Argh! Husbands!! (Sorry guys...)

[disnygoof]

Okay, so I'm frustrated with my DH and ready to give up with him! I've been steadily losing on WW and I found something that works for me that I can stick with (did Atkins but couldn't do it forever.)

Mike (DH) has lost a lot of weight before w/Atkins and like me, gained it back, then some, after we got married. We also found out he has hypothyroidism which contributed to his weight gain, but only partially. He's about 300 # now and needs to lose at LEAST 100 to be close to what he should be for his height.

The problem is - he's a stubborn SOB! Maybe my willpower is higher than his, but he cannot STICK to anything. He's addicted to coke and sugary type pops and Krispy Kremes and chocolate milk and oreos...shall I go on? He really wants to lose weight, but he cannot stay away from these things no matter how much I try! He gets mad at me when I tell him no, but he doesn't understand I'm saying "no" to help him!

For example, tonight I tell him about the new Flex Points thing and he asks what his target point is and I tell him 32. Then I tell him about the 35 flex points and how it works, blah blah. He really likes Krispy Kreme glazed creme filled, which are 8.5 points each (!!) which yes, is high, but I explained to him how it could work, about how he could eat just his target range all week and on the weekend, have a few if he wanted, as long as he didn't use more than his 35 flex points. Wellll...what he did is just totally freak out about how many points it was and decided he'd never eat them again (yeah right) and that would be that. ARGGGGGH! He makes me so mad! He didn't listen to a word I said about how it works and doesn't understand that he CAN have those things, just in moderation.

So...long story short, what should I do with this stubborn, bullheaded man of mine? LOL I don't want him to have a heart attack but I don't know what else to do short of sending him to boot camp or something. HELP! What do you guys suggest?

 

[Michelle]

Well, basically there is nothing you can do. You can't make him stick to a diet and as you have found out, the more you push the more he resists.

About all you CAN do is react positively when he makes healthy choices. Don't overdo it, just say something light and supportive. And hard as it may be, just bite your tongue when you see him eating the "bad" stuff. It has to be HIS choice to lose the weight, not yours, and the more conflict you have in this area the more he will eat.

I know it's hard to back off (been there, done that) but I really think that's what you need to do. Hang in there!

 

[RaySharpton]

Congratulations on your weight loss. I don't know if you can get anyone to do anything unless they want to do it themselves.

Maybe as he sees your progress, he might see other men look at you differently and worry whether or not you will stay with him.

God bless, best wishes, and encouragement, RaySharpton

 

[catherine]

I totally agree with both Michelle and Ray. I know how I would feel if I were in his position. IMHO to be able to stick to any type of weight loss programme you have to have your head in the right place, at this point I guess your DH's head isn't in the right place (if that makes sense ). I know that it must be frustrating for you, because all that you want to do is help, but he has to be able or willing to help himself. You set the example, be supportive, and hopefully he will come around in his own good time.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Ha! I know you want to kick his butt - but that's not gonna help his head! LOL! Unfortunately, weight loss is dependent on mental attitude and if the head isn't thinking right nothing is going to work.

Sounds like you are doing great maybe he will see you getting fit and trim and he'll be encouraged to do the same.

Good luck!

 

[tlgoblue]

Echoing what has already been said. You keep up the good work. Eventually, he'll come around. At 300, he'll be showing signs of health issues sooner than later, and he will need you to help him. It may show up ad diabetes, or it may just be that he can't keep up with you or kids (if you have any). Being able to get out and throw a ball with "the boy" (or girl) can be a superhuman feat for someone carrying an extra person around on their back all the time.
In the meantime, be sensitive. It must be really hard for him to see you being so successful, while he still has issues. Try hard not to "out grow" him. Also, develop a plan for when you sense him trying to "sabotage" your weight loss. (not uncommon when one of you is losing and the other isn't) This isn't neccessarily done on purpose, but if one of the things the two of you used to enjoy together was a "good meal", he may be missing that, and become resentful. Be careful and maybe try introducing him to different, healthier foods. Instead of going out to eat together, try cooking healthy meals together.
Can you tell I've experienced this frustration myself? Just a few suggestions from someone whose been there and back again. Good luck!

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[PartyofSix]

Okay here's my view (sorry i did'nt read all the above but did want to respond to you). You are fooling yourselve by saying he wants to loose weight he does not. I have been in your shoes. When i married my husband he was over 400lbs and has been a much as 500lbs thru the years. I never said ONE word to him in reguards to diets and loosing. He has yo yo'd up and down the last 11 years trying this and that and i always supported him. He once ate salad and a grilled piece of chicken every night for 6 months now that's support.LOL Anyways over the last i'd say 5 years he's lost 30-100 here and there and he was at 410 the first of this year. I decide i was sick of being big and really without discussing things with him i changes "my" eating habits in a few days he said I want you to fix me what your having. I stopped drinking 2 2liters of coke a day No that's not a typo and so it went. I still to this day only support him when weighting in and track his success and buy him new sizes but i never say OH you need to be 180 when your done. Every pound he looses is more time i have with him. Today he's down to 295 that's 115 lbs gone and no "me" telling him what to do. I fix him what i eat and sometimes like the weekends he prepares our foods and meals. Our children eat what we eat so it's a family affair. And when your SOB (stubborn old boy) is ready and willing HE will loose. It's one of things where the LOVE thing plays the biggest role. You speak of worring about his health, remember if something unforseen where to happen to him do you want your last conversation to be about what you told him he could'nt or should eat? I know your a loving wife and your heart aches for him with worry i know all to well. We are by no means outta the woods but he has added years of a healthy lifestyle for himself and your husband will make that decision soon. I just send best wishes to you both.

 

[Poly Pal]

Hey! I'm a husband and I resemble that remark!

Actually like others have said, I believe that weight loss is an individual mattter and you can't make someone "just do it". Also, at least for me and I suspect for alot of other people, the road to weight loss was fraught with attempts and failure.

I've lost over 50 lbs in 8 months. I think my success was pinned on motivation vs. willpower. What finally motivated me was being worried about living long enough to see my kids through college. Something in my head just "clicked" and I was determined to lose weight and make it stick this time. There was a great thread about what motivated WISHERs to lose weight earlier this summer. I wish I could find it for you.

It did help that my wife also decided to lose weight at about the same time. We don't follow the exact eating and exercise plan, but we both have cut back dramatically on refined carbohydrates and portions of food at dinner.

Of course I do not know you or your husband, but from your description of what he craves food wise sounds alot like what I used to eat (and am still tempted by!). I found that after a couple of weeks of eating fewer refined carbs and eating three meals and 3 snacks a day (but keeping calories to 1800/day), I no longer had that insatiable desire for sweets and carbs.

Congratulations on your weight loss and continued success to you! I hope something "clicks" for your husband sometime soon too! Hang in there!

 

[LuckyDH]

From one DH to a DW....

Why don't you work out some sort of BNUS for him if he looses a certain amount of weight. I am sure you can come up with some ideas!!!

 

[SnackyStacky]

As a son who was constantly nagged by his mother:

There is NOTHING you can do to make him lose weight. He will only resent you for continually nagging.

Having said that however, I think you need to address your concerns. Instead of saying what you said here, you need to say it to him. You need to tell him that you're very concerned about his health, and that's why you've been doing what you've been doing.

It also might help to re-evaluate the "diet" situation. It sounds like there's a lot of diet mentality running rampant, and that's a setup for failure. Explain that the whole point of weight watchers is not to deprive anyone of anything, but to help people learn about portion control. You can have anything you want, just in moderation.

Good luck!

 

[disnygoof]

You guys are awesome! Thanks you so much for the words of advice - you're all so right. I think the more I nag him, the more he's going to "fail" so to speak. I'll just leave him be and not nag him about it and definitely start prasing him more when he does do something healthy. Right now, we're exercising together, so one step at a time, we will be successful.

Thanks again everyone!!

Christiana