Are we odd parents?

[LisaR]

I was reading this message board and one other one tonight plus earlier I was talking to the mom of a 16 year old girl. From this, I gather we might be the odd parents out.

We have a 13 year old girl and an 11 year old son. We have talked about sex and drugs with them since they were very young. It started out as age appropriate things like the correct names for their body parts, what parts can't be touched by others, how we don't put things in our bodies if we don't know what they are, etc. At their ages now, they both know all about birth control, pregnancy, STD's, drugs, drinking, etc. We have regular, open discussions about these things. It isn't a one time talk that is never brought up again.

Today the mom of the 16 year old informed me that she hasn't discussed drugs with her daughter yet but she thinks she might do it soon.
I've read tonight about people that haven't discussed pregnancy or birth control with their teens yet. I have read about people really dreading these conversations.

Are we the only ones that have been having these conversations with our kids since they were little? Are we the only ones that aren't uncomfortable discussing this with our kids? I can't imagine waiting until they are 16 to talk about this stuff. I would think they would have heard it from friends by that point anyway.

 

[JessicaR]

Same as you, we have been having these discussions since the kids were little. The best part is its easy and comfortable when its discussed this often and they ask questions when they have them.

 

[luv2nascar]

no when my kids start school they start getting the age appropriate drug talks. Don't take or lick stamps from kids. etc. You are not odd at all. By 16 it could be way toooo late.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

We have been talking with DS12 about smoking, drugs, and alcohol for a LONG time. We are getting around to sex. He has some very detailed books that I bought for him to read at his leisure, and if he has questions he can ask.

 

[BuffettFan]

We've talked to our kids about sex, drugs, drinking, and smoking since they were very young as well. They are teenagers now, and those are some of their favorite things to talk about over dinner
But now that they have found themselves in serious situations, the conversations are also a lot more serious, and require a lot more thought on my part. I can't imagine some of the conversations I've had with them lately had we not had the foundation of years of discussing those topics with them.
My advice to parents of youngsters is to talk to your kids early and often.
I can't imagine anyone thinking 16 is too young for a talk about drugs

 

[It's A Happy Day]

My children are only 6 & 7 so we haven't had "the" sex talk quite yet however we have discussed alcohol, drugs, smoking, both of my children (1 girl 6/1 boy 7) know the correct names for body parts, discussed inappropriate touching, no "mouth" kissing, and so on.

I did not have such an open relationship with my parents and still really don't so it was 1 thing that I did want with my children. My "sex" talk took place at about 16 at a red light and consisted of "I hope you know about birth control because I'm not raising YOUR children"

 

[DVCLiz]

No, you're not the only one. In fact, I am somewhat of an "overteller", I suppose. I think I realized this when I found myself discussing in great detail the anatomy of a male cat with my five year old...



We have always talked, and I brought home the book "It's Perfectly Normal" as soon as it was published. We've also had lots of talks about drugs and smoking. So far it seems to be working...

 

[JessicaR]

No, you're not the only one. In fact, I am somewhat of an "overteller", I suppose. I think I realized this when I found myself discussing in great detail the anatomy of a male cat with my five year old...



We have always talked, and I brought home the book "It's Perfectly Normal" as soon as it was published. We've also had lots of talks about drugs and smoking. So far it seems to be working...

My mother tells me that I am an overteller too! But really she was just an underteller.

 

[LisaR]

I can't imagine anyone thinking 16 is too young for a talk about drugs

My husband tells me that I have a "look." He says I get a look on my face that is a cross between OMG, what the heck are you thinking and complete mortification. When I told him that this mom literally leaned in and whispered to me "we haven't had the talk about drugs yet but we are thinking of doing it soon" my DH said, "Oh no! I'm sure you gave her the look on that one."

I am glad to hear we aren't the odd parents on this one because we are certainly the odd parents on so many other things!

 

[matthew&haleysmom]

I guess I'm an odd parent too! I talk to my DD, 8, about all of the above. I don't want her to get wrong information or hear about the facts of life from others first. DH will walk into the room when we are talking and just walk out. He is horrified that DD has so many questions.

I tell my DS, 4, proper names for body parts, but that's it so far. Thank goodness!

 

[Buckalew11]

Both DH and I have talked many times to DD (14) and will continue to do so.

 

[luvmy2sams]

I guess we're odd parents, too. DD9 is just full of questions lately, and like another poster, DH doesn't handle it too well. She knows more at her age than I knew when I went off to college, but that's the way we want it. I'd much rather have her feel comfortable coming to me, especially with all the misinformation that 9-year-old girls have, and we wanted to establish that communication from the start.

DS5, on the other hand, isn't quite ready for the big talks yet, but he he does know all the proper terminology.

I can't imagine waiting until my kids were teenagers to start the dialogue.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I've started having talks with my kids b/c they're curious (three under the age of 9). They see commercials, dh and I talk about parents of teens who we know who are experiencing teen issues, and my kids SHOULD know even at their young ages the basics. Now, here's the phase of where we are at. The girls have a bagina and boys have a weenis. I keep telling them the correct pronounciation, but they don't care. I'm just glad they know what I'm talking about. It will be interesting to see what comes up in our next discussion.

I know our talks have little influence right now, but its better starting them now (for us).

 

[RNMOM]

At the risk of being snarky I will make the comment that many people who have delayed "the" talks are the same ones that think their little angels would never do anything bad. Good old church attending kids who are cheerleaders and sports players and too active to get into trouble. Yeah, right.

Sorry, it must be all the liberal bashing I am finding on this board tonight. It has me defensive.

Really though, kids need to know about body parts and appropriate /inappropriate touching even when in preschool. They need to know NOT to touch another kids bleeding scab and to not share straws and such because we really don't know if that child may be HIV positive. It really isn't the business of the school to share that information and may even be illegal. This is what got me upset about the "Obama whats to teach sex ed" fiasco last week. Kids need to know that there are diseases we can easily spread and since we can't tell if someone has them, all people's blood and saliva is off limits. Heavens, have you taken your kid to the doctor lately??? They wear gloves nearly all the time. Tell your kid why. You don't have to have sex to get a disease that is also sexually transmitted.

Sorry again, off soapbox.

My boys knew how babies were made probably about 8-9 or so. That's when they were asking the questions that lead to the discussion. It's their body and they need to know how it works and what not to do.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Sorry, it must be all the liberal bashing I am finding on this board tonight. It has me defensive.

Why feel the need to weave politics into this thread? Man, I feel like we have enough of that around here, but maybe thats just me.

OP: I have had talks with my kids much like you have. Our church also does sex ed and I always tell my kids to feel free to ask another adult relative things they don't feel like they can ask me. Just ask somebody who isn't their age! When I think of all the bad info I got from well meaning peers when I was a teenager, it makes me glad I had sense enough to find more than one source of information!

 

[npmommie]

I was reading this message board and one other one tonight plus earlier I was talking to the mom of a 16 year old girl. From this, I gather we might be the odd parents out.

We have a 13 year old girl and an 11 year old son. We have talked about sex and drugs with them since they were very young. It started out as age appropriate things like the correct names for their body parts, what parts can't be touched by others, how we don't put things in our bodies if we don't know what they are, etc. At their ages now, they both know all about birth control, pregnancy, STD's, drugs, drinking, etc. We have regular, open discussions about these things. It isn't a one time talk that is never brought up again.

Today the mom of the 16 year old informed me that she hasn't discussed drugs with her daughter yet but she thinks she might do it soon.
I've read tonight about people that haven't discussed pregnancy or birth control with their teens yet. I have read about people really dreading these conversations.

Are we the only ones that have been having these conversations with our kids since they were little? Are we the only ones that aren't uncomfortable discussing this with our kids? I can't imagine waiting until they are 16 to talk about this stuff. I would think they would have heard it from friends by that point anyway.

OP i guess we are "odd " too because we openly discuss things as well, no sex talk yet, the kids are too young, but the body parts, other age appropriate things are definitely discussed, and all questions answered.

here's a funny
the kids know the proper names for the body parts, but at one point my dh told ds his ***** was his "weenie"........i think the question caught him off guard and he didn't know what to do........LOL......anyway, ds was in the room when dd asked about her private parts, so i told her its a ******,
so one night about a week later........ds (4 )told me his "weenie is a *****" and his sister's "weenie is in china"

LOL it took me a minute to figure out ****** = in china

 

[npmommie]

oh geez, i used proper body part names in my post and they are starred out...........what is wrong with proper body part names????

 

[rie'smom]

My kids were youngish-5th grade for the sex talk. At 4 or so we started talking about drugs-this was in the late 70's for our oldest. In our school system now, there is the DARE program, so kids are introduced to the anti drug facts in pre-k.

 

[VolvoManiac850]

I am not a parent but can comment on this.

When I was young my mother really didn't give me many talks on this subject. This was not because of parenting, but rather because we had an excellent police department in the township where I grew up. They would have community events in which they passed out anti-drug/anti-smoking/anti-alcohol coloring books, which I would often color alongside my mother. The education came early and came rather subliminally.

When I moved to my current township I was in elementary school. The police department of this township had an excellent D.A.R.E. program. My mother didn't really have to give me too many talks this time around either since I have always been a dedicated student who does all his work--whether it be for math, science, or D.A.R.E.

I also am a devout Christian and looked only to the Bible for advice about everything else. The "pep talks" were really unnecessary as long as my mother told me what God's expectations are.

To this day I have never smoked, done drugs, or had a drink of alcohol--and I am over 21 years of age. While I thank my mother for her influence, I also salute the police departments who provided excellent programs for drug education.

 

[NMAmy]

While I thank my mother for her influence, I also salute the police departments who provided excellent programs for drug education.

That's good that they provided helpful information. I find it kind of funny since my ex used to be a DARE officer and yet he had trouble talking to dd about drugs so I'm the one who did that.

To the OP--if you're odd, so am I. I've talked to dd about all those things right from the time she was tiny. I have to say, at 17, she really is pretty comfortable talking to me about anything. I don't think she's sexually active but I know that she has all the knowledge she needs to keep herself safe.

One thing people that wait to talk to their kids don't seem to realize is this: When your kids are little, they think you are incredibly smart and know everything. THIS is the time to tell them stuff--they internalize it at that age. If you wait until they're an eye rolling teenager, they think you couldn't possibly know anything.