Are funerals changing? (Spin off from church issues thread)

[wenrob]

Basic cremation in our town is @4K.

Through the city or through the funeral homes?

 

[barkley]

an alternative i've not seen mentioned in this thread-human composting. 6 states allow it with washington being the first back in 2020. not sure what it costs in other states but here it's a minimum of about $7000 which results in aprox. 1000 pounds of compost after the about 12 week processing period which you can opt to keep or donate.

 

[NYCgrrl]

After the passing away of several close people my elder sister and I had a discussion about past and present death rituals within our family circle.

Burials seemed to have ended with our grandparents’ generation. The newer generations seem more comfortable with the idea of cremation and are more apt to do so. The current costs weigh on my thoughts. Money is for living, not dying IMO and I promise to haunt any family member who spends more than $3000.00 for my end.
By the way, I only want flowers (NO red roses!!) while living. Can’t smell ‘’em when I’m dead.

 

[ronandannette]

We had a friend who had a son die recently, 50 with kids and a wife. It was a shock and they went full deluxe including pigeons. To be fair they probably were in shock and got sold. Just what a waste of money I am sure the wife could use. You can drop ashes out in the ocean for under $1000

I take issue with criticizing the family. There are a million, very personal and all equally valid reasons why people make the choices they do. It's far, far more complex than "what's the cheapest way to get through it".

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I take issue with criticizing the family. There are a million, very personal and all equally valid reasons why people make the choices they do. It's far, far more complex than "what's the cheapest way to get through it".

I think this is a very good point.

 

[mort1331]

As a funeral director, at work right now.. There are many reasons for different choices. I look at it just like I look at weddings, ( someone is dying,,,bad funeral joke). Options for all. From the inexpensive, to the OH MY GOD how much.
Each region of each country is different, and each culture is unique. For some, cremation is just not an option. Others it is the only option.
These differences play into all roles.
wenrob had said have the city pay for it, not that easy, depends on the city, state(province), country. Where I am, you need to apply to have the city look at the finances of the deceased and asses if they qualify.
I see one of the main reasons for the reduction of visit times is two fold. Transportation and the ability for all to get somewhere quicker has reduced the amount of time needed for extended visit times. But the opposite is also true that some dont have time to have the extended time. Both are true.
Cost has always been high.
Thankfully where I work, we do not push anything. Casket room, take family in, you come get me with questions, or once decision is made, no pressure. Pricing, all online, know even before you come to us what it will be.
There is always bad apples in every industry, and those who taint mine, make a bad situation even worse. No one should be guilted into anything, and everyone should work with a budget.
Just remember choices are made for many reasons that we are all not privy to.

 

[sk!mom]

I take issue with criticizing the family. There are a million, very personal and all equally valid reasons why people make the choices they do. It's far, far more complex than "what's the cheapest way to get through it".

I agree but it is also valid that stressful emotional moments don’t always have us making the decision that we would in calmer clearer times. To me, the best idea is to really think about it beforehand. Know what you, and those you are likely to have to make decisions for, find comforting.

 

[TCRAIG]

Through the city or through the funeral homes?

Funeral home.

 

[goofyernmost]

My state has a law about mandatory cremation if you're under a certain age -- upper 50s? -- and the cause of death isn't completely obvious. I dislike that very much. Do they force the family to pay? I really don't know.

I think you mean mandatory autopsy. That is to determine foul play with a death of someone under a certain age and with no obvious reason.

I don't know if the families have to pay or the state does. It seems like an unfair expense otherwise.

 

[barkley]

wenrob had said have the city pay for it, not that easy, depends on the city, state(province), country. Where I am, you need to apply to have the city look at the finances of the deceased and asses if they qualify.

and as i experienced-in some states it matters not what what the deceased's financial situation is b/c VERY extended 'kin' are financialy responsible.

 

[goofyernmost]

When my X-wife passed 7 years ago a Cremation was $150 and that included a really nice handmade wooden urn.
Quite suitable for burial. The chances are pretty good that now you cannot even afford to die.

I mentioned somewhere, I don't know if it was here or not, but, when I was setting up the purchase and financing of my final expenses I went to a funeral home and they had a big display of urns. One of them, that I almost purchased was shaped like a Chock Full of Nuts coffee can. All the printing and color of what the once popular coffee came in. I made the mistake of telling my daughters about it and they Vetoed my plans. Some people just have no sense of humor.

 

[wenrob]

As a funeral director, at work right now.. There are many reasons for different choices. I look at it just like I look at weddings, ( someone is dying,,,bad funeral joke). Options for all. From the inexpensive, to the OH MY GOD how much.
Each region of each country is different, and each culture is unique. For some, cremation is just not an option. Others it is the only option.
These differences play into all roles.
wenrob had said have the city pay for it, not that easy, depends on the city, state(province), country. Where I am, you need to apply to have the city look at the finances of the deceased and asses if they qualify.
I see one of the main reasons for the reduction of visit times is two fold. Transportation and the ability for all to get somewhere quicker has reduced the amount of time needed for extended visit times. But the opposite is also true that some dont have time to have the extended time. Both are true.
Cost has always been high.
Thankfully where I work, we do not push anything. Casket room, take family in, you come get me with questions, or once decision is made, no pressure. Pricing, all online, know even before you come to us what it will be.
There is always bad apples in every industry, and those who taint mine, make a bad situation even worse. No one should be guilted into anything, and everyone should work with a budget.
Just remember choices are made for many reasons that we are all not privy to.

I never said the city would pay for anything. I said you can contact your city for cremation services which are a fraction of the cost of a funeral home’s cremation services. It’s 100% no frills and no up charges. My BIL literally came back to the funeral home in a cardboard box. (which was fine for us) I just wanted to make clear that nowhere am I implying that a city will offset or pay for anything. A lot of times when someone passes especially if it’s sudden the family does not get a choice in where their loved one is taken and feel they have to go with wherever they end up. I’m saying that’s not the case, you have choices and don’t have to spend thousands if that is not what you want to do.

 

[sk!mom]

and as i experienced-in some states it matters not what what the deceased's financial situation is b/c VERY extended 'kin' are financialy responsible.

“very extended kin” are not financially responsible unless you choose to be.

 

[disykat]

As a funeral director, at work right now..

Thank you for the important service you provide. The funeral director that helped us when dad passed was so helpful. It was my first "first hand experience" with the process and their services were invaluable. We spent very little money, despite the director knowing full well (small town) that my parents had assets if we wanted to spend them. We very much felt like everyone from the mortuary and the cemetery clearly had a call to serve in their profession.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Sorry for your loss Dan

Thank you, @TB'sWidow.

 

[DodgerGirl]

I think the way funerals are done now is a new trend that's in right now. Because it used to be that when people passed away the families used to hold memorial services complete with a eulogy usually read by the family member who would say nice things about the person who passed and if the family wanted to they would hire a singer to perform a special song about the person in their honor. But I've have seen less funerals and memorials done in churches and even with celebrities they are now having virtual funerals and this new trend has taken off like a rocket and some people use Youtube to host virtual funerals and memorial services because virtual funerals cost less in general than a traditional memorial and funeral. Another thing that has disappeared from funerals that has also gone virtual is the traditional guestbook that is a keepsake for the family and now instead of the traditional guestbooks they now have virtual guestbooks where you can post nice things about the person that passed and I think that is nice. But this trend will go on for years to come

 

[MamaMermaid]

Definitely see changes!

My dad died in May of 2020. His funeral was the first that our Church held since COVID began. We just had the funeral at the Church and then services graveside. Nothing after. Honestly, I'm glad.

 

[easyas123]

What does everyone think of the green burial practices? I don't know much about them, but I've read a few things and it's kinda interesting. I like the compost idea to be honest!
Last year we took several hours to putz thru the Central Cemetery outside of Vienna and it was BEAUTIFUL. They have a very interesting museum on site that delves into funerary practices/equipment.

 

[LoveDaisy]

What does everyone think of the green burial practices? I don't know much about them, but I've read a few things and it's kinda interesting. I like the compost idea to be honest!
Last year we took several hours to putz thru the Central Cemetery outside of Vienna and it was BEAUTIFUL. They have a very interesting museum on site that delves into funerary practices/equipment.

My father has requested a green funeral. He is all about recycle, reuse, reduce your footprint. He did these things before they were in style. When I child he used to drive to another state twice a year that allowed for better recycling than our state offered (he had a truck and would load it up), we always composted, etc.

 

[ronandannette]

Thank you for the important service you provide. The funeral director that helped us when dad passed was so helpful. It was my first "first hand experience" with the process and their services were invaluable. We spent very little money, despite the director knowing full well (small town) that my parents had assets if we wanted to spend them. We very much felt like everyone from the mortuary and the cemetery clearly had a call to serve in their profession.

Not the poster you quoted, but I appreciate you saying this. Most seem to assume death-care professionals are nothing but a bunch of salesmen waiting for the next vulnerable mark to manipulate. Nothing could be further from the truth. I interned at a funeral home owned by one of the largest corporate conglomerates on the planet. Of course they were profit driven; every business is. But the numbers were the responsibility of the manager. The job, and genuine concern, of each staff member, was to do their level best to provide whatever a bereaved family wanted (little or much) in as calm, kind and drama-free way as possible.