Assault At School Question

[100%Disney]

I'm going to see what happens today. She was suspended yesterday. I told my son to call me if the principal questions him further.

As I said, I don't want to punish the girl further and if we file a report with the police, it will be out of our hands. Due to the nature of the charges, the DA decides to prosecute or not. I used to be a deputy and my husband is a city police officer. We know how the system works, that's what worries us. The number of grudge warrants and frivolous lawsuits in the system is staggering.

 

[100%Disney]

Who/when did she state that to? And is your son concern about retaliation? Or is more your concern? I know I worry about my kids way more than they worry about themselves.

He is concerned about retaliation. That is part of the reason he didn't report the incident immediately. He said that the gangs at his school say, "Snitches get stitches." And the girl told my son, the following morning that her dad was angry and wanted to confront him.

I am worried and it is justified. He did nothing and was attacked. He still did nothing other than try to get away from the attack.

 

[sam_gordon]

He is concerned about retaliation. That is part of the reason he didn't report the incident immediately. He said that the gangs at his school say, "Snitches get stitches." And the girl told my son, the following morning that her dad was angry and wanted to confront him.

I am worried and it is justified. He did nothing and was attacked. He still did nothing other than try to get away from the attack.

Yes, your concerns are justified. I would be worried too. But I think escalating it would just make things worse (no matter how deserving it is). If the girl just started her suspension, you should be pretty close to Christmas break by the time she returns. Hopefully things will cool down when they return next year.

 

[happygirl]

I would let it go. Christmas break is coming and things will blow over.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

OP I totally understand why you don't want to pursue the situation, but isn't the school required to report it? Sexual abuse is a must report incident at our schools, not by the parents but by the school itself.

Can't you force the school's hands to make the report on behalf of your son? I would be concerned that this young lady will be back in the school and could do worse to another student. Again, I get that you don't want to do it, but please consider finding out the laws in your state regarding what the school is required to do. If they are required to report it please make them.

I hope that your son is able to finish out the end of the school drama-free.

 

[Disney Doll]

OP I would consult a lawyer and not allow your son to be questioned by anyone without you present. It seems you have a bad feeling that this is going to go further. Trust your gut.

I agree with this.

 

[100%Disney]

OP I totally understand why you don't want to pursue the situation, but isn't the school required to report it? Sexual abuse is a must report incident at our schools, not by the parents but by the school itself.

Can't you force the school's hands to make the report on behalf of your son? I would be concerned that this young lady will be back in the school and could do worse to another student. Again, I get that you don't want to do it, but please consider finding out the laws in your state regarding what the school is required to do. If they are required to report it please make them.

I hope that your son is able to finish out the end of the school drama-free.

The assistant principal said that my son should have reported it as soon as it happened and the school would have charged her. I don't know what difference a day makes. I spoke with a teacher at a different school about the incident. She said that the schools are getting pressure about the "numbers", not just test scores, but suspensions. If they suspend or charge too many kids it hurts their numbers. I find that disgusting. And I don't think they took it as seriously because he is a boy. Had he done something to a girl, they would be all over it.

 

[SaraJayne]

Adding that I agree that this was a sexual assult and should be reported to the police. The school should also be treating it as such.

I agree. The first thing I would have done is call the police.

What a crappy situation for you and your DS to be in, especially when the school seems to be dismissing what happened.

 

[megsoro]

OP- being so close to the holiday break, is it possible to keep him out of school for a few days, getting his work from teachers, etc, to help this blow over? (especially when that girl comes back from her suspension?)

 

[100%Disney]

OP- being so close to the holiday break, is it possible to keep him out of school for a few days, getting his work from teachers, etc, to help this blow over? (especially when that girl comes back from her suspension?)

She won't be back until after Christmas break. I would love to keep him home, he's sick with bronchitis, but he would get too far behind in his classes. He has dyslexia and struggles in math. Missing 4 days could cause him to fail this six weeks.

 

[mjkacmom]

What is your problem? The girl bit him and squeezed his testicles. This is not just a scuffle. This is sexual abuse. I'm sure if this was done to a girl, and some guy was squeezing the girl's va* gi* na* people would have a different opinion. It's so sad we live in a world where girls can torment boys, with absolutely no consequences. I would seriously report this to the police or transfer him to another HS. I can't understand why this HS is not doing anything to suspend that girl.

The OP said the girl was suspended for 5 days - I think that is a punishment! I don't think this is sexual abuse. None of us were there, but girls have always been told that, in self defense with a male, to go for the nads. It's not sexual - it's a defense move.

 

[100%Disney]

I agree. The first thing I would have done is call the police.

What a crappy situation for you and your DS to be in, especially when the school seems to be dismissing what happened.

We fully expected the school to call the police, even though we weren't after getting her charged. It just amazes me that, because he's a boy, it doesn't seem that important to them. And you should have seen that bite. You could count the teeth prints, even days later, and it is so bruised. My son is such a sweet soul and is so protective of girls. It just makes me livid. And I wonder how much the fact that she's a star, varsity basketball player for the school plays into how they handled this situation.

 

[100%Disney]

The OP said the girl was suspended for 5 days - I think that is a punishment! I don't think this is sexual abuse. None of us were there, but girls have always been told that, in self defense with a male, to go for the nads. It's not sexual - it's a defense move.

She attacked him and went straight for his testicles. He was trying to walk away. How exactly was that defense on her part? If he were attacking her, she would have every right to do whatever was necessary. She was trying to hurt him, not defend herself. If someone grabs or fondles you, it is a sexual assault.

 

[happygirl]

She attacked him and went straight for his testicles. He was trying to walk away. How exactly was that defense on her part? If he were attacking her, she would have every right to do whatever was necessary. She was trying to hurt him, not defend herself. If someone grabs or fondles you, it is a sexual assault.

I'm really shocked that none of the other kids tried to help him

 

[mjkacmom]

She attacked him and went straight for his testicles. He was trying to walk away. How exactly was that defense on her part? If he were attacking her, she would have every right to do whatever was necessary. She was trying to hurt him, not defend herself. If someone grabs or fondles you, it is a sexual assault.

I'm not saying she was defending herself. However, I equal grabbing him there to poking him in the eyes - a move to hurt a lot. She was reacting in a way where she felt she needed to retaliate for a hurt she thought he caused. However, if she fondled him, yes, I would say that was sexual assault.

If the situation was reversed, and your ds grabbed her chest, trying to hurt her/defend himself, that might be sexual assault, because there are no self defense classes that indicate that assulting a woman's breasts will help in self defense.

I do think this girl is troubled, and got what she deserved. I don't think she should be on the sex offender list because of her actions.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I'm still trying to figure out how a 15yo and a 19yo end up in the same gym class.

OP, I hope it works out for your son.

 

[100%Disney]

I'm really shocked that none of the other kids tried to help him

If you step into a fight, just to help, you get suspended. It has happened, at this school, numerous times. So kids get pummeled, with no help in sight, unless a teacher is near. And to be quite frank, I think they were as shocked as my son that she did something like that to him.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Adding that I agree that this was a sexual assult and should be reported to the police. The school should also be treating it as such.

Yes. You can call the police and file assault charges.

 

[megsoro]

She won't be back until after Christmas break. I would love to keep him home, he's sick with bronchitis, but he would get too far behind in his classes. He has dyslexia and struggles in math. Missing 4 days could cause him to fail this six weeks.

That's horrible. So they basically just extended her Christmas vacation. Some punishment.

I really hope all this goes well for your son- I was in a zero tolerance high school as well, and it led to a MORE violent culture it seemed.

 

[FireDancer]

Adding that I agree that this was a sexual assult and should be reported to the police. The school should also be treating it as such.

Absolutely. Had a male student grabbed a female student instead of the other way around the school wouldn't be dragging their feet so much on the matter and no one, here or anywhere else, would be blowing it off so cavalierly. You do not grab the genitals of anyone in a move to hurt them a lot in anything other than self-defense and this was quite obviously not self-defense. It was an attack.

I can't believe it was even suggested that that was ok but the other way around wouldn't be. It is equally not ok either way.