Are you married to a workaholic?

[julia & nicks mom]

Last night my husband and I once again argued over his job - I think he is a workaholic and he says he is home a lot more than other dads - and I just don't agree -

We live an hour from my husband's office so even on a good night he is only home at 7:00 and if he has a rezoning hearing (he is in construction) he could be as late as midnight (this is rare) I would say on average he is home by 7:00 twice a week and 9:00 the other 3 nights.

Moving closer isn't the solution b/c he has meetings in the evening close to our house as often as he has them near his office. I am not upset by his job and know it is what it is but it doesn't stop my little girl asking where her daddy is sometimes!

So here is my question to you all - what time does your DH generally get home from work?

This is purely to see who is right - me or him!

 

[goofy4tink]

Man, that's tough for a little one. My dh is lucky enough to be only a 10 minute drive to his office. But, he's a 'yard work-aholic' on the week-ends. But at least he's at home and our dd can help him in the yard Sometimes I complain that he's always working in the yard and never makes time to do family type stuff. I think I'll shut up after listening to your story!! Keep in mind that your dh could be in the service and be gone for 3 months at a time. I just talked to an old classmate of my dh's last week-end. Her dh does a lot of traveling. He's gone for a month and then home for 2-3 weeks. She says it's like being on a honeymoon and then just as she gets fed up with him...he's gone again. I think he's leading a double life Good luck with your work-aholic!

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

Usually just before 7 pm, sometimes later - he has an hours drive each way.

 

[chrissie123]

The earliest my DH gets home is 7pm thats if he starts at 6- 6.30am , this is a treat... He can work up until as late as 1am .which i hate...I have since stopped arguing(because i never win) & have just come to accept it i suppose...Even weekends he can be working long hours like this.... He as to work every 3 saturdays in a month & 1 sunday, This weekend is his weekend off. At last... Thats if he does`nt decide to work of course

 

[The Mystery Machine]

His hours vary to the project. Right now things are "dry" and he is here at 5! I haven't gotten used to that.

Normally he leaves between 7-8am and gets home at 6-7pm. So I guess 10hr days are the norm.

 

[hydster]

My dh is a reformed workaholic but when he was one it was TERRIBLE!!! I feel for you!!!

When my dh was a freak about working he would go in at 8 (5 min commute from our house to the office) and sometimes he wouldn't come home until 8:30 or 9:00 if something blew up in IT. Then since he was the "boss" he was on call 24/7/365 so he would have to go in in the middle of the night, work weekends, holidays or whatever.

Now he isn't so bad since he doesn't feel much loyalty to his company because of office policy and also they did hire a few people to help out in his IT dept so now he goes in at 8:30 and comes home no later than 6, works the 2nd Saturday of the month down at work though sometimes it's 2 hours and sometimes it's 2 days and then every 5 weeks he's on call from Mon to Sun....other than that he's home

I have no advice but hang in there....I know how hard it is! Thankfully my kids are a little bit older now but it was hard watching their faces drop when we ate dinner alone yet again

Heidi

 

[amid chaos]

I think I'm going to blow you all out of the water with this one.

From April to December he goes to work at 6am and gets home at 10-11pm. During that time he probably takes 5-8 days off and they a rent full days, he usually goes in for a few hours in the morning. he is not home for meals, he goes to work before we wake up and comes home after we are asleep. he does stop in for a few minutes during the day on his way from one place to another.
From January to April he is home abit more. We may have dinner together a couple times a week.
Is he a workaholic? you bet. I have learned there is no use arguing about it. I call myself a seasonal single mom.
Oh by the way...dont teach your kids to cook cause they might want to go into the restaurant business.
Oh and he is on call 24/7. His cellphone is the emergency number for the businesses, all the employees, the police, fire and alarm companies.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by hydster
Thankfully my kids are a little bit older now but it was hard watching their faces drop when we ate dinner alone yet again

Heidi

We gave up on dinner with him 2 years ago. It was too hard to do as the kids are older with more evening activites. So it is a treat to have dad around for dinner these days. I am cherishing them because I know it will end.

 

[JayBee]

After dinner, My DH works in his office for 1-2 hours and sometimes never seems to unwind. Doing one day of paperwork every weekend is the norm. But I have to say that we do go fishing a lot and once a month plan a fun day for the two of us-a festival or just go to N.O. for the day to shop and eat some divine food.

 

[hydster]

TMM I agree! Up until he decided his job stunk we gave up on him being home for dinner as well and it was like a "vacation" for me when he came home and ate with us!


Oh and I forgot to add that during his "workaholic years" he was also doing a ton of travel for work that required him to leave for at least 5 days at a time and I hated every second of it. I hate being alone at night and hated being Single Married Mom to Three!

Hopefully if he gets a new job there won't be travel involved since his current company hasn't had $$$ to send him anywhere else.

Heidi

 

[KimR]

DH is very rarely home before 7:00. Once in a while if I have something to do he will make an effort to come home earlier but there are quite a few nights when he doesn't get home until the younger two are in bed. He also travels quite a bit. But he loves his job and makes a good living, so I really don't complain too much about the late nights and traveling.

What does drive me crazy though, is that aside from our yearly vacation, he refuses to take off work! He only takes about a week and a half of his 3 or 4 weeks of allotted vacation time (I have no idea how much he actually get since it is irrelevent - anything over 2 weeks is wasted). I find it hard to believe that the place would fall apart if he takes off a few days here or there.

 

[jel0511]

DH works in NYC and it's about a 1 1/2 hour commute each way. He usually leaves around 7AM and never makes it home before 7PM and usually it's well after 8 before he walks in the door. I've given up complaining, since the time it takes for him to get to work is half the problem. Unforunately, that's the life of a NYC commuter. Unless you live inside NYC, the average commute is at least an hour.....

 

[FINFAN]

Well, DH is putting in 16 hour days, but not by HIS choice...he is just trying to keep his job. I f it were up to him, we'd be a normal 8-5 family...but he's trapped...workaholic boss...= overworked DH. We are SO looking forward to our Dec trip....10 days and only work CALLS to worry about!


Pam

 

[julia & nicks mom]

you all are making me feel better but I don't think I will tell him it sounds like he has a normal work schedule!!!!

I have the same complaint about vacation - it just builds and builds - well I guess if he ever lost or quit his job he could take months off before he started a new job!!

Thank you all!!!!

 

[powellrj]

ouch you hit a nerve with me. DS usually leaves for work about 4am and will get home between 5-6pm. He only has Saturday off and will sometimes have to go back to the office after he gets home. You would think I would be use to it, but after 26 years I still get really ticked about being a single parent with a DH to take care of. Many people don't even know that I have a DH because they have never seen him.

 

[poohtown]

unfortunately the way you worded the question, most people that come here are here to complain about their work-aholic spouse.

Mine works night shift. He usually leaves at 5 pm (sometimes earlier - never later). He gets home anywhere from 7 am to 12 pm then goes to sleep. If he's home early, he'll wake up and the kids will see him when they come home from school - usually an hour or two. He also usually works Sundays too and on Saturday he crashes.

 

[poohkinandpiglet]

If it makes you feel any better, it's 9:58 pm and my husband is still at work. Of course, it IS corporate tax season but it still doesn't make me happy- GGGRRRR!

After the September 15 deadline, he'll go back to the usual work schedule. Then he gets home @ 7:45pm.

 

[mrsheppo]

My DH is a stage tech. All summer long he has been working anywhere between 12 to 16 hours a day. When there is a change in shows that he works, he has been known to work up to 20 hrs, come home for 4-6 hrs and back to work. This was not of his choice, this was what he was scheduled for.

When we were first married, he also held down a second job in order to pay his child support. We also work opposite shifts, I am days and he is swing shift. He was also sent to Kansas City for a month earlier this year and I could not go. Our long distance bills were high during that month.

He has been doing this type of work for close to 30 years, so there is no chance he will change careers this late in the game.

Even though I get lonely being by myself, I know he works like this so we can have the money in order to take the vacations we really want to go on and not having to worry if we can pay our bills. His ex and my ex did not believe in vacations and we live for our trips together. I have even turned DH into a Disney fan. He has also taken on some freelance work in order to pay for our DD upcoming wedding without having to put any of it on credit cards.

Yes, he is a workaholic but I love him no matter what. He supports me in my work when I put in long hours also. We cherish every minute we spend together.

 

[catsrule]

no

 

[robsmom]

I think the concept of 9-5 is becoming a thing of the past for professionals. the reality is the offical week is now usually 40 hrs which if you take an hour for lunch is in itself 8-5. add to this that in order to keep and/or succeed at a professional job the real expectation is closer to 50 hours per week. if you figure a few of those hours are skipped lunchs or done on the weekend, i think many people work a 8-6 or 7-5 day. add commuting in some areas to this and don't think it is unrealistic that a "normal" professional is gone from their house for 11 or 12 hours a day.