Are manners becoming extinct?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

At least a young person hasn't had a full blown meltdown in front of me because our store was out of cream cheese.

I'll never forget the person who exclaimed they would get me fired wagging their finger in my face because I wouldn't take an expired coupon at JCP (and this was many years ago) and no it wasn't a teen nor even someone in their 20s, 30s or 40s. Nowadays that kind of stuff would have been caught on video and likely gone viral for how silly a customer going off on a person for that sounds like.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I'm Gen X and love iced coffee and avocados!

 

[RedHead0186]

I believe I suffer from dysphonia and can’t stand the sounds of eating. Trust me, my kids close their mouths, and even doing so I can’t be in the room with cereal eaters. If I slurp something I offend myself. My dad required perfect table manners (yes, we couldn’t butter the whole roll at once). I once got the hiccups and was made to ask to be excused (my kids always asked, and even now as young adults thank me for dinner).

Do you mean misophonia? From what you described I think that's what you mean, because dysphonia is an issue with your voice/voice box.

OMG this is so me. I have definitely annoyed myself when eating alone if I slurp, swallow hard, chomp funny, etc. It's so hard to explain so I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one.

My dad is an especially loud chewer, and it drives me bonkers. I can't eat in the same room as him if there's no background noise (talking, TV, music, etc.). It's not his fault, and he's chewing with his mouth closed so he's being find with his manners. I know it's my misophonia.

 

[RedHead0186]

I think there's just a general decline in courtesy and awareness of others. People talking on speakerphone or listening to music/videos/etc. out loud on public transportation is one good example-no one else needs to hear your conversation/video/music/etc. Walking 5 across on a busy city sidewalk (I live in downtown Chicago) is another.

It just annoys me that so many people are so focused on themselves, they either don't realize or don't care how they are affecting other people. Yes, of course there's a balance between protecting oneself and the wellbeing of others, but when there's an easy solution to keep the individual happy and also not annoy others around them (like getting a pair of headphones), there's no good reason not to.

 

[sam_gordon]

My kids knew what we paid for water/sewer/electric/etc. from a young age. It was actually exciting for them when the bill would come to see if they lowered it by turning off lights. Or when we would go on vacation, would the bill be less. Or when we had visitors, how they would be sort of eyerolling at each other when a cousin would brush teeth with the water running

Why didn't our parents show us these things?

I didn't know what my parents paid for things, and pretty much didn't tell our kids either. They learned "the value of a dollar" on their own. And it's funny. We have three kids. ODD, when she has money, burns a hole in her pocket. YDD is a miser, will spend money when she HAS to, but would rather save it. DS (in between) is really in between the two.

There's 7 years between older and younger. I don't think we've changed how we raised/taught them.

I'm part of the older generation, I'm not comfortable sharing my salary except maybe in generalities, and that's only depending on who I'm talking to.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think there's just a general decline in courtesy and awareness of others. People talking on speakerphone or listening to music/videos/etc. out loud on public transportation is one good example-no one else needs to hear your conversation/video/music/etc. Walking 5 across on a busy city sidewalk (I live in downtown Chicago) is another.

It just annoys me that so many people are so focused on themselves, they either don't realize or don't care how they are affecting other people. Yes, of course there's a balance between protecting oneself and the wellbeing of others, but when there's an easy solution to keep the individual happy and also not annoy others around them (like getting a pair of headphones), there's no good reason not to.

I mostly agree with this however don't think it's generational focused at all. Older people are just as likely to be talking on speaker phone in the store for example.

 

[cabanafrau]

I mostly agree with this however don't think it's generational focused at all. Older people are just as likely to be talking on speaker phone in the store for example.

My in-laws only speak on speakerphone on their landline and have for decades -- no matter who is present or what is going on. Every single visit we've ever done where my ding dong brother in law isn't present we can count on him calling, at least once, and monopolizing the conversation with up to the moment details of his walk to the mailbox or every car, bike or walker that's been down his road in the last hour. Riveting.

 

[RedHead0186]

I mostly agree with this however don't think it's generational focused at all. Older people are just as likely to be talking on speaker phone in the store for example.

I don't think I said/implied that it was generational? I actually agree with you, I don't think it's generational at all.

 

[anniemae]

I think manners are becoming less important unfortunately. I teach my kids manners but it falls on deaf ears. I don't know why younger people are gravitating away from manners but it seems many are. I think many young people see it as something "only old people care about." It seems like it was so important to older generations to instill manners into children and for children to behave. Many parents still teach manners, but as I said, it does not get through. And yes, many adults are not polite and courteous either, it's not just kids.

I will say that schools are so different now. I volunteer at our local middle school and when the bell rings, all I hear in the hallways are swearing and vulgar language. Nobody cares, no adults correct them, it's just the way they talk now. I never remember talking like that as a teen. Maybe around friends but certainly not around parents or teachers. I blame social media. It makes everything so common and not a big deal, like swearing or promiscuity. Social media kind of cancels out what parents try to teach. It seems so many kids look to social media as their moral compass. IDK, just some of my thoughts.

 

[nancipants]

I blame social media. It makes everything so common and not a big deal, like swearing or promiscuity.

Then why has the teen pregnancy rate been declining?

 

[DCLMP]

Then why has the teen pregnancy rate been declining?

birth control

 

[bsmcneil]

I was taught to do this and still do it to this day. It's disheartening when there are those, though, who don't even bother to acknowledge the gesture with a simple, "Thank you." One time, however, a woman really pushed me over the edge.

I was walking into the mall one day. As I usually do, I glanced back to see if anyone was coming behind me. I saw that an older woman was coming, so I paused and held the door open for her. She walked up to me, stopped, and said, "Young man! I am quite capable of opening my own doors!" For some reason, that sort of insult really burned me. So, I replied, "Fine!" I walked through the door and let it close in her face. When I got inside, I again glanced back to see the woman still standing then both angry and confused.

I don't hold the door open for women because they aren't capable. I do it as a sign of respect. As I sometimes tell my wife, "It's not that you can't do it. It's that you don't have to do it."

To be fair, you took away her agency and when society believes you can't do things for yourself, it's frustrating, heart-breaking, and wrong. In these situations, I sometimes ask - "would it help if I hold the door for you?" But beyond this - I feel like the type of "manners" you're speaking of often centers you. You wanted to hold the door so she didn't have to. But as the main character in her story, she really should get to decide (maybe a lot of fine motor skills are failing so opening the door gives her some satisfaction. Or maybe she just had a rough discussion where she felt no one hears or listens to her due to age.

I'm all for teaching my (11/7) kids to do the right thing, including certain things that are considered manners. But it's about being in relationship to others (and I tell them that part of manners is people respecting if they - the kids - have something they want/need to be respected).

 

[anniemae]

Then why has the teen pregnancy rate been declining?

Major campaigns on birth control, as well as easier access to birth control.

Social media normalizing sex so more teens are seeking out birth control. In the past it was very hush hush, but with sm normalizing it, its more out in the open and birth control isn't seen as something to be ashamed of buying.

social media harping on kids to practice safe sex.

Shows like Teen Mom that show the realities of teens having babies so they are more willing to get birth control and the show promotes the use of birth control.

 

[bsmcneil]

I just had an old friend text me asking me to call and catch up, as she's getting a manicure and "tethered to the manicure table."
I'm not sure who that is ruder to, me or the manicurist. And who could be that self-important?

I truly don't know what to think anymore.

Admittedly, I've never had my nails done. I can imagine how this would be rude to the manicurist - but how is it rude to you?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I feel like the type of "manners" you're speaking of often centers you.

It's the Midwesterner in me that if approached by that type of situation would apologize and say "Oh I'm so sorry" or "My apologies" or something to that effect. In the situation that the PP described where they entered and made it a point to let the door close in her face and to boot get satisfaction out of it to me that makes it like the act of holding the door open in the first place becomes a self-serving act not one borne out of politeness towards others.

I do like your pivot of saying would it help if I hold the door open for you. I know most people have been centering around women but people with physical disabilities often have this day to day interaction. You want to help someone but I think sometimes reading the situation helps too. Not too long ago I saw a PSA type blog post about not going up to someone with a physical disability and just grabbing things out of their hands (or lap) because you want to help them as it may cause an imbalance to them and my immediate thought is there are people who just grabs bags from strangers without asking first if they need any assistance or would like any assistance?

 

[FreckledOne]

Major campaigns on birth control, as well as easier access to birth control.

Social media normalizing sex so more teens are seeking out birth control. In the past it was very hush hush, but with sm normalizing it, its more out in the open and birth control isn't seen as something to be ashamed of buying.

social media harping on kids to practice safe sex.

Shows like Teen Mom that show the realities of teens having babies so they are more willing to get birth control and the show promotes the use of birth control.

Agree with you and that made me think about a recent conversation with my 14 yo daughter. We spent this past weekend at Universal with a friend of hers (15 yo). First time for all us. We let them roam around on their own because we felt they were mature enough and thought it would be fun. My daughter told me she had a good time, but it was a bit stressful.

I asked her why and she said because she was almost constantly in charge of the both of them: on her phone navigating them around the park, mobile ordering food, and speaking up in stores, etc. when needed, and walking at her friend’s speed. My daughter moves faster than her, so she was constantly having to slow down and weave both of them through the crowds. I told her this experience gave you a short glimpse of parenthood. She replied with a no thank you and the soonest she’ll have a child is in twenty years.

 

[sam_gordon]

At the beginning of the college soccer season, the coach asked parents to provide food for after away games. Another set of parents and us volunteered for the first game. After the game, we set up the food and drinks next to their vans. The boys were all so polite, thanking us, introducing themselves, etc. Figure this was a group of 18-22 year olds.

 

[sam_gordon]

Major campaigns on birth control, as well as easier access to birth control.

Social media normalizing sex so more teens are seeking out birth control. In the past it was very hush hush, but with sm normalizing it, its more out in the open and birth control isn't seen as something to be ashamed of buying.

social media harping on kids to practice safe sex.

Shows like Teen Mom that show the realities of teens having babies so they are more willing to get birth control and the show promotes the use of birth control.

I hope you're saying this is a good thing.

 

[gmi3804]

I chuckle when people claim that teenagers are any more or less promiscuous than they've ever been, since time immemorial, as if natural urges can be somehow harnessed. As if "outside influences" have anything to do with it. Teens (and adults) who want to hook up together will always find each other, like they always have, regardless of what they're taught or not taught and by whom.

 

[nancipants]

Major campaigns on birth control, as well as easier access to birth control.

Social media normalizing sex so more teens are seeking out birth control. In the past it was very hush hush, but with sm normalizing it, its more out in the open and birth control isn't seen as something to be ashamed of buying.

social media harping on kids to practice safe sex.

Shows like Teen Mom that show the realities of teens having babies so they are more willing to get birth control and the show promotes the use of birth control.

You missed my point. The teen birth rate has been declining, which means teens in the past always had sex. I would wager just as much, if not less than today. I know when I was a teen I had very little time to date thanks to school work and after school activities and my job, and that was in the 1990s. Today it's even more competitive for teens.