Assuming we are all alike?

[FireDancer]

What a leap that was!

If jumping to conclusions was a sport the DIS would be full of elite athletes.

 

[monkeybug]

I don't think we are all alike but I also think many times people confuse can't and won't. Not wanting to do something isn't the same as not being able to do that thing. It always depends on the particular situation and circumstances though. Anything I have ever really wanted to do I managed to do, even if it was after a couple of failed attempts. Many people sell themselves short too often.

Not picking on you, but I also think that people often sell the importance of failure too short!
There have been many things I have really wanted to do and never managed to do.
Lot's of things I regret.
Sometimes the experiences we've missed are far less important (in the bigger scheme) than the lessons we've experienced as a result.
I believe that in some cases (not pointing a finger at you) the lack of failure in peoples lives gives them a short sightedness that, personally, I see as failure on a much grander scale.
But that's just me.

 

[nmmom95]

Sometimes it's as simple as the person is an unbelievable know-it-all. There are 2 ways to do things, their way and the wrong way. We've got a few of these in my family.

 

[indimom]

Not picking on you, but I also think that people often sell the importance of failure too short!
There have been many things I have really wanted to do and never managed to do.
Lot's of things I regret.
Sometimes the experiences we've missed are far less important (in the bigger scheme) than the lessons we've experienced as a result.
I believe that in some cases (not pointing a finger at you) the lack of failure in peoples lives gives them a short sightedness that, personally, I see as failure on a much grander scale.
But that's just me.

I have to agree with this comment.

There have been things I've tried to do/be and failed miserably at. I wish I could do those things/be those things, but I simply can't. It's not in me, and to keep beating a dead horse would be a waste of the time I have on this Earth.

But, I did learn more about myself from the attempt, and I'm more accepting of my faults for having tried.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I do agree with this, but I do think we have to be mindful that our "won't" may very well be someone else's "can't" because of circumstances we are not aware of.

This.
I have to deal a lot with the mindset of "if I can do it, you can too". I have some medical issues that prevent me from doing things. Sometimes I even find myself thinking the same way ("I should be able to do this. I'm the only one stopping me." and then I get really angry. Actually, I guess I'm a little harder on myself than anyone else is. I don't know. I'm just rambling.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Sometimes it's as simple as the person is an unbelievable know-it-all. There are 2 ways to do things, their way and the wrong way. We've got a few of these in my family.

Does your family post on the Dis?

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

If jumping to conclusions was a sport the DIS would be full of elite athletes.

I'm not normally one to say something like this, but that needs to be a Tag! Brilliant

 

[monkeybug]

I have to agree with this comment.


But, I did learn more about myself from the attempt, and I'm more accepting of my faults for having tried.

My guess is your more accepting of others faults as well.

 

[Mkrop]

I love the people who all think we should have the same approach or personality when we tackle things.

I am a planner, I also am a person who gets overwhelmed easily, so I would rather if I can to break a task done into smaller increments. Will I get the task done by Monday, most likely yes but I would prefer not to wait until Sunday night to get it done. I would be working on it now and until Sunday.

Now Person B does not even want to think about the task until Sunday, and will stay up to all hours of the night to get it done, works better under pressure.

Whose to say whose way of doing it is correct if we both get the task done well and complete by Monday morning.

 

[marmalade]

This reminds me when I was 9 months pregnant with my DD and I had just gotten out of the shower and I was standing in the living room and my water broke. So naturally I need to call everyone to tell them it's time, and my SIL said "are you sure it broke?" I said yes a gallon of water just ran down my leg, she said "well are you sure it's not just from the shower? It's not common for your water to break on its own" WHAT???? Needless to say my DD was born 11 hrs later.

 

[Donaldswife]

Sometimes it's as simple as the person is an unbelievable know-it-all. There are 2 ways to do things, their way and the wrong way. We've got a few of these in my family.

I am married to one!

 

[palavra]

I am married to one!

My husband thinks he's married to one! (I hate to admit it, but I know I can be at times-just don't tell him!)

 

[Donaldswife]

My husband thinks he's married to one! (I hate to admit it, but I know I can be at times-just don't tell him!)

That's OK, we all have our faults. Sometimes his "black and white" perspective on things is just what I need in my life.

 

[5lilfish]

I don't think we are all alike but I also think many times people confuse can't and won't. Not wanting to do something isn't the same as not being able to do that thing. It always depends on the particular situation and circumstances though. Anything I have ever really wanted to do I managed to do, even if it was after a couple of failed attempts. Many people sell themselves short too often.

I don't diasgree. But...I also think that it isn't always a case of 'won't.' Sometimes it's a case of, 'don't want to,' and that is fine too. Just because it is a priority to one person does not make it a priority to everyone. For example....I am not an overly ambitious person when it comes to a career. I am very bright (based off of test scores and grades through school) and I have a college degree. My greatest desire in life was to get married, have a big family and stay home to raise my children. My husband is fully onboard. That does not make me stupid, lazy or incapable of doing more. It's not that I won't or can't...its that I don't have to and don't want to. There is nothing wrong with my decision to remain at home with my children (even once my 4th and 5th go to school). It's nobody's place to judge my decision. If it works for my family, that is all that matters. This is just one example...I've seen it in many situations. Just because one person has the ambition and desire to make something happen, does not mean that ambition and desire is shared by everyone.

Also...going back to the OP's pregnancy story, I too was put on bedrest early in my (twin) pregnancy. After a few weeks my bedrest was upgraded to modified. That meant that I was to spend, "the vast majority of my day" taking it easy and staying off my feet. At the time I went on bedrest, I was co-room mom, for my 3rd child's 1st grade class. I talked to the teacher and she arranged a 3rd room mom to help out and she said she would jump in to help anytime it was needed. Well, eventually I was allowed to go out for short periods if it involved going someplace and sitting. I used this to keep sane and arranged frequent 1 hour tea outtings with various friends. My co-room mom was very judgmental about this. She didn't seem to understand why I could go have tea but could not go on a 2 hr shopping run for class party supplies or why I could only help at parties if I could sit (like working the craft table). One day, when she tried to reach me, the message she left on my machine started, "I'm sure you are out on one of your little tea parties..." That's pretty rude, IMO. She did not know all the facts and I should not have had to explain it to her. The teacher and I made sure she had the help she needed. She was not ditched. I owed nobody an apology for putting the health of my unborn twins above her needs....and for using my brief escapes to do as I felt (based off of what was safe and what was desired).

Jess

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

I love the people who all think we should have the same approach or personality when we tackle things.

I am a planner, I also am a person who gets overwhelmed easily, so I would rather if I can to break a task done into smaller increments. Will I get the task done by Monday, most likely yes but I would prefer not to wait until Sunday night to get it done. I would be working on it now and until Sunday.

Now Person B does not even want to think about the task until Sunday, and will stay up to all hours of the night to get it done, works better under pressure.

Whose to say whose way of doing it is correct if we both get the task done well and complete by Monday morning.

Clearly Person B is right, and Person A is wrong. Except, of course, when Person A is absolutely right and B is wrong.

 

[Tink888]

Some people just lack empathy! They can't seem to imagine a person feeling or thinking differently than they do!

Perception is reality. Most people tend to view the world through their own perception and experience of it and for some people, it's very hard to step outside their own perception of things and understand that their reality is not the same as someone else's. I think everyone is guilty of it from time to time.

 

[FireDancer]

I don't diasgree. But...I also think that it isn't always a case of 'won't.' Sometimes it's a case of, 'don't want to,' and that is fine too. Just because it is a priority to one person does not make it a priority to everyone.

snip

I agree, especially about the different priorities for different folks thing. I think though that won't and "don't want to" are the same thing. Both are a choice not to <whatever > as opposed to the inability to <whatever>. As long as people are honest with themselves they should be content. Change the things you can't accept and accept the things you can not change so to speak. That is an ability that makes for a happy life IMO.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I always thought I was above average!

You post to the DIS boards. This means only that, like the children in Lake Wobegon, your children are above average.

 

[nmmom95]

I love the people who all think we should have the same approach or personality when we tackle things.

I am a planner, I also am a person who gets overwhelmed easily, so I would rather if I can to break a task done into smaller increments. Will I get the task done by Monday, most likely yes but I would prefer not to wait until Sunday night to get it done. I would be working on it now and until Sunday.

Now Person B does not even want to think about the task until Sunday, and will stay up to all hours of the night to get it done, works better under pressure.

Whose to say whose way of doing it is correct if we both get the task done well and complete by Monday morning.

Okay, that made me laugh! I don't know anyone like that...

 

[Mkrop]

Okay, that made me laugh! I don't know anyone like that...

Yes I had to deal with several of you Person B's in my life