Argh...I really don't like my niece..

[JoiseyMom]

My DN is the same age/grade/school/camp as my DD14. DN can/is be a very nasty mean thoughtless selfish child. Ever since she started going to the same camp as my DD, she has made my DD nuts! We won't even mention school.

We actually put off telling DN where DD was going this summer, hoping beyond hope that DN might go elsewhere. No such luck, plus she is going all summer (8 weeks), which she has never done before.

This summer it is teen travel, and they have 4 overnight trips. DD was going to do her best to put up with DN, even room with her if need be. Well, before camp even started, DN told DD that she didn't plan on rooming with her .

Now, when DN has been really mean, DD has told the little blank off, with my blessing. Last week, DN was out for a day, and a few girls came up to DD and asked her why DN is so mean to her. DD, said I wish I knew..my family has been trying to figure that out for years!

So, today was their first overnight, they went to Hershey and will be home tomorrow night. Well DD called me earlier to tell me how much fun she was having. DD also told me that DN had been abandoned by her "friends" and asked my DD to switch rooms with her. ***?????????????? She refused to room with my DD, and she and her friends arent nice to my DD, but she wants my DD to switch rooms with her?? Umm...I don't think so. I told DD to tell DN to talk to the counsleors.

So now DN is mad at DD. OY.... tomorrow should be fun. I get to car pool them home from late pickup. Last year SIL called and we took turns. This year she has DN called to ask DD . Unbelievable. DD and I had discussed it, and DD said she didn't want to carpool, and I was ok with that..but DD changed her mind. I am sure she will change it again for next weeks late nite pick up.

I am tempted to have a word or 2 with DN Sunday at my FDIL bridal shower.

I so dreaded them moving to my town 10 years ago...and I was so right.
I guess I can hope my DN will outgrow this nastiness....

 

[redlight]

14 is a hard age. She'll probably outgrow it.

 

[JoiseyMom]

14 is a hard age. She'll probably outgrow it.

Yes it is...but she has been like this for a few years. I hope for her sake she does.

 

[C.Ann]

Now, when DN has been really mean, DD has told the little blank off, with my blessing.

I don't see how this could possibly help the situation.. Don't forget, they're kids - not adults..

 

[minkydog]

I wouldn't hold my breath She sounds like a snowflake.

 

[SpecialK]

My husband's niece is a mean girl, and I can guarantee she won't outgrow it. She acts just like her mother.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I don't see how this could possibly help the situation.. Don't forget, they're kids - not adults..

When someone treats your like garbage and a doormat, you don't sit there and take it. Child or adult, you put the offender in their place. DN crossed a line at one point and DD put her back in her place. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[JoiseyMom]

My husband's niece is a mean girl, and I can guarantee she won't outgrow it. She acts just like her mother.

LMAO!! Are we related?? DN is acting just like SIL!! The thing is SIL can't stand her either .

 

[Imzadi]

I'm glad you're teaching DD to stick up for herself and not be bullied, used or victimized. Good for you & DD. She's learning now to have a strong sense of self and to set boundaries that will last her a lifetime. It showed, this weekend when you weren't around.

Children need to learn to teach other people how they want to be treated and not to allow themselves to be used as doormats.

Your DN will have to learn her own harsh lessons about life & how to treat people.

 

[C.Ann]

When someone treats your like garbage and a doormat, you don't sit there and take it. Child or adult, you put the offender in their place. DN crossed a line at one point and DD put her back in her place. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that.

No - you don't - but there are appropriate ways of dealing with those situations and based on your own description of your DN, I can't help but wonder how you have instructed your DD to "put her back in her place"..

Just an observation - based on your own wording..

 

[JoiseyMom]

I'm glad you're teaching DD to stick up for herself and not be bullied, used or victimized. Good for you & DD. She's learning now to have a strong sense of self and to set boundaries that will last her a lifetime. It showed, this weekend when you weren't around.

Children need to learn to teach other people how they want to be treated and not to allow themselves to be used as doormats.

Your DN will have to learn her own harsh lessons about life & how to treat people.

Thank you! DH and I have tried. It took me until my 30's before I stood up to the bullies in my life! DD is very good for standing up for herself and her friends, when they are bullied. We have had such issues in school. Geez, kids (both genders) are such mean little monsters!! Thankfully DD and I have a great relationship, she talks to me about evertyhing. Her freinds think she is nuts!! She tells them I am her bff, and she will tell me what she wants too. Her friends can't talk to their parents at all.

Well DN learned a lesson today when her "friends" turned on her. But she will probably use it to turn on someone else.

 

[JoiseyMom]

No - you don't - but there are appropriate ways of dealing with those situations and based on your own description of your DN, I can't help but wonder how you have instructed your DD to "put her back in her place"..

Just an observation - based on your own wording..

My DD verbally put DN in her place. What she said to DN was accurate and true. I didn't instruct my DD to do or say anything. DD has a mind of her own. She doesn't need me to put words in her mouth.

I ask my DD on numerous occassions, if she wants me to step in and help, DD says no, she can handle it. She tells me when and if she needs me or how best to handle a situation.

 

[C.Ann]

My DD verbally put DN in her place. What she said to DN was accurate and true. I didn't instruct my DD to do or say anything. DD has a mind of her own. She doesn't need me to put words in her mouth.

I ask my DD on numerous occassions, if she wants me to step in and help, DD says no, she can handle it. She tells me when and if she needs me or how best to handle a situation.

Well - good luck to both of you then.. Hope the rest of the summer goes better..

 

[Imzadi]

DN is acting just like SIL!! The thing is SIL can't stand her either .

I guess SIL doesn't like looking in the mirror.

 

[Inigo]

They don't always out grow it! My DN is now 36 years old and is still a spoiled rotten, hateful witch. According to DH, she was this way as a young child and definitely was as a teenager. (She became my niece when she was 11.)

I don't like her at all. I don't think anyone in the family really likes her except for her parents, and her dad is real tired of her attitude. He's told me that he should have stood up to his wife when DN was young, but he didn't. He knew she was turning into a terror as a young child, but just hoped she'd outgrow it. Obviously he was wrong. (BTW, my DH is the brother to DN's mother.)

She's very jealous of the attention our kids got/get since she was the youngest grandchild until she was 12 when our kids came along. She has never been married and has no children. My other nieces, ages 38 and 41, each have kids, and she is really jealous of the attention the little ones (ages 1, 4, and 6) get. She gets mad at all of us because we buy presents for the kids for christmas and birthdays, but not for her dogs.

So, for the OP, don't count on your DN getting better in attitude as she gets older. Just be glad that, as she gets older, you get to spend less time around her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would at least look at this situation and DO NOT repeat it. Stay away from the DN with activities in the future.

It sounds like your dd can handle herself and get through this.

 

[golfgal]

I would just have DD minimize contact with the niece as much as possible. Do NOT room with her. I would, as politely as possible, let this girl know that her attitude is what is causing everyone to abandon her and if she EVER wants any friends she needs to be a nicer person. Who knows if it will help but it is worth a try.

 

[peanut1967]

Are DN parents just blind to it?
Is she an only child?

Doesnt excuse the behavour, and at 14 she knows what she is doing. Could your dd go to a different camp in the future?

Angie

 

[Mkrop]

I agree with supporting your DD and minimizing contact with DN but dont bring up any issues at a shower. Call before or after.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Not a pleasant situation.

It would take a crow bar for me to reveal any future plans to DN. "I don't know.", would be the phrase for all answers. I would ask her about her plans so as know what to avoid. No crossing paths would = peace.