At what age did you let your son go to the mens room alone?

[AZMermaid]

It's the general philosophy, not just yours (although yes, I did originally quote you) of people who think it's ok to let their boys stand outside the stall because they want privacy, but don't seem to care if others have it. And I do find that hypocritcal. I'll add that I agree with others, that I also don't see how it is any safer to have them outside the stall.

As the mom of a boy, agreed. When he gets too old to stand in the stall- he is too old to be in there. I am letting him go alone in certain places now at 4 (started at 3.5) so by 6/7, he (and I) have the confidence he can handle his business appropriately. There are family bathrooms for nervous moms. Then you are all in the same space, but he isn't right on you. People can do what they want, but I would seriously consider calling security on any kid over 48 inches who was peeping on me. That's harassment.

 

[elamarca]

DS is 7 and I still take him in with me. Honestly, I'm more concerned about making sure he washes his hands properly than anything else. I'm pretty sure if left to his own devices he would use cold water, make a huge soapy mess, and touch a dozen surfaces on his way out the door.

Hopefully this thread stays friendly but this can be a surprisingly controversial topic, lol.

Kaci, I feel the exact same way! Though I do worry sometimes in a very crowded place about something happening to him, it's mostly the thought of the disgusting things he'd touch and then not wash his hands. I have images of touching toilet seats, the flusher and not using any soap. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

 

[Malcon10t]

Kaci, I feel the exact same way! Though I do worry sometimes in a very crowded place about something happening to him, it's mostly the thought of the disgusting things he'd touch and then not wash his hands. I have images of touching toilet seats, the flusher and not using any soap. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

We carry hand sanitizer for this reason. My daughter teaches. She knows how kids not so much fail to wash, but don't do a great job of it. Upon entering the classroom, everyone gets hand sanitizer. If you think all the stuff you think they may touch, one of the worst is tying their shoes...... Any clue where those untied laces have been? I never thought about it til she brought it up.

 

[elamarca]

We carry hand sanitizer for this reason. My daughter teaches. She knows how kids not so much fail to wash, but don't do a great job of it. Upon entering the classroom, everyone gets hand sanitizer. If you think all the stuff you think they may touch, one of the worst is tying their shoes...... Any clue where those untied laces have been? I never thought about it til she brought it up.

Right?! If I start thinking of all the disgusting and horrifying things my son touches or puts in his mouth, my head will explode. I actually carry hand sanitizer and wet wipes (such a Mom, right?) for this reason. Such a fine line though. I want to reinforce the hand washing and being mindful of what you're touching, etc.. but I don't want to give the poor kiddo a complex.

 

[ClaraOswald]

I agree, it is a fine line. I want my kid to have good habits and I want his hands to be clean before eating and whatnot. But I also want to make sure I don't OVER clean things or his immune system will be awful.

 

[nannyz]

I still cringe when I think back to the time I caught my young granddaughter licking the bottom of her shoe. I have no idea what she was thinking.

I have stopped using antibacterial soaps. Regular soap will do the job just fine if used properly.

 

[kaci]

Kaci, I feel the exact same way! Though I do worry sometimes in a very crowded place about something happening to him, it's mostly the thought of the disgusting things he'd touch and then not wash his hands. I have images of touching toilet seats, the flusher and not using any soap. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

My husband has a suppressed immune system so we are pretty over the top about hand washing! DS has some big impulse control issues and is easily distracted in unfamiliar settings so it gives me the willies to think how many things he would touch and fiddle with before he remembered why he'd gone into the bathroom

Hand sanitizer is fine for a stop-gap measure but it can't replace or make up for good old fashioned soap and hot water.

 

[Dot2Vegas]

I still cringe when I think back to the time I caught my young granddaughter licking the bottom of her shoe. I have no idea what she was thinking.

I have stopped using antibacterial soaps. Regular soap will do the job just fine if used properly.

Id love to know what is going on in kids minds sometimes!!
When my twins were about 3 we were out walking (just me and the three girls). We stopped to look at something in the distance and I look down a minute later to find DD drinking from a Big Gulp cup that i had just seen laying in the gutter...gag!! I knocked it out of her hand so fast but caught a whiff of what was in it...alcohol and soda of some sort. We ran home and scrubbed her mouth and called the pediatrician. Luckily she only must have taken a sip or two, she was fine. But the icky factor is burned into my brain forever!

 

[Aladora]

Id love to know what is going on in kids minds sometimes!!
When my twins were about 3 we were out walking (just me and the three girls). We stopped to look at something in the distance and I look down a minute later to find DD drinking from a Big Gulp cup that i had just seen laying in the gutter...gag!! I knocked it out of her hand so fast but caught a whiff of what was in it...alcohol and soda of some sort. We ran home and scrubbed her mouth and called the pediatrician. Luckily she only must have taken a sip or two, she was fine. But the icky factor is burned into my brain forever!

When DS was a toddler he would pick up a rock from the dirt, look right at me to make sure I was paying attention and then give the rock a big lick just to see my reaction.

 

[Mugglemama]

As the mom of a boy, agreed. When he gets too old to stand in the stall- he is too old to be in there. I am letting him go alone in certain places now at 4 (started at 3.5) so by 6/7, he (and I) have the confidence he can handle his business appropriately. There are family bathrooms for nervous moms. Then you are all in the same space, but he isn't right on you. People can do what they want, but I would seriously consider calling security on any kid over 48 inches who was peeping on me. That's harassment.

Just because other women may do things differently than you, does not qualify them as "nervous" mothers.

We moms do what we think is the *smartest*...you're doing what YOU think is the smartest, I'm doing what I think is the smartest. It doesn't mean I am nervous, and it doesn't mean you are negligent (which is how some parents would certainly view the act of sending a 4 year old into a public bathroom alone). Labeling fellow moms in a negative light simply because they do things differently than you is less than helpful.

That said...not everybody wants to babysit someone else's 4 year old in a public bathroom, either. I sure don't. If a kid can't reach the soap or zip up his pants, etc., a parent sending him into a public bathroom alone shoves that responsibility onto someone else (I'm thinking of a specific child I've known his whole life whose mom did this sort of thing - and even *exactly* this thing - routinely. It drove other people nuts).

When I am at Disneyland, I don't want to take care of other peoples' kids. At all. In any capacity. Period.

Personally, my reasons for not sending my kids into public bathrooms without an adult or older sibling has just as much to do with not wanting to shove responsibility for my kid onto someone else as it does with safety. It isn't someone else's responsibility to make sure my kid can pull up his pants, reach the soap, or not stand at the sink and make a puddle on the floor that may cause others to slip and fall.

That kid I mentioned earlier? At 4 he would have thought *nothing* of walking out from the stall with no pants on and asking some random stranger to help clean his dirty bottom, or playing with a soap dispenser until someone actually stopped him, or shoving an entire roll of TP down a toilet. Those things are the responsibility of the *parents*, not strangers. Unfortunately, many parents today seem more than comfortable leaving maintenance of their children to anyone in the immediate vicinity.

 

[Dot2Vegas]

Just because other women may do things differently than you, does not qualify them as "nervous" mothers.

We moms do what we think is the *smartest*...you're doing what YOU think is the smartest, I'm doing what I think is the smartest. It doesn't mean I am nervous, and it doesn't mean you are negligent (which is how some parents would certainly view the act of sending a 4 year old into a public bathroom alone). Labeling fellow moms in a negative light simply because they do things differently than you is less than helpful.

Very well put! I see no point in labeling, tearing down or questioning another mom, ever. We are all just trying to navigate the tricky waters of parenting as best as we know how. As long as the kid is happy, loved and well taken care of what business is it of mine?!

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Very well put! I see no point in labeling, tearing down or questioning another mom, ever. We are all just trying to navigate the tricky waters of parenting as best as we know how. As long as the kid is happy, loved and well taken care of what business is it of mine?!

In almost all cases, I agree with you 100%. I try very hard to not judge/question other mothers. However, given that some women have reported boys peaking into stalls, it DOES become their business.

I don't have the answer on the right age, however I would ask those who allow their sons to stand outside of the stalls in a women's bathroom, to really think about the position they may be putting others in. The stranger's privacy in the next stall is just as important as your own.

 

[SMD]

When I am at Disneyland, I don't want to take care of other peoples' kids. At all. In any capacity. Period.

Personally, my reasons for not sending my kids into public bathrooms without an adult or older sibling has just as much to do with not wanting to shove responsibility for my kid onto someone else as it does with safety. It isn't someone else's responsibility to make sure my kid can pull up his pants, reach the soap, or not stand at the sink and make a puddle on the floor that may cause others to slip and fall.

That kid I mentioned earlier? At 4 he would have thought *nothing* of walking out from the stall with no pants on and asking some random stranger to help clean his dirty bottom, or playing with a soap dispenser until someone actually stopped him, or shoving an entire roll of TP down a toilet. Those things are the responsibility of the *parents*, not strangers. Unfortunately, many parents today seem more than comfortable leaving maintenance of their children to anyone in the immediate vicinity.

I would say that parents who bring their child into the opposite sex bathroom and then leave them unattended while the parent goes into the stall alone are shifting responsibility for their kid onto others. I shouldn't have to ask a child to stop peeking between the cracks or to stop sticking their head under the divider, their parent should be monitoring them.

 

[SweetAlex]

Just because other women may do things differently than you, does not qualify them as "nervous" mothers. We moms do what we think is the *smartest*...you're doing what YOU think is the smartest, I'm doing what I think is the smartest. It doesn't mean I am nervous, and it doesn't mean you are negligent (which is how some parents would certainly view the act of sending a 4 year old into a public bathroom alone). Labeling fellow moms in a negative light simply because they do things differently than you is less than helpful. That said...not everybody wants to babysit someone else's 4 year old in a public bathroom, either. I sure don't. If a kid can't reach the soap or zip up his pants, etc., a parent sending him into a public bathroom alone shoves that responsibility onto someone else (I'm thinking of a specific child I've known his whole life whose mom did this sort of thing - and even *exactly* this thing - routinely. It drove other people nuts). When I am at Disneyland, I don't want to take care of other peoples' kids. At all. In any capacity. Period. Personally, my reasons for not sending my kids into public bathrooms without an adult or older sibling has just as much to do with not wanting to shove responsibility for my kid onto someone else as it does with safety. It isn't someone else's responsibility to make sure my kid can pull up his pants, reach the soap, or not stand at the sink and make a puddle on the floor that may cause others to slip and fall. That kid I mentioned earlier? At 4 he would have thought *nothing* of walking out from the stall with no pants on and asking some random stranger to help clean his dirty bottom, or playing with a soap dispenser until someone actually stopped him, or shoving an entire roll of TP down a toilet. Those things are the responsibility of the *parents*, not strangers. Unfortunately, many parents today seem more than comfortable leaving maintenance of their children to anyone in the immediate vicinity.

I think you misread her post. She's not sending her 4 year old into a public washroom alone. She said she's letting him learn to do things on his own at 4 so that by the time he's 6 or 7, he'll be old enough to handle things without her. I think her plan is perfect.

If I see a young child in the public bathroom who can't reach the soap or is struggling to get paper towel, I sure as heck wouldn't think twice about helping them. Just like I wouldn't think twice about helping a special needs or elderly person in the same situation. You're not "babysitting"... You're helping someone in this world who needs the help of someone else for a very brief moment. I guess it's how you look at it though. I would see it as a brave little boy/girl who's trying so hard to remember all the things their parents taught them so they don't forget anything and can prove they are old enough to demonstrate independence.... I am happy to help them on their little adventure.

 

[nannyz]

SweetAlex, I totally agree with you.
You sound like a lovely person. But I see you are from Canada, so that explains it. Very nice people.

 

[ronandannette]

I think you misread her post. She's not sending her 4 year old into a public washroom alone. She said she's letting him learn to do things on his own at 4 so that by the time he's 6 or 7, he'll be old enough to handle things without her. I think her plan is perfect.

If I see a young child in the public bathroom who can't reach the soap or is struggling to get paper towel, I sure as heck wouldn't think twice about helping them. Just like I wouldn't think twice about helping a special needs or elderly person in the same situation. You're not "babysitting"... You're helping someone in this world who needs the help of someone else for a very brief moment. I guess it's how you look at it though. I would see it as a brave little boy/girl who's trying so hard to remember all the things their parents taught them so they don't forget anything and can prove they are old enough to demonstrate independence.... I am happy to help them on their little adventure.

I agree with nannyz. Have a great day!

 

[ClaraOswald]

Eh...it never bothered me to help a small child with soap or something. Even before I had my own child. No biggie. Two seconds out of my day. I also hold doors for people and whatnot too. And grab things from higher shelves for people at the store. Again, no biggie.

 

[elamarca]

My son is six and we're just starting to let him navigate the men's room by himself. Typically, my husband would take him into the men's room or if he wasn't with us, I'd bring him into the women's bathroom with me. He would always be in the stall with me though, no matter what. At six, he's starting to exert his independence and wants to go in alone, so we're letting him. We've (hopefully) raised him to know to yell for help, to properly wash his hands, etc. I, like most that have responded, would NOT be comfortable with a ten year old boy in the ladies room. Even at six, my son doesn't want to go in there with me and tells me it's for GIRLS. By 10, I'd have to drag him, kicking and screaming.

My husband just let me know that when my son goes into the men's room to use the urinal, he pulls his pants all the way down to his ankles. Apparently this is totally common for kids at this age.. who knew?! Forget the question of when should he be using the bathroom alone. My main concern is, how do I get my son NOT to pull his pants down to his ankles in public?? Geez.

 

[GatorChris]

My husband just let me know that when my son goes into the men's room to use the urinal, he pulls his pants all the way down to his ankles. Apparently this is totally common for kids at this age.. who knew?! Forget the question of when should he be using the bathroom alone. My main concern is, how do I get my son NOT to pull his pants down to his ankles in public?? Geez.

Ha! Yes, I had to "break" my son of doing that. I just told him, Hey everyone can see your bottom. That seemed to get him to change his habits.

As far as when do you send your son alone. I can barely keep him in my sights. At Disney, I feel pretty comfortable sending him alone. Other places, I try to keep an eye on him. I kinda consider myself his Secret Service. I keep an eye out for suspicious behavior or characters and react accordingly.

 

[mom2rtk]

Ha! Yes, I had to "break" my son of doing that. I just told him, Hey everyone can see your bottom. That seemed to get him to change his habits.

My sons are 19 and 21. I hope my husband covered that with them! Cuz I'm sure not asking now!