Are you confrontational?

[threecrazykids]

We were having this discussion today at lunch (I don't even remember what brought it up) - but we were discussing whether or not people are comfortable with confrontation or not.

Do you handle confrontations well? Are you confident confronting someone about any given situation? Are you confident when someone else confronts you?

I myself am weird, I think. Everyone said they wouldn't want to confront me because I'd tear them to shreds. Which is absolutely HILARIOUS (none of us had EVER had confrontations with each other) because I hate confrontation worse than anything. I get all clammed up and just kind of stumble over my words etc when I've been confronted. But then AFTER the confrontation I get my thoughts together and realize I could have said so many things better.

Now this ONLY happens with people I know/care about. When it comes to complete strangers I have no fear...I will let it fly and don't even think twice about what I'm saying, how I'm saying it etc. My husband says I'm going to end up getting myself into trouble - coming across the wrong person. I suppose he's right, but lucky (for me) that hasn't happened yet.

So what about you? Do you handle confrontation well? Have you had a confrontation you'd like to share? Did it go well for you/them?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I avoid confrontation, but I WILL retaliate if you come at me. I don't have an issue speaking my mind and have a pretty sharp tongue, but I generally don't start anything.

 

[skatalite]

I am confrontational when I know my argument is sound. As a journalist, I learned long ago that I can't be ignorant when I do some confrontin'.

I also handle confrontation really well. I make myself super personable so I can avoid it as much as possible, but sometimes it does happen. I tend to kill with kindness.

 

[glaserjm]

I think confrontational has taken on a negative connotation, so I wouldn't call myself confrontational, but I prefer to address issues with people head on rather than bottling or acting passive aggressively.

I cannot stand passive aggressive behavior and think there are fewer productive things on Earth than attempting to communicate that way!

 

[ImDMous]

What are you trying to say??!!? I'll show you confrontational!!




We sound very similar. People I know get all the leeway but if a stranger does something I don't think is right, they will probably hear about it. There was a guy in Best Buy yelling and swearing at a girl at the returns desk who he thought was "disrespecting" him. It was busy and she was waiting for the phone to call another store for a stock check. I *calmly* explained to him that you can't treat people like that especially when they are trying to help you. Then he started mumbling that I best back off because he had just gotten out of prison and didn't want to go back.

I just stayed next to him in line and tried to look brave and in a few minutes we were chatting about how he had gotten 2 sets of the same season of Oz (yeah, the show about guys in prison) DVDs for Christmas.

I suppose that could have taken a bad turn, but thankfully it didn't. I get this from my Dad but I hope I'm not as bad as he was.

 

[usnuzuloose]

It would depend on the situation. Some things are not worth saying anything. If it is something that I believe in, I will say what needs to be said in a proper manner and let it go. I don't want or try to be mean about it.

 

[threecrazykids]

What are you trying to say??!!? I'll show you confrontational!!




We sound very similar. People I know get all the leeway but if a stranger does something I don't think is right, they will probably hear about it. There was a guy in Best Buy yelling and swearing at a girl at the returns desk who he thought was "disrespecting" him. It was busy and she was waiting for the phone to call another store for a stock check. I *calmly* explained to him that you can't treat people like that especially when they are trying to help you. Then he started mumbling that I best back off because he had just gotten out of prison and didn't want to go back.

I just stayed next to him in line and tried to look brave and in a few minutes we were chatting about how he had gotten 2 sets of the same season of Oz (yeah, the show about guys in prison) DVDs for Christmas.

I suppose that could have taken a bad turn, but thankfully it didn't. I get this from my Dad but I hope I'm not as bad as he was.

Wait...I don't know you!

 

[Fortuosity]

he needed killin'
I'm not a pacifist
do the math

 

[threecrazykids]

he needed killin'
I'm not a pacifist
do the math

We're friends, strangers or not, right?

 

[threecrazykids]

I think confrontational has taken on a negative connotation, so I wouldn't call myself confrontational, but I prefer to address issues with people head on rather than bottling or acting passive aggressively.

I cannot stand passive aggressive behavior and think there are fewer productive things on Earth than attempting to communicate that way!

You are so right! I do see it with a negative connotation. That's why I avoid it as much as possible (with family/close friends especially). So do you just naturally have the confidence to confront someone or do you have to "muster up" and know what you're going to say etc.?

I am actually like the other poster who said they will snap back if confronted. I kind of bumble at first as I'm trying to get my footings...but if you say something flippant or incorrectly accuse me of something I will snap back and then it's on.

When it comes to family I will just let it go...and go...and go...and avoid, but then if it DOES come to words I'm apt to tell you what I have been thinking FOREVER that I haven't had the guts to tell you.

I am probably the poster child for passive aggressive...I just wish I had the guts to say something before it festers.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think confrontational has taken on a negative connotation, so I wouldn't call myself confrontational, but I prefer to address issues with people head on rather than bottling or acting passive aggressively. I cannot stand passive aggressive behavior and think there are fewer productive things on Earth than attempting to communicate that way!

I'd say the same. I'll debate back and forth or try to work out an issue directly and head on.

Not a big back down person but I don't run around looking for arguments! I'm pretty straight forward. I imagine that can look a little harsh and confrontational at times.

 

[Schmeck]

I get a lot of practice with my composure at school. Students can rant at me all they want, I smile and give them choices and consequences of those choices. I will confront poorly behaving students - if I don't I am condoning that bad behavior! What example does that set for the other students? We expect them to speak up to bullies, do the right thing, etc. Shouldn't I do that too?

 

[lisaviolet]

I think confrontational has taken on a negative connotation, so I wouldn't call myself confrontational, but I prefer to address issues with people head on rather than bottling or acting passive aggressively.

I cannot stand passive aggressive behavior and think there are fewer productive things on Earth than attempting to communicate that way!

Hallelujah! Seriously. You've made my day.

THIS.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I'm not normally, but I will stand my ground and don't mess with my kids!

 

[sookie]

There is a difference between being confrontational and assertive.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Some things I "let go" due to the nature of the situation or topic, esp. with religion or politics. Not worth engaging there to me.

I feel it is more of a "complain fest" than actually working toward a solution. I don't waste my energy anymore. It is easy for me to say, I am not going to comment, agree to disagree, discuss topic at a later date, or something along those lines.

However if someone is trying to "intimidate" me with confrontation, it is something that I have no trouble dealing with. My goal is always to resolve the issue at hand. I will call you to the carpet. I do it pretty well. I used to be very blunt to the the point of cutting you off at the knees but now I use more tact.

If I have to speak to someone directly about a sensitive topic, I also have no problem doing that either. As I have gotten older my tactics have become more refined and more pleasant. My goal is to bring up the topic and deal with it in a more sensitive way, if that makes sense.

Yes, I am the designated "go to person" when someone needs something done. In my family I am "the closer". If I am discussing issue with you, you are "in trouble".

 

[threecrazykids]

Some things I "let go" due to the nature of the situation or topic, esp. with religion or politics. Not worth engaging there to me.

I feel it is more of a "complain fest" than actually working toward a solution. I don't waste my energy anymore. It is easy for me to say, I am not going to comment, agree to disagree, discuss topic at a later date, or something along those lines.

However if someone is trying to "intimidate" me with confrontation, it is something that I have no trouble dealing with. My goal is always to resolve the issue at hand. I will call you to the carpet. I do it pretty well. I used to be very blunt to the the point of cutting you off at the knees but now I use more tact.

If I have to speak to someone directly about a sensitive topic, I also have no problem doing that either. As I have gotten older my tactics have become more refined and more pleasant. My goal is to bring up the topic and deal with it in a more sensitive way, if that makes sense.

Yes, I am the designated "go to person" when someone needs something done. In my family I am "the closer". If I am discussing issue with you, you are "in trouble".

So you don't get nervous or flustered when people try to intimidate or confront you? I get all flustered and can't think straight right away.

I wonder if people who have families or jobs that tend to have "conflict" are just better at it because it's happens more often and you're used to it?

I don't LIKE to be this way - nor do I feel any better when I snap on people once I've let loose. I tend to get defensive, say mean things, etc.

Maybe I just need MORE conflict so I can handle it better. LOL

For example: I SOOOOOO badly want to confront my neighbor about the fact that they repeatedly let their dog run loose and let him pee and poop all over everyone's yards. We live in a 7 house little neighborhood outside of town, newer houses, etc. The situation has been addressed at MULTIPLE association meetings (I'm not the only one who has an issue with it...not to mention you're not suppose to just let your dogs run) and they just flat out ignore it. Every single day they let the dog out...he makes his rounds in the neighborhood peeing on everyone's flowers, yards etc. and they just say "he's old...he's not hurting anything...he's a YORKIE for cryin' out loud...he doesn't even pee that much".

I know I won't ever have the nerve to say anything directly to them - but I have stood out right at the end of the driveway when he comes over to do his business and tell him "no" and stand there and look at her like "WTH"? She'll call him back like I'm just a mean ole' witch.

I just wish I had the guts to walk over and say something but 1. it's pointless because they've been told and think they are above the rules and 2. I have no idea what I'd say without causing huge issues and drama. I do like them...I just don't get why they continue to allow him to do it when they know that everyone has made it clear it bothers them.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I think I am pretty non-confrontational.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So you don't get nervous or flustered when people try to intimidate or confront you? I get all flustered and can't think straight right away.

I wonder if people who have families or jobs that tend to have "conflict" are just better at it because it's happens more often and you're used to it?

I don't LIKE to be this way - nor do I feel any better when I snap on people once I've let loose. I tend to get defensive, say mean things, etc.

Maybe I just need MORE conflict so I can handle it better. LOL

For example: I SOOOOOO badly want to confront my neighbor about the fact that they repeatedly let their dog run loose and let him pee and poop all over everyone's yards. We live in a 7 house little neighborhood outside of town, newer houses, etc. The situation has been addressed at MULTIPLE association meetings (I'm not the only one who has an issue with it...not to mention you're not suppose to just let your dogs run) and they just flat out ignore it. Every single day they let the dog out...he makes his rounds in the neighborhood peeing on everyone's flowers, yards etc. and they just say "he's old...he's not hurting anything...he's a YORKIE for cryin' out loud...he doesn't even pee that much".

I know I won't ever have the nerve to say anything directly to them - but I have stood out right at the end of the driveway when he comes over to do his business and tell him "no" and stand there and look at her like "WTH"? She'll call him back like I'm just a mean ole' witch.

I just wish I had the guts to walk over and say something but 1. it's pointless because they've been told and think they are above the rules and 2. I have no idea what I'd say without causing huge issues and drama. I do like them...I just don't get why they continue to allow him to do it when they know that everyone has made it clear it bothers them.

Nope, I do not get flustered. It is sick because I actually get calm and enjoy it.

If I had your dog situation, it would not be pretty. Not sure how I would handle it, but I play to win.

If my neighbors allowed their dogs to pee and poop in my yard daily, there would be words said every time. That would tick me off to the max.

 

[brockash]

I am not a fan, either with people I am close with or with strangers, however I feel like I am slowly getting better at it. As I am getting older, I am finding that I do believe confrontation is needed at times, and honestly I think most rude, confrontational people often count on other people to not be confrontational in order to behave like total idiots, do whatever they please and get away with it. I still don't like it, but I am slowly learning it is necessary to stand up for what you believe is right. I am actually headed to pick up my son from bball practice and we have a parent meeting, and I have a good chance at having to deal with a confrontational situation there. -Long story, but it is with another parent (our sons play football together as well) and their entire family acted completely disgusting and horribly through the entire football season, which just ended, but she still feels the need to speak to me like all is fine. We'll see how it goes, but I am prepared to explain that I do not choose to associate with people that conduct themselves in the way that they have, if she does not take the hint.