At what age did your kid...

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I know there are exceptions to everything, but I think that's entirely too old to be needing assistance.

My 8 year old stepdaughter couldn't do a lot of things when I first married my DH either.

She didn't know to brush her teeth before bedtime, turn her own clothes right side out when she undressed (gotta love the panties inside the pants, with the pants turned inside out), to eat anything beside chicken nuggets and french fries, to make her bed, to take a shower, etc...

Was it that she didn't know how? Absolutely not. She does all of this and way more at our house. Does she still get away with not doing it at her mother's house? Yep!

Each time she stays with us, we start all over again and it's frustrating. It's not that she doesn't know; in our case, it's that her mother coddles her and she hasn't learned.

Your fiancee needs to teach her son to be more self-proficient. Unless there are issues that we're unaware of, she's doing far more harm to him than good.

 

[xyzabc33]

At least those with clogged toilets didnt have a full size Loofa sponge shoved down it along with the 1/2 roll of TP. I just kinda prayed that nothing else was under all that mess when I flushed it. WHEW!

My DD will be 4 on Friday. Got trained a bit late but was pretty much done with it in a little over a week or so. Her dad did it, not me..lol She wipes fine for just learning. Wants to take a bath a lot more now..not sure where that works into this but . School age they should be able to take care of the basics --not necessarily be perfect about it but at least make an effort.
Now that we have her tossing the TP in the bowl and not in the trash we are good to go. We still take her transition seat with us(it has it;s own little bag) because she is still wary of the big potties. She loved the mall we went to last week. Had a family bathroom with little teeny tiny miniature versions of public restroom toilets. Very cute and she didnt need her seat.

Someone I know has a daughter just turning 9 who up until this past fall did not wipe herself. She would wait all day then come home with stomach pains. The mom couldnt figure out why her DD was hurting all the time and just happened to mention this to me...DUH! your kid is constipated ...have her take a poop. Jeesh!. This is only one of the issues this girl is going to have as she gets older.
If the kid is that old they need to be taking care of this themselves or live with stinky pants.
I wonder if these children mention to peers in school and how much they get teased about it.

 

[freckles and boo]

. I said this time, wipe flush, wipe flush and I don't care how many times it takes.

We have a low-flow toilet. Hate it. At our house it is poop flush, wipe flush, wipe flush.

 

[babytrees]

My DD was around 4 I guess. She's 7 now and I still buy her the flushable wet wipes. Makes things so much easier. Maybe you could suggest those.

We use those at my house too....works great!!!

 

[Hannathy]

Both by three unless it was an unusual thing like diarrhea or you get the drift...

My son didn't even want me in the Bathroom with him by the time he was 5! There is a real problem if that 9 yr old is comfortable having his Mom in the same room when he is using the BR let alone wiping him!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

wipe their own butt?

My dfi's girlfriend's two sons (age 5 and 10) IMO took a really long time to wipe their own butts. The 10 year old didn't do it on his own until he was 9!! His Mom did it! Also, he won't go #2 at a public bathroom. He has to do it at home. Which of course leads to the inevitable. Constipation. They were down this weekend and I got the boys for Sat and Sun ("guy" stuff) and was informed later that if the younger boy need to go #2, he doesn't wipe his own butt. I said, well then he'd end up with diaper rash because I wasn't about to do it.

I'm guessing there's more to this than pooh. A 9 year old who was still having his momma wipe his tush and at ten still won't pooh anywhere but home needs some help. The five year old is at the 'old' end of the 'momma, wipe my butt' call from the bathroom. Some firm but gentle encouragement is called for.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I have an 8 yo DS and I can't imagine him wanting me to wipe his butt. He would be mortified. He's been wiping his butt since age 4.

DD since the day she potty trained, age 3. "mommy , me do it myself."

 

[hlbtimes2]

I think my dd was 3 or 4. She's 8 now and I can't imagine having to wipe her butt! She is to the age she wants total privacy when she takes care of that. Her little brother will be 5 in March. He could do it on his own when he was 3. Then at about 3 1/2 he got some on his hand one day. That was it- for the last year he has needed help. I find he is more willing to do it, and does an ok job if I give him the flushable wipes. I'm always a little afraid he's going to flush too many, but its a risk I'm willing to take! He'll start school in the fall, and he has to be able to do it by then.

As for the not going in a public bathroom, I have that problem as well. Vacations are horrible. Sometimes I can't even go at the hotel. Its always the first thing I do when we return home.

 

[Papa Deuce]

wipe their own butt?

My dfi's girlfriend's two sons (age 5 and 10) IMO took a really long time to wipe their own butts. The 10 year old didn't do it on his own until he was 9!! His Mom did it! Also, he won't go #2 at a public bathroom. He has to do it at home. Which of course leads to the inevitable. Constipation. They were down this weekend and I got the boys for Sat and Sun ("guy" stuff) and was informed later that if the younger boy need to go #2, he doesn't wipe his own butt. I said, well then he'd end up with diaper rash because I wasn't about to do
it.

My kids started about the time they turned 4.

 

[JunieJay]

Wow. I guess what I find more shocking than a 10 year old who doesn't wipe his own butt, is a 10 year old who would allow some strange man to wipe his butt! WTH? My kids are 8 and 11 and would not let me, their own mother, come near them in the bathroom, let alone some friend of the family. What an odd thing. I don't blame you for refusing to do it, Charade, I have never heard of such a thing!

BTW, I think my kids learned to wipe their own butts at about 3. As soon as they were potty trained. I too kept the wet wipes on hand, and never had any problems with either of them. Thank God.

 

[aprilgail2]

My DD was around 4 I guess. She's 7 now and I still buy her the flushable wet wipes. Makes things so much easier. Maybe you could suggest those.

Heck we all use wet wipes here, even the adults! Just doesn't feel clean using only dry toilet paper to wipe!

 

[Pixiedust34]

I don't remember, but probably around 3 because they went to preschool and they had to be ready to "go" without much assistance there. One day, we did learn the expensive way that too many wet wipes in the toilet at once requires a plumber to unclog things.

My kids (8 and 10) would DIE of embarrassment if someone had to wipe their butt.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

My DD was 3 or 4.

9!!!! Unless the kid is handcapable in some way or is really sick with some kind of stomach flu, IMO that is WAY to old to not be doing it on his own!

 

[shirleyb]

Sounds like helicopter parenting to me!!!!!!!! LOL

In answer to your original question, definitely by age 3.

 

[meandtheguys2]

3 or 4. Although my middle guy was obsessive about it, and sometimes wanted me to double-check... He was probably 4 at the time. No chance he left anything...

I would say that by 5 all of them would have been horrible embarassed to have to ask for that kind of help.

I did love it when they came out with flushable wipes, though.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I believe DS and 5 yo DD could very soon after potty training, like when they were 3 (DD for sure). My youngest (almost 4) still gets wiped because she's a girl and needs to wipe from front to back, and because she's so short and stocky, she can't reach very well. She wipes #1 though, b/c she can reach pefectly well for that.

 

[golfgal]

My kids wiped their own as soon as they started potty training and mastered it in a couple weeks, it isn't like it is brain surgery. Poor kids, how embarrassing. What happens when they REALLY have to go at school???? Some parents just don't get it. I had a friend that wouldn't let her 5 year old feed himself because he made a mess . They moved so I don't know what happened with him when he went to school.

 

[ScorpioJeni]

Both of my kids wanted to do it themselves as soon as they started potty training and both were potty trained by 3 YO. Good luck with trying to change those habits.

 

[Maleficent13]

Not a breakfast thread...

But to respond, by kindergarten they should be independent, IMHO.

 

[kimmar067]

....poop flush, wipe flush, wipe flush.....

...sounds like a catchy name for a country-western song......