Ashley Madison an auspicous day

[Hrhpd]

Her parents and inlaws are telling her divorce is not an option. Her parents are stricter in their beliefs than the Duggars. You think a kid of theirs is going to be allowed to divorce her husband?

But a couple of her siblings are not as strict. There is a baby out of wedlock (Susannah) and one of the sisters, don't know if it is the same one, is currently going through a divorce.

Unfortunately, Anna has shunned her more liberal siblings and apparently has told them she has no desire to leave Josh when they offered to buy her and the children tickets out.

 

[Kalliope]

But a couple of her siblings are not as strict. There is a baby out of wedlock (Susannah) and one of the sisters, don't know if it is the same one, is currently going through a divorce.

Unfortunately, Anna has shunned her more liberal siblings and apparently has told them she has no desire to leave Josh when they offered to buy her and the children tickets out.

I don't know the details of the sister going through a divorce. Divorcing your husband is much different than your husband divorcing you.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I realize I'm probably being over sensitive, but... adoptions? It's 2015. Adoptions aren't some deep dark family secret anymore. And I also can't think of a communal source that would be hacked to tell you that someone is adopted. I guess maybe immigration records for international adoptees or maybe someone could do a ton of research and compare hospital admission records with birth certificate records, but that's going far beyond a hack. It just seems like a weird thing to include on the list of things you wouldn't want people to know about you.

I took it to mean exposing people who gave up kids for adoption, like from a teen pregnancy 20 years ago kind of thing.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Her parents and inlaws are telling her divorce is not an option. Her parents are stricter in their beliefs than the Duggars. You think a kid of theirs is going to be allowed to divorce her husband?

I posted an article that said Anna brother is going to do everything he can to get Anna away from Josh. That Josh has disgraced their family by his actions.

 

[gwynne]

I posted an article that said Anna brother is going to do everything he can to get Anna away from Josh. That Josh has disgraced their family by his actions.

I can only hope the brother will get some professional advice on how to handle this. It will probably be a long process if it happens at all. Anna is in a very vulnerable place. Everything must seem upside down and scary to her now.

 

[5kidsmommy]

I posted an article that said Anna brother is going to do everything he can to get Anna away from Josh. That Josh has disgraced their family by his actions.

But the family was totally okay with her marrying an admitted child molester?? They knew he had molested his sisters and other girls before he started courting Anna. I'm shocked that they are totally ok with child molestation but affairs with consenting adults is so awful. Sounds like people I would want nowhere near me. Good luck Anna, next time don't knowingly marrying a child molester.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

But the family was totally okay with her marrying an admitted child molester?? They knew he had molested his sisters and other girls before he started courting Anna. I'm shocked that they are totally ok with child molestation but affairs with consenting adults is so awful. Sounds like people I would want nowhere near me. Good luck Anna, next time don't knowingly marrying a child molester.

Do you really think she knew about that? I have a hard time swallowing that.

 

[threecrazykids]

Do you really think she knew about that? I have a hard time swallowing that.

They've admitted that Josh had "confessed his sins" and she knew about what he'd done. The issue being that they minimized it (just as his sisters have) to make it SOUND like it was "really nothing". She absolutely knew, but stated that Josh had repented, done his time, etc. and since her parents blessed it, she didn't question it.

But let's be honest, I am sure what she was told he did was NOTHING compared to the reality - so no, my guess is she didn't REALLY know what he did - but as far as what a woman needs to know, well...we can all surmise as to just how much of the truth she was told.

 

[gwynne]

But the family was totally okay with her marrying an admitted child molester?? They knew he had molested his sisters and other girls before he started courting Anna. I'm shocked that they are totally ok with child molestation but affairs with consenting adults is so awful. Sounds like people I would want nowhere near me. Good luck Anna, next time don't knowingly marrying a child molester.

Really? You think J, M and JB were up totally front and honest about all that? No way, JMO.
M and JB are expects at crafting a facade. It's probably their best skill set. They don't see the need to to be honest and truthful. They might drop a teeny hit of an issue, and minimize, minimize, minimize. Full and complete truth? Why does that matter? Keeping the TV show machine rolling in the bucks was the important thing. They define their universe for themselves and all the kiddos. To them once forgiven, it's forgotten...like it never happened. Time for a fresh start, no big deal from their point of view. It's a unique and bizarre, to say the least. But, that is the world they designed, and that is the world they live in.

Anna doesn't need to be shamed. She needs love and support, hopefully from some understanding and nonjudgmental folks outside of the compound.
I hope she finds her voice.

 

[AtlantaDisneyDreamer]

I don't buy that most people have no clue and are truly blindsided. Everyone I know who says they were "blind sided", which in our experience is a very small number of people we know whose spouse was having an affair, after the fact say there was something off, or they were suspicious of something. We have been married 34 years and the #1 rule in our marriage is that we discuss nothing about our relationship with anyone else as it's no one else's business. Most affairs start because one partner shares their relationship issues with someone of the opposite sex and honestly, that's being unfaithful and that's how DH and I look at it. Honestly, I can tell you my DH is an open book, but I also know anyone can fall, but as DH says, you never put yourself in that situation. That's what gets me about the thread about men and women being friends. It's putting people in situations where they can fail, doesn't mean they will, but they can. The idea of AM, is as I said above, takes forethought and planning and is deciding to be completely deceitful and I don't believe anyone who is on that site has such a perfect marriage that their spouse isn't just a little suspicious of them in some way. Saying you were completely blindsided plays to your audience, but that doesn't mean it's true.

I think it is certainly possible to be completely blindsided by a spouse. I imagine there are many people who had complete faith in their spouses and who have ended up betrayed.

However, I think you make an excellent point about not putting yourself in a situation where betrayal can occur. I've also been keeping up with the threads about men and women being friends and I am shocked a the number of people who say they are okay with their spouses having solo lunches with members of the opposite sex, commuting to work with them, going to movies with them- even traveling with them. I think the people who say they completely trust their spouses in this situation are the ones who do, occasionally, get blindsided. Spousal trust is a wonderful thing, but based on the all-too-common stories we read and hear about, temptation frequently proves too much for people. I think we sometimes underestimate the power of physiology and overestimate our willpower. It is not just bad, untrustworthy people who cheat on their spouses. I absolutely despise betrayal and lose respect for those who commit it, but it doesn't mean those people are "bad." They just caved to temptation- probably like you said, because they allowed themselves to get into a situation that could lead to betrayal. How many times have cheaters said something like, "I didn't mean for anything to happen; it just happened"? It "just happened" because a person put himself in a situation where it COULD happen. Why would a person risk a marriage and family so he can have a solo lunch date or a cheaper commute?

That applies to the people who say they signed up for AM out of curiosity. Why on earth risk something so valuable as a marriage and/or family just to satisfy one's curiosity?

Right there with you on this issue.

 

[5kidsmommy]

Really? You think J, M and JB were up totally front and honest about all that? No way, JMO.
M and JB are expects at crafting a facade. It's probably their best skill set. They don't see the need to to be honest and truthful. They might drop a teeny hit of an issue, and minimize, minimize, minimize. Full and complete truth? Why does that matter? Keeping the TV show machine rolling in the bucks was the important thing. They define their universe for themselves and all the kiddos. To them once forgiven, it's forgotten...like it never happened. Time for a fresh start, no big deal from their point of view. It's a unique and bizarre, to say the least. But, that is the world they designed, and that is the world they live in.

Anna doesn't need to be shamed. She needs love and support, hopefully from some understanding and nonjudgmental folks outside of the compound.
I hope she finds her voice.

Actually they were. She admitted that he came to her family after the molestation to ask the community for forgiveness. It was in her originally statement when the molestation was admitted to. Child molestation is very common in fundy communities. Pretty sick nasty people. I'll gladly being compassionate to those trying to escape but those willing to stay in and reap the financial gain absolutely not. I have total compassion for the kids because the odds are if a man molests his sisters his little girls won't be off limits. Child molesters don't get better and Anna needs face that reality. His husband sleeping with grown consenting adults is the least of her worries, if him being a child molester didn't frighten her then she is a lost cause.

And yes I was molested as a child and screw people who cover that crap up, no sympathy from me. It's not something you get over and if someone touched my kids or if I knew someone had touched kids I would want nothing to do with them. But unfortunately most people in this society just blow it off. It's f-ing disgusting and I will make no excuses for sickos who molest little kids. The guy deserves to be in prison forever, honestly I think there is no place on earth for any child molesters.

 

[5kidsmommy]

For those thinking she didn't know. Here you go. She admitted she knew and forgave him, yeah umm honey you marry a sexual predator and guess what sweetie you reap what you sow. http://www.people.com/article/anna-duggar-josh-duggar-why-she-married-knowing-molestation-scandal

 

[JaxDad]

I think it is certainly possible to be completely blindsided by a spouse. I imagine there are many people who had complete faith in their spouses and who have ended up betrayed.

However, I think you make an excellent point about not putting yourself in a situation where betrayal can occur. I've also been keeping up with the threads about men and women being friends and I am shocked a the number of people who say they are okay with their spouses having solo lunches with members of the opposite sex, commuting to work with them, going to movies with them- even traveling with them. I think the people who say they completely trust their spouses in this situation are the ones who do, occasionally, get blindsided. Spousal trust is a wonderful thing, but based on the all-too-common stories we read and hear about, temptation frequently proves too much for people. I think we sometimes underestimate the power of physiology and overestimate our willpower. It is not just bad, untrustworthy people who cheat on their spouses. I absolutely despise betrayal and lose respect for those who commit it, but it doesn't mean those people are "bad." They just caved to temptation- probably like you said, because they allowed themselves to get into a situation that could lead to betrayal. How many times have cheaters said something like, "I didn't mean for anything to happen; it just happened"? It "just happened" because a person put himself in a situation where it COULD happen. Why would a person risk a marriage and family so he can have a solo lunch date or a cheaper commute?

That applies to the people who say they signed up for AM out of curiosity. Why on earth risk something so valuable as a marriage and/or family just to satisfy one's curiosity?

Right there with you on this issue.

Please don't de-rail the Duggar discussion with your perfectly well-reasoned thoughts on trust and betrayal in marriage!
/s

 

[gwynne]

For those thinking she didn't know. Here you go. She admitted she knew and forgave him, yeah umm honey you marry a sexual predator and guess what sweetie you reap what you sow. http://www.people.com/article/anna-duggar-josh-duggar-why-she-married-knowing-molestation-scandal

From your link:

"It definitely wasn't portrayed in its entirety," says the source. "I don't think she understood the entirety of what had happened. It was kind of something that was swept under the rug and nobody made a big deal out of it."

That quote is basically what I was trying to explain in my post. M and JB (and J) aren't truthful, minimize, explain it might have been satan or something, announce forgiveness, and then move on with their lives, ignoring the elephant in the room.

We can disagree on this, but I believe Anna is also a victim. She was gifted to this man, with no real education, no understanding of what she was accepting with the molestation (I am certain that actual word was never mentioned) ...she was in way over her head. She was used. Period. She served a purpose, making J seem acceptably married.
----------------------------------------------------------------

5kids, I am so sorry you went through such a terrible experience. It's despicable when people use children in such unthinkable ways. It's beyond wrong and it's inexcusable. I care. Please know that.

 

[Kalliope]

I posted an article that said Anna brother is going to do everything he can to get Anna away from Josh. That Josh has disgraced their family by his actions.

He can't do anything if Anna won't talk to him.

 

[threecrazykids]

Another thing that makes me sad about the situation is that if the Duggar's weren't on TV and were a typical fundie family, no one would know about any of this. I have to assume these things go on just as frequently as they do with the rest of the world - however, these people get NO help. They are told to just accept it, move on, and keep your mouth shut. Even worse, let these kids/women believe it's THEIR fault.

It's a big deal because they are on TV. I guess to look on the bright side...anything that bring awareness to how this religion treats women and children is a step in the right direction of social services possibly stepping in, or giving these women and children a voice to get help (if they want it).

 

[Bec3b1g]

It looks like it wasn't hackers after all.

 

[pryncess527]

From your link:

"It definitely wasn't portrayed in its entirety," says the source. "I don't think she understood the entirety of what had happened. It was kind of something that was swept under the rug and nobody made a big deal out of it."

That quote is basically what I was trying to explain in my post. M and JB (and J) aren't truthful, minimize, explain it might have been satan or something, announce forgiveness, and then move on with their lives, ignoring the elephant in the room.

We can disagree on this, but I believe Anna is also a victim. She was gifted to this man, with no real education, no understanding of what she was accepting with the molestation (I am certain that actual word was never mentioned) ...she was in way over her head. She was used. Period. She served a purpose, making J seem acceptably married.
----------------------------------------------------------------

5kids, I am so sorry you went through such a terrible experience. It's despicable when people use children in such unthinkable ways. It's beyond wrong and it's inexcusable. I care. Please know that.

Exactly. The article also says this:

Furthermore, the source says Anna wasn't well equipped to truly comprehend what Josh had done. With her strict religious upbringing, "She was very sheltered with anything that came to physical relations or anything like that. She knew the words 'rape' or 'abuse,' but I don't think she really understood what that even meant." When it came time to process the information, she looked to her parents. "They still gave their blessing," says the source. "How she was brought up, if your parents gave their blessing then you pretty much marry the guy and that's what God's will is for you and what's best for your life. So much of her belief was based on what her parents told her and not in the actual truth. She looked to her parents and they were okay with it, so she was okay with it."

I mean, when the Duggars explained it to their girls, they had to also explain WHY it was wrong that Josh touched them because the girls were SO sheltered. That's by their own admission. So I'm not surprised that Anna may have had difficulty grasping what Josh did. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around, but I can believe it.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Another thing that makes me sad about the situation is that if the Duggar's weren't on TV and were a typical fundie family, no one would know about any of this. I have to assume these things go on just as frequently as they do with the rest of the world - however, these people get NO help. They are told to just accept it, move on, and keep your mouth shut. Even worse, let these kids/women believe it's THEIR fault.

It's a big deal because they are on TV. I guess to look on the bright side...anything that bring awareness to how this religion treats women and children is a step in the right direction of social services possibly stepping in, or giving these women and children a voice to get help (if they want it).

It's also a big deal because they use their "celebrity" outside of their show to point fingers at others for who they are, choices others make, while holding themselves up as the epitome of all that is good and wonderful and holy and family-oriented, including marriage and children, which Josh specifically WORKED...made it his JOB...to prevent other whole groups from also having. Disgusting.

I bet Mama and Papa Duggar are doing their best to keep Anna in the fold...to PROVE that ultimately they are everything they portray themselves as...people who make "mistakes", because Satan took hold of Josh, but through love and prayer and "counseling" they all stick together and forgive. Nice sentiment. But a whole bunch of BS, in THIS situation, IMHO. Poor Anna is brainwashed and trapped.

 

[McDISer]

It's also a big deal because they use their "celebrity" outside of their show to point fingers at others for who they are, choices others make, while holding themselves up as the epitome of all that is good and wonderful and holy and family-oriented, including marriage and children, which Josh specifically WORKED...made it his JOB...to prevent other whole groups from also having. Disgusting.

I bet Mama and Papa Duggar are doing their best to keep Anna in the fold...to PROVE that ultimately they are everything they portray themselves as...people who make "mistakes", because Satan took hold of Josh, but through love and prayer and "counseling" they all stick together and forgive. Nice sentiment. But a whole bunch of BS, in THIS situation, IMHO. Poor Anna is brainwashed and trapped.

Anna should live with the Duggars, and she should demand that she gets to go get educated to support herself and her 4 children. After she is educated, she then can pack up her family with or without Josh, depends if he fully gets rehabilitated. Anna has a long road in front of her and she would be smart to put up her demands right now and she wouldn't be the first mom that had to go get a job and support her kids.