Just because the girl your daughter roomed with was not socialized does not mean that is what is going on in the situations being discussed on this thread. I'm not sure why you would think it wouldn't occur to someone to work on basic social skills for a kid with Asperger's before sending them off to college. It seems to me it would likely be one of the top concerns.
the sad thing is that some parents of kids on the spectrum look to the social skills as something more narrow than what I perceive this poster is speaking to.
my teen son (17 1/2) is asd, and in addition to his individual therapy he is a member of a teen group, and will eventually move into the adult's group that is offered. while these groups meet the parents of the participants meet as well, and the same thing happens each year-in the fall when the groups kick into regular sessions we start out with a good size number of new teens and parents but with each successive week the number decreases. many of the parents look to the socialization aspect as just getting their kids out of their bedrooms and making a "real" friend or 2 (someone face to face vs. on the computer) and maybe joining in with some high school activities, so when their kids initially complain about not needing/wanting to 'just come and talk with a bunch of other kids' they say it's not worth fighting over and let them drop out. what they don't realize is while the group works with the kids on the individual socialization dynamic-they are working with them on group dynamics, and how to successfully interact one on one as well as one on two, three, four and more. there are discussion of what going to college entails-and specifically what living outside their current home will mean.
my son is fortunate in that he gets a life skills class every year of high school-he already knows how to do cooking, basic cleaning, laundry and the like but he's learned about doing it and other daily living tasks while taking other's into consideration. so, if he's doing laundry and someone else's is already in the washer, instead of his first thought of just putting it wet into a basket he's learned to seek out the other person and let them know he's going to be using the machine and ask if it's o.k. to just put it in the basket. if he's cooking independently he doesn't think about how his use of ingredients might impact someone else's planned meal-with the group experiences he's learned to check and make sure it's o.k. if he uses up the last of something, or if anyone else was planning on using the stove top or oven at a given time. it's stuff my neuro typical daughter would immediately pick up in shared housing, with my son he would be oblivious-and likely longer to pick up on the social ques.
it's not uncommon for households with asd kids in them to have somewhat adapted around the kid's 'quirks'. you don't even notice you are doing it-it becomes second nature. the asd kids, unless it's pointed out don't know/learn any different-and if the situation comes up where they ultimately move into shared housing with others it can be very difficult and frustrating all around.
people watch 'the big bang theory' and laugh over Sheldon's quirks. what they don't realize is Leonard has adapted his manner of living to deal with it (dropping everything to drive him somewhere because at that moment Sheldon is hyper focused on going to a particular place, eating only certain items on certain days of the weeks b/c that's Sheldon's way, not having certain items in the house/fridge b/c that's Sheldon's way, certain tv shows/movies, loud noises acceptable at certain times/lights out and complete quiet at others.....)-Sheldon is a character on a t.v. show but the writers have done a pretty good job of painting a picture of how living with some asd-and in particular some aspies can be. most roommates will not be as willing or able to make such accommodations/adjustments.
all people who choose to live in shared housing situations need to adjust to that new situation initially, but it can be extremely difficult and VERY frustrating and uncomfortable if this area has been neglected in asd therapy/home based behavior work. but like I said-for some parents of these kids, it either doesn't occur to them to work on it, or they just choose not to battle their kids on acquiring these skills.
Andtototoo-i think it's good that you brought this issue up, anything that can help our kids in shared housing (be they asd or neuro typical) is valuable.
