At what age did you let your son go to the mens room alone?

[Gracie09]

Not at all. I wouldn't say that anyone in this thread is a bad parent. Unless someone is abusing their child, I would never judge another parent like that. Everyone has what they believe to be the best intentions for their children. I dont think anyone here has malicious intentions or views so who am I to judge them? Even if I dont agree.
I meant that the general "it never would happen at Disneyland" attitude is turning a blind eye. It may be the happiest place on Earth but its not without its share of unwanted guests from time to time. Like I said, what a parent decides is best for their children in that 7-10 year age range is not for me to judge.
And are we referring to a 10 year old as a tween in this scenario? I was always under the impression that a tween is the 11-12 year old crowd, which should not be entering a ladies room. In my eyes 10 is still a young child.

Most definitions say 10-12 some go as young as 8. It really isn't a big deal of you bring said child into your own stall with you. Besides there is a chance something could happen to them while you are sitting on the pot with your pants down behind a locked door. Even if he is standing in front of your door he would be long gone before you for out of the stall if a kidnapper grabbed him. If you are going to be truly safe he needs to be in the stall with you. After all why take the chance.

 

[dawnball]

Well... they aren't "allowed" to at my school either. But only 1 of the 4 student bathrooms are in sight of the office. The one off the playground is WAY out of the way....

I don't actually think this is a huge risk anyway. But, to me, way more real than DL bathrooms. I'm not a nervous parent, but just food for thought.

Yeah, I'd been thinking that because it isn't normal (and there are signs saying it isn't allowed) kids would just turn around and go back out if they saw an adult there. My daughter claims it would be "creepy" if there was an adult there - by which she really means that it offends her sense of normality.

I do agree that normal restrooms (libraries, shopping malls, schools, etc) are probably riskier than DL restrooms based on their traffic levels and typical monitoring

 

[ClaraOswald]

I dont see it as indulging paranoia. All I have been trying to say is that I sympathize with moms taking their sons, up to age 10, into a ladies room. I don't have boys so I dont have to deal with that scenario. I agree that over age 10 is extreme.
The world is not a nice place and as much as people (including myself) would love to believe that only good people go to family places like Disneyland, it just is not true. It doesn't make me paranoid. It makes me realistic. I am not afraid that myself or my children will be attacked in a public restroom but I do realize that there is a small chance that it could happen. Just the same as accidents and illnesses can happen. I chose to take precautions with my girls when I am able to, within reason. I understand moms of little boys doing the same. To me, bringing your boy to the ladies room, up to 10 years old, is within reason. Turning a blind eye to the fact that bad things can and do happen anywhere (even rarely) is something I would never be comfortable doing.
And for what it's worth, we have been in a handful of empty Disneyland bathrooms. Not often, but more than once.

You have daughters. If they are somewhere with your husband but without you...do they go into the men's restroom with him?

 

[Dot2Vegas]

You have daughters. If they are somewhere with your husband but without you...do they go into the men's restroom with him?

No. They are 8, 8, and 10. When they are with him they go to ladies room together while my husband waits close by. When they were younger he worked 3 jobs so his outings alone with them were short and luckily didn't involve bathroom breaks. I would have been ok with them going into the mens room if there were no urinals and just stalls. I always told my husband to take them in a handicap stall if he had to.

 

[ClaraOswald]

No. They are 8, 8, and 10. When they are with him they go to ladies room together while my husband waits close by. When they were younger he worked 3 jobs so his outings alone with them were short and luckily didn't involve bathroom breaks. I would have been ok with them going into the mens room if there were no urinals and just stalls. I always told my husband to take them in a handicap stall if he had to.

Oh. Based on your previous posts, I figured the 8 year olds still needed adult supervision while using the restroom. (FYI - your signature still lists your kids as 7 and 9.)

 

[Love Tink]

Turning a blind eye to the fact that bad things can and do happen anywhere (even rarely) is something I would never be comfortable doing.

Allowing your child to have independence does not mean that you are "turning a blind eye" to anything.

If my 10-year-old were confronted in a bathroom, he would know how to handle it. He would identify/understand the problem, scream, look for help, and run. A 3- or 4-year-old boy, or many 5-year-old boys...may not able to do this. Any 10-year-old boy without cognitive impairments, who has responsible parents, should.

The choice to teach my children how to manage the world, and then let them do so in age-appropriate ways is not equal to "turning a blind eye." Your repeated, coded, assertions that teaching children to do things on their own is risky behavior flies in the face of everything we know about raising responsible, competent, independent human people.

 

[Dot2Vegas]

Oh. Based on your previous posts, I figured the 8 year olds still needed adult supervision while using the restroom. (FYI - your signature still lists your kids as 7 and 9.)

I wish I could update that but I rarely ever go on to the boards on the computer. Almost always through the app which is totally not user friendly.
My younger girls would have to go to the ladies room with a buddy. Doesn't have to me, just not alone. As it so happens I am usually with them so they end up going with me. My ten year old would be perfectly ok going alone and I trust that she can handle herself but I still always tell her to use the buddy system.

 

[Dot2Vegas]

Allowing your child to have independence does not mean that you are "turning a blind eye" to anything.

If my 10-year-old were confronted in a bathroom, he would know how to handle it. He would identify/understand the problem, scream, look for help, and run. A 3- or 4-year-old boy, or many 5-year-old boys...may not able to do this. Any 10-year-old boy without cognitive impairments, who has responsible parents, should.

The choice to teach my children how to manage the world, and then let them do so in age-appropriate ways is not equal to "turning a blind eye." Your repeated, coded, assertions that teaching children to do things on their own is risky behavior flies in the face of everything we know about raising responsible, competent, independent human people.

I never once said that teaching kids independence is risky. I simply am arguing that public bathrooms, including ones in Disneyland pose a potential (small) risk. If you can avoid the risk then why not?
And as I said before, the turning a blind eye has nothing to do with a parents restroom decisions. It has to do with attitude that Disneyland is safer than somewhere else and nothing can happen there. Bad things can happen anywhere. Its foolish to think that it is any different than any other place. The chances of bad things happening are extremely small, but they do exist. Why not safeguard your self or children. I live in a nice neighborhood with low crime, yet I still arm my home with a security system. Im not going to leave my door unlocked and assume nothing will ever happen.

 

[larina]

I saw this thread yesterday but didn't get a chance to read it today.

Exactly when can't you take your son into the stall with you?

There are just times a woman needs to be alone in the restroom.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

There are just times a woman needs to be alone in the restroom.

I've been reading this since it started, but haven't commented on it, but now I have to.

In your mind, you deserve a privacy from your own son, that other women in the bathroom do not? The biggest complaint I've seen on here is that tween/teen boys ARE peaking in the stalls and not offering that privacy. I think it's highly hypocritical to subject others to that, but not being willing to share those moments yourself.

FWIW, I agree there are times a women needs to be alone in the bathroom. Which is exactly why older boys should NOT be coming it at all.

 

[Mousequake]

No. They are 8, 8, and 10. When they are with him they go to ladies room together while my husband waits close by. When they were younger he worked 3 jobs so his outings alone with them were short and luckily didn't involve bathroom breaks. I would have been ok with them going into the mens room if there were no urinals and just stalls. I always told my husband to take them in a handicap stall if he had to.

So in other words, you wouldn't have been okay with them going into the men's room at all while with your husband when they were younger. I literally cannot remember the last time I've seen a public men's restroom (except the 'single person at a time' where you lock the entire room while you're in there) without a urinal. What are dads supposed to do with their young daughters if the daughters do need to go to the bathroom? They aren't safe in the men's room when their dads are in there with them?

 

[Dot2Vegas]

So in other words, you wouldn't have been okay with them going into the men's room at all while with your husband when they were younger. I literally cannot remember the last time I've seen a public men's restroom (except the 'single person at a time' where you lock the entire room while you're in there) without a urinal. What are dads supposed to do with their young daughters if the daughters do need to go to the bathroom? They aren't safe in the men's room when their dads are in there with them?

No, I guess not then. I don't like the idea of young girls being around men using urinals. I think they'd be perfectly safe in there with their dad but seeing men standing up using the bathroom at a young age would have raised questions I wasn't interested in answering yet! My girls were very curious and absolutely would have been trying to peek to see what's going on!
Dads can do what they see as the right answer. If the urinals dont bother them then bring the girls in with you. If you are not comfortable with that (like me) then the only other option is to send them into the ladies room alone.

 

[Malcon10t]

If you are not comfortable with that (like me) then the only other option is to send them into the ladies room alone.

You know there are many female predators also? You are comfortable sending young girls to the restroom alone, but not a young boy??

 

[Gisele]

I find this thread at this point to be rather much. Has the OP figured out a good plan yet?

 

[Rebekkap]

I never once said that teaching kids independence is risky. I simply am arguing that public bathrooms, including ones in Disneyland pose a potential (small) risk. If you can avoid the risk then why not?
And as I said before, the turning a blind eye has nothing to do with a parents restroom decisions. It has to do with attitude that Disneyland is safer than somewhere else and nothing can happen there. Bad things can happen anywhere. Its foolish to think that it is any different than any other place. The chances of bad things happening are extremely small, but they do exist. Why not safeguard your self or children. I live in a nice neighborhood with low crime, yet I still arm my home with a security system. Im not going to leave my door unlocked and assume nothing will ever happen.

You can't have both - either you teach kids independence OR you avoid minuscule risks like letting them go to the bathroom while you wait outside at Disneyland. But you can't avoid all the risks and think they'll somehow magically learn to deal with them even though you're still dealing with everything for them!

 

[AZMermaid]

I thought of this thread this week. We were at Peter Piper Pizza for a school fundraiser. I was playing a game with my 2.5 year old when my just turned 4 year old ran up with "that look" and said "I need to go potty!" I looked for hubby, he's in the middle of deal or no deal (eye roll). I tell DS, okay, just go. DH came over a few minutes later and I sent him in to check on DS. DH told me he was washing his hands, no big deal.

 

[bumbershoot]

No, I guess not then. I don't like the idea of young girls being around men using urinals.

For women who feel like this, it might be a great conversation to have with the men in their lives, to find out what it's actually like at a urinal. Even with DS, I was nervous about it, and I had the conversation with DH. And it turns out that he had NEVER seen another man's private area while in a men's restroom. Men don't, in DH's public restroom experience, just whip 'em out and show them off. There's still modesty.

Since then DH saw one guy who was either new to the world or was a weirdo, because he had his pants down a bit more than other men do. It was such a shock to him that he mentioned it that day to me.

As for girls peeking, well, that's up to the dad to stop, right? Just like I told my son, when he was still transitioning to using the guy's bathroom, eyes to yourself. And honestly it would have been pretty quickly commented on by the subject of the peeking, if DH's experiences ring true for others. It's just not done in a typical men's bathroom (as a Disney bathroom would be).

 

[Dot2Vegas]

For women who feel like this, it might be a great conversation to have with the men in their lives, to find out what it's actually like at a urinal. Even with DS, I was nervous about it, and I had the conversation with DH. And it turns out that he had NEVER seen another man's private area while in a men's restroom. Men don't, in DH's public restroom experience, just whip 'em out and show them off. There's still modesty.

Great point! I have never given much thought about mens rooms and what the urnials situation is like! Good to know there is modesty in there!

I cant copy and paste multiple posts on my phone but I also agree with Gisele above... I think now that we are on to discussing urnials and girls using the mens room this thread has officially gone of track and on long enough OP- I hoped you got what you needed and were not bothered by all of the nonsense (which I sadly was an active participant in!).

 

[larina]

I've been reading this since it started, but haven't commented on it, but now I have to.

In your mind, you deserve a privacy from your own son, that other women in the bathroom do not? The biggest complaint I've seen on here is that tween/teen boys ARE peaking in the stalls and not offering that privacy. I think it's highly hypocritical to subject others to that, but not being willing to share those moments yourself.

FWIW, I agree there are times a women needs to be alone in the bathroom. Which is exactly why older boys should NOT be coming it at all.

Excuse me, my son is 6. I was never talking about older boys, just my little boy. And no, at 6 he's not ready for the men's room, in any way. And yes, I still have the audacity to think I deserve a tiny bit of privacy even after having the nerve to have a son.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Excuse me, my son is 6. I was never talking about older boys, just my little boy. And no, at 6 he's not ready for the men's room, in any way. And yes, I still have the audacity to think I deserve a tiny bit of privacy even after having the nerve to have a son.

I think you've overreacted here, but I'll apologize anyway. In reading so many comments, I didn't realize your son was 6. But please don't put words into my mouth; I never said anything about having the nerve to have a son. I have one myself.

And while I agree, personally that age may be to young to go in the men's room by themselves (personally, a case by case basis for me), I stand by that you should give others the same consideration you want for yourself, which in this case is privacy. It's the general philosophy, not just yours (although yes, I did originally quote you) of people who think it's ok to let their boys stand outside the stall because they want privacy, but don't seem to care if others have it. And I do find that hypocritcal. I'll add that I agree with others, that I also don't see how it is any safer to have them outside the stall.