Are discussion boards really for discussion?

[Hippychickali]

Ok. Call me kooky but I came to DIS months ago to discuss Walt Disney World trip planning. I am learning more and more that discussion is frowned upon. It's as if someone is supposed to post a question and we are supposed to give matter-of-fact answers leaving our personal opinion at the door.

I've seen people post questions that are obviously going to garner a variety of opinions only to find that the OP did not want to hear a bunch of opinions (especially those contradictory to the OP's). My question is: Why post in the first place? God forbid a post actually generate discussion.

I know that there's a line and I'm as guilty as anyone else for sometimes crossing it. You would not want to be "confrontational". It's like the eighth deadly sin on here.

I'm sorry for the rant but I'm really tired of people doing the whole "why can't we all just get along" thing. I believe in freedom of speech. I know these boards aren't for debating but let's face it, it is very difficult for a group of people to agree upon anything. There are some threads that deserve to be closed. No question. But I, for one, don't appreciate this constant threat that disagreeing will lead to you being blacklisted.

Has anyone else noticed this or is it just me? I say, express your opinions. Always be aware of others but you can't please all people all of the time.

Ali

P.S. It really bothers me when mods close threads without any sort of explanation. Why does this happen?

 

[tiggersmom2]

Yes, I have noticed this...and I MOURN the debate board. I watch what I say because I don't want to be "mean". Even though most times "mean" is just being truthful!

 

[Papa Deuce]

Actaully, I find these boards the absolute friendliest of any I have ever participated in except one, and that board has less than 4000 members, this one has nearly 80,000. Hard to keep everybody happy when you have 80,000 members

 

[Hippychickali]

I understand. Therefore, why try to make everyone happy? I agree that this board is one of the friendliest out there BUT if being a friendly board means not allowing any depth in conversation, I don't see the usefulness. I too have learned that in order to not be "controversial" you have to often avoid being truthful about what you think.

Ali

 

[disneysteve]

why try to make everyone happy? if being a friendly board means not allowing any depth in conversation, I don't see the usefulness. I too have learned that in order to not be "controversial" you have to often avoid being truthful about what you think.

Ali

Ali, I understand what you are talking about but I don't totally agree. I think it is very possible to express your opinions, even when they differ from the majority, have deep discussions and still maintain a civil tone. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people who don't seem to be able to handle this.

I've posted a lot, and I too miss the debate board. I've pretty strongly disagreed with folks on numerous occasions and I haven't hesitated to share my views, but I'm always respectful and try to do it in a non-confrontational manner and not attack other people's views.

When what starts as a discussion deteriorates into name calling and personal attacks, I think its appropriate for the moderator to step in. I wish more people could stay on topic and keep out of the me vs. you posts. That way we could have more meaningful discussions. The national health care thread comes to mind as one that went on for pages and pages with an incredibly broad range of opinions, ideas and input from many different people in several countries. I thoroughly enjoyed that discussion and would love to see more like that.

 

[Hippychickali]

Ali, I understand what you are talking about but I don't totally agree. I think it is very possible to express your opinions, even when they differ from the majority, have deep discussions and still maintain a civil tone. ... When what starts as a discussion deteriorates into name calling and personal attacks, I think its appropriate for the moderator to step in.

Steve, I completely agree with you. My point is that things are often considered to be "confrontational" when they really aren't. When two people differ in opinion about a topic and work hard to make their side clear, I don't see this as confrontational.

I do think the mods have a large role to play. However, I have found the moderation on these boards to be somewhat inconsistent. There are times when I sit back and read pages and pages of name-calling and posts that are irrelevant to the thread or the board and mods do nothing. Other times, a conversation is chugging along swimmingly but someone gets offended because someone is disagreeing with them and the thread is closed - no questions asked. I recently read a thread that I had no part of and noticed that it had been closed and no arguments whatsoever were apparent. There may have been a good reason for closing the thread but don't you think the mod should have posted what that reason was?

I think this inconsistency acts as a threat to posters. It's like you never know when you are going to get blasted for something you say.

Ali

 

[Pugdog007]

I think there are times when an OP or participant requests that a thread be closed. In those instances, I don't think a mod would want to say, "this thread is closed at the request of Pugdog" or something to that effect.

 

[Disney Doll]

Some people have thinner or thicker skin than others, so what I may not consider confrontational, another person may take as a high insult.

I agree that sometimes the CB is a little too much pixie dust, and some folks are ultra-sensitive. I guess that's life though, right?

 

[diznygirl]

I understand. Therefore, why try to make everyone happy? I agree that this board is one of the friendliest out there BUT if being a friendly board means not allowing any depth in conversation, I don't see the usefulness. I too have learned that in order to not be "controversial" you have to often avoid being truthful about what you think.

Ali

I totally disagree!! You are off your rocker! What do you have against happiness? You stink!
How dare you tell me how I can behave! I've never seen such an insulting post!

How's that?!

 

[sha_lyn]

I don't think a mod would want to say, "this thread is closed at the request of Pugdog" or something to that effect.

Very often a mod will post "closed due to request of OP" and then close the thread.

 

[Imzadi]

I've seen people post questions that are obviously going to garner a variety of opinions only to find that the OP did not want to hear a bunch of opinions (especially those contradictory to the OP's). My question is: Why post in the first place? God forbid a post actually generate discussion.

I agree. I've been to a few different 'discussion' boards. As a licensed therapist, I may have a a different view than what the OP was hoping to hear. I've often found the OPs, even when they are asking for advice or different views are really only asking for people to agree with what they think, or with what they have done.

They really don't want to hear or read different, something that may force them to look inside, question the choices they have made, or may ask them to grow or be responsible for their actions, or worse, responsible for non-actions they might be making on behalf of their children.

A great example is: "I need help with my new carpet. My MIL gave it to me for Xmas. But I bled on the carpet the other day when DH hit me so hard I bled on it. Now I can't get the blood stains out. MIL will be very upset if the carpet is permanently stained. Answers about the carpet only please. I hate to disappoint my MIL."

Some others, I wonder if they aren't troll posts. Some people truly do have some emotional problems and I wonder if every once in a while, they need or want more attention some days and they turn to the computer to get it. So they post a purposely controversial thread title. In the post, siting extremely specific, (unprompted,) almost CLASSIC textbook case, stolen examples of what they did (or did not do.) And ask for advice & support.

Then the controversy flies from all sides. They sit back, counting all the different posts their thread has generated, and they get that attention they so desperately craved.

Reminds me of a Richard Gere/Uma Thurman movie. Uma is telling Gere, her therapist, that she had a dream about violence -- er, No, VIOLETS! That what she means, Violets. Then Gere actually learns later on that that IS a classic example of a Freudian slip, and dream psychology, found in all Psych 101 textbooks, and that Gere has been had.

For the most part, I've learned to stay away from such threads. It's better for MY mental health. I try to answer posts that are going to be just light & fluffy. To come to these kinds of boards for entertainment rather than giving or getting any than the most basic kind of info or support.

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree. I've been to a few different 'discussion' boards. As a licensed therapist, I may have a a different view than what the OP was hoping to hear. I've often found the OPs, even when they are asking for advice or different views are really only asking for people to agree with what they think, or with what they have done.

They really don't want to hear or read different, something that may force them to look inside, question the choices they have made, or may ask them to grow or be responsible for their actions, or worse, responsible for non-actions they might be making on behalf of their children.

A great example is: "I need help with my new carpet. My MIL gave it to me for Xmas. But I bled on the carpet the other day when DH hit me so hard I bled on it. Now I can't get the blood stains out. MIL will be very upset if the carpet is permanently stained. Answers about the carpet only please. I hate to disappoint my MIL."

Some others, I wonder if they aren't troll posts. Some people truly do have some emotional problems and I wonder if every once in a while, they need or want more attention some days and they turn to the computer to get it. So they post a purposely controversial thread title. In the post, siting extremely specific, (unprompted,) almost CLASSIC textbook case, stolen examples of what they did (or did not do.) And ask for advice & support.

Then the controversy flies from all sides. They sit back, counting all the different posts their thread has generated, and they get that attention they so desperately craved.

Amen to that....

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

To give a view of things from the moderators' side ...

The mods on the DIS are volunteers. We do this in our spare time. With some of the fast moving boards like the Community Board, it's difficult -- sometimes nearly impossible -- to keep up with everything.

When a seemingly innocent thread (for example, "who likes their steaks medium well? I do") has turned ugly 8 pages in, then that's 8 pages of posts (at 15 per page, it's 120 posts) the mods would have to read through to find where the trouble started if they haven't been keeping up with the thread or if they aren't aware exactly where the trouble started.

If a discussion has turned nasty, then use the "report a post" option and let the mods know. Like I said, often innocent sounding threads will turn ugly and we might not think to check it.

As for threads closed for no apparent reason -- sometimes the OP may contact the mods and ask for it to be closed, but many times the problem posts may have been removed from the thread. If that happens and the trouble continues, then the thread is usually closed.

Edited to add: Whoops! I posted this before closing my comments. Anyway, if you have any questions please feel free to ask any of the mods or WMs.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Good post, OP!

I don't mind open discussions...

I mind when someone comes in and asserts an unsolicited opinion.

For example--

"What is your favorite color"


"I like blue"

"I like yellow"

"I like green"


"Well green stinks"

"That's not very nice"

"ITA--green stinks--all colors stink"

"Hey guys--I asked favorite color..if you don't like color--post a new thread"

"Geesh--just trying to have a discussion--who's for black and white!"

"Not me, I like red and black"

"Hey did you see the new m&m's--they added the color chartreuse"

"Ewwww, M&M's---disgusting candy--Godiva is so much better"

"Hey were talking about colors here, not chocolate"

"Okay--my favorite color is brown especially when it is wrapped in a little gold box with the letters G-O-D-I-V-A".

"Who brought religion into this--is God a Diva now"

"Personally, I don't think we should discuss religion"

"Why not, do you have something against Christianity"

"So the only religions are Christian ones"

"Hey let's get on topic here--we're talking about favorite color...next please!"

"My favorite color is black, when it is a book--with the letters B-I-B-L-E on the cover"

"My favorite color is that funky pinkish brownish reddish--B-O-L-O-G-N-A"

"HaHa--love that jingle--that and 'I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner' Cracks me up everytime I hear it"

"So are you saying religion is a bunch of boloney?"

"Did you miss the spell check--B-O-L-O-G-N-A, and no religion isn't a bunch of boloney--just when you insert it into a thread that has nothing to do with it"

"I am telling the moderator--MOOOOOODDDDDDDDD!"


I have posted 2 threads that the conversation completely derailed into I should or should not do something because of XYZ reasons--on one I had to ask the moderator to shut it off--b/c my question with religous undertones got turned into me being a robot for making the choices. I tried time and again to post in the thread the exact question I asked--but yet people were not respectful to stick to the topic and turned it into a debate and name calling fest.

The other thread I posted--was not religous based--Our family made a very difficult choice, so I asked--how to handle the decision with my young children. People took this as an invitation to tell me the reasons why I should not have made that choice and how they could NEVER do such a thing and the trauma it would cause my child. Gee thanks, I didn't ask for approval--I simply asked for those in similar circumstances to share with me what they did in their situation so that I would be able to have some tools to get around an unchangeable decision (This was over a trip I was taking one child, but leaving the other at home with daddy. Child was not Traumatized in the end by the way and everything was fine..in fact she rode on Thunder and Splash Mountains for the first 4 and 3 times with her Uncle and her daddy in one afternoon ).

I'm all for wonderful DISCUSSIONS on the boards...if someone asks for an opinion--then I'll give it. I try to communicate the boards as I would with friends at home. I just hate it when people go into a thread that was swimming along just fine and they felt the need to add in some controversial flare. If you want to discuss something controversial, nothing prevents you from posting your own thread on the community board (except of course the DIS guidelines--I'm sure there are taboo "bedroom" topics LOL).

Edited b/c I left out a word on the last sentence which totally changed the meaning . Ok, all better now!

 

[always quiet]

I do not feel that most posters here start a thread with the sole intention of only having people agree 100% with what they have said. I, personally, have come here many times, looking for advice, knowing I would get many answers, from all different points of view. Some would be along the lines of my thoughts, some from the total opposite point of view. It's nice to get many different opinions on something. You can take what you want from each person responding and go on from there. It's only when discussions turn ugly that they need to be closed. Spares many hard feelings for everyone. You can debate things without turning the debate into personal attacks. If that is what your idea of a debate is (and I am not saying that is it!! ), than you really don't belong on this or any other discussion board.

This CB is not full of pixie dust all the time. Many times, people are hurting, looking for comfort. There are times when they are angry, needing a place to vent. Maybe a time or two when they just want to brag a bit. Having a place where all sorts of emotions can be vented is nice. If you think this leaves too much pixie dust residue around then on you! (just playing here!! )

 

[disykat]

I have disagreed with people many times on Disney planning threads and not had problems. It's some of the other threads that get more emotional. I too think it's in how you post. I can get away with "I didn't really care for Palo's", but if I wrote "Anyone who liked Palo's is an idiot" then I am being insulting and trying to stir up trouble.

 

[vettechick99]

I agree that everyone has a right to their opinion. But what's most annoying at the people that have nothing constructive to add to the thread, but happily make their mark anyway. A couple of times on my posts I get opinions not even related to what I was asking. And I'm like ?????

 

[snoopy]

Discussion is fine, disagreement is fine, its all in the delivery. Some people don't know how to discuss without being confrontational, and then there are those whose sole purpose here is to be confrontational on internet BB -- they thrive on creating chaos among online communities. Having been around for a long time, both in and out of a mod capacity, its pretty easy to recognize those posters -- although some have been reincarnated several times after multiple bannings.

For the most part, though, I think discussion flows pretty freely here -- certainly a lot more free than it used to when the DIS was a smaller community. Threads were locked at the mere mention of *******. If you think its ruled with an iron fist now, you obviously weren't here since its inception or in the two or three years that followed.

 

[bananiem]

There is a thread this morning where the OP asked a question but after several of us answered the OP came back and said that wasn't the kind of info they were looking for. The OP then added some info to clarify. I wouldn't have answered the first post in the same way if I had had all of the info. Sometimes OPer's leave out info and then take the responses wrong. However, by adding a few lines they may get completely different answers.
Does that make sense?

 

[Maleficent13]

I too think it's in how you post. I can get away with "I didn't really care for Palo's", but if I wrote "Anyone who liked Palo's is an idiot" then I am being insulting and trying to stir up trouble.

Yes. My opinion is, too many people confuse being honest with being rude. You can be the former without being the latter.