Are the later High School years better?

[Disneygirl26]

My girls turn 15 in Sept.,

My daughter turns 15 in September also. We can do the countdown together! lol. She left for cheercamp yesterday. She called me about 7 times yesterday?! This from the child who barely talks to me at home

Thats funny because DD16 went to DW last month with her HS and called and texed me endlessly and also got upset when I didn't respond fast enough, and she barely talks to me at home also, unless to ask for money and ride some where

 

[tikimimi]

Mother of a DS - 21 and a DD - 18 as well as a high school teacher. All children are different of course, but I think what you are reporting is very normal or common behavior. My DD - 18 is going to drive me nuts and if August weren't coming soon and she not going to college, I very well could end up locked away. She has gotten much better since middle school, much better since her freshman year, and better each subsequent year. Still her moods blow with the wind and the boyfriend. Our family did a Christmas trip to CO last year, and God gave me the gift of letting me see my real daughter again - she IS in there! I am hoping college will be her final turning point and she will become more like her old self on a more permanent basis. We found around age 14 it was a good idea to let the kids take a friend if they wanted. Looking back I would still have planned a few more "just family" trips before they had both graduated high school. I am so thankful for last Christmas.

I completely understnd your statement about not wanting to be with them right now. It will get better so hold onto the relationship you have and bide your time. That is how we started looking at things - we would ask ourselves, "What do we want in the end?" If you work toward that and try not to get so caught up in the here and now, it seems to help.

As to selling your DVC - only you can decide what is best, but I will offer this. DH and I just bought into DVC a couple of years ago, because we want to be the kind of grandparents who take our grandkids for a week or invite the kids and their families for a week. Consider the long term and what you want there as well!

 

[kafitty]

i have this theory, that pretty much everyone is just CRAZY from ages 13-about 19. As a 22 year old, i do feel like i have some authority on the subject!!

but really, freshman and sophomore years are really hard, but it starts to be fun and by senior year, they should be having a blast! just my experience...and i was one of those "tough" kids. sorry mom!

 

[Taja]

Thanks! My twins are girls though. Doubt that makes much difference. I sure hope they get more bareable before 19. I don't think I can last another 5 years like this!

I told DH that I might need to look into how to 'rent' points for a few year if they don't snap out of it (he doesn't want me to sell, he thinks we will enjoy DVC once the kids are grown and he and I can go at off peak times).

My girls turn 15 in Sept., so they are probably about at the same point as your DD. This really is NOT fun. We leave for Disney 2 weeks from today and I am not looking forward to it (where in the past I would have been excited every day just thinking about it).

I am hoping that everyone who said things get better after Sophomore year is correct. That means only a couple more of these bad years! If only I could have them fall asleep like Sleeping Beauty and wake them up once they are through it all!

DJ

Okay, I'm not a parent, but I do recall my parents laying down the law regarding my behavior when I was that age. I wasn't too bad, but I could have my moods--and, trust me, those moods were not acceptable! *LOL*

Since you are going on vacation, you and your DH are paying for it, and you want everyone to enjoy it, you could consider repercussions for their behavior. My parents were big on restrictions, but they had to be equivalent to the infraction. Small infraction, small restriction. Large infraction, serious restriction!

So you and your DH could establish some guidelines for infractions/restrictions and meet with your daughters this weekend. Get them on board before your vacation. It's amazing how well this works--and you'll sometimes find their attitudes funny instead of annoying, once they begin behaving like the daughters you know and love on a fairly regular basis. As long as they know you both love them and they can talk to you about anything (doesn't mean they will, just that they can!), they'll understand that the rules exist because you love them and want them to grow--eventually!

What ever you do, fingers crossed that your vacation is much more enjoyable than you're anticipating!

 

[polineedyan]

After reading all these posts, I am glad to see that around 10th grade it starts to get right again. We have an upcoming freshman, and aside from being a little immature (acting just GOOFY) he's only recently begun the knowitall stage. Glad to see it kinda leaves after 10th grade.

 

[westjones]

Okay, I'm not a parent, but I do recall my parents laying down the law regarding my behavior when I was that age. I wasn't too bad, but I could have my moods--and, trust me, those moods were not acceptable! *LOL*

Since you are going on vacation, you and your DH are paying for it, and you want everyone to enjoy it, you could consider repercussions for their behavior. My parents were big on restrictions, but they had to be equivalent to the infraction. Small infraction, small restriction. Large infraction, serious restriction!

So you and your DH could establish some guidelines for infractions/restrictions and meet with your daughters this weekend. Get them on board before your vacation. It's amazing how well this works--and you'll sometimes find their attitudes funny instead of annoying, once they begin behaving like the daughters you know and love on a fairly regular basis. As long as they know you both love them and they can talk to you about anything (doesn't mean they will, just that they can!), they'll understand that the rules exist because you love them and want them to grow--eventually!

What ever you do, fingers crossed that your vacation is much more enjoyable than you're anticipating!

Sorry to laugh, but this sounds SO much like something I would have posted before I was a parent. Seriously, I never got what was wrong with parents of teens that they would "let" them act so rudely.

By most standards, my kids are good, they know how to act in public. They just have "attitude" and frankly, there is no 'rules' that can fix that. They will sit quetly with an annoying look on their face, or just go off by themselves, or something like that. It just isn't FUN. And you can't make someone fun. And you can't make two kids like being together if they don't (my twins don't enjoy each other's company anymore).

But thanks for the suggestion. Really, I just had the best laugh of the day because DH and I were married 11 years before having kids and I can just imagine me back then saying this to someone who was complaining about their teens. I even remember (before I had kids) someone at my work who stopped taking vacations because of his annoying teenagers and I remember telling DH I can't understand why he would "let" his kids ruin his vacations. I was just so sure "my" little darlings would be different .

DJ

 

[Aliceacc]

It's hard to lay down repurcussions for attitude. As a teacher, I know: we can punish for something a child says or does, but it's pretty much impossible to punish for the tone they use when they say it.

The kinds of things people are talking about here aren't major infractions, just a constant barrage of "attitude"-- eye rolling, "whatever!!!" -- that sort of stuff. Accuse a 14 year old of having such an attitude, and he or she will deny it; it's all a matter of perception and they honestly don't perceive it.

It's something to be survived, not normally dealt with. If it reaches bigger offenses, then of course you're right. But it's hard to punish a 14 year old because she "didn't hear" your request or because her apology to her kid brother wasn't heartfelt enough after she stepped on his toe.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I have two teens, DS16 and DD14. DS is a Junior and DD is a Freshman-they hate each others company at home and pretty much stick to opposite ends fo the house. Both DS and DD went through the attitude phase to a degree, but as a whole they are good kids. I know where you are coming from about not looking forward to your trip-BTDT. Funny thing is we would go away and all we'd see are these disgusted faces across from us at meals and in the parks. I'd be hard pressed to produce any pictures where the kids were smiling for a good couple of years-yet when they got home they would swear on a stack of bibles that they had such a great time. One year me and DH said we were going to cancel our customary Disney trip because we get no enjoyment out of seeing the kids look like their in the middle of getting a root canal during what should be a fun time away. We didn't cancel, but I did have to give both kids a huge pep talk and told them if they really enjoyed Disney (and the other places we travel to) then they had better show me and their father some appreciation. Now we have TONS of happy pics while on vacation. The attitudes at home did improve, but that took a bit more work and patience. DD is already over the attitude phase so there is hope for you that it will not last so long. DS is long out of it as well, but they still bicker and eye roll on occasion, its just the way it is. I'm telling you, with girls I thnk a lot of it is hormones and what they feel is their all important social lives and status with their friends...for me, DS did not put us through 1/4 of what DD did. Take heart, this too shall pass.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm telling you, with girls I thnk a lot of it is hormones and what they feel is their all important social lives and status with their friends...for me, DS did not put us through 1/4 of what DD did. Take heart, this too shall pass.

Absolutely-- at this age, boys are MUCH easier than girls!!! (Again, mine are still young, but this was year #22 teaching high school for me, so at least I have some inking of what I'm talking about.)

Let's say I give 2 kids, a boy and a girl, detention for chewing gum in class.

The boy will get mad, then hold the door for me if I'm carrying a lot of stuff to my next class.

The girl will hate me forever. Eight or nine years later, when she gets hired as a new teacher, she'll remember that I'm the teacher who gave her detention when she was a freshman.

When my daughter hits puberty, she's off to a convent school in Portugal!!

 

[Taja]

Sorry to laugh, but this sounds SO much like something I would have posted before I was a parent. Seriously, I never got what was wrong with parents of teens that they would "let" them act so rudely.

By most standards, my kids are good, they know how to act in public. They just have "attitude" and frankly, there is no 'rules' that can fix that. They will sit quetly with an annoying look on their face, or just go off by themselves, or something like that. It just isn't FUN. And you can't make someone fun. And you can't make two kids like being together if they don't (my twins don't enjoy each other's company anymore).

But thanks for the suggestion. Really, I just had the best laugh of the day because DH and I were married 11 years before having kids and I can just imagine me back then saying this to someone who was complaining about their teens. I even remember (before I had kids) someone at my work who stopped taking vacations because of his annoying teenagers and I remember telling DH I can't understand why he would "let" his kids ruin his vacations. I was just so sure "my" little darlings would be different .

DJ

Happy to provide some entertainment!

It's hard to lay down repurcussions for attitude. As a teacher, I know: we can punish for something a child says or does, but it's pretty much impossible to punish for the tone they use when they say it.

The kinds of things people are talking about here aren't major infractions, just a constant barrage of "attitude"-- eye rolling, "whatever!!!" -- that sort of stuff. Accuse a 14 year old of having such an attitude, and he or she will deny it; it's all a matter of perception and they honestly don't perceive it.

It's something to be survived, not normally dealt with. If it reaches bigger offenses, then of course you're right. But it's hard to punish a 14 year old because she "didn't hear" your request or because her apology to her kid brother wasn't heartfelt enough after she stepped on his toe.

Trust me, my parents were less concerned about my perception and more concerned about theirs! They were terrific parents but older--and I'm officially a senior citizen these days according to AARP!--so they expected more of me than my peers' parents did. At that time, parents still made the rules and children--even teens--were expected to follow them. Not sure if that was better or worse--it just was! *LOL*

 

[Aliceacc]

and I'm officially a senior citizen these days according to AARP

I'm right there with you!! I turn 50 in October, and got some mail from them the other day. (It immediately hit the circular file; I can't belong to AARP and have a 5 year old daughter!!)

 

[westjones]

I'm right there with you!! I turn 50 in October, and got some mail from them the other day. (It immediately hit the circular file; I can't belong to AARP and have a 5 year old daughter!!)

I'm just two years away! My kids will be in high school, but that still seems too soon! I think my kids should be out of college before I consider myself a Senior Citizen!

DJ

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm just two years away! My kids will be in high school, but that still seems too soon! I think my kids should be out of college before I consider myself a Senior Citizen!

DJ

Or least be able to count up to my age, ya know????