Are Bridal showers still something that happens?

[georgina]

Thank you for your replies. I'm glad I'm not crazy. It really took me aback because I was offering to throw a small family shower since the couple is planning to visit the area for Thanksgiving weekend. I thought it would be especially nice for the great grandmas, who probably won't be travelling for the wedding. The bride was not present when we talked though, so she may not think it's weird. I hope not, because I'm guessing I won't be the only one who has the idea.

That is why there was a small one for my DD in this area - mostly for those who would not be traveling to the wedding. I don't think there were any others - her bridesmaids were scattered across the country and not in her area, plus I do think younger urban people are not having them as much, it is more driven by older relatives!

I think traditions vary around the country. I just saw the post above about a shower with 100 people, our family showers have always been much smaller affairs.

 

[Patience]

My daughter is getting married in November. Her bridesmaids hosted a lovely bridal shower brunch for her last weekend (with a yummy mimosa bar). My daughter and her fiancé are just starting out, as my daughter just graduated this past May with a SLP master's degree. They need a lot of stuff and it was fun to "shower" them with household items to get started. I bought them a roomba.

 

[monarchsfan16]

I had two last year (one with family and friends, and one that my colleagues threw for me), and I've been to several as my friends have gotten married. Still very common here, despite the trend of all of us living with our spouses before marriage. From what I could tell, we all used registries as an opportunity to replace our mismatched, left over from college housewares with better quality items.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Just went to one during the summer, it was beach-themed because their honeymoon is on some island which slips my mind. They've been living together for a couple of years and have everything, so in lieu of gifts they requested money to help pay for their trip. I'm *still* trying to make up my mind if this was tacky or good sense.

 

[DisneyMim]

There is a mix in my world. I've gone to a few traditional showers in the past couple of years, but there have also been no showers or new wave showers.

My son went to one this summer. The couple has lived together for years. It was basically a party and people were asked to donate money to a local food bank. The couple has everything they need and just wanted a fun time and a chance to help the community.

I think it depends on the couple. No right way or wrong way.

 

[klacey1]

Just went to one during the summer, it was beach-themed because their honeymoon is on some island which slips my mind. They've been living together for a couple of years and have everything, so in lieu of gifts they requested money to help pay for their trip. I'm *still* trying to make up my mind if this was tacky or good sense.

Someone I know did the same thing (specifically asked for money in lieu of presents) and I wasn’t a fan. I come from the land of physical gifts at showers and cash for the wedding, so this bride was just trying to maximize her opportunity for as much cash as possible (as she told me). I mean to each their own, but it did seem weird to me.

 

[AustinTink]

Just went to one during the summer, it was beach-themed because their honeymoon is on some island which slips my mind. They've been living together for a couple of years and have everything, so in lieu of gifts they requested money to help pay for their trip. I'm *still* trying to make up my mind if this was tacky or good sense.

Asking for honeymoon money is tacky, imo. They want to go on these lavish honeymoons they can't afford and they want friends and family to pay for it. I have been invited to several weddings recently where this was the case. Tacky.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had two last year (one with family and friends, and one that my colleagues threw for me), and I've been to several as my friends have gotten married. Still very common here, despite the trend of all of us living with our spouses before marriage. From what I could tell, we all used registries as an opportunity to replace our mismatched, left over from college housewares with better quality items.

This! Most people here dont go from their parents home to their married home, but out of college, tend not to
have any nice things. I was so happy to update my “dead aunt” stuff. I actually saved some, dd22 is using it as a poor college graduate.

 

[tvguy]

Yes, still around here, but they have changed. Used to be a shower was at a friends house, kind of informal, a couple of hours. A lot now are weekend getaways to out of town resorts or spas. My DIL's was like that. DD didn't go because she didn't have the $600 it was going to cost.

 

[georgina]

Asking for honeymoon money is tacky, imo. They want to go on these lavish honeymoons they can't afford and they want friends and family to pay for it. I have been invited to several weddings recently where this was the case. Tacky.

So many things people do today are considered tacky, especially around wedding etiquette, but I'm not sure why it is considered better to register for stuff at stores rather than ask for honeymoon money. No one is under any obligation either way, I would rather give something the couple wants instead of something they don't. I gave away some of my wedding gifts that weren't to my taste.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Asking for honeymoon money is tacky, imo. They want to go on these lavish honeymoons they can't afford and they want friends and family to pay for it. I have been invited to several weddings recently where this was the case. Tacky.

Meh. It's not any different than asking for registry household gifts as far as I'm concerned. When my brother got married, it was his second marriage and the bride's first. Both are professionals and had their own homes before they met. There was no need for registering for the home, so they did the "honeymoon vacation" registry. I think we got them the kayaking tour. There were much smaller expenses available. too.

A new thing I'm seeing a lot of among the younger nurses at work are destination bachelorette parties. I hear the excitement from the bride and guests, but there's alway one freaking out about just how much money being in the wedding party costs.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Still a big deal here in KY. My sister got married about a month ago and had 2 showers. I threw her a traditional shower and her friends from work threw her a "stock the bar" shower.

 

[Summer2018]

My bridal shower was in my sister’s home, hosted by my bridal party. She was my matron of honor, and unfortunately my mother passed away several years prior, or she would have also hosted one. There were about 30 women there, and my husband came at the end. That was 25 years ago, but most showers that I have attended were just like that. Some showers were in restaurants, women only, under 50 attendees with the groom making his appearance at the end. I attended one shower as grand as a wedding with over 100 women. My nephew’s was a Jack & Jill evening event with a Vegas theme. It felt more like an engagement party than a shower, but it was still fun.

I can’t imagine not wanting to celebrate and get gifts too. I think it’s a win win.

From Connecticut

 

[firefly_ris]

Yes, just had one for my SIL last year, she is 25. Western New York.

 

[Keli]

Went to more than one this spring/summer. But most of the showers were co-ed as someone else mentioned. That feels so different to me. It's only been the last 4-5 years that's been the norm Prior to that I think I had been to one shower that had couples there. My husband does not approve of the trend, haha!

 

[gotomu212]

Asking for honeymoon money is tacky, imo. They want to go on these lavish honeymoons they can't afford and they want friends and family to pay for it. I have been invited to several weddings recently where this was the case. Tacky.

I guess I see it the same as any shower gift. You could say you want a lavish china set or a fancy coffee maker that you can’t afford and want friends and family to pay for it.

 

[Carlymouse]

To my knowledge, they were held so couples getting married got gifts to start a household. Seeing as most couple getting married seem to be fairly well established that way, what is the purpose of them now? My son is getting married to a girl he has been living with for 4 years and own a home together. Other then monetary gifts they need nothing. If they do have a shower, is there a polite way to say they need nothing physical and ask for gift cards instead?

There are a lot of creative registry sites now that allow couples to do that and allow for other requests. When my husband and I got married, we did ask for some traditional household items (nicer quality pots and pans, china) but we also signed on with a honeymoon site where people could contribute to parts of our honeymoon plans (either as shower or wedding gifts). My friend is getting married at 39 and she also is doing a site that has some traditional gifts but also allows for contributions to house updates (new roof, etc.) that may not be exciting gifts, but are what they really need! In the cases of these sites, you're technically making a cash contribution, but it is ear-marked for something specific (i.e., dinner at a nice restaurant, museum tour tickets, etc.), so people are choosing a specific gift- it's just not a material item.

 

[dotfurio]

I haven't been to any in a while but they do happen around here. Usually it's a luncheon somewhere.

 

[MrsDuck]

Oh, yes! And, they're more elaborate than ever - at least in my area!

 

[nkereina]

Still common here in upstate NY. I got married two years ago at age 30 and had one. All my friends have as well.

To my knowledge, they were held so couples getting married got gifts to start a household. Seeing as most couple getting married seem to be fairly well established that way, what is the purpose of them now? My son is getting married to a girl he has been living with for 4 years and own a home together. Other then monetary gifts they need nothing. If they do have a shower, is there a polite way to say they need nothing physical and ask for gift cards instead?

Its true that its more common now for people to get married later in life and after living together for a while, but that's not the case for everyone so it still serves that purpose in some instances.

For us, we had lived together since college so many of our items were old, outdated, mismatched, needed replacing, etc. I registered on Amazon.com which allows you to link registry items from various web sites all in one place (Kohls, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc.), so I registered for new towels, things we had never had like a good knife set, a pot & pan set, etc. Some people got me registry items, some got me an Amazon gift card, many gave cash, etc. I think doing a general, short registry liked this helped to convey the message that we don't need the usual stuff, so people turned to alternative gifts like gift cards or cash.