at what age do you quit having aunts/uncle/cousins to your childs birthday party?

[Grumpy's Gal]

This is causing strife at my house. Please tell me what you do with your family.

At what age (for the child) do you stop having a party with the guests being the aunts, uncles, and cousins?

We already have a party at school (Party #1). Our child has a party at home for friends (Party #2). We have (Party #3) a special dinner with just us, the parents, and we give our gifts then. These three parties, I am not willing to give up.

(Party #4) usually involves some of the extended family who lives in our city. (aunts, uncles, cousins) Sometimes, but not always, we have (Party #5) when we go out of town to see the grandparents and more aunts and uncles/cousins.

At what age does the madness stop? Any suggestions?
I am trying to find a way out of Party #4. What is a good way and a good age?

This is a lot on our budget of TIME and NERVES, not just of money. And if we were a part of one big, loving, happy family, it would be different. But that really isn't the case.

ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!! Thank you in advance......

 

[Forevryoung]

My extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins and their children) is super close and we enjoy getting together. We group birthdays because there are usually a bunch of us celebrating at one time (like me and two of my cousins are born on the 19th or 20th of October). It gives us a reason to get together. We love coming up with things to celebrate. You can make it as simple as a bbq in the backyard if you choose to.

Will your child miss not seeing their family? Will this upset your extended family?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It has fizzled over the years and age 5 was the first year that we didn't do anything where everyone was invited. Age 4 we were down to one relative attending. The novelty is just worn and we are no longer a priority. DD2 turned 2 last year and no relatives.

With a new baby on the way on hubby's side--we are going to get relegated to 2nd fiddle. But so is life.

We've always only kept to ONE party.

 

[mamalle]

we have one party and invite both friends and family. The kids have a small celebration at preschool that we bring food for snack time and I get the kids a goodybag but thats it. we only do big parties every other year for our kids. the other year we have a small family party- grandparents and maybe my sister and next door neighbor's kid comes over for cake and ice cream.

it would cause too many hurt feelings in the family if we seperated the celebrations and much harder on me to organize. Id rather enjoy the day watching my kids have their special day

 

[CajunDixie]

No way would I do all those parties!!!!!!!!!! Nothing like torturing the poor kid on their special day!!! Once my kids were school age the extended family thing stopped. The school does a quickie 15 minute treat at the end of the school day. And the boys themselves decide what they want to do on THEIR!!!! birthday. When it's my Bday I'll call the shots and dictate what I want but on their birthdays I wouldn't dream of making up a schedule of parties they didn't want.
This year my oldest wanted to take 3 friends to a go cart track and out for pizza. And thats exactly what we did. He wanted no cake......so no cake it was. No singing.....so no singing either. It's his day not mine, not grandmas, and not uncle whoever's.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

We had one big first bday party. Now, its just close family..and dd's friends. At one party. Usually on a weekend. Then hubby and I celebrate her real bday with her however she wants too. As far as close family goes...we usually invite..my parents, my sister and her family, b/c we are close to them. But hubbys family well they are all...into doing only for themselves, so their appearence only lasts all of about 10 min. anyway.. and even then it's only his dad. We also invite her one great grandma.
Good Luck

 

[hlane]

I am trying to decide the same this for oldest DS birthday this year. He has decided he wants a party with friends but I am trying to decide what to do about grandparents, aunt, uncles, and cousins on my side. We only see DH family on major holidays so that's not a problem. The thing with my family is that I don't feel like I should include the older kids in the party portion, they are 11-13 yo, since the party is for a 5 yo and the other kids at the party will be about 3-6 y.o. The place we having DS party will be appealling to all the kids but even the older ones but birthdays are expensive as it is and I don't want to pay for guests out of obligation. Not to mention the NERVES part as OP mentioned I haven't yet figured out how to handle this. My ideal solution would be for me to only invite the grandparents but I think the others would be offended.

 

[mking624]

My family always does 2 "parties". The first one is with the parents and siblings (where the birthday person gets to go out to the restaurant of their choosing). The second one is with friends and all other family. It just gets too costly and chaotic to try and separate everyone from everybody.

 

[lbgraves]

We only let the ILs know about the kid's 1st birthday party. That had god parents, family friends, & other kids. After that it was just for the kids & their parents. I take cupcakes into school on their birthday. Last year we invited everyone from PS who DS has known for three years an everyone in his Kindergarten class to be fair & not leave anyone out. 2 RSVPs from the class & only one kid showed. This year he will be able to invite 8 kids & we will have pizza & watch a movie at the house.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

We are planning on dd first bdy party to be only her godparents, grandparents and great grand parents and her aunt (my sis) and her uncle (husbands bro)
and that's it. As a cousin of about 45kids i am just sooo tired of going to these parties and i know other people feel the same way as everyone sits in a corner and just complains (we are NOT a big happy family haha). it's our dds birthday so we call the shots until she is old enough to do so. I'm not forcing my OP on anyone this is just what we plan to do

 

[taximomfor4]

We only let the ILs know about the kid's 1st birthday party. That had god parents, family friends, & other kids. After that it was just for the kids & their parents. I take cupcakes into school on their birthday. Last year we invited everyone from PS who DS has known for three years an everyone in his Kindergarten class to be fair & not leave anyone out. 2 RSVPs from the class & only one kid showed. This year he will be able to invite 8 kids & we will have pizza & watch a movie at the house.

THis sounds remarkably like we do it. Except as the kids get to be school age, they choose either a big party (8 kids, at home or build a bear or the zoo), OR a big present (like $100 or so.) We celebrate by making them feel special all day on their birthday (like KING for the day or something like that) but not with lots of gifts.

Our extended family settled years ago on only doing a giant whole-family First Birthday party. After that, it is grandparents if they want to come, and otherwise just the household. Maybe friends, if the child chose the party over the BIG gift. \

YES my kids still get something from us if they choose the party, lol. Usually just something smaller that they wanted.

 

[pyrxtc]

I think around 16 is the last big one. until then we invite everyone, wether the6 come or not is up to them. No hurt feelings if they don't.

 

[sk!mom]

For DD9, it is just one party. We invite relatives to stop by for the cake/gift portion of the party. Last few years it was a swim party and relatives were told the time for cake and gifts. This year a slumber party- relatives came by early in evening for cake and gifts.

We do take her out for dinner on the actual day and have a special dessert with just immediate family.

 

[we3disneygo]

Last year on dd's birthday we skipped the big family get together with great aunt & uncle, great grandma, etc. we only had a nice go out to eat dinner, cake and ice cream at home with 1 set of grandparents and a party for her friends, we went to the movies and had a sleepover(not planned spur of the moment) which turned out really well. for the past 10 years we had the family over for a dinner and cake, dd's birthday is 2 days before Christmas and it was just to much work, and the last year they all cancelled at the last minute so we had lot's of food.... decided that was it.this year she will be 12 and wants a indoor pool party where you can have 15 guests- well see what happens.

 

[branv]

It should be whatever they want...if they really do like the family thing, then ok, but if not...toss it aside. Throw in all that family dynamic, subtext, making gram/aunt/mom happy first, and it just messes with the whole point...making the child happy on their day.

Now I find this funny, b/c as the aunt of 5 nieces and nephews, countless cousins children, all a 10 hour drive away, I was just swearing the other day that I will NOT use my future children's birthday as a manipulative ploy or a measuring stick to determine if someone loves ME. Ok, now I know this is not everyone, but the GUILT trips if you can't come to a 2 year olds party who really doesn't notice who's there or not, who in kid fashion have all eyes on their a) cake and b) presents. Once they get to the age of 7+, the last thing most of these poor kids want is to sit around with a bunch of adults. But, bless their hearts, they're expected to cater to relatives instead.


Parties with adult family members when a child is under the age of 7 seems to be more for the parents, and above the age of 7 is just torture for the kids unless they're allowed to go and spend most of their time with the other kiddos and not be prodded and pinched.

It's just amazing how a kid's birthday can be such a political minefield. For example, once the kids got older, I was dealing with a budget crunch...shipping gifts back and forth was costing so much money that I would rather spend on them then give to the post office. I finally told my sis, now that the kids were older, I was going to mail them cash with a cute card/stickers/confetti thing. I got SO much flack for that. But you know what the nieces/nephews said? "WOO-HOO!!!! Money!"

Gotta love Kids, they just cut right through the BS

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

As far as close family goes...we usually invite..my parents, my sister and her family, b/c we are close to them. But hubbys family well they are all...into doing only for themselves, so their appearence only lasts all of about 10 min. anyway.

Three Musketeers......BINGO! You have my situation all figured out.........

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

We go out for dinner as a family on the birthday and the birthday girl/boy picks the restaurant. they usually take a snack into school. and if we have a "kids" birthday party, then the grandparents and one aunt (my sis) are invited to come and "hang out" at cake time or earlier if they want. If no party, then I will let them know what time we are having the birthday cake after the birthday dinner and they are more than welcome to stop by.

For their first birthday we had the big all out parties, and then when their second birthdays came around, all the grandparents expected us to plan the birthday party/cake around everyone's schedule so I said, no, it is only one cake and that will be on the birthday. Sorry if you can't make it.

If my children had cousins that we were close to, it may have been different, but who knows. My sis has no children and my husband's family is a whole other story. I always envied those big families that got together for family celebrations with lots of family members and cousins, but then it sounds like it can get old quick.

I would try to find a way to include those that want to be included in some way that is convenient for you and that doesn't purposely exclude them.

 

[Mad4Dizne]

I was happy to get some great suggestions on this thread. Three....I'm right there with you too!!!! I stress out much to much about what should be a nice birthday celebration..

 

[beattyfamily]

We have been having a big family/friend party every year since my oldest was born. She's now nine. This year I did her party at Build a Bear because we were moving and our home wouldn't be party ready. It was great!

I've told both my girls no more big parties at age 10. At 10 it will be just us and/or maybe a couple of friends.

We'll see if I can keep that promise!

 

[marissat]

We usally do a friends party (starting at the 5th bday) then a "come over for cake" for the family. This year we are hosting a carnival and inviting the older cousins to come and help out with the games. that way they are there but I don't have to plan for 5 yrs olds and 10 year olds. And we also decided that instead for presents we are doing yankee swap. I just figured that it would take hour or more to open the presents that he didn't need. He is very excited for the swap. It's hard to host a party without the family beacause they live next door and can see that we are having a party and they are not shy about inviting themselves.

Marissa