Are you responsible for the driving actions of a family member?

[kacaju]

I am not talking about letting a family member who you KNOW at the time has been drinking or abusing drugs drive away.
What about if you know a family member is a drug abuser, or alcoholic? What if you have an elderly parent who you feel is an unsafe drinker? How much control do we really have over someone else? As a family member can you REALLY stop another from driving if you feel they are an unsafe driver?

As I have mentioned on another post or two. I do have a brother who is an alcoholic. But honestly I do not feel I have responsibility to be sure he doesn't drink and drive. Of course if he is at my house I do not serve him alcohol, but what about the rest of the time? I am not around him very much at all, yet if was to get in an accident while drunk, I would not be surprised.
If he gets in an accident and kills someone, will I be to blame because I know he does drink?

Just what are our responsibilities as a family member?

 

[EMom]

I had an uncle who would drink and drive. He actually killed an entire family when he was a young man, but back then not much was done about those things. But did he stop??? NO! When we saw him drinking and knew he would try and drive (like when he dropped by to visit while drinking) we'd try to drive him home, etc. It usually didn't work. You couldn't take the keys away, since he'd get violent. So we'd call the police. I can't tell you how may DWIs he got over the years and he managed to beat most of them.

MIL got to the point where she was a hazard to drive. We took her keys away, then had to take the vehicle when we discovered she had hidden a seat of keys and could still access the car. She pitched a fit and threated to call the sheriff, but we called her bluff and told her to go ahead. If the police said she was fit to drive, then it would be on their heads when she killed someone. We had a dr.'s statement saying she should not drive until she was evaluated and passed a new driving test. We told her we'd show that to the police. She did try to "steal" her car back at least once. But we managed to keep her from behind the wheel. I couldn't have lived with myself had she killed someone, and it was just a matter of time.

 

[dismom2]

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say something to the person; however, I think it's very hard, sometimes impossible, to truly control an alchoholic. When they set their minds to something, and they are under the influence, they try their hardest to accomplish what they set out to do, so it wouldn't be your 'fault'. If they are at your house, you can offer to drive them, or take their keys away, but you have no control when they are not with you.

 

[sbell111]

I think that we have some amount of responsibility regarding the actions of people who are within our sphere. If I am at a family gathering and someone is clearly drunk, I think that I do hold some responsibility to ensure that they do not drive. This may include the physical removal of their keys from their person, I suppose.

 

[DebIreland]

As I have mentioned on another post or two. I do have a brother who is an alcoholic. But honestly I do not feel I have responsibility to be sure he doesn't drink and drive. Of course if he is at my house I do not serve him alcohol, but what about the rest of the time? I am not around him very much at all, yet if was to get in an accident while drunk, I would not be surprised.
If he gets in an accident and kills someone, will I be to blame because I know he does drink?

No. He is an adult. While he's with you, yes, do what you can if he threatens to drive drunk - chastise him and take his keys away. But when he's not with you, there's really nothing you can do other than keep telling him to try to give up drinking and don't enable him. What else can you do? My brother is an alcoholic too. I learned a long time ago that, no matter how strongly I'd like to see him get control of his life, I actually have almost zero impact on his thoughts and behaviour. Alcoholism is a monster with far more power over our brothers than you or I will ever have.

 

[Disney Doll]

Not in general, no.

If a family member was with me and I saw they were a danger, then I would take their keys or I would call the police as they were leaving my home and tell them a description and license # of the car so they could pick him/her up for a DUI.

But having a family member who you know drinks and may be driving...well, if they are not with you, then how do you control that or bear any responsibility for it? I don't think you do.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have called the police on two family members (none led to DWIs, as the police were too slow to respond). By doing so, I think that I will have proven to anyone that should every fall victim to their driving that I took what action was available.

I cannot control them when they are around me, but I can take some action. I have proven that I do not condone their behavior. That is about all that can be expected, I think.

 

[Jennasis]

No.

 

[ajk912]

This thread reminds me of that news story about that car crash out in Tacoma, I believe it was. Eight people killed, the mom was driving the wrong way. I was hearing on the news today that charges might be brought against the dad. He lost his wife and child, and another is in the hospital. I think he has been punished enough. Just my own opinion.

 

[Jennasis]

This thread reminds me of that news story about that car crash out in Tacoma, I believe it was. Eight people killed, the mom was driving the wrong way. I was hearing on the news today that charges might be brought against the dad. He lost his wife and child, and another is in the hospital. I think he has been punished enough. Just my own opinion.

The crash was on the Taconic Parkway in NY.

 

[C.Ann]

If he is not in your presence while intoxicated - nor have you served him alcohol - you have no responsibility whatsoever..

However, if he were to call you from his cell phone - clearly intoxicated and driving - I would find out what general area he was in and make a call to the police department..

 

[SKWDW]

Yes, it was on the Taconic.

IMHO that husband was NOT responsible for what his wife did, but he is delusional if he truly believes that it was "something medical" and "not drugs or alcohol" that caused his wife to drive the wrong way for nearly 2 miles.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I was hearing on the news today that charges might be brought against the dad. He lost his wife and child, and another is in the hospital. I think he has been punished enough. Just my own opinion.

I was shocked when I heard this also. I can't imagine the father and son having to go through a trial.

I find it hard to believe that the father/BIL and SIL would have let the woman drive so many children in the van, if they felt she had a drinking problem.

 

[ajk912]

Yes, it was on the Taconic.

IMHO that husband was NOT responsible for what his wife did, but he is delusional if he truly believes that it was "something medical" and "not drugs or alcohol" that caused his wife to drive the wrong way for nearly 2 miles.

I am inclined to believe that he is under an incredible amount of stress after just losing two family members, having another one in the hospital, and having the press calling him every five minutes.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I think you would only be at fault if you were serving him alcohol. But if you see that he is too drunk to drive, you need to make every attempt to stop him.

In the case of the Taconic accident, what bothers me is that the husband denies that alcohol was the cause. How an you argue with the toxicology reports? I heard an interview with the family of the 3 men that were killed and they were angry over the same reason.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think you would only be at fault if you were serving him alcohol. But if you see that he is too drunk to drive, you need to make every attempt to stop him.

In the case of the Taconic accident, what bothers me is that the husband denies that alcohol was the cause. How an you argue with the toxicology reports? I heard an interview with the family of the 3 men that were killed and they were angry over the same reason.

See ajk912's post above.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Thinking about this a bit more deeply - if I see someone get behind the wheel of a car, and I know that person is intoxicated, and I do nothing - I am complicit. Perhaps not legally, but morally.

I have friends and relatives that are alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Neither I nor my children ever ride in a vehicle with them unless I am driving. You simply cannot trust that they are sober just because they look it. Heck, I have a cousin that can drink a fifth and still look sober.

Also, my children do not stay with them (though their kids stay with us frequently). If there was an emergency, I cannot trust them to be sober enough to protect my children.

 

[missypie]

In the case of the Taconic accident, what bothers me is that the husband denies that alcohol was the cause. How an you argue with the toxicology reports? I heard an interview with the family of the 3 men that were killed and they were angry over the same reason.

I've heard so many news stories about this, but I haven't heard a single interiew with a toxicologist that asks the obvious question, "Short of downright fraud or testing the wrong blood, COULD toxicolgy reports show a blood alcohol/pot level in error due to diabetes or some other medical condition?" ARE there medical conditions that could produce the same results, or is that simply impossible?

 

[Nik's Mom]

See ajk912's post above.

First of all, what the heck was going on with my typing?! I just saw my own typing errors.

I can only imagine what that man must be going through, but I still think he is in denial big time. Eventually, he needs to accept the fact that she was drunk and high when the accident occured. It's sad all the way around though.

The only way I could see them charging this man is if he knew she was that drunk and knowingly allowed her to transport those kids. But, it seems like he did not know she was drunk. I did hear this morning that he had a previous DUI some time ago. It looks like they are really digging into his past.

 

[Pigeon]

If you are around the person and know they are drunk and about to drive, then yes, I think you do have a responsibility to either stop them or call the police. But if you are just assuming that because you think they are an alcoholic then they will ultimately drive drunk, really, what can you do? You can talk to them or talk to their spouse which may or may not get you anywhere.

But you cannot take their car keys forever just in case. I don't think the police are likely to do anything about a call saying "so and so might drive drunk someday." In this case, I don't think you have any control at all, so it's hard to see where you'd have any responsibility.

I'm wrestling with this re my FIL. I think he needs to stop driving. But it's not my father, and none of his sons seem to acknowledge the problem. He's had several fender benders in the past couple of months. I'm petrified he's going to run over a kid in a parking lot. I think my MIL knows in her heart, but she's afraid to take it away from him, because he's already given up doing a number of things. I've talked to her about it a little.