Are your parents good GRANDparents?

[Lumpy1106]

Title says it all. Personally, my grandparents were better than our parents have been. Could be we just had kids later in life. Still, I remember frequently spending whole weeks with my grandparents so my parents could go on vacation, and we lived hours away. I can count on one hand the number of times DW and I have been able to get away for a weekend, and we live about 10 miles from my DM, and it's not an option at all since DD passed away. DM is always saying that she wants to help with the kids, but it is always on her terms and we really can't count on her. Kids are kindof a full-time gig and we can't work around her schedule - surprised she does not know that. I thought it was just me, but older DB said the same thing when his kids were younger.

It's fine, not complaining, not even looking for advice - just wondering if it's a generational thing.

 

[mylilnikita]

My dad passed when Dd was 5. But let me tell you I didn’t “get” why he loved spoiling her so much ie, she needs a warm breakfast. Um I had to make my own cold cereal lol.
But he also worked a lot when I was growing up, so when I became pregnant my dad totally retired and he had his”job” of having to help me raise Dd.
My mom another story. She has a person disorder where she was on able of caring abkut anyone unless some was in it for her, does Scarlett O’Hara ring a bell?
My then husband I and told my parents I was pregnant and she said don’t expect me to babysit. Oh and we all lived together. And I didn’t have her babysit ever. My dad passed and I enrolled my dd in after school and summer programs.

 

[tvguy]

My mom watched my son until he was 2 1/2 and my daughter until she was 3 1/2. Both kids were VERY close to her.
Both kids say both my mom and my MIL every week. Fridays with my mom after school. Sundays for lunch with my MIL.
My dad had passed away before the kids were born.
My FIL and his wife were very good with the kids, but they lived 1,200 miles away, so they only saw them once a year.

 

[nw6675]

I completely understand. My parents love my daughter and nephew completely, but my sister and I talk about how they aren't grandparent like. We also had kids later in life.

My parents essentially chase my DD11 around with a vacuum in their over the top immaculate house. There are no games, no snacks except in a certain spot, no baking with grandma, nothing fun. My DD basically stays only when we absolutely have to ask and she sits in her room on her iPad the whole time.

I don't expect everyone to be a Hallmark grandma, but my mother is more concerned about how she looks and her house. I guess my parents just love in their own way.

 

[kymom99]

My parents and in-laws were great grandparents in their own ways. My mom and dad helped a lot. My MIL just did on her terms, but my son felt loved. 3 of my grandparents died by the time I was 6. My remaining grandmother was not an active grandma in any way. My husband and I are good grandparents.

 

[Meriweather]

my parents died when my kids were 5 and 2. And they lived in a different state.
They were great with the time they had

 

[VandVsmama]

My dad is a terrible grandparent. Hardly ever speaks to my kids. Hasn’t visited us for over 7 years. When my mom died (when my kids were 2 and 4…they’re now 14 and 16), he mailed back to me all of the photos of my kids that I’d given to him and my mom. He is one of the most self absorbed people I know. He’s lucky I even speak to him given some of the nonsense he’s tried with my family.

My MIL is also really bad at grandparenting. Totally self absorbed. I could tell ridiculous stories for days about her.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My dad is a terrible grandparent. Hardly ever speaks to my kids. Hasn’t visited us for over 7 years. When my mom died (when my kids were 2 and 4…they’re now 14 and 16), he mailed back to me all of the photos of my kids that I’d given to him and my mom. He is one of the most self absorbed people I know. He’s lucky I even speak to him given some of the nonsense he’s tried with my family.

My MIL is also really bad at grandparenting. Totally self absorbed. I could tell ridiculous stories for days about her.

Sad, but happens more than you know. The mailing back of the pictures is a huge ouch!

These people actually think you will come running when they are elderly and feeble and need help. Break away now. Trust me on that.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My mom another story. She has a person disorder where she was on able of caring abkut anyone unless some was in it for her, does Scarlett O’Hara ring a bell?
My then husband I and told my parents I was pregnant and she said don’t expect me to babysit.

Who does she think will help her when she gets older and needs assistance?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My parents were the best grandparents my boys could have asked for!

 

[AgentMama]

My parents and in-laws are very involved with our kids. We're extremely fortunate and the kids truly enjoy the time with their grandparents.

But we do have a couple of friends whose parents are completely absent from their grandkid's lives.

We never expected our parents to watch the kids, but are eternally grateful that they have.

 

[mylilnikita]

Who does she think will help her when she gets older and needs assistance?

That was me. I understood the personality disorder and I promised my dad I would help take care of her. The last couple years she wasn’t the same person due to strokes and vascular dementia.
She didn’t know me just throught I was here nurse but oddly my dd who looks nothing like me she thought was me and treated her well so it kind of balanced it out.

 

[footballmouse]

My parents were very good grandparents. They watched my oldest for a couple of years while I worked. My mom was very good about making sure her and my dad went to school activities for grandparents, always went to my nephew's games and they would take my oldest on little outings.

Unfortunately my mom passed away when my kids were 6 & 1, my youngest wasn't born yet. My dad loved when we went to his house on Friday nights. Continued to go to my kid's football and baseball games every week. He didn't remember the school activities like Grandparents Day all the time, my aunt (mom's sister) stepped in for my mom on those days. My kids obviously knew my dad much better, they were all very close to him. My oldest would stop over his house after school (high school) sometimes to just hang out. I found out that my other 2 stop at the cemetery together to visit my dad. My oldest and youngest both have tattoos in honor of my dad, and my oldest joined the Army (Infantry) after high school because that's what my dad did. It breaks my heart that my youngest 2 didn't get to know my mom. Even though my oldest only had a short time knowing her, he does remember.

My ex-husband's parents were horrible grandparents. Never came to their activities, never invited us to their house, never interested in what the kids had going on and never once did anything with them. Complete opposite of how they treated their other 2 grandkids. I'm glad my kids had my parents so they could see how most grandparents are like.

 

[lowlight]

I was primarily raised by my grandparents. They were excellent. My parents and my in laws are terrible grandparents. Most people in my social circle seem to have parents that are useless grandparents, so it’s likely a generational thing. You have to realize that when you have a kid you are signing up to be a grandparent. I’m not sure how someone could not understand that.

 

[kathyk2]

My maternal grandma was the best grandmother ever. She lived with my family and helped raise me and my siblings. My parents are good grandparents to my nieces and nephews. They are closer to my brother's kids than my sister's kids because my brother lives in the same town as them while my sister lives in a different state.

 

[MamaMermaid]

My kid’s grandparents are great. He is very lucky (and so are they!)!

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

Lol, no.

 

[Colleen27]

I have a hard time even trying to make a comparison because age and circumstance were just so different. My grandparents on both sides were older parents, as were my own parents. So my maternal grandparents retired just to be available to me, and later my brother, full time. My grandmother was my childcare provider. She didn't drive, but she walked us to/from preschool in her neighborhood when we were little and then was at our house every afternoon when we started full-day school so we walked home to a homemade snack and homework help and baking/crafts on rainy days. My grandfather was the swim/softball/football taxi service and he never missed a game or meet, whether or not my mom was home to come. My paternal grandmother was less domestic but loved "doing lunch" with us on half days or taking us to the Moose Lodge to play pool while she and my grandfather socialized with their friends, and though my grandfather on that side didn't fully retire until he was a great-grandfather, Sunday drives with him were my first exposure both to the part of our area that I live now and nice restaurants/different types of food that were outside my mom and maternal grandparents' fairly narrow comfort zone.

I had my kids younger, so 3 of 4 of our parents were still working when my kids were small and the 4th wasn't around at all. My mom was a very involved weekend grandmother - she often took the kids overnight and to events like Disney on Ice and Sesame Street Live, and we traveled together quite a bit. My inlaws were more involved in the day-to-day, babysitting for date nights and putting the kids to work in FIL's fishing business for tips, and FIL was off winters and cooked with the kids often then. But they were all much more time-limited than my own grandparents were while the kids were small, and by the time they reached retirement age, the kids were older and busy with their own activities so being involved grandparents looked more like attending games and plays and events than babysitting or doing things at home with the kids.

 

[mrodgers]

"You can tell you're pregnant, your face is getting fat."

"Oh, mommy's going to need to shop at the big and fat store."

"I don't know why she didn't like me and kept my grandchildren away from me..." after not once in 17 years of marriage and 15 years of being a grandmother inviting us over to visit.

My youngest didn't meet her until her 16th birthday when I was in the process of divorce and didn't have a choice but to have her at my mother's for her birthday since I was stuck there homeless.

Ah, no, my parents were not good grandparents, or mom wasn't. Who knows about Dad, never had the opportunity to have an adult relationship with him since he passed when I was in college. They were complete opposites and I think the stress of being married to her was a big part of his death. I know the stress I have because of her is massive.

Just got a text today from the ex, "your mother needs to stop coming in here (Lowes) and trash talking me with my coworkers, subordinates, and friends." So, now I need to try to deal with that.

 

[chrisney]

Title says it all. Personally, my grandparents were better than our parents have been. Could be we just had kids later in life. Still, I remember frequently spending whole weeks with my grandparents so my parents could go on vacation, and we lived hours away. I can count on one hand the number of times DW and I have been able to get away for a weekend, and we live about 10 miles from my DM, and it's not an option at all since DD passed away. DM is always saying that she wants to help with the kids, but it is always on her terms and we really can't count on her. Kids are kindof a full-time gig and we can't work around her schedule - surprised she does not know that. I thought it was just me, but older DB said the same thing when his kids were younger.

It's fine, not complaining, not even looking for advice - just wondering if it's a generational thing.

Other point of view…I’m the grandmother with a broken heart. I dreamed of being a grandmother like I had. My daughter informed me that she had no example to follow (my mil died when she was 6 months, and my mom was very ill for all of daughters life). Therefore, she doesn’t want any contact. This was a much beloved child who was given everything…emotionally and materially. I’ve begged and pleaded, even giving examples of the love that was there with my mom. She knew she would not be there to experience many things, so she knit a wedding afghan for each of her grands. i got to give her the one for her more than two years after her wedding that we found out about over Facebook. I don’t think that I will ever heal, but because of significant health issues with both me and my husband, I’ve done what she says she wants and only cry when it won’t affect anyone else. You may not know that old song that says it hurts to be in love when the one you love is not in love with you. Just perspective from the other side.