Are you a playdate family?

[Tiger926]

We are not a playdate family (my kids are 2 and 6 years old) - we don't care for playdates for many reasons. Anyone else feel the same? That being said, my eldest child, DD6.5 does struggle at times when certsin kids come here, as she is very organized and neat like myself, and to be honest, most kids (my nieces included) don't know how to play, make messes, break toys, etc. So, despite these other kids having lots of playdate experiences, they still don't know how to play. We actually have taught both of our children how to play, in terms of sharing, tidying up, respecting other people's homes, etc. and this is the key to the puzzle, IMHO. So many parents use playdates as a way to teach their kids how to play, and it isn't anywhere near enough, as far as I'm concerned. As clarification, for teaching how to play, I find that so many parents just drop their kids into a playdate, and expect them to be able to play properly, and this doesn't always work in regards to tidying up, respecting others, sharing, etc.

As a teacher, I totally get that there are some positives to playdates, but for us, we don't care for them that much, and we frankly don't have time to schedule multiple sessions each week. We also worry about kids playing at our house should they get hurt on our huge backyard playstructure - it's a big responsibility to watch over somebody else's kids. How do you all with pools, play structures or trampolines deal with this?

My nieces are older, 11 and 9, and have started going on lots of playdates each weekend, and I do understand how important playing with friends is at this older age, but my kids are still really young, and so I don't think that playdates are the only way to go at this stage. For my nieces, it is a very important part of their development, but my kids are still young, and so I don't think we need a houseful of friends multiple times per week, nor do we have time for it, to be honest.

Just wondering if anyone else feels the same way - my kids have been in Montessori school since 12 months, so they get lots of socialization in this respect, plus they do different extra-curriculars, go on vacations regularly, eat out in restaurants, etc. I am wondering how other families play, with younger kids like mine, and do you parents feel that playing is the only way to socialize or culturalize your children? If you do have playdates, when do you have them - weekends, weeknights?

Just wondering how other families do it? Tiger

 

[tmarquez]

I guess I'm confused by your post?

Are you asking how others kids play?

If so, my DD is 7 and in my neighborhood kids knock on the door and ask if she can play, then they decide if they are going to play outside, or at one of the houses.

I thought playdates were for really little kids that were too young to go to their friends house on their own or would have to be specifically watched over at all times.

I never taught DD "how to play", I guess she's just a natural.
Are you saying the other kids don't know how to play because they are messy and break things...or is it something else?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I hate to say this but I think you are doing your kids a terrible disservice. It seems like you think you have taught them to play but you really didn't. Kids do make messes. Sometimes toys break. It is not the end of the world. I could not imagine never letting my kids have their friends come over. School may be great for some socializing but it is much different than having someone at your home. To be honest it seems to me that you are the one who doesn't like any mess etc. and you have projected this onto your child. IMO you are not giving her the tools to succeed. You think there is only one way to play. That is very inflexible. There is more to life than cleaning. Also, socializing with just your siblings is much different than socializing with others. Family will tolerate a lot more than a friend will.

As for illness, my kids usually get sick from school. Not from playdates. Since if someone has a sick kid they aren't making playdates.

I am not trying to flame you but I feel sad for your kids. You are isolating them.

 

[MandM-Mom]

We are the go to house in my oldest daughters circle of friends, so I guess we do alot of playdates

If only my kids are here I start to worry where everybody is, I like it keeps my kids busy and not saying...Mom Im bored, theres nothing to do!!

Also in the neigborhood I might run to the grocery store while they play next door and the other mom will go when I get back, it works out nice for us.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I hate to say this but I think you are doing your kids a terrible disservice. It seems like you think you have taught them to play but you really didn't. Kids do make messes. Sometimes toys break. It is not the end of the world. I could not imagine never letting my kids have their friends come over. School may be great for some socializing but it is much different than having someone at your home. To be honest it seems to me that you are the one who doesn't like any mess etc. and you have projected this onto your child. IMO you are not giving her the tools to succeed. You think there is only one way to play. That is very inflexible. There is more to life than cleaning. Also, socializing with just your siblings is much different than socializing with others. Family will tolerate a lot more than a friend will.

As for illness, my kids usually get sick from school. Not from playdates. Since if someone has a sick kid they aren't making playdates.

I am not trying to flame you but I feel sad for your kids. You are isolating them.

Great response!

 

[badblackpug]

I hate to say this but I think you are doing your kids a terrible disservice. It seems like you think you have taught them to play but you really didn't. Kids do make messes. Sometimes toys break. It is not the end of the world. I could not imagine never letting my kids have their friends come over. School may be great for some socializing but it is much different than having someone at your home. To be honest it seems to me that you are the one who doesn't like any mess etc. and you have projected this onto your child. IMO you are not giving her the tools to succeed. You think there is only one way to play. That is very inflexible. There is more to life than cleaning. Also, socializing with just your siblings is much different than socializing with others. Family will tolerate a lot more than a friend will.

As for illness, my kids usually get sick from school. Not from playdates. Since if someone has a sick kid they aren't making playdates.

I am not trying to flame you but I feel sad for your kids. You are isolating them.

I have to agree with this. Sorry, but it sounds almost pathological. "I taught my kids how to play?" What exactly does that mean? My kids knew how to play since infancy. It is not a learned skill, it is innate. I am also a little leery about the "don't like messes" thing. Kids are messy, the key is teaching them to clean up after themselves. My kids can trash a room better than any rock band! They can also clean it up when they are done.

You are limiting your kids. While there is some socialization in school, it is not the same as free play outside of school hours. Plus letting your kids visit other families and having other kids visit your family teaches them about differences. In cultures, religions, rules, and lifestyles. I think it is healthy for kids to socialize outside of their own family. One day your children will be grown and will need to interact with all different types of people, this is the time when you supply them with the building blocks for those skills. Also, this is when real friends are made. This will be very important when your children are pre-teens and teens when peer groups are their focus. I feel sorry for a little girl who does not want to make close friendships because she is afraid of her mother's disapproval.

 

[Tiger926]

I guess I'm confused by your post?

Are you asking how others kids play?

If so, my DD is 7 and in my neighborhood kids knock on the door and ask if she can play, then they decide if they are going to play outside, or at one of the houses.

I thought playdates were for really little kids that were too young to go to their friends house on their own or would have to be specifically watched over at all times.

I never taught DD "how to play", I guess she's just a natural.
Are you saying the other kids don't know how to play because they are messy and break things...or is it something else?

Playdates around here are for all ages...I'm asking if you are a playdate family? Do your kids go to playdates at others' houses or do other kids come to your house to play? In reference to the messy thing - I find that most of the kids who have been on lots of playdates, they still don't know how to play properly. We've had issues with breaking toys, not following our rules about not going into certain rooms, not cleaning up after themselves, coming over sick, etc. These are just different things we've experienced.

I hate to say this but I think you are doing your kids a terrible disservice. It seems like you think you have taught them to play but you really didn't. Kids do make messes. Sometimes toys break. It is not the end of the world. I could not imagine never letting my kids have their friends come over. School may be great for some socializing but it is much different than having someone at your home. To be honest it seems to me that you are the one who doesn't like any mess etc. and you have projected this onto your child. IMO you are not giving her the tools to succeed. You think there is only one way to play. That is very inflexible. There is more to life than cleaning. Also, socializing with just your siblings is much different than socializing with others. Family will tolerate a lot more than a friend will.

As for illness, my kids usually get sick from school. Not from playdates. Since if someone has a sick kid they aren't making playdates.

I am not trying to flame you but I feel sad for your kids. You are isolating them.

My kids are 6 and 2, so their friends don't really come over. They see them at school, and that's about it. Like I said, we aren't huge playdate people for lots of reasons, and I don't think I'm doing my kids a disservice at all. Life is very busy, so they see their friends at school, nighttime and usually weekends are for family time.

I don't think there is one way to play at all, on the contrary. Where in the world do you get that from my post? Why do you think there are so many play-based preschools out there? My kids don't break toys at other people's houses, don't go into closed rooms, don't touch stuff that they shouldn't, yet they haven't had tons of playdate experience, yet the kids who have, I see most of them doing these particular things over and over. You are absolutely right that playing with siblings and in your own home is different, and so playdates with other kids are important in this respect. By the way, I disagree that it's natural for toys to get broken - if you are playing roughly, or stepping on toys because you haven't picked them up, then toys will get broken.

I wasn't looking for a scolding, just wondering how other families "play"? I guess none of you have done any research on play. It's one of the areas that many kids are lacking in, and certain parts of play can be problematic if parents don't work with their kids. I guess we'll have to disagree on this...I really thought this was a straightforward thread. I just read an article on play, and I'm home sick today with a sinus infection - now my head hurts more than it did before...

Thanks, Tiger

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

I do think you're isolating your kids as learning to deal with other people in "your" space, and learning how to be in "their" space, is an important life skill.

Messes happen and things do break, although usually by accident and so long as everyone owns up to it and apologizes, we fix/clean and move on. We put away "special" toys that we don't want to risk when other kids come over. We have house rules and I expect our kids to follow them and I give any guests a quick rundown of the rules. Basic rules like use markers only at the craft table, no throwing things inside, food stays in the kitchen, etc.

My oldest is only 5 so the kids are always supervised to some extent but in all honesty I "want" to be the house where kids congregate as they grow up so I don't have to worry about where my kids are and what kind of supervision they've got. So I try to have a kid-friendly environment - lots of love, common sense rules and boundaries, healthy snacks, and lots and lots of patience!

I think all kids know how to play, they just tend to have different styles of play. I know which of my kids' friends I can leave in a room alone with my boys and which I really need to keep an eye on. It's a learning experience for everyone and it's a great way for your kids to build some lifelong, deep friendships.

But, it's also your perogative to not expose your kids to such situations. It's a balance you need to find in your own family.

 

[es45]

I do think you're isolating your kids as learning to deal with other people in "your" space, and learning how to be in "their" space, is an important life skill.

Messes happen and things do break, although usually by accident and so long as everyone owns up to it and apologizes, we fix/clean and move on. We put away "special" toys that we don't want to risk when other kids come over. We have house rules and I expect our kids to follow them and I give any guests a quick rundown of the rules. Basic rules like use markers only at the craft table, no throwing things inside, food stays in the kitchen, etc.

My oldest is only 5 so the kids are always supervised to some extent but in all honesty I "want" to be the house where kids congregate as they grow up so I don't have to worry about where my kids are and what kind of supervision they've got. So I try to have a kid-friendly environment - lots of love, common sense rules and boundaries, healthy snacks, and lots and lots of patience!

I think all kids know how to play, they just tend to have different styles of play. I know which of my kids' friends I can leave in a room alone with my boys and which I really need to keep an eye on. It's a learning experience for everyone and it's a great way for your kids to build some lifelong, deep friendships.

But, it's also your perogative to not expose your kids to such situations. It's a balance you need to find in your own family.

Well said.

 

[Tiger926]

I have to agree with this. Sorry, but it sounds almost pathological. "I taught my kids how to play?" What exactly does that mean? My kids knew how to play since infancy. It is not a learned skill, it is innate. I am also a little leery about the "don't like messes" thing. Kids are messy, the key is teaching them to clean up after themselves. My kids can trash a room better than any rock band! They can also clean it up when they are done.

You are limiting your kids. While there is some socialization in school, it is not the same as free play outside of school hours. Plus letting your kids visit other families and having other kids visit your family teaches them about differences. In cultures, religions, rules, and lifestyles. I think it is healthy for kids to socialize outside of their own family. One day your children will be grown and will need to interact with all different types of people, this is the time when you supply them with the building blocks for those skills. Also, this is when real friends are made. This will be very important when your children are pre-teens and teens when peer groups are their focus. I feel sorry for a little girl who does not want to make close friendships because she is afraid of her mother's disapproval.

It's always funny to me how many Internet psychologists are on the DISboards...LOL! There is nothing pathological about it - I don't let my kids trash anything, why is that a necessary skill? By the way, once you have taught them to clean it up, you are teaching them to play. So, if they come to my house and trash it, and then don't clean it up, what then?

My kids interact with the United Nations at school, family and church, so this may be important for some in respect to play, but around here, my kids take part in lots of different cultural experiences in many different areas.

Again, people have totally misunderstood my post. I just was wondering if other families do playdates and how you handle the problems that come with it? My child is not afraid of my disapproval at all in regards to friends, she is still only 6, and has different friends from different social classes, religions and ethnic groups. I'm not sure how play is the only way to achieve these things?

That's kind of my point - I have friends who say that playdates are the only way to achieve these things, yet my kids have limited playdate experiences, yet they are very multicultural and well-mannered kids who know how to behave in many different situations. But, if it's a new situation, we always talk about expectations and what might happen, and go from there.

Thanks, Tiger

 

[okeydokey]

Yes of course they have kids over, that's what kids do. When the time is up, I ask them to clean up together. Sometimes I get involved in squabbles, sometimes I don't, depends on the circumstance. It's how kids learn to interact with other kids and other families. It's important for them to experience how other families do things too.

 

[brockash]

I guess I'm confused by your post?

Are you asking how others kids play?

If so, my DD is 7 and in my neighborhood kids knock on the door and ask if she can play, then they decide if they are going to play outside, or at one of the houses.

I thought playdates were for really little kids that were too young to go to their friends house on their own or would have to be specifically watched over at all times.

I never taught DD "how to play", I guess she's just a natural.
Are you saying the other kids don't know how to play because they are messy and break things...or is it something else?

A parent shouldn't have to "teach" a child (without a disability) how to play. That just doesn't even make sense. I'm hoping the OP means that she teaches her children how to share, have manners, clean up ect. That's all part of parenting, discipline and just simple respect, but that's not teaching your child "how to play."

Anyways, do I personally like "playdates" or having my kiddos friends over ect., or even them going to friends houses, honestly no, I don't like it, but that's MY OWN ISSUE, of basically just not wanting to be exhausted in being social and dealing with all of it, but I think it's completely unfair to my kiddos if I were to put my own personal preference above normal kid activities. I get the ehaustion of it all ect., but I agree with the pp that said it was a huge disservice to your child to not let them have it. So, like I said do I enjoy having the "playdates ect." simple answer is no, but we still have them, honestly a lot right now and we need to find a balance, but I don't think it's right to not allow your children to have playdates ect., because you don't like all the stuff that goes along with them. Just my opinion.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

Play is not as natural as many people think - my kids don't break toys at other people's houses, don't go into closed rooms, don't touch stuff that they shouldn't, yet they haven't had tons of playdate experience, yet the kids who have, I see most of them doing these particular things over and over.

I think this is more of educating the kids about house rules and how to behave on a playdate than how to actually play. And if the kids don't know what they can/can't touch, then they need to be told. I expect that the first time or two someone is over at our house they're going to break some house rules - I expect it and when it happens I tell them that we don't do that at our house and when they're here I expect them to follow our rules. So far, I haven't had to correct any kids more than once when it comes to our rules.

Although, when it comes to playing rough, that happens a lot in our house. With 3 boys who love nothing more than wrestling with each other it can get pretty rough and tumble. They and most of their friends know how to wrestle while controlling themselves. But some of their friends can get ramped up and get too rough which is why either me or DH always supervise more closely when we've got a crowd of boys. Especially now when they can't go burn off that energy outside and holy cow do little boys have a LOT of energy!

 

[Tiger926]

I do think you're isolating your kids as learning to deal with other people in "your" space, and learning how to be in "their" space, is an important life skill.

Messes happen and things do break, although usually by accident and so long as everyone owns up to it and apologizes, we fix/clean and move on. We put away "special" toys that we don't want to risk when other kids come over. We have house rules and I expect our kids to follow them and I give any guests a quick rundown of the rules. Basic rules like use markers only at the craft table, no throwing things inside, food stays in the kitchen, etc.

My oldest is only 5 so the kids are always supervised to some extent but in all honesty I "want" to be the house where kids congregate as they grow up so I don't have to worry about where my kids are and what kind of supervision they've got. So I try to have a kid-friendly environment - lots of love, common sense rules and boundaries, healthy snacks, and lots and lots of patience!

I think all kids know how to play, they just tend to have different styles of play. I know which of my kids' friends I can leave in a room alone with my boys and which I really need to keep an eye on. It's a learning experience for everyone and it's a great way for your kids to build some lifelong, deep friendships.

But, it's also your perogative to not expose your kids to such situations. It's a balance you need to find in your own family.

I don't think it's isolating at all, as I said they have many different experiences, all over our community, and on vacation. I just don't get how playdates are the only way to achieve this?

Like I said, my kids are small, and so we don't need lots of friends over here. Maybe I should have clarified their ages -sorry about that. As they get older, that is a different situation, but at 2 and 6, I really don't see the need for a houseful of kids, sleepovers and tons of birthday parties. I guess I'm in the minority in regards to the posters on here. And, despite what you might think of me, I have an abundance of patience (I'm a Spec Ed teacher) and our house is beyond kid-friendly, I just don't think at their young ages, that they need to have 3-5 playdates per week, as some of my friends' kids do.

Thanks for all opinions, Tiger

 

[casper_jj11]

Hmm, maybe its a Canadian thing. I knew instantly what you meant by 'playdate family'.

For us, its a bit different. DS7 loves to go out to play with friends, either their house or outdoors, when invited. I love for him to get invites because I think playing with others outside of school is important and gives him different social skills than at school or at sports activities (of which he has quite a few). [edited to add: Just saw your post above about number per week... the most playdates DS7 will have a week is one, or one every two weeks, if he had more, we'd never see him... we both work full time and the only time we have to spend a block of quality time with the children is on the weekends... I wouldn't mind weekday playdates but most of DS7's friends are in daycare after school]

DD is 4 but doesn't start school until Sept because she's a Jan baby. She has many activities that she attends but there are only a few children her age on our street so she doesn't get invited to playdates because she doesn't really know children her own age. DS2 is just too young but does have activities like gymnastics and playgroup once a week to learn to socialize.

As for in our house, I feel guilty at times but I'm not a fan of having other children over. I try to becuase if I don't, DS7 will likely not be invited to others places which is only fair. Our schedule is hectic and the only down time we have with teh children is on the weekends really. I'm selfish and like having time with them on my own. DS2 also naps in the afternoon and most of DS7's friends don't have younger brothers or sisters so its a bit disruptive to DS2's schedule when others are over (in part because he gets excited and doesn't want to nap with company in the house).

Overall, I think playdates are important but I'm not a fan of having them in my house, but I do (although likely less than other parents) I suspect my view of having other children in will change as the other two get older and get friends of their own... right now, they feel left out when DS7 has friends in ... not sure if that helps

 

[Tiger926]

I think this is more of educating the kids about house rules and how to behave on a playdate than how to actually play. And if the kids don't know what they can/can't touch, then they need to be told. I expect that the first time or two someone is over at our house they're going to break some house rules - I expect it and when it happens I tell them that we don't do that at our house and when they're here I expect them to follow our rules. So far, I haven't had to correct any kids more than once when it comes to our rules.

Although, when it comes to playing rough, that happens a lot in our house. With 3 boys who love nothing more than wrestling with each other it can get pretty rough and tumble. They and most of their friends know how to wrestle while controlling themselves. But some of their friends can get ramped up and get too rough which is why either me or DH always supervise more closely when we've got a crowd of boys. Especially now when they can't go burn off that energy outside and holy cow do little boys have a LOT of energy!

This is interesting as I said, I've taught my kids how to play in terms of sharing, cleaning up, etc. in a role model type of way and through their own experiences. As a Montessori family, we don't force much around here at all, and our home is beyond kid friendly. But, I find with playdates that we've had, the parents are much different in this respect - even with parents here, they joke about how rough the kids are, toys have been broken, and with some parents, they don't have their kids clean up, nor do they clean up. A few of the parents actually clean up for them, and then this causes problems too as my kids have been taught that if they make a mess, they clean a mess. We are the family who thoroughly cleans up after themselves in public in restaurants, etc. The messy part, although my house is a bit untidy as I have kids, I don't care for when parents let their kids trash other kids' houses, or, they joke about how rough their kids are. That is not proper play for us, and so that is why we don't do many playdates. We've experienced this with best friends, kids at school and cousins.

Thanks, Tiger

 

[jodifla]

It's always funny to me how many Internet psychologists are on the DISboards...LOL! There is nothing pathological about it - I don't let my kids trash anything, why is that a necessary skill? By the way, once you have taught them to clean it up, you are teaching them to play. So, if they come to my house and trash it, and then don't clean it up, what then?

My kids interact with the United Nations at school, family and church, so this may be important for some in respect to play, but around here, my kids take part in lots of different cultural experiences in many different areas.

Again, people have totally misunderstood my post. I just was wondering if other families do playdates and how you handle the problems that come with it? My child is not afraid of my disapproval at all in regards to friends, she is still only 6, and has different friends from different social classes, religions and ethnic groups. I'm not sure how play is the only way to achieve these things?

That's kind of my point - I have friends who say that playdates are the only way to achieve these things, yet my kids have limited playdate experiences, yet they are very multicultural and well-mannered kids who know how to behave in many different situations. But, if it's a new situation, we always talk about expecatations and what might happen, and go from there.

Thanks, Tiger

Ahh, YOU asked how other families do it. And we're telling you.

My son, 8, has playmates over a couple of times a week. (It's easiest on both families if it's here.) So yes, the place is messy, particularly the family room. Thinks occasionally get broken. Ehh, so what? Not all that important to me.


Of course, when I was growing up, they weren't called 'dates" but everybody did them. And to not have your kids playing with other kids, whatever you call it, is frankly pretty strange. I don't think you'll find much support for it. It smacks of a whole lot of unnecessary control.

 

[brockash]

Playdates around here are for all ages...I'm asking if you are a playdate family? Do your kids go to playdates at others' houses or do other kids come to your house to play? In reference to the messy thing - I find that most of the kids who have been on lots of playdates, they still don't know how to play properly. We've had issues with breaking toys, not following our rules about not going into certain rooms, not cleaning up after themselves, coming over sick, etc. These are just different things we've experienced.



My kids are 6 and 2, so their friends don't really come over. They see them at school, and that's about it. Like I said, we aren't huge playdate people for lots of reasons, and I don't think I'm doing my kids a disservice at all. Life is very busy, so they see their friends at school, nighttime and usually weekends are for family time.

I don't think there is one way to play at all, on the contrary. Where in the world do you get that from my post? I said I have actually taught my kids how to play - how many parents do you know who have done that? Why do you think there are so many play-based preschools out there? Play is not as natural as many people think - my kids don't break toys at other people's houses, don't go into closed rooms, don't touch stuff that they shouldn't, yet they haven't had tons of playdate experience, yet the kids who have, I see most of them doing these particular things over and over. You are absolutely right that playing with siblings and in your own home is different - that's why I taught my kids how to play properly. By the way, I disagree that it's natural for toys to get broken - if you are playing roughly, or stepping on toys because you haven't picked them up, then toys will get broken.

I wasn't looking for a scolding, just wondering how other families "play"? I guess none of you have done any research on play. It's one of the areas that many kids are lacking in, and certain parts of play can be problematic if parents don't work with their kids. I guess we'll have to disagree on this...I really thought this was a straightforward thread. I just read an article on play, and I'm home sick today with a sinus infection - now my head hurts more than it did before...

Thanks, Tiger

It sounds like you're having problems with setting up boundaries with kids that come over to your house and them following them. I always tell any/all kids that come over the rules as soon as they walk in, and then you'll probably have to stay "on top" of some of them for a little while (because they're looking to see what kind of parent you are and if you're actually going to make them follow the rules ect.) Once you redirect and remind them the first couple times they aren't following the rules, in my experience at least, they get it and they do what they're told. Most kids I know, and mine, won't push those kinds of limits at someone elses house, and while it'd be great if all kids were like that, some aren't, but are just looking for structure and once they find out that you're not going to allow things, they adjust themselves to what is expected.-In my experience.

 

[badblackpug]

"I taught my kids how to play" Or "how to play properly" may not be the way to phrase it. Do you mean you taught your kids to follow house rules? How to take care with their things and other people's thing? How to clean up after themselves? This is quite different than teaching them "how" to play or the "proper way" to play.

Unfortunately, you do sound a mite paranoid and controlling in saying that you taught them the "proper way" to play and that you don't want other kids at your house because of messes and liabilities, and that you don't want your kids at others houses because of illnesses.

Yes, my kids play at others houses and others play here. My oldest (13,9) are a little big for the organized play date. It is more of a "Can I go over X's house?" or "Can X come over?" There are friends homes at which my children are not allowed to go because their house rules are too far off ours. We have house rules and all children in the house are expected to follow them. I will not hesitate to take a child home that flaunts the rules. Yes, some children are rougher, and their manners are not as good. We lay out the rules at the outset. Everyone knows they are expected to follow them and most times they do. Yes, some friends warrant a closer "eye." As for clean up, I give the kids a half hour warning before the time the child is expected home and tell them it is time to clean up.

If you will do some more research you will find out that peer relationships are also very important. If your oldest is 6, and I assume in K or 1st, then she might be a bit young, but believe me starting at about grade 2, same sex friendships outside of school become very important. Free unstructured play outside of school is quite different than the interaction a child gets at extracurriculars and school itself.

 

[Mkrop]

How do you know how your children behave at other's people's home? How do you know they follow the rules of that family? I can understand teaching kids to respect other homes and not to go into rooms that are off limits but how do you know that they applied this? This is where I am confused by your post. Other children may not have those rules in their own homes so it is hard to apply at first.

A friend of mine told me she had a little boy over who jumped on her couch. She told him that was not allowed in her home. Kid did it again, she reminded him not to do that. When the mom picked the kid up, my friend mentioned it and they are allowed to do this at home, so it was hard for this child to apply these new rules at first.

I just let kids play, yes there are play based preschools but I think kids get the hang of it. I dont know how you teach them to play.

We do playdates, my kids attend a school where their friends are scattered all over the town, so driving and scheduling have to happen, they do have some friends in the neighborhood but we have more playdates, sometimes a lot and sometimes they get the social interaction from the weekend activities like sports.

My kids are not sick very often and if they are it is usually something that is going around the classroom or the basketball team, not specifically from playdates.