Are the later High School years better?

[irishprincess]

westjones did you ever see that cruise commercial about the teenage girl that they finally get to smile at the end? Makes me laugh every time. I always say I feel like aliens came and abducted my daughter and left me this teenager.

 

[westjones]

westjones did you ever see that cruise commercial about the teenage girl that they finally get to smile at the end? Makes me laugh every time. I always say I feel like aliens came and abducted my daughter and left me this teenager.

Yes, I've seen it. Why do they have to be like that? Right now, one of my DDs is being VERY annoying because she isn't getting her way. I am so sick of this stupid stuff. UGH! OK, I hear you guys....it will pass....but it seems like it is going to be a very wait!

DJ

 

[brettgirl]

Thank you so much for making me feel like I am not alone in this 15 yr old daughter thing!!! My DD 15 was in disney but with her Music Dept. (we are from PA), my son and I stayed at POR alone. The few times we did cross paths (2xs to get money from me) she had me in tears because she was so nasty (3 other moms were also in my boat). I did ignore her texts and she got the point and apologized, but still she is still that miserable teenage girl who lives in her room (no computer to the outer world nor a tv), eats in five seconds and is gone. She copies every thing I do-sneeze, cough, laugh, just to annoy me. The thing that really bothers me is my son is on the autistic spectrum trying to learn social graces and have good tone and gestures and along comes his "sweet" sister who does everything he is not suppose to!

Keep telling me she will be my little girl once again some day in the not too far off future!!!! Thanks.

 

[Disney loving Iowan]

Thank you sooo much for this post!! I was feeling horrible for the way I have been feeling about my dd 14. She is miserable!! It is making me miserable. At least once a day I want to cry. Is it bad that I am glad someone is feeling as bad as me? She was always the easiest, most pleasant child around. She used to tell me " I will not be the miserable teenager who is nasty to her mom". Yeah that went out the door!

Boy I sure needed this post. When she was little my DD15 used to say she would always live with us. Not the case anymore! IrishPrincess I can so relate! The past couple days have been bad. Yesterday I was telling DH that I really don't want to wish this time away while she is home but she is so miserable all the time that it is hard not to! I feel a bit better though that people have been saying that kids seem to get better around 16. I sure hope that is the case with DD. Thanks to everyone for posting and helping me to know I'm not alone! Isn't it amazing how someone one minute can make you feel so good, happy and proud and the next minute you feel like a stupid, ignorant doormat!

 

[MrsPete]

My kids are much younger, but I've been teaching high school for 22 years.

Your kids sound absolutely typical, particularly about the "not singing" part. They're at the age where they live in fear of not being exactly like their peers. If every single mom was singing, they would be mortified if somehow you chose not to. Yet at the same time, they're desperately trying to forge out a unique (but not TOO unique) identity for themselves. Being twins must make that even more fun.

HS freshmen can change with the wind, particularly girls. By the middle of sophomore year, they become (for better or worse) the people they'll be as adults.

So hang in there-- it won't be much longer before they're people again.

(I've pretty much decided that when my older daughter hits puberty, she's being shipped off to a convent school in Portugal-- and my sympathies to the people of Portugal at that point. I love her to death, but even without puberty it's all highs and lows-- SUCH a drama queen. And this is at age 8!!)

Change 22 years to 16 years of teaching high school, and I could've written every word of this post! I do not like freshmen girls (which is probably why I teach seniors). They're so insecure (Aliceacc captured it well, saying that they want to be unique, but not too unique). Truthfully, they don't have a clue what they want, and they're frustrated, yet it comes out in a MEAN manner! They're snarky, they put each other down, can't decide who their friends are, can't decide who they are, they want to be adults, they want to be children, they desprately want boyfriends, they see the freshmen boys as too young . . . I think it's just as rough on them as it is on us.

I also agree with the other posters who say that it suddenly improves during their sophomore year -- some earlier, some later, but by the end of the sophomore year, they're human again.

 

[irishprincess]

I am just glad to not be alone in this! She got mad at me two weeks ago because I would not let her sleep over a friends house. The mom was letting her have a bunch of kids over, girls and boys. Ummm no way! It was crying, tantrums, you name it over the phone!! I told her she could stay till about 10 then I was coming to get her. Of course I was the "bad mommy" because she was the only one who wasn't staying over.
Well when I came to get her she was much nicer. Come to find out her best friends mom wouldn't let her stay over either.

 

[irishprincess]

Hi brettgirl! Northeast Pa. here too. I did the autism walk in the Lehigh Valley Parkway in April/May? with my sister. Did you go or are you further north?

 

[solgent]

I also have twin DDs going into freshman year of HS. They are not 14 yet but will be in a few months.

We've always been so close and had so many great times together. I really dread that changing. They still seem to enjoy being with me and I wonder, "Does it have to change? Maybe my kids will keep on liking me?"

Reading the posts in this thread, it seems like things WILL change between us, but also from the posts in this thread, I have hope that our strong bond will survive the turmoil.

Thanks for posting! You're not alone!

 

[perkinsrose]

This feels like a far-off land for me with DS8. But I've been reading books by Michael Gurian--very good. Like THE WONDER OF BOYS & THE GOOD SON and others.

 

[mantysk8coach]

Oh my gosh...I've been there! Not with my own kids yet, but I remember when I went to Disney with my parents, and grandparents (drove from Wisconsin) when I was 14.

I have loved Disney since I was 6, and love it to this day.

However, I am embarassed to this day about the way I acted on that trip. When I found out we were going, I was actually mad....because I had to miss, heaven forbid, a school dance. I held that grudge the whole trip, and even told my own grandmother to "shut up", when she made some reference to the dance I was missing. Nice, huh? Not my proudest moment.

But we went again 2 years later (surprised my parents actually wanted to take me again!), and I had a much better attitude, and a great time. That was the trip that really cemented my love for Disney World, that stays with me to this day. We are constantly planning our next trip!

I promise you will get through this. 15 year from now, your girls will be asking YOU to come to Disney with them and their families because they will have such great memories of going with you as kids.

Hugs to you!

 

[irishprincess]

I cried to my mom one day and she said "Do you remember yourself at that age?" I said oops sorry mom! I do remember I was a horrible teenager!!

 

[kjetjl]

Not sure about what you should do about the trip to Disney. I really liked the PP idea about letting the kids get involved in picking and planning a vacation.

My normally happy to be together kids were constantly fighting with each other near the end of the long winter we had this year.

I remember hearing some advice about this and so we decided that DH would have a special Saturday morning with each of them. He would take them to the donut shop or coffee house and just spend the morning talking with them. None are twins but with 6 kids they can start to feel like they don't have any real one on one time with mom and dad.

The smiles on their faces after their special morning are priceless and the battles around the house are almost non existent. I think I will take my turn with the kids next.

Just thought I would offer something that really helped our family.

Good luck!

 

[Disney loving Iowan]

I am just glad to not be alone in this! She got mad at me two weeks ago because I would not let her sleep over a friends house. The mom was letting her have a bunch of kids over, girls and boys. Ummm no way! It was crying, tantrums, you name it over the phone!! I told her she could stay till about 10 then I was coming to get her. Of course I was the "bad mommy" because she was the only one who wasn't staying over.
Well when I came to get her she was much nicer. Come to find out her best friends mom wouldn't let her stay over either.

Good for you for sticking to your guns! I wouldn't have left my DD stay over either. Fortunatly my DD wouldn't have wanted to do a sleepover w/boys anyway. She thinks it would just be too awkward.

Oh my gosh...I've been there! Not with my own kids yet, but I remember when I went to Disney with my parents, and grandparents (drove from Wisconsin) when I was 14.

I have loved Disney since I was 6, and love it to this day.

However, I am embarassed to this day about the way I acted on that trip. When I found out we were going, I was actually mad....because I had to miss, heaven forbid, a school dance. I held that grudge the whole trip, and even told my own grandmother to "shut up", when she made some reference to the dance I was missing. Nice, huh? Not my proudest moment.

But we went again 2 years later (surprised my parents actually wanted to take me again!), and I had a much better attitude, and a great time. That was the trip that really cemented my love for Disney World, that stays with me to this day. We are constantly planning our next trip!

I promise you will get through this. 15 year from now, your girls will be asking YOU to come to Disney with them and their families because they will have such great memories of going with you as kids.

Hugs to you!

Thanks for the encouragement!! I do feel bad now because I know what I put my Mom through! She always told me the day would come when I would know how she felt!

 

[westjones]

Thanks for the encouragement!! I do feel bad now because I know what I put my Mom through! She always told me the day would come when I would know how she felt!

OK, today I decided to do this. I told my DD that one day she will know how I feel.

The thing is (and I am serious), DH and I weren't like this as teens (our siblings were though). We were both quiet and didn't get in trouble and didn't give our parents any grief (and this has been confirmed by our parents, so it isn't that we don't remember correctly). I guess I thought that since WE were both like that our kids would be........SO......I bet my kids are going to end up with kids like DH and I and they will just tell me, "Mom this is easy."

DJ

 

[minkydog]

I can say from a high schoolers point of view our additudes get much better after freshman year. More towards the middle of sophmore year do we start acting "normal"

Yay! My DD15 is going to be a sophomore this year. She's about to sprain her neck from rolling her eyes and sighing so much.

OP, my oldest son was a lot like your boys at age 14. We had a few rocky years there--in fact, when he was 15 I called my mother from WDW crying that I wasn t never gonna take that child anywhere ever again! But lo, he grew up. Somewhere around 19 things changed. He's pleasant and funny now.

Don't be quick to sell the DVC. I'm pretty sure this is just a stage. Maybe you can just go down there with your DH a few times, leave the boys at home with Grandma. You might be surprised at how much fun * that* is

 

[westjones]

Yay! My DD15 is going to be a sophomore this year. She's about to sprain her neck from rolling her eyes and sighing so much.

OP, my oldest son was a lot like your boys at age 14. We had a few rocky years there--in fact, when he was 15 I called my mother from WDW crying that I wasn t never gonna take that child anywhere ever again! But lo, he grew up. Somewhere around 19 things changed. He's pleasant and funny now.

Don't be quick to sell the DVC. I'm pretty sure this is just a stage. Maybe you can just go down there with your DH a few times, leave the boys at home with Grandma. You might be surprised at how much fun * that* is

Thanks! My twins are girls though. Doubt that makes much difference. I sure hope they get more bareable before 19. I don't think I can last another 5 years like this!

I told DH that I might need to look into how to 'rent' points for a few year if they don't snap out of it (he doesn't want me to sell, he thinks we will enjoy DVC once the kids are grown and he and I can go at off peak times).

My girls turn 15 in Sept., so they are probably about at the same point as your DD. This really is NOT fun. We leave for Disney 2 weeks from today and I am not looking forward to it (where in the past I would have been excited every day just thinking about it).

I am hoping that everyone who said things get better after Sophomore year is correct. That means only a couple more of these bad years! If only I could have them fall asleep like Sleeping Beauty and wake them up once they are through it all!

DJ

 

[irishprincess]

My girls turn 15 in Sept.,

My daughter turns 15 in September also. We can do the countdown together! lol. She left for cheercamp yesterday. She called me about 7 times yesterday?! This from the child who barely talks to me at home

 

[westjones]

My girls turn 15 in Sept.,

My daughter turns 15 in September also. We can do the countdown together! lol. She left for cheercamp yesterday. She called me about 7 times yesterday?! This from the child who barely talks to me at home

How funny! Well, I think we have a long year ahead of us, but isn't good to hear from others that it does get better!

It is getting me through the days (why is summer vacation SO long! ).

DJ

 

[DisTeach1]

The reason I get depressed...I think those of you who have daughters, eventually get your daughters back and have a lot to look forward to. With sons, I'm not so sure. Mine is 15 and I know he will probably continue to grow apart from me and I will never have my boy back. Boys just aren't like that.

He does like to go on vacation though.

 

[minkydog]

The reason I get depressed...I think those of you who have daughters, eventually get your daughters back and have a lot to look forward to. With sons, I'm not so sure. Mine is 15 and I know he will probably continue to grow apart from me and I will never have my boy back. Boys just aren't like that.

He does like to go on vacation though.

Hang in there. I thought the same thing. My son was so awful at 15 we actually drew up papers to place him in foster care (long, sordid story). He's 21 now and you couldn't meet a nicer guy. He is very loving and demonstrative, and he has since apologized for his really horrible behavior in his teen years.