at what age would you leave your kids at home?

[Alexander]

Kids---even "good" and "responsible" ones---have a tendency to do dumb things when they know they will be without adult supervision for an extended and defined period of time.

While they are still under my roof, I don't anticipate *ever* leaving my kids alone without an adult who would (unpredictably) pop in from time to time.

I agree (red above), but you need to also demonstrate that you trust your kids, and let's be honest, we learn from our mistakes. If a kid does something dumb, and there are consequences, then hopefully they will learn from that. I think having an adult relative or neighbor checking in is a great idea.

 

[maxiesmom]

I agree (red above), but you need to also demonstrate that you trust your kids, and let's be honest, we learn from our mistakes. If a kid does something dumb, and there are consequences, then hopefully they will learn from that. I think having an adult relative or neighbor checking in is a great idea.

Well, there is dumb and there is dumb. Dumb can be sleeping in late, or going out and t.p.ing the neighbors. Dumb can also be forgetting to shut the stove off, and starting a fire.

And if the younger one is the more responsible one I don't think it is fair to her to leave her having to try and keep an older sibling in line. Say the 17yr old throws a party, how would the 14yr old handle it? Would there be an older, trusted neighbor within walking distance who would be able to help? Or would the 14yr old just have to sit there and suffer thru the party?

 

[Hannathy]

Kids---even "good" and "responsible" ones---have a tendency to do dumb things when they know they will be without adult supervision for an extended and defined period of time.

While they are still under my roof, I don't anticipate *ever* leaving my kids alone without an adult who would (unpredictably) pop in from time to time.

I don't agree with this at all!!! I find it very far from the truth. A responsible child is just that responsible. They know the difference in a "dumb" fun thing and a stupid,or dangerous, irresponsible thing. If you know your child is smart and responsible they will be so in whatever situation you throw them into. These are the kids who know to get out of a party if someone is doing something wrong on their own , not just when they are being watched.

I find it sad you don't feel you can truly trust your children.

 

[maxiesmom]

I don't agree with this at all!!! I find it very far from the truth. A responsible child is just that responsible. They know the difference in a "dumb" fun thing and a stupid,or dangerous, irresponsible thing. If you know your child is smart and responsible they will be so in whatever situation you throw them into. These are the kids who know to get out of a party if someone is doing something wrong on their own , not just when they are being watched.

The problem for the OP is she has one child who is very responsible, and one who is not. It is not fair to leave a 14yr old home with a not so responsible older sibling. It is almost as if the 14yr old would be expected to keep the 17yr old in line, which most likely won't work. Not many 17yr olds would listen to a younger sibling when it comes to right and wrong. Not fair to put that pressure all on a 14yr old.

I also disagree with a responsible child is always a responsible child. We all screw up and do not so responsible things from time to time. No one is perfect.

 

[sam_gordon]

The problem for the OP is she has one child who is very responsible, and one who is not. It is not fair to leave a 14yr old home with a not so responsible older sibling. It is almost as if the 14yr old would be expected to keep the 17yr old in line, which most likely won't work. Not many 17yr olds would listen to a younger sibling when it comes to right and wrong. Not fair to put that pressure all on a 14yr old.

I also disagree with a responsible child is always a responsible child. We all screw up and do not so responsible things from time to time. No one is perfect.

Where do you get that (the bolded)? Both posts (and there have only been two) from the OP said BOTH kids are good, just the 14yo might be more responsible. That doesn't mean the 17yo ISN'T responsible.

Do I think neighbor's should be notified to be on the lookout for inappropriate behavior? Of course. Should they be able to stop by unannounced to "check in"? Sure. Other than that, I'd let the kids be.

This is of course assuming you trust the kids to "do the right thing" 80%+ of the time.

 

[Gigi22]

Not sure I would. Our next door neighbour left town for a couple of days to visit his father and left his two teenagers (I think they were 15 and 16 at the time) at home. A couple of boys from their H.S. found out that the two kids were there alone--DH and I were in our front yard when they came by and basically ran them off. Didn't like the way the two boys acted when they found out the teenage girl would be in the house with only her younger brother as company. I still think we did the right thing.

 

[Groomer Gal]

It really does depend on your children.

When I was 17 my Mother left to go on vaca with friends and left myself and my younger brother home alone. ( he was 13 )

I was not the perfect child...but pretty food...and my brother was pretty good too.
He ended up leaving and staying at a friends house several nights. I think he was thinking I was going to cook dinner and dote on him the way my Mother did!

I was working part time and in HS....so I was busy enough that I didn't cause any real trouble.

That being said....thinking back now....I don't remember feeding the dog??? I'm sure I did!!!!

The other thing though is....there is SOOOOO much more now for teens to get into trouble with. The Internet....cell phones....FB....makes it all too easy.
I have a 21 year old son.....I think I would rather leave my 8 year old twins home alone!!!

 

[maxiesmom]

Where do you get that (the bolded)? Both posts (and there have only been two) from the OP said BOTH kids are good, just the 14yo might be more responsible. That doesn't mean the 17yo ISN'T responsible.

From the comment about the 14yr old keeping the 17yr old in line. So maybe the 17 yr old is not irresponsible, she is just not as responsible as the younger child.

 

[Hannathy]

And maybe the 17 yr old is a perfectly responsible good kid but a little more disorganized and bit more forgetful about things like taking out the trash and the 14 yr old is very task oriented and always does their chores on time without being reminded. In this scenario you could in a conversation say the 14 yr old is more responsible. Yes they are about getting things done without a reminder but does that mean they are going to cause trouble or all of a sudden completely out of character go wild? I don't think so.

If I couldn't trust my 17 yr old at home alone I would feel I had failed as a parent because really by 17 they either are responsible and trustworthy or they aren't. You have only a few months left after 18 yrs of trying. And if they had friends I would be afraid to be over when I wasn't home they wouldn't be hanging out with them at anytime.

 

[sam_gordon]

And maybe the 17 yr old is a perfectly responsible good kid but a little more disorganized and bit more forgetful about things like taking out the trash and the 14 yr old is very task oriented and always does their chores on time without being reminded. In this scenario you could in a conversation say the 14 yr old is more responsible. Yes they are about getting things done without a reminder but does that mean they are going to cause trouble or all of a sudden completely out of character go wild? I don't think so.

If I couldn't trust my 17 yr old at home alone I would feel I had failed as a parent because really by 17 they either are responsible and trustworthy or they aren't. You have only a few months left after 18 yrs of trying. And if they had friends I would be afraid to be over when I wasn't home they wouldn't be hanging out with them at anytime.

THIS. It comes down to the kids and whether you trust them or not. If you don't trust the 17 year old now, what are you going to do in a year when (presumably) they go off to college?

Although, if you don't trust the kids, don't do it.

 

[cruisingkat]

Two kids alone - no way! We left our kids home alone for a weekend with an 18 year old in charge (18 to 13 years old)- but there were 4 of them and we figured that one would rat out the others . Two home alone can work out an agreement (I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me ). But this was many years ago when it was a lot safer in the world.
If it was today, I would trust my child, but word that there is no adult supervision spreads and things (other kids dropping by) can get out of control quickly so there is no way I would leave them alone.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would trust my 19 year old with watching my 14 year old, but truth be known the 14 year old would really be watching my 19 year old.

I would also never leave my son with the two of them though because they would hurt him. He pushes them to their limit.

 

[dudspizza]

And maybe the 17 yr old is a perfectly responsible good kid but a little more disorganized and bit more forgetful about things like taking out the trash and the 14 yr old is very task oriented and always does their chores on time without being reminded. In this scenario you could in a conversation say the 14 yr old is more responsible. Yes they are about getting things done without a reminder but does that mean they are going to cause trouble or all of a sudden completely out of character go wild? I don't think so.

If I couldn't trust my 17 yr old at home alone I would feel I had failed as a parent because really by 17 they either are responsible and trustworthy or they aren't. You have only a few months left after 18 yrs of trying. And if they had friends I would be afraid to be over when I wasn't home they wouldn't be hanging out with them at anytime.

Do you know my kids? You characterized them exactly how they are.

We leave them home alone for the day without any issues... we'll go to the cabin a couple of hours away without issues.... but have yet to leave them over night.

This will be the summer before my oldest senior year, so school would not be an issue. Basically they would sleep in, stay up late, and eat all our food! I am not concerned about parties at all.... our neighbors would keep an eye out and relatives are fairly close.

They have cousins who are 22 and 25, so maybe one of them will come stay with them, but that might be when a party happens! LOL

Thanks for all the input... I appreciate it!

Duds

 

[Alexander]

Duds,

You know if your kids are able to handle this or not. No one here can tell you one way or the other. There are helicopter parents and there are parents who would let their 8 y/o drive the car (JK) so you are going to get all kinds of responses. Do what you know feels right to you. You don't want to be on vacation constantly worrying if you did the right thing.

 

[maxiesmom]

Duds,

You know if your kids are able to handle this or not. No one here can tell you one way or the other. There are helicopter parents and there are parents who would let their 8 y/o drive the car (JK) so you are going to get all kinds of responses. Do what you know feels right to you. You don't want to be on vacation constantly worrying if you did the right thing.

 

[dizanimator]

Do you know my kids? You characterized them exactly how they are.

We leave them home alone for the day without any issues... we'll go to the cabin a couple of hours away without issues.... but have yet to leave them over night.

This will be the summer before my oldest senior year, so school would not be an issue. Basically they would sleep in, stay up late, and eat all our food! I am not concerned about parties at all.... our neighbors would keep an eye out and relatives are fairly close.

They have cousins who are 22 and 25, so maybe one of them will come stay with them, but that might be when a party happens! LOL

Thanks for all the input... I appreciate it!

Duds

Since 2013 is a while from now, would it be possible to maybe let them spend a night alone once or twice this summer to see how it goes? If things work well, then consider letting them stay alone next year. If there are problems you have time to work something out ahead of time.

I would suggest that if they do stay alone for 5 days, someone should check on them at least by phone. With relatives fairly close, if there was a problem, they could get help easily.

 

[seashoreCM]

Do not forget that there is a big difference between acting responsibly and maintaining control.

In order to maintain control one must have access to other, supportive, people (e.g. neighbors, police).

It is not irresponsible if one requests help dealing with a situation he did not create and the help does not arrive and the situation gets out of hand.

 

[rascalmom]

Trustworthy kids, hmmm.

I'll tell you a story -

There was once a very responsible and outwardly very straight-laced girl. Great grades, never in trouble, never drank, never even sped (until college).

That girl used to sneak her boyfriend into the house when the parents were away. That girl's parents, to this day, do not know what was really going on (that girl was no dummy after all).

Once, the girl's grandfather dropped by unexpectedly. BF was quickly hidden in the shower stall adjacent to a back bedroom & was not discovered.

Despite the visits, the girl did not beget the parents any early, unexpected grandchildren (or even fully rehearse doing creating them). Still......

Would I leave my kids alone for 5 days while traveling out of state? No.


And neither would that girl.

 

[gina2000]

Nope, wouldn't do it. Trust might be an issue but there are other more frightening problems....

What if the furnace stopped working?

What if a water pipe broke?

Stranger at the door asking for information?

Leaving a stove or oven on?

Cat is deathly ill?

Toilet overflows?

Shut off valves for water?

I was a very responsible human being but I can still remember being paranoid about dealing with problems like the above after being married. Every problem is an adventure but it helps to have support and money.

Now, the trust part..... Kids do goofy things - and survive. But the usually have someone they trust or can go to when things go awry. Does your child know the signs of alcohol poisoning? You may not ever think your children will get into something like that, but if they do.....can they get out of it?

JMH (and obviously paranoid to some of you) O

 

[Echo queen]

Trustworthy kids, hmmm.

I'll tell you a story -

There was once a very responsible and outwardly very straight-laced girl. Great grades, never in trouble, never drank, never even sped (until college).

That girl used to sneak her boyfriend into the house when the parents were away. That girl's parents, to this day, do not know what was really going on (that girl was no dummy after all).

Once, the girl's grandfather dropped by unexpectedly. BF was quickly hidden in the shower stall adjacent to a back bedroom & was not discovered.

Despite the visits, the girl did not beget the parents any early, unexpected grandchildren (or even fully rehearse doing creating them). Still......

Would I leave my kids alone for 5 days while traveling out of state? No.


And neither would that girl.

I know of quite a few young ladies who did this parents not even away just at work the outcome was the same.

I would worry more about a house problem, but we would have friends and neighbors who could help them with that. My boys are 17 and 13 yrs. I am considering (not likely) leaving them home for 5 days late summer. If for some reason we had to leave them today I would without much concern.
Good luck. You know your kids best.