Are Thank You notes passe???

[tchrchgo]

I am wondering if the art of writing thank you notes is dead? About 6 weeks ago we had two different bar mitzvahs (one on each side of the family) the same weekend. As of yet neither has sent a thank you note. Of the school and friend birthday parties my kids have attended this past year, we have only received thank you's for 1 out of every 5 parties.

For my kids' birthdays recently, it took me a week to cajol and threaten them into writing their thank you's after the parties, and I considered a week after the party to be unacceptable. For baby showers and weddings I allow some leeway as those are life changing events, but six weeks with no thank you note seems a long time for a bar mitzvah.

Has anyone else noticed this trend? I don't need someone falling over in gratitude for a gift, but a brief note of thanks seems like a small gesture on the part of the recipient.

Thoughts?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have to admit that I don't make the effort that I should. I have friends that never get around to thank you notes. We had a mom in dance class who on a Monday following her dd's birthday party told us that she will be getting then out and we all told her it wasn't necessary. So she didn't and we were fine with it.

I still do it for major events---but am purposing to be better about minor events. It's difficult to make it a priority when the people whom we exchange with don't do them either. I'm not saying it makes it right. But it seems most are fine with a verbal or emailed acknowledgement.

Back to the dance class moms---they took me out for a moms night out as a baby shower kind of thing. They paid for my dinner and bought gifts. I had thank you notes the following Monday and they were grateful that I did that, but it was a bunch of "you didn't have to go to that trouble" type of comments. This did not bother me---but once again reinforces that in my circle, folks are much less strict about that formality.

That being said---it is the icing on the cake. It is the very concrete evidence that I appreciated their gesture.

But I still have difficulty prioritizing that extra step for other less out if the ordinary occasions. (yes, I know how silly that sounds---but I'm not sure how to explain it.). It is an area I do plan to improve upon.

That being said...my bunko group did a similar thing during our last get together. We are a group of about 20. They did a Huge group gift and I am simply stumped on how to address that. I was gracious at the event. I sent an email thank you---but noone noted who attended (not everyone attends all the time). There was only one card (signed by the person who made it though it was from the whole group).

I'm just stumped on what I should have done. Write the same note 20 times? Thoughts?

 

[Judy from Boise]

My DD is working through her graduation ones as we speak. I personally only expect/want a note if I put something through the mail, so I know that it was recieved....and an e-mail or phone call is also perfectly acceptable to me.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I have to admit that I don't make the effort that I should. I have friends that never get around to thank you notes. We had a mom in dance class who on a Monday following her dd's birthday party told us that she will be getting then out and we all told her it wasn't necessary. So she didn't and we were fine with it.

I still do it for major events---but am purposing to be better about minor events. It's difficult to make it a priority when the people whom we exchange with don't do them either. I'm not saying it makes it right. But it seems most are fine with a verbal or emailed acknowledgement.

Back to the dance class moms---they took me out for a moms night out as a baby shower kind of thing. They paid for my dinner and bought gifts. I had thank you notes the following Monday and they were grateful that I did that, but it was a bunch of "you didn't have to go to that trouble" type of comments. This did not bother me---but once again reinforces that in my circle, folks are much less strict about that formality.

That being said---it is the icing on the cake. It is the very concrete evidence that I appreciated their gesture.

But I still have difficulty prioritizing that extra step for other less out if the ordinary occasions. (yes, I know how silly that sounds---but I'm not sure how to explain it.). It is an area I do plan to improve upon.

That being said...my bunko group did a similar thing during our last get together. We are a group of about 20. They did a Huge group gift and I am simply stumped on how to address that. I was gracious at the event. I sent an email thank you---but noone noted who attended (not everyone attends all the time). There was only one card (signed by the person who made it though it was from the whole group).

I'm just stumped on what I should have done. Write the same note 20 times? Thoughts?

Nothing tops a sincere in person thanks.....no need for a note in my book.

 

[SunshineOR]

I'm pretty casual. I was raised to do thank you cards for major events like graduation and wedding and if someone sent it via mail or wasn't at the party. Basically, the point is to let people know you received it and appreciate it. For the lesser things like birthdays, an in-person thank you or phone call was fine and I am fine with email or text or whatever. If someone is sitting at your birthday party, sees you open the gift, hears you ooh and aah and turn to them and say thank you, good enough in my book! Except for older generation who seem to really value thank you cards, my kids always have to write them for their grandma who has her formal thank yous score card!
That being said, if my kids had bar mitvahs, they'd be writing them. Still qualifies as a formal and major occasion I think.

 

[EeyoreEma]

I'm big into thank you notes. I think they are so important. I'm teaching my children to do it too, because I find it a little rude when people don't. As a matter of fact, ds (2) found a card his aunt sent him last Halloween, and he told me he wanted to call her and tell her thank you. I think it's important to let people know that the gestures they make are appreciated.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

I am wondering if the art of writing thank you notes is dead? About 6 weeks ago we had two different bar mitzvahs (one on each side of the family) the same weekend. As of yet neither has sent a thank you note. Of the school and friend birthday parties my kids have attended this past year, we have only received thank you's for 1 out of every 5 parties.

For my kids' birthdays recently, it took me a week to cajol and threaten them into writing their thank you's after the parties, and I considered a week after the party to be unacceptable. For baby showers and weddings I allow some leeway as those are life changing events, but six weeks with no thank you note seems a long time for a bar mitzvah.

Has anyone else noticed this trend? I don't need someone falling over in gratitude for a gift, but a brief note of thanks seems like a small gesture on the part of the recipient.

Thoughts?

Ha! You must not be from the south! lol! Thank you notes are mandatory.

Haven't you heard the old joke:

"Why don't southern belles make good prostitutes? Because they spend too much time writing thank you cards!"

Seriously, thank you cards are really important in the South - most especially for major occasions like weddings, showers, graduations, baptisms or any other formal event which would also have to include a bar mitzvah or a first communion. Of course their aren't hardly any jewish or catholic families here in the buckle of the bible belt

I've actually appalled my sister-in-law lately, because I told her I'm not writing thank you cards for the kids bithdays anymore - it's just too time consuming. I may be stripped of my parasol and hoop skirt if I keep this up

 

[stephbillalec]

They are definitely NOT passe!

I can't tell you how many b-day parties my kids have been to this year. Gifts are not opened in front of the guests here. No thank you note is sent. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE!!!!!

I always make my kids send thank you cards. In fact, they know they can't play with the toy/spend the $ or gift card until they have written one.

 

[NMAmy]

I don't think thank you notes are out of style at all. I send them all the time--in fact, it's on my agenda today because my birthday was last week.

My rule is that the gift item cannot be used until the thank you note is sent out. That's helped dd get her notes out quickly over the years--and myself, too!

I just feel that if someone has done something special for me, they deserve a special acknowledgement of that from me.

And, btw, it's not simply a Southern thing. The practice is alive and well in other parts of the country. The South does not have a monopoly on manners.

 

[maslex]

I have two boys. One just turned 13 in March and the other will be 15 in August. I have to say, when they were younger, I always sent out thank you cards for their birthdays. I can't truly say when I stopped (maybe around the time the oldest was 10 or so?) I usually sent out around 10 thank you cards and I actually had 3-4 people tell me to stop wasting the stamp over and over again. I always felt I had to send them out even though my children would thank them at the party. So, ya know what? I stopped. I felt that people weren't appreciating my effort at sending the cards, no more cards!!!

I will however still send them out for the larger events (son's 8th grade graduation party is tomorrow). I also still send them out if one of us gets a card/gift in the mail from a relative who couldn't make it to the party. My birthday was just a few weeks ago and I got a card in the mail with some $$$ from my FIL and his wife. I sent them a thank you card the following day.

I do think it's a dying thing but I'm fine with not getting one from any of the birthday parties that the boys attend. I assume the B-day child said thank you to my child, so that's enough for me. Weddings, baby showers and the like, I do believe still warrant a TY card though.

 

[bicker]

I do find it funny though when folks are rude about other folks not having what they feel are "manners".

 

[leo711]

With very close life long friends I do not send thank you notes because we have a mutual understanding. Unless the gift/ act was above and beyond the usual that we do for each other.

For My children's birthday's, and other special gift receiving events ( eg graduations, religious celebrations). I feel thank you notes are necessary. I don't care if i receive a snail mail note, an e-mail or text .

I do feel thank you are notes are important. Having children writing the notes teaches them to appreciate (not expect gifts) and to respect the fact that the giver went out of their way to do something for therm. Little considerations in life are important.

Thank you notes help teach some of the Core values of the YMCA Caring respect and responsibility. Life lessons for Character building.

 

[powellrj]

They are definitely NOT passe!

I can't tell you how many b-day parties my kids have been to this year. Gifts are not opened in front of the guests here. No thank you note is sent. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE!!!!!

I always make my kids send thank you cards. In fact, they know they can't play with the toy/spend the $ or gift card until they have written one.

We have never recieved a thank-you note from a childs birthday party and my kids are older. We always have sent thank-you notes for gifts, even at christmas to family that was there when the gifts were open, but never to kids after a childs party and like I said, we have never recieved one either.

 

[Art 1]

We send them often and receive them often.

 

[Kahana-ri]

I think thank you notes should still be a part of common courtesy. I’ve attended several kids’ birthday parties and baby showers and never received a thank you note. It is mandatory in our house for my children to always write thank you notes. I work with volunteers and always write notes thanking them for their time. Who doesn’t like to get a small note expressing gratitude or appreciation? It does disappoint me that such a simple gesture of showing thanks through a note is becoming a lost art.

 

[Northstar]

I don't know if they're passe, but I sure wish they were.

Not thanking, of course... that is lovely and makes both the giver and the receiver feel good about the exchange. Thanking in person is the best. Thanking by email or phone if there was no chance to thank in person

But thank-you notes. Ugh. A few lines of meaningless waffle wasting paper, stamps, and postal workers' time, IMO. And usually AFTER an in-person thank-you, which for me is the real thank-you.

When I get them from others, I glance at it, then toss it into the recycling bin. Roughly 5 seconds of my time and attention. Really, I wish people didn't waste their time on writing them to me.

For a bar mitzvah or a wedding or other big formal event where people don't necessarily know if their gift was received and aren't thanked personally, of course thank yous are necessary... but I'd just as soon let the person receiving the gifts send thank-yous by email or text or phone, whatever medium is most comfortable for them. Why the obsession with a mailed card?

 

[bicker]

Why the obsession with a mailed card?

We had an interesting related discussion in the lunchroom at work yesterday. I think the bottom-line is a lot of people are disaffected by their life today that they long for nostalgic touchstones, and clearly paper notes are relics of the past, being quickly supplanted by more modern means of communicating. It's just one more thing that moves folks who are not enjoying technological progress out of their comfort zone, and so the supplanting of written thank-you notes with voice or electronic expressions of gratitude become a target of their concern.

We had a similar discussion this past week, here in the Community Board, with regard to invitations, i.e., written versus electronic. It's the same story - traditional perspective versus progress.

 

[Lionqueen2]

We send them often and receive them often.

Yup! Same here.

 

[Sparx]

I don't know if they're passe, but I sure wish they were.

Not thanking, of course... that is lovely and makes both the giver and the receiver feel good about the exchange. Thanking in person is the best. Thanking by email or phone if there was no chance to thank in person

But thank-you notes. Ugh. A few lines of meaningless waffle wasting paper, stamps, and postal workers' time, IMO. And usually AFTER an in-person thank-you, which for me is the real thank-you.

When I get them from others, I glance at it, then toss it into the recycling bin. Roughly 5 seconds of my time and attention. Really, I wish people didn't waste their time on writing them to me.

For a bar mitzvah or a wedding or other big formal event where people don't necessarily know if their gift was received and aren't thanked personally, of course thank yous are necessary... but I'd just as soon let the person receiving the gifts send thank-yous by email or text or phone, whatever medium is most comfortable for them. Why the obsession with a mailed card?

I agree with this. I think in-person thank you's are the most important ones and I'd rather have that than a note.

 

[MIGrandma]

If I'm at a function, be it a bridal shower, birthday party, graduation party, or whatever and I give a gift/card with money and the person of honor personally thanks me for it at the function I don't feel that a "thank you" note needs to be sent.

Now if I mail something then I appreciate a thank-you note, simply to know the person received it. Like right now, about a month ago I sent a card/check to a neighbor girl for her high school graduation. As of yet I have not received a thank-you note, so have no idea if she got it or not.