Are we odd parents?

[Todd&Copper]

I'm 34 and my mom and dad never talked to me about the dangers of unprotected sex nor about drugs. I've never tried drugs, and I waited to have sex until I was in my 20's, and have only had unprotected sex with my husband. Apparently, those kinds of talks aren't always necessary.

 

[kristilew]

We started talking early and often.

Kids compare everything they hear about sex and drugs to the first things they hear about sex and drugs. I wanted to get my version in first!

I wanted dd to hear sex is something that happens between a husband and wife before someone could say man and woman like just any partner was ok. I wanted to say cigarettes and drugs will kill you before someone said they are harmless and fun.

We also talk in great detail about what to do if she finds herself in a tricky situation. The other day, the paper ran an article about a teenage boy who drove drunk and killed a cyclist. DD wanted to know why he didn't follow the 24-hour rule? (no matter where you are, no matter how late it is, no matter what you've been drinking or smoking, or your friends have been drinking or smoking, no matter if you lied about where you were going, you call mom or dad if someone is going to get in a car under the influence. We will come get you and there will be no discussion for 24 hours)

Everything is a teachable moment: why would someone shop at a porn shop? What do you think they are really selling in Hooters? Why don't we want you to watch movies where it looks like there are nothing but good consequences to teens having sex?

Our goal is to get the bored response, yes, yes, we've talked about this so much I know I know.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I was reading this message board and one other one tonight plus earlier I was talking to the mom of a 16 year old girl. From this, I gather we might be the odd parents out.

We have a 13 year old girl and an 11 year old son. We have talked about sex and drugs with them since they were very young. It started out as age appropriate things like the correct names for their body parts, what parts can't be touched by others, how we don't put things in our bodies if we don't know what they are, etc. At their ages now, they both know all about birth control, pregnancy, STD's, drugs, drinking, etc. We have regular, open discussions about these things. It isn't a one time talk that is never brought up again.

Today the mom of the 16 year old informed me that she hasn't discussed drugs with her daughter yet but she thinks she might do it soon.
I've read tonight about people that haven't discussed pregnancy or birth control with their teens yet. I have read about people really dreading these conversations.

Are we the only ones that have been having these conversations with our kids since they were little? Are we the only ones that aren't uncomfortable discussing this with our kids? I can't imagine waiting until they are 16 to talk about this stuff. I would think they would have heard it from friends by that point anyway.

You are not alone - we are exactly the same. Sometimes I come on the boards here and my head wants to explode!

We talk about everything with our children - we talk all the time. My dh and I bring up topics all the time. Our kids come to us with everything. Sometimes, the conversations get very graphic - sometimes the conversations are light-hearted and funny. But, we talk about everything.

If I read one more post from a mother of a 9 or 10 year old girl who doesn't know "when" or "how" to talk to her daughter about her period, her breasts developing, having sex, how babies are made, what an ovary is or where her uterus is, I swear to God, I'm going to SCREAM!

And, MOTHERS OF BOYS - they need to learn about periods and breasts and uteruses too. They need to know that oral sex can lead to diseases. They need to know all of these things. They need to understand the changes their bodies are going through, how their bodies work, etc.

How can we EVER expect our kids to protect themselves when they have no idea what they're protecting themselves from? It's such a disservice to one's child to be silent on these issues. In fact, it's downright dangerous to be silent on these issues.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, if you aren't normal, either are we. Dd12 and ds 10 know everything there is to know about sex, and we talk about drugs and alcohol. When my little ones get a bit older, they will also be informed!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I'm 34 and my mom and dad never talked to me about the dangers of unprotected sex nor about drugs. I've never tried drugs, and I waited to have sex until I was in my 20's, and have only had unprotected sex with my husband. Apparently, those kinds of talks aren't always necessary.

My mother never seatbelted me or my siblings because it just wasn't done back then.

Perhaps I should do the same with my own children.

I mean, apparently, I was never killed injured. Apparently those kinds of actions aren't always necessary.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

If your odd...I think it's great. My girls..ages 12 and 8 know the basics... I've bought them books, and they've studied health and such in school. My daughter tells me the things she knows, and I may throw in a little info here and there... but, I am one of the 'how do I do it' mom who haven't actually SAT down with her and said "Ok....this about birth control....THIS about that..."..

Where to start

We have, however, talked about drugs and alcohol...

 

[LadyyRedd]

From a child's perspective (well, I'm 33....), but NO, you are NOT ODD! My mom is one of my best friends, but unfortunately, we didn't discuss a whole lot on this topic as I was growing up. I know that I can come to her with any question, but we never really openly just talked about it and I wish that we had.

Kimya

 

[ilovejack02]

I'm 34 and my mom and dad never talked to me about the dangers of unprotected sex nor about drugs. I've never tried drugs, and I waited to have sex until I was in my 20's, and have only had unprotected sex with my husband. Apparently, those kinds of talks aren't always necessary.

WEll it is DEF super duper that it worked out well for you!
Im sure you know though that it doesnt always work out that way though, I cant imagine not teaching my children about the dangers of society. My thoughts about it are to make a well informed intelligent decision then you need to be well informed!
Children do learn from other avenues you are correct, but I think there is something to be said for children knowing what their parents belief system is right up front.
I also think it never hurts to have your kids not wanting to disappoint you... I dont think kids care much about disappointing a stranger.
Im not going to lie, one of the MAIN reasons I never did drugs or shacked up with a boy and many other things was I was very worried about disappointing my folks.
LOL Too bad it didnt work like that in the school department !

 

[cats7494]

Yes, you are very odd and apparently we are just as "odd" as you.
We are strong believers in open and strong communication with our kids and have discussed it very frankly with dd14 and will when our dd2 is old enough!
Good for you; keep it up!!

 

[princesspiglet]

DD is almost 6 and she probably know more then most teens. My mother says I am an overteller also, but that is only because she never told me anything! She hates that DH and I are very open and use the correct body parts names, that we kiss on the lips, that I tell her to explore her body all she wants, etc.

DD also likes to watch Intervention with me and we discuss afterwards. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me and DH about anything, rather then getting crappy information from her friends. The more knowledge you have, the better equipped you are to handle temptations.

This is probably TMI, but she has even walked in on DH and I and we stopped what we were doing and explained it to her. She said ok and went straight back to bed, then yelled from her room, "Use protection because I don't want a baby brother or sister"!

 

[Todd&Copper]

WEll it is DEF super duper that it worked out well for you! Im sure you know though that it doesnt always work out that way though, I cant imagine not teaching my children about the dangers of society. My thoughts about it are to make a well informed intelligent decision then you need to be well informed!
Children do learn from other avenues you are correct, but I think there is something to be said for children knowing what their parents belief system is right up front.
I also think it never hurts to have your kids not wanting to disappoint you... I dont think kids care much about disappointing a stranger.
Im not going to lie, one of the MAIN reasons I never did drugs or shacked up with a boy and many other things was I was very worried about disappointing my folks.
LOL Too bad it didnt work like that in the school department !

First off, the bolded part is nasty and sarcastic. No need for that at all.

Maybe it was pretty obvious to me what my parent's value system was upfront. I didn't need "the talk" b/c we were all living our values on a day-to-day basis. And I never wanted to disappoint them, even without such "talks". I mean, it wasn't like I saw my parents shooting up or having swinger parties with strangers, then on Sundays going to church (i.e., a mixed message). Sorry if the concept of kids actually learning by absorbing from their environment is completely alien to some people. I just meant that sometimes a serious talk with your kids is not necessary to convey these ideas.
Live and let live, people. I wasn't criticising the OP - I am sure that much was obvious. Yet, you decide to criticise me and actually my parents for the way they raised me. Very rude and judgmental. It seems like if you are not one of the "best parents ever" or conform to the majority here, you are burned at the stake for having a different opinion or experience.

 

[Todd&Copper]

My mother never seatbelted me or my siblings because it just wasn't done back then.

Perhaps I should do the same with my own children.

I mean, apparently, I was never killed injured. Apparently those kinds of actions aren't always necessary.

Your analogy is faulty at best. Even though your mother never buckled you in, it is now the law that children have to be buckled and in car seats. I assume you are older that 30 or so, so it wasn't the law when you were a child. Not a situation from which you can draw a valid parallel.

A better one may be that your parents served vegetables and fruit to provide you with a balanced, nutritious diet, but they never actually sat down and explained the reasons for their doing so. You learn by example and as a young adult, you always include veggies and fruit in your daily meals.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

OP i guess we are "odd " too because we openly discuss things as well, no sex talk yet, the kids are too young, but the body parts, other age appropriate things are definitely discussed, and all questions answered.

here's a funny
the kids know the proper names for the body parts, but at one point my dh told ds his ***** was his "weenie"........i think the question caught him off guard and he didn't know what to do........LOL......anyway, ds was in the room when dd asked about her private parts, so i told her its a ******,
so one night about a week later........ds (4 )told me his "weenie is a *****" and his sister's "weenie is in china"

LOL it took me a minute to figure out ****** = in china

That is very, very funny!! Even though the filter kicked out your proper body parts words, I figured them out...after a little while!!

I have talked about smoking and drugs ever since the kids were little, little. In fact, they would say things out loud about people they saw smoking because they were too young to understand tact. ("Mommy, that man is going to die because he smokes.".Yep, I gave them the info and drove it home. )

I am thinking the talk should come for my DS10 soon. He hasn't asked any questions yet.

I was going to ask this on a different thread, but I will ask you guys here. When you had your sex talk with your oldest, did you just pull your (little bit-like 2 years) younger kid in on it since the older one will probably tell them anyway? I am imagining a lot of laughing and giggling, which will probably lighten it up a little. Moms, did you hand this job off to your DH for your sons?

What are good books for approaching this subject? Did you give the kiddo the book first, then answer questions later?

 

[mjkacmom]

That is very, very funny!! Even though the filter kicked out your proper body parts words, I figured them out...after a little while!!

I have talked about smoking and drugs ever since the kids were little, little. In fact, they would say things out loud about people they saw smoking because they were too young to understand tact. ("Mommy, that man is going to die because he smokes.".Yep, I gave them the info and drove it home. )

I am thinking the talk should come for my DS10 soon. He hasn't asked any questions yet.

I was going to ask this on a different thread, but I will ask you guys here. When you had your sex talk with your oldest, did you just pull your (little bit-like 2 years) younger kid in on it since the older one will probably tell them anyway? I am imagining a lot of laughing and giggling, which will probably lighten it up a little. Moms, did you hand this job off to your DH for your sons?

What are good books for approaching this subject? Did you give the kiddo the book first, then answer questions later?

I gave them a book first (It's so amazing), and then we just have ongoing discussions - I don't believe in a "talk." We discuss subjects like BCP's do not prevent STD's, oral sex is still sex, boys will tell you anything, including that they love you, to get what they want, and they will tell their friends everything, even if they promise they won't. It's much more about just how babies are made!

 

[ilovejack02]

First off, the bolded part is nasty and sarcastic. No need for that at all.

Maybe it was pretty obvious to me what my parent's value system was upfront. I didn't need "the talk" b/c we were all living our values on a day-to-day basis. And I never wanted to disappoint them, even without such "talks". I mean, it wasn't like I saw my parents shooting up or having swinger parties with strangers, then on Sundays going to church (i.e., a mixed message). Sorry if the concept of kids actually learning by absorbing from their environment is completely alien to some people. I just meant that sometimes a serious talk with your kids is not necessary to convey these ideas.
Live and let live, people. I wasn't criticising the OP - I am sure that much was obvious. Yet, you decide to criticise me and actually my parents for the way they raised me. Very rude and judgmental. It seems like if you are not one of the "best parents ever" or conform to the majority here, you are burned at the stake for having a different opinion or experience.

Actually no sarcasm at all, I say super duper ALOT. So sorry you are feeling defensive. What about im not sure.

In my post I used the words... MY THOUGHTS and I THINK.
Not the words.. You are wrong or you should or even the words .. your parents are wrong!

What worked for your parents does not work for all is what I was pointing out.
Hell ill be happy to point out even when you do talk to kids about all the dangers in life and teach by example you still cant always keep them from drugs, sex and rock n roll ; )

Sorry you think I was being rude, trust me when I am you will know it LOL.. I always come across loud and clear in that respect. Its one of my best traits


OH and btw.. back on topic, OP we started talking to our oldest about 5. He is now 19 and so far so good. I will never say he is an angel, but so far so good. Decent grades, good friends and holding a steady job and pays his bills on time. We are pleased with the results and glad we started talking to him at a young age bout the facts.

 

[Stacerita]

I have had open talks with DD about drugs, alcohol and smoking since she was really young. She will be 13 in December. We still talk openly about drugs and such.

 

[LisaR]

Maybe it was pretty obvious to me what my parent's value system was upfront. I didn't need "the talk" b/c we were all living our values on a day-to-day basis. And I never wanted to disappoint them, even without such "talks". I mean, it wasn't like I saw my parents shooting up or having swinger parties with strangers, then on Sundays going to church (i.e., a mixed message). Sorry if the concept of kids actually learning by absorbing from their environment is completely alien to some people. I just meant that sometimes a serious talk with your kids is not necessary to convey these ideas.
Live and let live, people. I wasn't criticising the OP - I am sure that much was obvious. Yet, you decide to criticise me and actually my parents for the way they raised me. Very rude and judgmental. It seems like if you are not one of the "best parents ever" or conform to the majority here, you are burned at the stake for having a different opinion or experience.

I think it is great that you were able to garner all the information you needed to make informed choices when you were young and you didn't need to talk to your parents about it. I think I probably grew up in at a different time than you did so my situation was a little different.

My parents were wonderful parents but they were born in the 20's. Sex, STD's, periods, drugs, etc. were never discussed. It wasn't just my parents because my friend's parents were identical in that regard. We didn't have a DARE program and those types of things just weren't discussed in our family. Of course I knew their values and they set the perfect example but I would never have felt comfortable talking to them about those subjects and they wouldn't have felt comfortable telling me about them. The thing that saved me was having a sister who was 10 years older and able to give me any information or help I needed.

I know I was in the dark about so many things because we didn't have 24/7 media coverage. Kids today hear about all the teen stars that get pregnant, are in rehab, crash their car after drinking, etc. They hear about politicians, priests, coaches and teachers that are doing things they shouldn't be doing and I want to use those opportunities as teachable moments.

While I know it worked for you, I started this thread because I was amazed by the people who seem like they are still living in my parents generation. They either don't discuss anything or they have ONE talk and that is it. I began to think we must be very odd because I thought the tide had turned on that one. I am glad that we aren't the only ones.

My mom stays with us for 3 months out of the year. She still cringes when she hears the conversations we have with our kids. Tonight one of my daughter's friends told her that he is bi-sexual. We talked about that one for awhile! Honestly, my mom would have dropped over dead if she would have been here.

 

[zippitydoo]

I'm 31 and my parents never talked to me about sex or drugs. I got all of my info from school. My mom did not even have the talk with me about the change. Again I learned that from school. I think if they did talk to me about these things I would of been more comfortable talking to them about any issue.

 

[Talking Hands]

Talked to my kids from an early age about sex and drugs in an age appropriate manner.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm 34 and my mom and dad never talked to me about the dangers of unprotected sex nor about drugs. I've never tried drugs, and I waited to have sex until I was in my 20's, and have only had unprotected sex with my husband. Apparently, those kinds of talks aren't always necessary.

That's a lazy way to raise children, in my opinion. I might very well lead by example, but I also talk to my children about why I make the choices I do. I think that helps them internalize WHY a decision is made as well as WHAT decision I think they should make. And of course I tell my children why we need to eat fruits and vegetables - that's what a good parent does. No one would advocate simply doing things in a vaccum without explaining the benefits of a particular choice.

How do you want your children to learn the facts of life if you don't tell them? How do you want them to understand the basic biology? Talking with kids about sex doesn't involve just the "don't do it until you are married" part.