileges didn't help. Then I started taking his clothes. If I found them not put away and hidden, I took them. When he started getting down to one pr of undies and no socks and comes to me "mom where's my clothes, do you have any clean clothes in the dryer?" I gave an innocent look, "no, you have all the clean clothes. They should be in your dresser or closet." It got to him when he couldn't find his baseball uniform. This forced the issue, we had a talk and he's been pretty good about it since then. This came to a head when he was around 9, he's 12 now.

My mother was a different animal though. If we did this or didn't put the clothes away where they belonged in the dresser, she would dump the drawer and we would have to refold. This worked with my sister and I, but not my baby brother. He left it. To this day he is a pig. His room is just dirty, you can't tell clean from dirty clothes. <shudder>

 

[scottishduffy]

When I was 12-14 my room was the *one* thing my Mom and I fought about *daily*.

I had previously kept it tidy as a kid, but as a teen I just let it go. This was my hill to die on. My mom and I constantly yelled and fought with each other. I don't know why it became such a huge issue it just did. I wanted my room my way, and she wanted it organized. Eventually a compromise was reached where all i had to do was keep a walking path clear down the center, and the rest she would ignore. If there was no path clear then she would not put clean clothes in. She never picked up clothes anymore or did anything (cleaning related) in my room. It became my problem. The only thing she would care about was plates.

Yes, my room stayed messy. However, it wasn't mom's problem anymore. I would put away my own clothes after she had put them on my bed. If I lost an item it was my fault only. She was not about to look for it or help in any way, not in my room. It really decreased the fighting and made life easier for us both. Perhaps your daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her room as well. There will be bigger battles to fight in the teen years, so letting her have this one may help you both.

She would clean it before the holidays when family came over, if I hadn't already. This was done with the agreement that either I cleaned it or she would clean it and throw out whatever looked like trash. After one year of losing stuff I'd clean it for the holidays. That was the 'yearly' clean! She also went through it in the summer during the 4 weeks I was at summer camp. I always knew she would do this and it was fine by me.

 

[RitaE]

My teens do their own laundry too. Laundry is the one job in this house that just overwhelms me and getting the teens to do their own cuts it down to at least a manageable level.

I suppose you could always pull one of those "The Nanny" tricks and tell her that anything left on her bedroom floor after a certain time of day will be making its way into a trash bag.

 

[NHdisneylover]

DD12 helps a lot with the laundry. DS10 not so much, but once in while helps out. If I insisted they do their own laundry he would wear dirty clothes and not care
I (or DD) fold clothes and leave then on the table in the laundry room for hte kids to retrieve and put away. DD does jsut that. DS is often found runnign naked down to the laundry room in the morning to find clothes. I figure at least then the clean things are not getting mixed in with the dirty things 9in his floor or hamper) and if he would rather run down 2 flights of stairs every morning than put things away once a week then that is his decision I think he is pretty weird, but really I have bigger battles to fight.

 

[Kitzka]

I wish i could offer some advice. Most of the pps have offered good advice. My DD 11 is a NEAT FREAK. She does not get it from me or her father but she hates things in her room to be unorganized. Her closet is organized by clothing color and within that by type (all the short selleved white shirts go together, all the long sleeved green shirts etc).

She isn't great about putting her stuff away when it's around the house but she knows that if i or DH step on something and break it, well too bad so sad. it's gone.

good luck. i am hoping DD stays neat freaky while she continues to live with me.

Lara

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My daughter's the same way and she's 18. I just decided that that was a battle I just did not want to fight anymore. If she wanted her friends to wallow with her in her pig sty, then that was the way it would be. Apparently her friends were just as bad. We just required for her to keep the door closed so that we did not have to see it. Occasionally we would tell her that she had to clean her room in order to visit with her friends but within 24 hours it looked like she had not touched it. And we did require her to clean her room when family came to visit so we could use her room for them to sleep in. Otherwise, her room hasn't had a good cleaning in years. I got to where I would refuse to enter her room. Every now and then she would call me from school to ask if I would look for something that she forgot. Too bad, can't enter your room, too much stuff on the floor.

Fortunately, she has gone off to college and I can get in there now.

Same exact situation with my 18 DD. I couldn't believe she'd let her friends see her room look so bad!
There were other battles I felt were more important.
Funny thing is now that she's away at college she is actually trying to keep her side of the room fairly clean.


My 15 DD is not as bad. She will put clothes in her hamper. Her sister must have thought the hamper was a decoration.

 

[mckryan]

That was one battle I refused to fight. If she wanted to live in a pig sty, so be it. Every couple of months she'd go through and clean it up, but it would only last a few days. There are other battles that are much more important, so we just closed the door and let her take care (or not) of her room.

She's off at college now, and her side of the room is still a little messy, but there's not much space for her to be messy, so she's doing better.

 

[SC Minnie]

DD15's room looks like a disaster too. I usually just let it go but about once a month I make her clean it up. I tell her if she doesn't do then she won't be allowed to go somewhere/do something or I will tell her if she doesn't do then I will do it. That usually gets her rear in gear. She doesn't want me meddling in her stuff.

 

[SpecialK]

My 14 year-old son is going through the same thing. I was the same way as a teen, so it's not a battle I choose to fight. When it gets extreme, he's not allowed to do anything on a Friday eve. or Sat. morning until he cleans his room. Works for us.

Please don't take her door. I think that would escalate things way beyond where you'd like then to be.

 

[kwelch10377]

Does she not clean up after herself in other rooms of the house or not help out with chores? If she does help out in other areas then honestly would just let it go and let her keep her room how she likes and just tell her from now on she has to do her own laundry. At that age you really need to pick your battles and I don't think this one is worth it. If you don't want to see it close the door.

If she doesn't help out in other ways around the house and cleaning her room is her only responsibility then I would sit her down and discuss the situation and tell her that she is old enough to help out around the house. Tell her what you expect her to do and talk to her about how she can make it happen. Talk to her like she is an adult, yelling and complaining doesn't really help the situation and like a lot of teenagers she won't end up doing what you ask just to be spiteful.

 

[DramaQueen]

My parents are having the same issue with my sister (18)
Her room hasn't been clean in.....probably 2-3 years. It's horrendous, my mom will help her do a big clean up every 6 months or so, but then 2 days later its horrible again! I don't know how someone can live like that.
With my sister it's not just clean/dirty clothes everywhere (her closet is almost empty except for clothes she hasn't worn in years) but she has dirty dishes, take out food containers, candy, chip bags all that sort of stuff laying on the floor.

I just cannot fathom how someone can live like that! And she spends all her time in her room too!

She recently got her learners permit for driving and my dad refuses to take her driving until her room is clean...it's been about 3 months since she got it and she hasn't seen out once!!

Sometimes there's just nothing you CAN do, my parents have been trying for years and nothing works so now they just close her door and ignore it.

 

[edandcolleen1995]

We fight the good fight. Sorry but wife and I spend hours keeping up the yard and house. Don't want to look at rooms that are a complete mess

The kids are expected to also help around the house with chores and keeping their room neat is one of them

We understand our kids are well kids and never want perfections.

I just don't see the big deal. They have known and part of chores since they were little and we just knock it out on Sunday's. We all spend about 2 hours each Sunday morning doing our chores. They get plenty of free time during the week so not like it is a sweatshop! Heck folks, we are the parents here, not the kids. If you can't get them to clean a room (this assumes you care about that. . that is key) then it is up to you as parent to make them motivated to do it.

Again if you don't care about their room that is totally fine. So not saying that..

 

[NMAmy]

Please don't take her door. I think that would escalate things way beyond where you'd like then to be.

Well, sure, and then you couldn't close the door to ignore the mess.

We fight the good fight. Sorry but wife and I spend hours keeping up the yard and house. Don't want to look at rooms that are a complete mess

The kids are expected to also help around the house with chores and keeping their room neat is one of them

We understand our kids are well kids and never want perfections.

I just don't see the big deal. They have known and part of chores since they were little and we just knock it out on Sunday's. We all spend about 2 hours each Sunday morning doing our chores. They get plenty of free time during the week so not like it is a sweatshop! Heck folks, we are the parents here, not the kids. If you can't get them to clean a room (this assumes you care about that. . that is key) then it is up to you as parent to make them motivated to do it.

Again if you don't care about their room that is totally fine. So not saying that..

I'm okay with your statements except for the part about "being the parents." It's just not a battle I enjoyed fighting on a weekly basis but I didn't give up all my parental authority completely just because I didn't fuss about her room. I adjusted my attitude and learned to ignore it.

As long as dd was doing her laundry, helping around the house, getting good grades, and participating in sports, I was fine with a messy room as long as it met my "health code" of no food/dirty dishes. There are so many other things to fight with teens that I actually consider important. In the big scheme of things, a messy room is very low on my priorities. I'm okay with compromising.

 

[VAN]

Didn't read through the responses ....

I'd do just the opposite - CLOSE the bedroom door!!! LOL.

My DD is 23 and still leaves her clothes on the floor. DS never did pick up his clothes so I did it (I know-I know); he had much less and it was easy to determine what was clean and what was not.

If you find out the secret for making a child pick up their clothes without being hounded, I'd love to know. Maybe you could write a book and make a fortune. Everyone has this same issue with their kids!