Are “good manners” a thing of the past?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm at the tail, tail end of the boomers. I think the reason boomers get a bad rap is the era they grew up in. They were told to be seen and not heard, dressed up for church, school, please and thank you were used all the time. Now I'm not speaking for everyone born in that time, but things were very different, and they forget not everyone had the same experience. Now kids see these "influencers" get all sorts of free stuff for doing nothing! Famous people who make demands on the "common" people for free stuff. Limited face-to face interactions with friends, rather through a screen. I honestly believe many people today really can't read faces and determine how a person feels by their expression.

And yet the Boomers forget they raised the Gen Xer's who then raised the Millennials.

It's been my experience that the Boomers (although not all) tend to see that people need to defer to them, that those younger need to wait on them.

I'm not sure my experience is that of seen and not heard unless what you're saying is they forgot the unheard part. Seems they often are quite loud these days.

That said I try not to be too generational about things but sometimes observations can happen

 

[tarheelmjfan]

IME, rude kids have rude parents who also had rude parents.

 

[Wendy31]

And yet the Boomers forget they raised the Gen Xer's who then raised the Millennials.

It's been my experience that the Boomers (although not all) tend to see that people need to defer to them, that those younger need to wait on them.

I'm not sure my experience is that of seen and not heard unless what you're saying is they forgot the unheard part. Seems they often are quite loud these days.

That said I try not to be too generational about things but sometimes observations can happen

I was raised by 2 very early Baby Boomers, who actually have more characteristics of the generation that came before them than they do of the quintessential Baby Boomer characteristics.

And my husband & I are Gen-Xers who are raising Gen-Zers.

I had nothing to do w/ the Millenials.

Most Millenials were raised by later Baby Boomers.

And, as a very typical Gen-Xer, when I’m out & about, I usually find myself mostly irritated by the Baby Boomers & the Millenials… and, in the social media world, I usually find myself rolling my eyes at comments from the Baby Boomers & the Millenials.

Of course, not everyone fits the stereotypes of their generation or even always fits the stereotypes in every single situation, but the stereotypes are there for a reason… they didn’t just happen in a vacuum.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I was raised by 2 very early Baby Boomers, who actually have more characteristics of the generation that came before them than they do of the quintessential Baby Boomer characteristics.

And my husband & I are Gen-Xers who are raising Gen-Zers.

I had nothing to do w/ the Millenials.

Most Millenials were raised by later Baby Boomers.

And, as a very typical Gen-Xer, when I’m out & about, I usually find myself mostly irritated by the Baby Boomers & the Millenials… and, in the social media world, I usually find myself rolling my eyes at comments from the Baby Boomers & the Millenials.

Of course, not everyone fits the stereotypes of their generation or even always fits the stereotypes in every single situation, but the stereotypes are there for a reason… they didn’t just happen in a vacuum.

You make a point about what part of the generation you're at. I'm 34 and struggle to identify with the stereotype of Millennials. The stuff I had when I was young is at odds with all the social media stuff spoken about. We had dial up for Pete's sake lol and if someone needed the phone you couldn't use the internet. FB was just starting non-college emails when I graduated high school and entered college and a cell phone only came for me my freshman year of college. Social media was pretty limited to AIM and MySpace.

I don't consider myself old at all but sometimes I think people forget the ages of Millennials. We're not early 20s lol that's the generation below us

 

[mom2rtk]

Kids today are direct. This could easily be considered rude. I actually applause this generation for learning to speak up for themselves. And as someone who grew up being told that I was never allowed to speak to my parents in any sort of contradictory manner, it was shocking the first time my DD did it. But the truth is she had good points. I just had to get over my own ego to hear them.

If you are a parent nowadays it’s probably a good idea to look at Tiktok beyond the dances and challenges. There is a lot of political activism going on. There is also a lot of kids sharing openly about trauma in their household in a way that we were taught to keep inside. I was taught to never criticize my parents even when they were completely 100% in the wrong. This generation is going to call out bad behavior. It feels shocking but they aren’t wrong.

There also is a sense of caring less I think in this generation versus my generation which was millennials of caring what everyone thinks of you. Some poster brought up about a child wearing a certain outfit to church. I literally could hear what my daughter would say to that. They went even if they didn’t want to, if someone at church is judging their outfit they’re not being very kind and those people judging are at church for the wrong reason.

My daughter is way less likely at 20 to throw a tantrum over anything than some adults I’ve seen. She is way more likely to constantly apologize to underpaid workers for inconveniencing them in anyway. That being said she will totally call out those in power or those in a position of authority who are abusing that power. Honestly I think the world needs more people doing exactly that.

The problem is that one person’s “direct” is another person’s “rude”.

 

[john7994]

The problem is that one person’s “direct” is another person’s “rude”.

Would agree, in working at a global company with many cultures, these standards and attitudes are vastly different from group to group.

 

[ronandannette]

Yes I already acknowledged that.
It was actually done more tongue in cheek.

ETA it doesn’t anger you that the OP and other posters are implying due to their age your children have no manners and you’re a bad parent? It does anger me greatly.

Anger isn't really an emotion that some random internet stranger can evoke in me, no matter what their comments. And I've read (not participated in, mind you) enough comment sections on news sites to know that no amount of personal indignation exchanged ever ends in anybody actually enlightening one another.

 

[jrmasm]

The problem is that one person’s “direct” is another person’s “rude”.

And sometimes we need to take a minute and listen to and consider what others are saying rather than just label them rude and dismissing them.

I thank my lucky stars every day for my very young millennial and Gen Z who are raising me to be a better person.

 

[mom2rtk]

Mostly we need to stop generalizing about people. Because they are all very individual and seldom act in lock step.

 

[fly girl]

The problem is that one person’s “direct” is another person’s “rude”.

That’s true.

I have no problem with direct as that’s how I am. However, I think it all depends on tone.
How you say it can come off rude, especially if your tone is sarcastic or condescending.

 

[anjuan]

Agree with others that what is considered rude varies culture and region. I used to have a friend who was from the south and was offended if kids don't say yes mam or no mam to everything and every man doesn't hold a door for her (even those she doesn't know.) I noticed a lot of differences between how we viewed things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Agree with others that what is considered rude varies culture and region. I used to have a friend who was from the south and was offended if kids don't say yes mam or no mam to everything and every man doesn't hold a door for her (even those she doesn't know.) I noticed a lot of differences between how we viewed things.

True. I'm from the Midwest, IME gender doesn't matter on holding doors open, we all just sorta do it (well most do). Plenty of times I hold the door open for my husband, him being a male makes no difference, it's just a polite thing to do IMO nor would I wait for him to hold the door open for me, if I get there first I'll hold it open for him.

 

[DisneyOma]

True. I'm from the Midwest, IME gender doesn't matter on holding doors open, we all just sorta do it (well most do). Plenty of times I hold the door open for my husband, him being a male makes no difference, it's just a polite thing to do IMO nor would I wait for him to hold the door open for me, if I get there first I'll hold it open for him.

This! It's polite to hold the door for the person behind you, no matter what age or gender, especially if the person behind you is right there or is carrying stuff. It's that simple. I don't need the door held open for me just because I am old and female, and I can hold it open for the young male behind me just fine. We do it to be nice, not to be chivalrous because the door is too much for the old lady!

 

[Boopuff]

I always hold the door for anyone behind me, if I get a smile or thanks, it makes my heart happy

 

[DisneyTarheel]

“I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint.”
(Hesiod, 8th century BC)

 

[cobright]

I just think as a society we have become rude in general.

Honestly, I think what has changed is our understanding of what courtesy, etiquette, politeness, and/or manners are for.

Time and time again I see these subjects brought up, and nearly always it is as an opportunity to judge someone else. Courtesy, like ethics, and honor is a standard by which we govern our own actions, not criticize those of others.

From time immemorial there has always been the occasion of meeting someone with different behavioral norms, different cultural practices, and all around different life experiences that result in them behaving in ways one would consider "rude". It is the gentleperson that accepts that for what it is and does not allow it to alter their own behavior in response. The truly boorish are those who use social refinement as a lever against those who think and act differently, for whatever reasons.

 

[JLTraveling]

I'm going to phrase this as carefully as possible to try to avoid points. But it seems to me that any sort of manners or politeness in our society went out the window when elected officials began both modeling and cheering on what used to be considered shameful behavior. There have always been incredibly rude people, of course, but I feel like it was somewhat constrained by polite society until then. Add in the stress of the pandemic, and there is no real incentive to be nice anymore. That said, I still think most people are more or less well mannered in most situations. The rude ones have just turned up the volume and become more in your face with it.

 

[Walt's Dream]

In answer to original question...yes.

 

[Dcgc28]

Yes I already acknowledged that.
It was actually done more tongue in cheek.

ETA it doesn’t anger you that the OP and other posters are implying due to their age your children have no manners and you’re a bad parent? It does anger me greatly.

I’m a young parent and it doesn’t bother me what others think about my parenting. To put it bluntly every group of old people that have ever existed and will ever exist have thought the same. It’s apart of being afraid of being left behind and it’s unfortunate. But to know what passed as okay socially, and sometimes legally, I’m honestly glad to be a “bad parent” and have “bad kids” because much worse can be said about past generations.

 

[Lisa_lvspplmvr]

You can’t stereotype an entire generation . It’s all about parenting . My daughter goes to a private high school . The rich and entitled boys are a handful being disrespectful to teachers all the time because they can . They cut in line at lunch , talk during mass , hide the teacher’s computer, pull the stalls off the walls in the bathrooms . Joke is on them they can’t go to the bathroom now . My son , her twin goes to the public high school . The kids there don’t disrespect the teachers . There are fights but it’s amongst the kids about girls etc . I’d rather go to a soccer game at my sons high school than football at hers . The rich and entitled parents aren’t fun to be around . This new world has brought out the worst in some people . You realize not everyone cares about their fellow man . It’s really disheartening.