At a loss - DSS has informed us...

[tmarquez]

...that he was quitting college and moving with his girlfriend back to her hometown.

He is 19 and had such a bright future. I know college isn't for everyone...but he really did have plans and dreams. Now he carries student loan debt and will have no education.

His girlfriend doesn't work. I guess they will be staying with her mother. She totally controls his life. My Dh and his mother have both tried calling him today, but the girlfriend answers his cell phone and says that he isn't there.

I feel sick to my stomach.

 

[Mermaid02]

...that he was quitting college and moving with his girlfriend back to her hometown.

He is 19 and had such a bright future. I know college isn't for everyone...but he really did have plans and dreams. Now he carries student loan debt and will have no education.

His girlfriend doesn't work. I guess they will be staying with her mother. She totally controls his life. My Dh and his mother have both tried calling him today, but the girlfriend answers his cell phone and says that he isn't there.

I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm sorry. Hopefully it will fizzle out now that they are spending so much time together....

 

[LMC]

Well when they hit hard times and come running for help, I hope he remembers how he had his GF answer his phone for him and tell you he was not there.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Why does life do this to us?

 

[Subrbnmommy]

Wow! I'm really sorry. Hopefully you'll be able to talk to him soon. Maybe you can convince him to defer college from one semester and keep his options open.

 

[Texa]

Well when they hit hard times and come running for help, I hope he remembers how he had his GF answer his phone for him and tell you he was not there.

He will. More than likely this will be "one of those times" that he will cringe about when time gets older. As a college counselor I can tell you that as long as he leaves in good standing his dreams are not going anywhere. Odds are (from the things I have seen) that he will return to campus a little older, and little wilder, and potentially be more focused than he would have been if he had stayed on campus with girlfriend by his side.

Hang in there mom, and stand your ground.

 

[susykt4]

Ouch! Try to calm down and take a breath. I did pretty much the same thing to my parents (who are very religious so it was a double sucker punch.) Honestly, I wasn't ready for college and my (now) husband was completely convinced he was going to be a rock star. Yes, seriously. Anyway, we both worked at crappy jobs for several years, eventually got married and eventually both went back to school and got degrees. He's now an engineer and I have a career I love. We didn't have children until we were in our late 20s and finished with school and had good insurance.

Your DSS may or may not stay with this woman. She may or may not be terrible for him. He may NEED to work at jobs he hates in order to be motivated to go back to school to be able to do something he loves. Making this immature decision doesn't necessarily mean he has thrown the whole rest of his life in the toilet. I would never change my years of working as a shift manager at a restaurant chain. It was a horrible, stressful job, but I learned sooooo many more life lessons than my current coworkers who came straight into our profession from college. I have so much more appreciation for what I do and therefore more job satisfaction.

 

[live4christp1]

Don't have any teenagers so I don't have any advice. Just know you could use some support.

 

[sbell111]

Why does life do this to us?

(That was supposed to be funny, right?)

To the OP-

Don't make the girlfriend your enemy. You won't like it.

Like many things in your life, you will have to roll with this. It's not the end of the world and really isn't about you, at all.

 

[DizBelle]

As much as you don't like it, it's his life, his decision. But he needs to understand that he needs to support himself now and the parents (step or otherwise) aren't going to help him financially.

 

[Tess]

No advice, but a huge !

This is my worst nightmare for either of my kids!

I agree with the advice from others--I wouldn't be offering help, but I also wouldn't want to make enemies with the girlfriend. He's young and hopefully will wise up before too much longer.

 

[joyjoy]

He will. Odds are (from the things I have seen) that he will return to campus a little older, and little wilder, and potentially be more focused than he would have been if he had stayed on campus with girlfriend by his side.

Not sure that's what mom is hoping for.....

 

[JoiseyMom]

There is still hope. Please don't give up on him. You don't have to give him money to help him through this...but you can give him your love and support that way, and keep the door open!

I remember a 19 year old girl that met and feel head of heels for a boy she met in college. She also dropped out and moved in with him, then with her parents. They eventually married had 2 kids and she wised up and divorced him. She went back to college, got her degree, and today is married to a wonderful man and they have 2 more kids and are very happy!

Everyone gets to make their own choices and live with the consequences. I did, and I have no regrets! If I hadn't made that stupid choice (and yes I can now say it was so stupid), I wouldn't have my 2 wonderful olders, I would have never met my current husband and have our other 2 children.

Just hang in there! It will work out, one way or another!

 

[Darcy03231]

As much as you don't like it, it's his life, his decision. But he needs to understand that he needs to support himself now and the parents (step or otherwise) aren't going to help him financially.

I agree. DSS (now 25) did this to us too. Once we withdrew our financial support (in our house you need to be a student for us to support you) it didn't take long before he was back in school. He decided that low paying/non-skilled jobs aren't for him. He just finished his degree in Civil Engineering and is now starting his master's program. He's also not still with the girlfriend. That became short-lived once money got tight. He now tells us how stupid he was and how sorry he is. Luckily, he got back on track fairly quickly.

 

[dis-happy]

Any chance the gf is pg and that's why? I hope you get a chance to talk to him soon and let him know you're there no matter what. I have a 20 year old and I know how hard it can be sometimes, balancing what you know is best vs. letting them live their own lives and make mistakes. Big hugs to you.

 

[sbell111]

DSS (now 25) did this to us too. ...

Hmmmm.

 

[lillygator]

...that he was quitting college and moving with his girlfriend back to her hometown.

He is 19 and had such a bright future. I know college isn't for everyone...but he really did have plans and dreams. Now he carries student loan debt and will have no education.

His girlfriend doesn't work. I guess they will be staying with her mother. She totally controls his life. My Dh and his mother have both tried calling him today, but the girlfriend answers his cell phone and says that he isn't there.

I feel sick to my stomach.

has he already started this semester and quitting now? or did he just not register for fall? will he be losing money on those classes.

Sounds like you are very disappointed...as I would be. Is he in the same town as you? Were you paying for college and living expenses? Does he have a job?

 

[tmarquez]

I understand it's his life, it's just hard to see your kids make mistakes. I hope it does turn out fine for him...and soon.

I'm pretty sure she is not pregnant as someone asked. I know she misses her family and friends from back home and they do pressure her to come back home.

He was going to school at UCF in Orlando, and worked at the school. We live about 45 minutes away, but he spent a lot of time at our house. Classes started this past Monday. Today was the last day to drop with a refund...so at least he was thinking of that. The money for books, I'm sure is a loss.

 

[kidzmom3]

I understand it's his life, it's just hard to see your kids make mistakes. I hope it does turn out fine for him...and soon.

I'm pretty sure she is not pregnant as someone asked. I know she misses her family and friends from back home and they do pressure her to come back home.

He was going to school at UCF in Orlando, and worked at the school. We live about 45 minutes away, but he spent a lot of time at our house. Classes started this past Monday. Today was the last day to drop with a refund...so at least he was thinking of that. The money for books, I'm sure is a loss.

you should be sure to withdraw financial support asap. If you pay that cell phone bill, I would be cancelling it as we speak.

 

[battricia]

is there any way you can find him and talk to him face to face, in private? maybe he has no clue that you've been calling him? that is a really sad situation, i hope everything works out.