ARMY UNIT UN-IMBEDS GERALDO
Franks: Army On Track to Remove Annoying Correspondent
Marking the first departure from the militarys new program of imbedding journalists with its units, an army unit has demanded that veteran newsman Geraldo Rivera be unimbedded from their troops, effective immediately.
CENTCOM Commander-in-Chief General Tommy Franks confirmed at his daily briefing today that the army was on track to unimbed the Fox News correspondent, but offered no timetable for the extraction process to be complete.
Saying that you want to unimbed Geraldo is not the same thing as unimbedding him, General Franks said. This process could take days, weeks or even months. At the end of the process, however, Geraldo will be gone.
According to sources within the unit, Mr. Rivera wore out his welcome almost immediately, as the news vet repeatedly told soldiers in the unit that he was stoked to be imbedded with them in the early days of the conflict.
It got to be, like, youd see Geraldo coming and youd quick walk the other way, one source said.
Making matters worse, the sources said, Mr. Rivera spent hours upon hours calling his agent in New York, using up his cell phones monthly minutes in a matter of days.
Hed come around asking to borrow your cell phone when you were in the middle of doing stuff, one source said. Dude, it was irritating.
In other war coverage news, CNN reported today that the U.S. could be facing a serious shortage of retired Generals in the near future.
Because of the demand for retired Generals to act as expert commentators on the 24-hour cable news networks, the U.S. Army is considering a proposal to promote retired Colonels to the rank of retired General for the duration of the war.
***BOROWITZ REPORT****
Franks: Army On Track to Remove Annoying Correspondent
Marking the first departure from the militarys new program of imbedding journalists with its units, an army unit has demanded that veteran newsman Geraldo Rivera be unimbedded from their troops, effective immediately.
CENTCOM Commander-in-Chief General Tommy Franks confirmed at his daily briefing today that the army was on track to unimbed the Fox News correspondent, but offered no timetable for the extraction process to be complete.
Saying that you want to unimbed Geraldo is not the same thing as unimbedding him, General Franks said. This process could take days, weeks or even months. At the end of the process, however, Geraldo will be gone.
According to sources within the unit, Mr. Rivera wore out his welcome almost immediately, as the news vet repeatedly told soldiers in the unit that he was stoked to be imbedded with them in the early days of the conflict.
It got to be, like, youd see Geraldo coming and youd quick walk the other way, one source said.
Making matters worse, the sources said, Mr. Rivera spent hours upon hours calling his agent in New York, using up his cell phones monthly minutes in a matter of days.
Hed come around asking to borrow your cell phone when you were in the middle of doing stuff, one source said. Dude, it was irritating.
In other war coverage news, CNN reported today that the U.S. could be facing a serious shortage of retired Generals in the near future.
Because of the demand for retired Generals to act as expert commentators on the 24-hour cable news networks, the U.S. Army is considering a proposal to promote retired Colonels to the rank of retired General for the duration of the war.
***BOROWITZ REPORT****
