Are you a playdate family?

[QVCshopper]

OP, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not that into playdates myself. Yes, my kids play, but mostly with each other. I'm fairly introverted, so making new friends isn't easy for me. My two very good friends went back to work full-time, my relatives live far away, and my other good friend recently moved. We used to see them at least 1x week... And most of the families I know locally have younger siblings who nap during the afternoon when my kids are awake and out of preschool. We like to spend the weekend as a family, doing things like going to the zoo or garden or YMCA.

Around here, many families have both parents working full-time. Often (when the weather is nice) we go to parks and don't see anyone else. It's just a sign of the times to me... (Not judging anyone--I totally get the economy, liking to work, etc.).

I just invited a little girl and her mom/brother over on Friday, so I'm sure that will go well. But, no, overall we're not a playdate family, but I do have my kids in preschool and we go to classes at the YMCA and storytime. I do my best.

 

[princessmom29]

Working women usually aren't in playgroups, because they meet during the day. A huge downside to being a SAHM is the lack of adult interaction - it's tough!

I teach so I could thoretically be included during the summer and after 3:00, but I find that I am not welcome in some groups because I "have to work". Apparently any family that cannot make it on one income and still afford private school is not good enough in some circles here. This is the kind of snarkyness I am talking about, and frankly I would rather not deal with someone who is that petty. There are other groups that we go to sometimes in the summer that are more accepting, but I still feel like there is a sort of stigma attached to the fact that I work.

 

[ilovejack02]

I teach so I could thoretically be included during the summer and after 3:00, but I find that I am not welcome in some groups because I "have to work". Apparently any family that cannot make it on one income and still afford private school is not good enough in some circles here. This is the kind of snarkyness I am talking about, and frankly I would rather not deal with someone who is that petty. There are other groups that we go to sometimes in the summer that are more accepting, but I still feel like there is a sort of stigma attached to the fact that I work.

That is too bad, we usually did a friday afternoon playgroup during spring and summer once time changed, started about 4 so our working mommies and school age kids could join. Not all of us are petty mommies I promise ; )! We ran those witches off pretty fast LOL!!

 

[Rylee]

I get what you're saying here..and yeah honestly a playdate with just me supervising other people's kids is sort of...EXHAUSTING! lol!

But that said, I am selfish in the respect that my kiddos playdates are only scheduled with kids whose moms I like! HAHAHAHAH! My oldest is 9 so he's past playdate age...meaning he has kids over and they play on their own with little interaction from me etc.

But for my 4 year old and 1 year old I will routinely invite over other kids for them to play with, but only because I want another adult to talk to!! HAHAHAH

This is how a playdate at my house goes::

From somewhere in the house: "CRASH!!!"

ME: "Oh Lord did you hear that?"

Other kid's Mom: "Yes but no one is screaming".

ME: "And even if they were there's some bandaids in the bathroom up there, Gracie's a pro at those"

Other mom: "I noticed Gracie has a runny nose"

Me: "Yup and so will your kid in five days"

Other mom: "Maybe I should have ____ (name of youngest happily cooing in her lap) drink of out of Gracie's sippy cup so both of mine will be sick at the same time.

Me: "Okay let me get it for you, I think there's still a little saliva on the corner"


Etc...

So really, our playdates are more about getting some sanity with another mom. If the kids have fun and don't end up bleeding well than we figure it was good for them too!! HAHAHAH!

And we operate on the mantra that, "WHen I'm at your house my kids will trash the playroom and when you're at my house YOUR kids will trash the playroom."

And yeah, we don't invite others over if any of our kids are actively vomiting, but runny noses? That's fair game to share with others!! HAHAHA

This truly made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! So hard, I just spit pepsi all over the computer screen.

You can hang out with me and my friends anytime. And, hey... bring your kids, they can play while we Mom's sit around and LOAO!

 

[badblackpug]

I am still shaking my head the OP thinks other kids Don't know how to play correctly. WOW

Kae

I think the OP clarified herself. I think this was mostly a misunderstanding of phrasing. With OP's permission, I will paraphrase. I think she meant that in her experience the children do not know how to play nicely with others. In that they are often destructive with toys or do not follow house rules, or do not assist with clean up, etc.

As for my previous comment on "scheduling," I was not commenting on the frequency of the scheduled play dates, I was commenting on the need to schedule, period. Some people are not fortunate to have children in our kids' age range that live within walking distance. Some people have children that go to regional or private schools and their friends don't live in the neighborhood or even the town! As your kids get older they choose their own friends and not all are "geographically convenient," thus the need to schedule transportation arrangements. In the instance of families who have parents who work outside the home scheduling becomes very important. Such as "I have to work Friday, so I won't be available to host the kids, or pick them up, or drop them off." In addition I have a husband who is sometimes on call. We can't have other children over if he is by himself. While my mother is willing to watch my own kids for a couple of hours, it's not fair to ask her watch other people's kids, and other parents may not be comfortable with her watching their kids. How often you schedule play dates is a matter of your schedule and the kids ages and needs for supervision.

As for parties, in this area after the 1st grade parents never stay for parties, unless it is a family member or a close family friend, in which case the parents were generally invited anyway. Now, my older kids mostly attend parties for school friends. Children whose parents I know by sight, but with whom we aren't really friendly. My 9 year old would be mortified if I tried to stay at a party!

I think the term "play date" is overused. It does make it sound like it is more scheduled than it really is. A lot of times it is no more than speaking to another parent and asking "Billy would like Timmy to come over and play after school tomorrow, is that okay with you?"

 

[mamaLori05]

I finally read through all the PP's. So, now that I know the background I will try and explain how we do playdates. I don't have a regular playdate group that meets a couple times a week. Several times through out the year (but not every week, probably more like once a monthish) I will ask one of the moms if their kids can come over after preschool to play. It's not really planned that far in advance. For example, they have school on Monday's, so I might ask a mom if their child can come over on Wed. My dd's preschool is only 2.5 hrs long, so there is pleanty of time after school. (I mentioned earlier, but my kids are 4 and 2.5). (some of the moms work part time, some are SAHM)

We have 2 kids that live right next door (ages 3 and 5), and they come over to play almost daily. When the 5 year old gets home from school (around 4ish), they call to see if my kids can play. Most of the time they end up coming over here to play, but sometimes my kids go over there. We watch our kids go to eachothers houses, so that isn't a big deal for us. (there mom is a working mom) When they are here, they are always within ear shot, but I usually use that time to get stuff done around the house. Laundry, vaccuming, etc..

I have another mom that lives just down the road that has a 2 yr old. (she works full time, but 3 days a week). On the days she doesn't work we will sometimes call each other up on that day and see if the other is free. We tend to go places like children's museums with that family, but sometiems we just have playdates at the house. Again, not really scheduled. More day of if we are both free.

I also have a group of friends that I have been freinds with since middle school. We (just the mom's) meet once a month for girls night out dinner. Then once a month we do a planned playdate with all of our kids since they are all about the same age. All of the other mom's work, so we tend to do it on Sat mornings. We've known each other for so long that if we see each other's child doing something wrong, we have no problems correcting them.

OP, If you are wanting to try a playdate, I would branch out and try different kids. Before kids I worked in a preschool, so I have seen those kids that are not disciplined very well. I know what you are talking about!!! Sounds like for whatever reason you had a rash of them invited over for playdates. I promise you most kids are not like that!!! Playdates also don't have to be scheduled several times a week. Heck, I'm a SAHM and I don't even have time for scheduled playdates several times a week.

 

[HLDisney]

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky, but do your kids attend birthday parties? If so, do you stay at those too? I would've been mortified at 8 years old if my mom insisted on staying at my classmate's birthday party.

Yep, and other than one specific party (because there was a space restriction by the restaurant), parents usually do stay at the parties my DD has been to.

As a matter of fact, I just had my DD's birthday party at a science museum and the set price assumed that parents were staying and eating.

And yes, I stay at playdates, too (and my DD wants it that way, and no, she doesn't have problems interacting with other kids) Usually, it's a good chance for me to hang out with my own friends or to get to know the other parents better.

Helen

 

[mjkacmom]

Yep, and other than one specific party (because there was a space restriction by the restaurant), parents usually do stay at the parties my DD has been to.

As a matter of fact, I just had my DD's birthday party at a science museum and the set price assumed that parents were staying and eating.

And yes, I stay at playdates, too (and my DD wants it that way, and no, she doesn't have problems interacting with other kids) Usually, it's a good chance for me to hang out with my own friends or to get to know the other parents better.

Helen

Do the parents stay when your dd has a friend over? I ask because out of literally hundreds of playdates we've had, not once has the parent stayed once my children were in elementary school. And although dd7 and dd8 love me to pieces, if I spend more than a couple of minutes talking to the mom at drop-off, I get "the look."

 

[princessmom29]

Do the parents stay when your dd has a friend over? I ask because out of literally hundreds of playdates we've had, not once has the parent stayed once my children were in elementary school. And although dd7 and dd8 love me to pieces, if I spend more than a couple of minutes talking to the mom at drop-off, I get "the look."

I am thinking that mabye this is a regional thing?? Looking at locations, it appears thatmost people that stay are inthe South. I know I always stay with DD if we are outside the neighborhood, except for one one one playtime when I know the parent very well, and it is rare for a mom to drop off and leave at a group play activity or a birthday party untill the kids are about 10 from what I see.

 

[Ava]

I am thinking that mabye this is a regional thing?? Looking at locations, it appears thatmost people that stay are inthe South. I know I always stay with DD if we are outside the neighborhood, except for one one one playtime when I know the parent very well, and it is rare for a mom to drop off and leave at a group play activity or a birthday party untill the kids are about 10 from what I see.

Or maybe it has to do with the number of kids one has. I noticed HLDisney is a single mom with one DD, and she always stays; mjkacmom has 5 kids. I have a sister who is 4 years younger than me, so there's no way my mom could've stayed at all of my "play dates" or birthday parties - she had my sister to take care of as well. And back then, at least where I grew up, birthday parties were for the birthday child's friends only, not their siblings & parents. We also usually had our parties at home; I only had a party someplace other than home twice.

 

[HLDisney]

That's a good point about the number of children. If I had several kids, then it might be harder for me to stay, although I would still try.

Yes, the parents stay when they come to my place but I expect it so I don't plan to do other stuff around the house when we have playdates.

However, I don't live in the South, I live in NYC. And I have to say that part of my reason for staying at parties and such is being a bit paranoid about who I'm leaving my child with. I don't really know the parents of my DD's classmates well enough to be comfortable just dropping my DD off with them.

But I should qualify all of this by saying that I work outside of the home full-time so we don't have that many playdates in general, maybe 1-2 times a month. I would like to have more but my DD's extracurricular activities and the extracurricular activities of her friends have conflicting schedules so we can't get together with them as often as we would like.

Helen

 

[mjkacmom]

I am thinking that mabye this is a regional thing?? Looking at locations, it appears thatmost people that stay are inthe South. I know I always stay with DD if we are outside the neighborhood, except for one one one playtime when I know the parent very well, and it is rare for a mom to drop off and leave at a group play activity or a birthday party untill the kids are about 10 from what I see.

I live about 8 miles west of NYC, and it's rare for parents to stay, even at sports practices after the age of 8 or so. What might come into play is the fact that it seems like the average family here seems to have 3 children, in lots of activities, and we spend a lot of time in our SUV's and minivans, schlepping out kids all over.

Edited to add, our town is hundreds of years old, is very populated but small in size, and lots of people who live here grew-up here. I'm guessing there is about a 2 degree separation from resident to resident, everyone knows everyone, and it's rare to drive down a street without passing someone you know.

 

[Ava]

Helen, I can see not wanting to drop your child off with someone you don't know well in NYC. I grew up in a rural area, but live in Brooklyn now. I guess I will see as DD gets older how we work out playing with friends. She will most likely be going to public school, so at least in elementary most of her school friends will live relatively close to each other.

 

[HLDisney]

I live in Queens and parents still stay and wait for swimming lessons for kids even older than my DD. The only place I've seen people actually leave their kids for their activity is for Chinese school and Awana meetings, which are held in a church and most of the kids participating are kids from the church.

My friend's DD (also 8) attends dance lessons at Alvin Ailey dance school in Manhattan and so many parents wait around in the building (along with younger siblings) for their kids to finish their lessons.

Maybe it's a city thing?

Helen

 

[HLDisney]

On a related note, I have to say that the other parents and I actually enjoy being at the playdates. Sometimes, the kids will end up putting on a show for us or once, they decided to play "detective" and we were the suspects. They don't always include us in their play but we all enjoy it when they do.

One of the moms of my DD's friends and I found out we both enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles so when they come over or we go over there, we usually try to make sure we have a jigsaw puzzle we can work on together

Maybe this isn't the norm for playdates but it works for us.

Helen

 

[badblackpug]

I live in Queens and parents still stay and wait for swimming lessons for kids even older than my DD. The only place I've seen people actually leave their kids for their activity is for Chinese school and Awana meetings, which are held in a church and most of the kids participating are kids from the church.

My friend's DD (also 8) attends dance lessons at Alvin Ailey dance school in Manhattan and so many parents wait around in the building (along with younger siblings) for their kids to finish their lessons.

Maybe it's a city thing?

Helen

Definitely related to the city. Mostly because it is sooo hard to commute back and forth. By the time you fight traffic or subway or bus to get back home, you have to turn right around. Just isn't worth it.