Well, I apologize, I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone and, of course I don't think that any of your children could be a substitute or spare for the others.
The reason I said that is because my mother (who has three children) and my sister (who has two) and other friends with more than one child have told me that they tended to loosen up a bit with each subsequent child. Not that they didn't love ALL their children but that they realized that the world wasn't going to end if the kid played in the dirt, or went off with their friends, or whatever. In my own personal experience (which may or may not coincide with yours or anyone else's on here), first-time mothers tend to be a bit more frantic and overprotective with their children than moms who have more than one.